Things are going well and at the same time they are not.
I am finishing college, with honours. I am following through with the plan.
I've been accepted to the university that I have always worked towards.
I am organizing the next years of my life so that I can get exactly what I want.
But is this what life is? I feel all I do is try to continuously prove my worth as an intellectual.
And in essence that is wonderful, but in practice I struggle to find the significance.
Maybe I am just worried. Which is understandable. Maybe I am just tired. Which is also understandable.
I feel so distant from everyone. So overwhelmed and consumed by my studies.
I can no longer grasp who I am and what my motivations are.
This semester has brought me tons of opportunities to study what I am interested in,
to enlighten myself in areas that I long to understand.
I did not take that opportunity.
What I long to understand, what I truly need to face is outside of my capability to aproach and deal with.
Through hours of research and analysis I have done nothing to improve my situation.
Maybe that was when I realized that I had lost me.
When I realized that my choices were geared towards grades. What can I do and do good and easily to get those marks that will somehow legitimize my pathetic preoccupations?
For this I am ashamed.
And for much more.
I need to address the core issues soon or I will not last.
I want so much more than a degree. I want a purpose. I want a self.

I just wanted to post some pictures of my new best friend:



Yeah. I know you love him. His name is Mr. Toast. And he is the fucking shit!

And this is just me being cute:




St. Patty's day parade tomorrow!!
Who is going?
I was supposed to hand out flyers.. but Im too lazy to wakeup early to go meet the guy and all that shit...
Yeah I know.
I'm a loser.
But I'm still going!!! Soooo yeah. Come party!

So I went into MR today.
Why, whyyy are there so many shitty sets in there?
Honestly.
If you just want to be naked on the internet and don't give a crap about quality then post your titties on myspace and stop dragging out the queue.
graawrrsss.
I'm going to my boyfriend's place soon. so I will be internetless all weekend.
My plans=
tonight: take a bath and drink some wine
tomorrow: go to the library to research crap all day.
sunday: go to the gym with my buddy.
monday: go to school EVEN THOUGH I'm supposed to be on BREAK!! graaawwrrrs
I'm a busy lady

Thanks to everyone for wishing me a happy birthday
I had fun. I ate sushi with my daddy, boyfriend and dad`s friend Romell.
It was suuuper fucking amazing.
I have a hard week this week as my reading week is coming up but I fucked a bunch of essays and now I have to redo them and hand them in during the reading week. Yup its fun. I`m tres excited.
On friday I want to go to my boyfriends house and take a bath with a bottle of wine. He has a super nice deep bathtub that is the perfeeect size for meee.
So last night I got accepted to McGill university. Wooo.
Atleast now I know what the hell I`m working towards haha. Its good stuff it is.
Anyways. I must go organize my day.
Ciaaao.

So next friday is my birthday.. I'm gonna be 20!
I'm no longer gonna be a teenager. boohoo.
The worst part about my birthday is.. I never ever want to do anything.
And its on a fucking friday too. But my boyfriend is working till 9:30pm and all...
I wanted to go for Sushi and then for strawberry milkshakes at my place buuut..
Apparently nobody I know likes fucking sushi.
Everyone just wants to get drunk.
And I donno. I just don't feel like having thaat kind of party for my bday. Blah.
I'm getting ooold haha.
Okay and a fucking ant was just crawling across my keyboard. Wtf is going on in this damn apartment?
So I'm probably shooting on friday too.
I have a look but I don't really know what is going on since I think Shaine and I are shooting at Pumpkin's place and well.. I've never been there.
But Pumpkin is amazing so I'm sure the three of us girls can put our heads together and Shaine and I will both have amazing sets to share with you guys soon.
Just sucks that the damn hopefuls queue is ridiculously fucking long, so I'm not even submitting to staff first this time cause the month plus the three month wait if its rejected by staff just sucks horriblyness. I rather just wait the three months.
I want my boyfriend to come so I can watch my odd anime I've been watching all weekend.
All my cartoons arent on tonight cause of goddamn curling. Fuck curling.
Thats about it. I have a busy week ahead. Exams and crazyness and shooting a set and my birthday!
I'm really excited tho. I think shooting a new set will be the best part of my bday!!
Hurray.

