Mother, Did It Need To Be So High?
So my mother has apparently disowned me because she found out about my lifestyle, which I've never hidden from her. The only way she could not have known before now that I wasn't a monogamist is if she deliberately ignored blatantly obvious clues. I'm not sure what possessed her to suddenly decide to dig up everything she could find about me online in the first place, but frankly if she's shocked at what she found it's her own damned fault.
I just hate that she has to be this way because I've been going out of my way to be a better son. I've called her at least once a week, sometimes more. I've not asked her for anything except for things for the girls, which I thought was okay since she's always going on about how much she loves doing things for them and telling us to let us know if they need anything. I love my mother, despite the fact that my youth was a train wreck because of some of her decisions. She's always looking down at me and never misses an opportunity to cut me down and remind me how disappointed she is in me. Nevermind that when she was my age she was a raging alcoholic married (her third marriage, I'm still on my first) to a severely abusive alcoholic with a teenage son who sexually tortured her 10 year old son...me.
I'm going to try not to let this get me down too much. Things are starting to level out in other aspects of my life and I don't need to stumble over yet another kick to the teeth from out of nowhere. I need to just stay focused on the positive.
There's a long weekend ahead of me. Cyberaver 2.0, 2 children's birthday parties, Hexxt. Thank god for friends willing to front us until Tuesday when Debra gets paid. Otherwise we'd be shut ins. Now that Brenda, Gene, and Debra all have jobs and I've cut some needless expenses like cable TV and our Suicide Girls memberships we should be well caught up on finances by the end of July.
I'm not completely thrilled with going back to being a house dad again, but I have other missions right now and those are to get back to the writing grindstone and to do everything possible to help pave the way for the company Danny and I are about to start. I have a lot to do. Today is going to be a day for setting objectives and prioritizing. Finding out that I'm going to get a real stab at making a lifelong dream a reality has seriously lit a fire under my ass. Debra and Brenda are both being very encouraging and supportive of me focusing my energy on this opportunity.
So my mother has apparently disowned me because she found out about my lifestyle, which I've never hidden from her. The only way she could not have known before now that I wasn't a monogamist is if she deliberately ignored blatantly obvious clues. I'm not sure what possessed her to suddenly decide to dig up everything she could find about me online in the first place, but frankly if she's shocked at what she found it's her own damned fault.
I just hate that she has to be this way because I've been going out of my way to be a better son. I've called her at least once a week, sometimes more. I've not asked her for anything except for things for the girls, which I thought was okay since she's always going on about how much she loves doing things for them and telling us to let us know if they need anything. I love my mother, despite the fact that my youth was a train wreck because of some of her decisions. She's always looking down at me and never misses an opportunity to cut me down and remind me how disappointed she is in me. Nevermind that when she was my age she was a raging alcoholic married (her third marriage, I'm still on my first) to a severely abusive alcoholic with a teenage son who sexually tortured her 10 year old son...me.
I'm going to try not to let this get me down too much. Things are starting to level out in other aspects of my life and I don't need to stumble over yet another kick to the teeth from out of nowhere. I need to just stay focused on the positive.
There's a long weekend ahead of me. Cyberaver 2.0, 2 children's birthday parties, Hexxt. Thank god for friends willing to front us until Tuesday when Debra gets paid. Otherwise we'd be shut ins. Now that Brenda, Gene, and Debra all have jobs and I've cut some needless expenses like cable TV and our Suicide Girls memberships we should be well caught up on finances by the end of July.
I'm not completely thrilled with going back to being a house dad again, but I have other missions right now and those are to get back to the writing grindstone and to do everything possible to help pave the way for the company Danny and I are about to start. I have a lot to do. Today is going to be a day for setting objectives and prioritizing. Finding out that I'm going to get a real stab at making a lifelong dream a reality has seriously lit a fire under my ass. Debra and Brenda are both being very encouraging and supportive of me focusing my energy on this opportunity.
Climbing Out
I haven't been able to get my head together for a decent journal entry in a long while now. Every now and then life just piles on the problems until they culminate in one great big giant clusterfuck. Brenda lost her job, I got fucked by my job, Debra got put on involuntary hiatus by her job at the worst possible time. Danny's dad, who was like a father to me, passed away and things were just too much of a mess on the home front for me to take a week away to ride with Danny up for the funeral. Our car died just before I was able to go take my road test to get my driver's license and in the middle of the week Debra was taking her finals. Debra and I have been having serious issues. Everything has been all messed up and I've been absolutely overwhelmed to the point of mental shut down.
