An Update...

Since I haven't been on this site at all in like 6 months due to a cash shortage. A a lot is new.

I live in Okemos now, I have a decent job making decent money.

I still work on videos when I can, and music. Also been writing a lot lately.

Hmm, not sure what else to say, more later

So, I have been hardcore working on my site over the past two days.

I completely re-did everything with a new PostNuke makeover. It is pretty sweet.

Anyway, anyone can now register for free on my site, post their own news stories, upload photos, use the forums and other fun stuff.

I have two daily articles up their so far, Drink of the Day and Site of the Day. I will be adding more periodicals soon as well as other random articles. My brother may also be starting a porn column soon. (He is, after all, considered the local expert on all things porn.)

For all who are interested... check it out....

Ian.Bulock.com

I am having such a maelstrom of emotion right now it is actually kind of ridiculous.

I fell for this girl I have had a little crush on for a long time. I guess I just built this up in my head a lot, we talked a lot while she was away for college about life and our futures, we even had talk about a future together.

It all just sounded so good to me, if there was one person I could picture myself with it is her. I think everything about her is perfect. She has only been back in town for about two weeks now. We have hung out once or twice, I am shy though and haven't really made my intentions clear I suppose.

I feel like I missed my chance already though, she had an interview for a job in florida. She finds out monday if she got the job or not and if she did she will be leaving to move there permanently.

The girl of my dreams may only be in town for a couple more days, what am I supposed to do. I can't follow her down there right away if she goes, and I don't think I have made a big enough impact on her to ask her if she could wait for me before finding someone new.

I really want to wow her, show her how good of a man I can be for her. I just don't know how, I am so lost with this right now. I need answers, I don't want to let her just walk out of my life, but I feel like it is inevitable.

I just want this hope for something better to last just a bit longer.

This is copied over from my greatest journal blog....

"How about another one of my scarce updates in the ol' Greatest Journal?

I guess I don't report much in here when my life is going good, and my life lately has honestly never been better. Recently I have really gotten my priorities straightened out quite a bit. I guess I could be considered kind of an asshole for saying it, but I really have to thank my former group of friends for this. About a month or two ago a bunch of my friends kind of abandoned me. I really had no idea why this happened and none of them really gave any explanation. I spent a lot of time pondering this but ultimately decided to move on.

So in my absence of friends I did a lot of work getting some of my own personal interests back. I had always had the big dreams of being a writer and musician and all of those great things. I guess while focusing on trying to be a social dynamo I kind of lost my focus on my dreams though and forgot what was really important in my life. So I picked up my old pen and pad again and started putting my thoughts down in words.

For the first week or so I was mostly writing lyrics, poetry, things of that nature. It was fun but that isn't really my thing. I have always been better with a good story. So I started working on a short story about gods who live among men and control our lived on a very up close and personal level. The story was decent, definitely not my best work and my lack of any recent writing experience was pretty evident.

So I decided to take a break from writing for a bit and get back into music. I got my keyboard all hooked up to my laptop good and proper and began playing around. What a difference it is to use a keyboard instead of a piano roll when writing music lol. Things began to flow out. It was a really amazing day or two where I did a lot of work with that and I think I have the shells of some really great songs in the work.

But I went back to writing. I am now intensely focused on a novel, yes one that I will actually go through with this time. It isn't a story of fiction, but it isn't anything real either. Lately I have been really pondering the existence of gods. It is pretty much common knowledge that everything in most major religions can easily be disproved by simply looking at it from a basic scientific standpoint. But yet many people out there still stick with their old beliefs. This to me speaks about the human minds connection with the spiritual world. Our minds and bodies are constantly in tune and in communication with the spirit world. We may not know about this connection on a conscious level but somewhere inside of us we can just FEEL it. This is why people have such a need to believe in a higher power, they need something to explain this feeling they have inside of them.

So what I am attempting to do with this book is to explain what I think gods are, and what I think this 'spirit world' is. I want to explain it in a way that it can be supported by modern scientific method as well as supported by scripture and other religious teachings. The book itself is going to be a big mix of meta-physics, religion, and studies into the workings of the human mind. There is a lot of research yet to be done but I think when it is all pulled together and coherent it will really be quite amazing.

