I am finishing college, with honours. I am following through with the plan.
I've been accepted to the university that I have always worked towards.
I am organizing the next years of my life so that I can get exactly what I want.
But is this what life is? I feel all I do is try to continuously prove my worth as an intellectual.
And in essence that is wonderful, but in practice I struggle to find the significance.
Maybe I am just worried. Which is understandable. Maybe I am just tired. Which is also understandable.
I feel so distant from everyone. So overwhelmed and consumed by my studies.
I can no longer grasp who I am and what my motivations are.
This semester has brought me tons of opportunities to study what I am interested in,
to enlighten myself in areas that I long to understand.
I did not take that opportunity.
What I long to understand, what I truly need to face is outside of my capability to aproach and deal with.
Through hours of research and analysis I have done nothing to improve my situation.
Maybe that was when I realized that I had lost me.
When I realized that my choices were geared towards grades. What can I do and do good and easily to get those marks that will somehow legitimize my pathetic preoccupations?
For this I am ashamed.
And for much more.
I need to address the core issues soon or I will not last.
I want so much more than a degree. I want a purpose. I want a self.
OCT 23, 2009 12:30 PM
Your blog made my heart go out to you.... It is very important to EVEN WANT A PURPOSE AND A SENSE OF SELF !!!!!!!!!!! A lot of people don't even have that... they live day to day and don't even stop to think, what is their purpose or what makes them tick, or what makes them ; them.... What motivates them, what intrest them.... So you have a lot on your plate, but stop and think about it.... It is a good thing... And the feelings of being distant from everyone else is just a passing fluke and it will pass . The good part is , is that when it does, you will be a lot further down the road and have more of an idea of your purpose and what it means to your self.... I know we don't know each other, and I hope this made sense to you... I am proud to have read your blog and proud that you are making something of yourself, so right now take it light and make that your purpose, and the rest will come to you.....
Whenever you want to chat, write to me, i would really like that .. you seem like a really really cool and interesting girl and I think we would have tons of things in common to write back and forth to each other.
Well sweetie, good luck... i have faith in you, and remember.... the feelings will pass. focus and let fate do its work.
loveya,
Azreale
NOV 16, 2009 02:24 PM
DEC 19, 2009 09:12 PM
JAN 19, 2010 01:58 AM
you need to start being on here more again 
sambucus
Murfreesboro, TN
March 2010
APR 27, 2010 12:46 PM
Have you considered just taking a break for even just a day? Pushing away anything study related and just breathing or listening to music or completely relaxing. I'm not really an expert. Just thought I'd try to be helpful.
MAR 06, 2011 08:55 PM
Happy birthday!! 
FEB 25, 2012 03:58 PM
How cute you are !
When comes the new set ?
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