On the bright side, I managed to put aside my troubles enough this past weekend to recuperate some of my sanity. I had fun at Hexxt and Father's Day wasn't too bad since I really didn't do anything except take the family for dinner at Little Five Pizza and pretty much sleep away the rest of the day. That gave my brain some much needed downtime which helped me kick start a little bit this morning. I've been somewhat productive in the sense that I'm not just staring at my computer hoping for a miracle. Rather I've been spending my morning rescanning Roth & Earl strips for the print compilation since the images that are currently up on the site are too low of a resolution and are just plain sloppy since I didn't have the slightest clue what I was doing when we first started out.
Life goes on. This family has certainly been in deeper shit and come out on the other side smelling like roses. Things are already looking up. It seems like there's always one month out of the year that Murphy's Law kicks into overdrive. Then things get all spiffy again.
I haven't been able to get my head together for a decent journal entry in a long while now. Every now and then life just piles on the problems until they culminate in one great big giant clusterfuck. Brenda lost her job, I got fucked by my job, Debra got put on involuntary hiatus by her job at the worst possible time. Danny's dad, who was like a father to me, passed away and things were just too much of a mess on the home front for me to take a week away to ride with Danny up for the funeral. Our car died just before I was able to go take my road test to get my driver's license and in the middle of the week Debra was taking her finals. Debra and I have been having serious issues. Everything has been all messed up and I've been absolutely overwhelmed to the point of mental shut down.
On the bright side, I managed to put aside my troubles enough this past weekend to recuperate some of my sanity. I had fun at Hexxt and Father's Day wasn't too bad since I really didn't do anything except take the family for dinner at Little Five Pizza and pretty much sleep away the rest of the day. That gave my brain some much needed downtime which helped me kick start a little bit this morning. I've been somewhat productive in the sense that I'm not just staring at my computer hoping for a miracle. Rather I've been spending my morning rescanning Roth & Earl strips for the print compilation since the images that are currently up on the site are too low of a resolution and are just plain sloppy since I didn't have the slightest clue what I was doing when we first started out.
Life goes on. This family has certainly been in deeper shit and come out on the other side smelling like roses. Things are already looking up. It seems like there's always one month out of the year that Murphy's Law kicks into overdrive. Then things get all spiffy again.
R.I.P. - Merrill "Skippy" Clifton White 2/28/36 - 6/12/06
Today a great man passed away. He wasn't famous. He wasn't rich. He was just one of the finest examples of a real man I've ever know. He was holierthancow's father and he was like a father to me. He was kind and generous. He was hard working and responsible. He had only one arm and did the work of five for most of his life without bitching or moaning about it. The world would be a far better place if there were more men like Skippy in it.
One of my favorite memories of Skippy was when he had a few of his friends over after a hard day on the farm. I walked in on them having some beers at the dining table and he introduces us. I shook the hand of the two men who were close to me and just sort of waved to the man on the far side of the table, who by coincidence was the one black man in the room. I certainly had no qualm about shaking a black man's hand...I just had a qualm about having to stretch out over a table to do so. But later Skippy had a private talk with me about it because he misunderstood why I hadn't shaken the man's hand. He didn't ream me for it, but explained in an almost TV fatherly way that it wasn't right to snub a man for his color but he didn't push me after I explained I hadn't been acting out of racism but rather just being too lazy to go out of my way to shake the third man's hand.
I learned something important from that conversation. Not that it's bad to be racist because I hadn't cared a lick that he was black. What I learned was a powerful lesson about perception and how you can slight people from lazy carelessness. I realized that other people aren't mind readers and only see what you do, not your thoughts behind what you do. So I try to always be mindful of how my actions affect others, and I learned that from Skippy. Skippy was one of the most important figures of my youth not just because he was my best friend's father but also because he was one of the few men in my life that was worthy of being looked up to.
He'll be missed. He made the world a slightly better place than it would have been without him and I can't say that about many.
Today a great man passed away. He wasn't famous. He wasn't rich. He was just one of the finest examples of a real man I've ever know. He was holierthancow's father and he was like a father to me. He was kind and generous. He was hard working and responsible. He had only one arm and did the work of five for most of his life without bitching or moaning about it. The world would be a far better place if there were more men like Skippy in it.
One of my favorite memories of Skippy was when he had a few of his friends over after a hard day on the farm. I walked in on them having some beers at the dining table and he introduces us. I shook the hand of the two men who were close to me and just sort of waved to the man on the far side of the table, who by coincidence was the one black man in the room. I certainly had no qualm about shaking a black man's hand...I just had a qualm about having to stretch out over a table to do so. But later Skippy had a private talk with me about it because he misunderstood why I hadn't shaken the man's hand. He didn't ream me for it, but explained in an almost TV fatherly way that it wasn't right to snub a man for his color but he didn't push me after I explained I hadn't been acting out of racism but rather just being too lazy to go out of my way to shake the third man's hand.
