Mother, Did It Need To Be So High?
So my mother has apparently disowned me because she found out about my lifestyle, which I've never hidden from her. The only way she could not have known before now that I wasn't a monogamist is if she deliberately ignored blatantly obvious clues. I'm not sure what possessed her to suddenly decide to dig up everything she could find about me online in the first place, but frankly if she's shocked at what she found it's her own damned fault.
I just hate that she has to be this way because I've been going out of my way to be a better son. I've called her at least once a week, sometimes more. I've not asked her for anything except for things for the girls, which I thought was okay since she's always going on about how much she loves doing things for them and telling us to let us know if they need anything. I love my mother, despite the fact that my youth was a train wreck because of some of her decisions. She's always looking down at me and never misses an opportunity to cut me down and remind me how disappointed she is in me. Nevermind that when she was my age she was a raging alcoholic married (her third marriage, I'm still on my first) to a severely abusive alcoholic with a teenage son who sexually tortured her 10 year old son...me.
I'm going to try not to let this get me down too much. Things are starting to level out in other aspects of my life and I don't need to stumble over yet another kick to the teeth from out of nowhere. I need to just stay focused on the positive.
There's a long weekend ahead of me. Cyberaver 2.0, 2 children's birthday parties, Hexxt. Thank god for friends willing to front us until Tuesday when Debra gets paid. Otherwise we'd be shut ins. Now that Brenda, Gene, and Debra all have jobs and I've cut some needless expenses like cable TV and our Suicide Girls memberships we should be well caught up on finances by the end of July.
I'm not completely thrilled with going back to being a house dad again, but I have other missions right now and those are to get back to the writing grindstone and to do everything possible to help pave the way for the company Danny and I are about to start. I have a lot to do. Today is going to be a day for setting objectives and prioritizing. Finding out that I'm going to get a real stab at making a lifelong dream a reality has seriously lit a fire under my ass. Debra and Brenda are both being very encouraging and supportive of me focusing my energy on this opportunity.
So my mother has apparently disowned me because she found out about my lifestyle, which I've never hidden from her. The only way she could not have known before now that I wasn't a monogamist is if she deliberately ignored blatantly obvious clues. I'm not sure what possessed her to suddenly decide to dig up everything she could find about me online in the first place, but frankly if she's shocked at what she found it's her own damned fault.
I just hate that she has to be this way because I've been going out of my way to be a better son. I've called her at least once a week, sometimes more. I've not asked her for anything except for things for the girls, which I thought was okay since she's always going on about how much she loves doing things for them and telling us to let us know if they need anything. I love my mother, despite the fact that my youth was a train wreck because of some of her decisions. She's always looking down at me and never misses an opportunity to cut me down and remind me how disappointed she is in me. Nevermind that when she was my age she was a raging alcoholic married (her third marriage, I'm still on my first) to a severely abusive alcoholic with a teenage son who sexually tortured her 10 year old son...me.
I'm going to try not to let this get me down too much. Things are starting to level out in other aspects of my life and I don't need to stumble over yet another kick to the teeth from out of nowhere. I need to just stay focused on the positive.
There's a long weekend ahead of me. Cyberaver 2.0, 2 children's birthday parties, Hexxt. Thank god for friends willing to front us until Tuesday when Debra gets paid. Otherwise we'd be shut ins. Now that Brenda, Gene, and Debra all have jobs and I've cut some needless expenses like cable TV and our Suicide Girls memberships we should be well caught up on finances by the end of July.
I'm not completely thrilled with going back to being a house dad again, but I have other missions right now and those are to get back to the writing grindstone and to do everything possible to help pave the way for the company Danny and I are about to start. I have a lot to do. Today is going to be a day for setting objectives and prioritizing. Finding out that I'm going to get a real stab at making a lifelong dream a reality has seriously lit a fire under my ass. Debra and Brenda are both being very encouraging and supportive of me focusing my energy on this opportunity.
JUL 01, 2006 05:05 PM
Dont feel down. Its your mom but you are not a little child. You have your own life. 