Just wanted to post a picture of my sexay hair. haha
I only hope it decides to stay nice all day. as I'm all outta hairspray. Boohoohoo.



well that's about it.
I hate school.
I want it to dieeee.
haha... eeeghh.

Aaand I'm hoping to shoot a new set soon with Pumpkin again
I'm braaainstorming peoples.

So I'm such a major stress case piece of crap.
I don't know wtf my problem is.
Honestly. Its crazy.
Im at school all day every fucking day,
then I go home and do homework till fuckin 11pm.
And I'm still like "Ahhh I must have more I should be doing but I'm passing out!!!"
I'm a horrible, hooorrible over-achiever when it comes to school.
I'm obsessed with being perfect in everything...
which... when you're taking 8 courses requires ALOT of time. ALOOOT.
Particularly the goddamn french course I'm taking.
I have to read Candide by Voltaire, but it is like the equivalent of reading shakespeare in english when english is your second language.
Just when my french got to a level where I can actually do everyday activities using it... and I have perfect comprehension when people speak, and when I read the newspaper and such... They make me do this crazy bastardly shit.
I'm probably going to Quebec for the weekend, with my boyfriend, so he can see his parents.
For me its so I can just escape this craziness for awhile, and hopefully relax.
Except.. well his parents are french...
So then I get to stress about that all weekend.
I always mix fucking feminine and masculin pronoms up. And apparently french people find this hilarious.
I know they don't judge me, and any attempt I make at speaking in french they will be super happy....
But the stress, THE STRESS.
And I really need to clean my place before i put a bullet in my head.
Ugh.
Anyways, I have class at 1 so I must start homeworking again.

Sooo.
new things:
I got my nipples pierced by the lovely Lee
I was her guinea pig.
I'm sorry this picture sucks balls, but I'm challenged.



I also chopped my hair, cause I got damn tired of having the same cut basically for the longest tiiime. Plus it was all dry and icky from being bleached 300 times.
Tada



and finally, just because I look uber fucking cute:



I want to get DRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
mmmkays.
have a great weekend SGland XD

So I survived my first week back at school.
I'm getting through my homework now. Ugh.
Sooo much reading. Sooo much boring.
Sooo much I should remember from last semester but I'm too stupid to...
Goshdarn. Haha.
So far I have done nothing with my weekend.
I plan on going to a movie tomorrow with my boyfriend.
Just to get outta the house yknow.
But its fucking freezing out there.
I bought a new pair of pants this week.
Yup that's about as exciting as my life gets... Haha.
But I got them for like 20 bucks. Which is a pretty good deal for what they are. Yup.
I need new clothes desperately.
Not only does most of my shit not fit me, but I just don't like it anymore.
Once I get some new additions I'll probably get rid of some of it VIA SG.
They're all quite nice things. Just not me anymore.
I'm down to my last smoke. And it is too damn cold to justify going to buy more.
I'm kind of hungry but I don't feel like cooking.
I want to see my boyfriend, but I don't want to ask him to come here again.
But again, its too damn cold to go venturing across town.
Boohoohoo.

I had alot of fun last time
Thanks to everyone who came by.
I can't believe I start school monday. UGHTASTIC.
I'm gonna dieee.
I have to go to Zellers tomorrow to get books & a new school bag cause my tinkerbell one finally died...
Anyways, today I passed a really nice time with my boyfriend.
Just watching movies on tv and stuff.
Plus he helped me clean my house so it didnt take that long at all!
Yaaays.
Anyways. I'm off to check Yulia's new set in MR. Excited!!!

The Waiting Game