I learned something important from that conversation. Not that it's bad to be racist because I hadn't cared a lick that he was black. What I learned was a powerful lesson about perception and how you can slight people from lazy carelessness. I realized that other people aren't mind readers and only see what you do, not your thoughts behind what you do. So I try to always be mindful of how my actions affect others, and I learned that from Skippy. Skippy was one of the most important figures of my youth not just because he was my best friend's father but also because he was one of the few men in my life that was worthy of being looked up to.
He'll be missed. He made the world a slightly better place than it would have been without him and I can't say that about many.
80s Night
I was looking forward to 80s night at the Masquerade last night as I desperately needed a small vacation from reality. Unfortunately, that's not what I got. I ended up spending half the night having man to man talk with Gene about the situation with him and wyspurr. Then the spent the other half of the night twisting in knots over my stupid crush over C. The evening got capped off with wyspurr losing her drivers license because she left her purse sitting right outside the Masquerade while she went inside looking for Gene.
Aside from those things, though, I did actually have some fun. It just wasn't the reprieve from stress that I'd hoped for.
I was looking forward to 80s night at the Masquerade last night as I desperately needed a small vacation from reality. Unfortunately, that's not what I got. I ended up spending half the night having man to man talk with Gene about the situation with him and wyspurr. Then the spent the other half of the night twisting in knots over my stupid crush over C. The evening got capped off with wyspurr losing her drivers license because she left her purse sitting right outside the Masquerade while she went inside looking for Gene.
Aside from those things, though, I did actually have some fun. It just wasn't the reprieve from stress that I'd hoped for.
Thirty Begins
I have cheddar grits in my belly and a hot twenty-one year old girlfriend practicing belly dancing to Poe in the room with me. There are probably worse ways to start your thirtieth birthday. I'm probably going to go out to Elmyr sometime this evening for a steak taco and beer. Other than that I don't really have any plans for my birthday. I'm kind of broke so my options are pretty limited and there's not really anything I can think of to do even if I had money to spare. After all, I already had a great party so it's probably a good idea to keep today on the mellow. I don't even know if I feel like being social or not. Part of me wants to be around people and another part of me wants to be a hermit today except where pretty girls are involved.
I have cheddar grits in my belly and a hot twenty-one year old girlfriend practicing belly dancing to Poe in the room with me. There are probably worse ways to start your thirtieth birthday. I'm probably going to go out to Elmyr sometime this evening for a steak taco and beer. Other than that I don't really have any plans for my birthday. I'm kind of broke so my options are pretty limited and there's not really anything I can think of to do even if I had money to spare. After all, I already had a great party so it's probably a good idea to keep today on the mellow. I don't even know if I feel like being social or not. Part of me wants to be around people and another part of me wants to be a hermit today except where pretty girls are involved.
On The Flipside
It's funny how something simple can totally change your perspective. I've been over here moaning and groaning about turning thirty and how much I suck because I haven't accomplished anything great yet. Then some anonymous twit leaves a trollish flame in Brenda's LiveJournal and it all snaps into perspective. I'm not that person. I'm not someone whose life is sad and empty enough that I'm going around leaving anonymous insults in people's journals to feel better about myself. I have two wonderful women, two awesome children, and a slew of great friends to turn to if I'm ever that bored. Our friends cared enough that we raised hundreds of dollars, more than half the overall cost, to recover our expenses throwing the Gemini Wonder Twins Birthday Bash. Maybe my life doesn't exactly have the kind of highlights that find their way into history books, but that alone proves that I'm not doing too damned shabby.
I have a good life and I still have plenty of time to work on the being rich and famous part.
P.S. - More Picture Links
Hexxt 5.13.06
Sinn's Birthday Party
It's funny how something simple can totally change your perspective. I've been over here moaning and groaning about turning thirty and how much I suck because I haven't accomplished anything great yet. Then some anonymous twit leaves a trollish flame in Brenda's LiveJournal and it all snaps into perspective. I'm not that person. I'm not someone whose life is sad and empty enough that I'm going around leaving anonymous insults in people's journals to feel better about myself. I have two wonderful women, two awesome children, and a slew of great friends to turn to if I'm ever that bored. Our friends cared enough that we raised hundreds of dollars, more than half the overall cost, to recover our expenses throwing the Gemini Wonder Twins Birthday Bash. Maybe my life doesn't exactly have the kind of highlights that find their way into history books, but that alone proves that I'm not doing too damned shabby.
I have a good life and I still have plenty of time to work on the being rich and famous part.
P.S. - More Picture Links
Hexxt 5.13.06
Sinn's Birthday Party
