Long time no talk again, i do apoligize once more.
Things are okay at the moment, things are okay when your constantly wasted.
For now its whats working for me, i dont plan on smoking pot my whole life.
But as i said, for now its good..
Hope everyones good, i see a set from Mary on the front page, im rather excited!
Love love love.

Its been a long time...
I do apoligize for worrying anyone..i am still alive,,by the way.
Things arent good, i dont know if ill be back on here or not.
Yeah so, just thought id stop by and check out the haps for the meantime.

So you were all right,he is shit, he cheated on me. He told me last night. ..it happened 6 months ago, he hid it from me all this time.
It was his ex gf, he was drunk and high, not an excuse im falling for, he broke down today before i left, when he told me last night i was way to high to drive home, so i fucked him instead and fucked him before i left oo, im not sure why, i think i was trying to fill this gaping hole now present in my heart.

I feel dead, lifeless, like my souls been sucked out of my body, i dont want to live anymore.

I dont know if ill be on here anymore i just want to go away, away forever.

Im sorry.

Gah excuse my absense. Havent been home much at all the past week.
Not much to report really, just been blazed as fuck alot...and thats about it..been sleeping like a baby its fucking brilliant.
Went out last night to the pub to listen to my hermanos band play, drunk alot and was already wasted before i got there lol its hard trying to act straight in front of parents.
Home tonight for a nice big roast dinner.yuumm!
hope everyones having a sawweeeet weekend.


Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses
your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its
heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.

And could you keep your heart in wonder at the
daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem
less wondrous than your joy;

And you would accept the seasons of your heart,
even as you have always accepted the seasons that
pass over your fields.

And you would watch with serenity through the
winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the physician within
you heals your sick self.

Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy
in silence and tranquillity:

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by
the tender hand of the Unseen,

And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has
been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has
moistened with His own sacred tears.

I was up at 7 this morning, now if you knew me you would have a heart attack, because i dont get to sleep til about 3-4 am im never usually up before lunchtime..but we had a builder coming in at 8.30 so i had to get up...anyway the cunt didnt arrive till 9.30 so im not impressed. Ive had like 3 hours sleep. My mother decided to do the vacuuming at fucking 4.45am...then again at 6.30. So by the time id got back to sleep i was woken again, not impressed. Im going to head back to bed when this fucker leaves!

Got some more inkings last night.

A Mark Ryden bunny, not finished yet.


And that is the start of a staircase covering self inflicted wounds on my forearm, looks like a bunch of random lines right now which is a tad disheartening, but hardly could do much as my tattooist didnt wana open the wounds with too much work at once, hopefully it will turn out okay in the end, im a tad apprehensive, ill just have to trust my artist on this one !




Everyone go leave comments on Calliope's preggers set and seizures latest set... do it !

Im crying right now because im so confused and hurt. My boyfriend just came around and then had a go at me and left, all over the fact that im stretching my ears. He told me its for freaks, that only freaks do it.He asked why do i keep altering my body, getting tattoos and piercings., i asked him why is that such a problem since he should be more concerned about whats on the inside than the outside.
Lately its like everything i do is fucking wrong..he arrived just as id finished a bike ride, he grabbed me and said your losing weight again and i said i know and he was like well stop..its like he expects me to do everything he wants me to do. With the weightloss i can understand, but with the ear stretching etc..god..im just at a loss right now..why cant he see past all of that..it makes me think hes simply with me because of my exterior. I feel if he cant learn to accept me like this then, i should leave him..he basically has called me a freak and pointed out that my body mods are un-attractive.Fuck him. Im me, and i will do what the fuck i want.


On a lighter note, look at that wee munchkin, isnt he the cutest thing youve ever seen, he didnt like getting his wee feet dirty so his owners put wee booties on him!!!







June 16, 1971
Mama gave birth
to a hell raisin' heavanly son.
See the doctor tried to smack me
but I smacked him back,
My first words were "thug for life"
and "Papa pass the Mac."

Its 2pacs birthday! yay happy birthday pac, i dont give a shit if he's "dead" im still celebrating. I have this really odd attraction to this man, bordering on obssession, i dont know what it is, but i swear he even visited me in my dreams once, i probably sound like a lunatic, but hey..i have papers to prove that point.Gah i love him.



and anyone whos reading this go leave some love and a billion beautiful comments for this beautiful woman on her set!!!!!!
http://suicidegirls.com/members/Calliope/albums/site/7090/#

My mom just pissed me off.

She started on about my tattoos and the fact im stretching my ears, she said for an anorexic you sure like to direct attention to your body...then she commented how i always show my tattoos off, which i dont believe i do.
I dont have body mods to draw attention to my body..i have them because i like them..i enjoy experimenting etc. Shes so behind with the times, anyway that pretty much fucked me off.

Then i mentioned to her id been out exercising and she asked me why for and i told her because i need to tone up etc and she went off at me about that too, i actually do need to drop a few pounds and tone up..regardless of what anyone else says im going to do it, because i feel extremely uncomfortable in my own skin at the moment.


I confuse myself ...i fight against anorexia for others, yet actively partake in its behaviours..im a walking contradiction.

I amhappy today, content in fact..and it is pleasant
I had a pretty good sleep last night <natural> and had a busy-ish day today!!!

Im taking steps to sort my life out, ive been sitting around to long feeling sorry for myself but not actually doing anything about it..so i went and talked to some employment experts who are going to help me look for work, i have got information on getting a loan i need to pay off this stupid gym i still owe.And i even mustered enough energy to go for a nice bike ride in the drizzley weather, was refreshing to say the least.



Hopefully things will continue on merrily for me and all you other folks out there.!!!!
Fingers crossed

Wow, my head is really hazy right now. Way too much of the good stuff lately...must slow down. I have tried searching info on marijuana and ssri's but i really cant find too much information...but all i know is it cant be too good for me.

My attempts with photoshop, cant use it..obviously..

Hmm not much else going on..still trying to find a job..decided im going to stop dying my hair for a while..it needs a break and is a bit fucked..so im going to get it healthy and maybe go blonde again...not too sure yet!

Thank you everyone for the sweet birthday wishes !!!!!
Mucho appreciated !!!

Not much has been happening round these ways, had a job interview yesterday, a raging text fight with a friend and yyeessss...good times. Oh got more work done on my arm on Monday night..



That was my arm before Monday..

Today ive decided to skip a few meals, im freaking out because ive gained weight..

...= siiigh