But this new focus on my creative work has really been making me happy. Somehow while focused in other areas I have seem to have acquired a pretty active new social life as well. I might post more on that later, but it makes me very happy.

That is all for now "

Just for all of you people who somehow actually read this journal, my account was recently hijacked by someone I know. I am not sure how he got my password and information or all of what he actually did with it. But if I sent you anything innapropriate in the past two or three weeks. Or anything at all for that matter, try to forgive me.

I will keep a better eye on my passwords in the future, going three weeks without being able to log in and recieving strange messages from pissed off boyfriends from people who were being harassed by this account. It was very stressful.

I am so bored and worn out. Will someone please call me? Please?

(517)3311342

Sorry for any occurances of sending out repeat messages. I was having some technical difficulties earlier. Hope this has not been an inconvenience or a nuisance.

I am sitting at home right now, JD, Kat, and Brandon are here. We are all watching The Return of the King: Extended Edition. Kat has never seen it before.

I am talking to people online right now. There is this girl I have been talking to online, Brandi. I used to talk to her a lot a long time ago, but our constant online flirting freaked Kim out and there was a big tussle about that.

Anyway, she was telling me about this guy that came over to hang out with her tonight. They ended up sleeping together and all that jazz. A pretty normal conversation for me to have with my online friends. Oddly enough. But I ended up getting really depressed. I started talking about how I wished I could just get some that easy. I mean, it is weird for me not to be in a steady relationship. Since the time I have started dating I have been dating non-stop. That is like 3 years of steady sex.

I know it sounds shallow to say it, but I really miss it. I enjoy sex, it makes me feel good, it improves my attitude and gives me a better outlook on life.

It is just depressing for me these days. I don't really want a girlfriend, but I feel bad about just having sex buddies. Its not like I could even have sex buddies if I wanted to. But if I did want to, I think I would feel bad about it. I know I shouldn't feel bad about that, nobody should ever feel bad about having sex unless they force it on someone. I guess my protective upbringing laid some seed in my mind to make me feel guilt for such a thing, and that really sucks. Because now I don't even try to have sex with somebody unless I am 'dating' them.

Which leads me to another point. I feel really terrible about something I am doing to somebody. I am leading this other girl on, she thinks we are officially dating or what not, and I don't think we really are. I guess it is all a matter of sematics. When I date someone I don't think of that as an exclusive relationship. I consider that just dating. You can date more that one person at a time, there is nothing wrong with that. But when she looks at us dating she sees this exclusive relationship. She has actually gotten sad about me flirting with girls online, and that bothers me.

In the end I feel like she is a little 'too' into me. Which is sad, because right at the moment I think she is the only person seriously interested in having anything to do with me. But I can't bring myself to continue leading on a person like this and making them believe I want to be with them. I really can't picture myself with her at all. I mean, most people I end up falling for pretty quickly. So far I have no feelings for this girl at all. And that is even after some heavy making out. I just wish I knew how to let her down, I am bad at that.

Then there is the new Kim. Kim Church. She leads me on a lot, flirts with me heavily. But she has a boyfriend. I know I shouldn't let that bother me, since it would be her choice if anything happens there. But I can't tell if she actually likes me, or if she likes that feeling of being dirty and mischevious. I think it is the latter. I mean, her SN is KinkyKim, that is her nickname with her friends as well. So she must have gotten it from somewhere. And some girls just like the feeling of doing things wrong. I don't want to be used in that way, but I think at this point I would take it. Why not, right? It sure wouldn't hurt me any.

Hmm, I think that is enough for the first post. I hope you all liked it. (If anyone ever adds me as a friend that is lol)

Man, what a drunken night I had last night.

I hadn't drinken in a long time, My ex-girlfriend (who dumped me about a week ago,) had a huge problem with me drinking at all. Even though in the end she turned out to be a major druggie, but whatever.

Yeah, last night night I invited some people over and just went wild on the vodka. It was a blast, unfortunately drinking vodka on an empty stomach is not such a great idea. After the hour of fun came the hours of sickness.

Bleh, I feel so hungover