Alllll riiiiight now!



Peace, love and Rock & Roll.
((((( Quick side note about this video, you should -really- watch it! Footage from 1970. Soooo rad! And incredible live performance! )))))

This is more of a just talkie talk blog. But it's because I had a teensy bit of a revelation today. Well, not that it was anything new to me, it just sort of slapped me in the face today and woke me from my melancholy slumber.

A few things went down today....

#1: I dunno if you remember Johnny from my previous blogs about insanity... But he's been hitting me up to hang out while he was in town last night and today. Yesterday I kind of avoided it because ... well, of our history. I just didn't think it'd be a good idea for me. But last night I got a text from him saying he owed me an apology. ................ This caught me completely off guard because while he's not a bad guy, he's not one to admit when maybe he's wrong. He's just very confident and it sometimes come off as being cocky. But that's just how he is! So, I just wasn't expecting him to EVER say to me that he was sorry for anything. but either way I ended up passing out last night so we didn't get into much of a conversation.

Well, this morning I thought about it long and hard. I knew he was in town for a meeting and he really wanted to meet me for coffee so we could talk and he could apologize to me. It was a tough decision for me to make because the last time I saw him was... that one really shitty night where things got crazy and ended with him throwing me out of his house. (I soooo don't feel like rehashing that, but if you read my blogs, you know what night I'm talking about). So, it'd been a couple months since I'd seen him and the last time was just... allllllll bad. Anyways, I don't know what got into me, but I decided to go ahead and meet up with him and see what he had to say. So, I texted him and said I'd meet him for coffee and he gave me directions to his hotel.

I know what you're thinking... bow chicka bow wowwwww! Hotel time! lol but it sooooooo wasn't about that.

I got to his hotel room and I saw him and his doggies and we hugged and made some coffee in his hotel room where he proceeded to deliver one of the most genuine and heartfelt apologies I have ever received in my life. Ever. Not to totally call him out, but he even teared up which I NEVER thought I would see from him. I finally felt closure on our whole argument and honestly it felt really good. So we had a nice long good talk and we decided to hang out a little longer.

Again, I know what you're thinking. Hotel room, emotional apology, two people with a romantic past...

But no. We went and took his truck to get an oil change and shit and went and had a late breakfast at an amazing diner we discovered while driving around looking for food. And then we played with the dogs for a little while and went to Home Depot where I finally bid him farewell.

Totally PG rated.

It was really nice to see this side of him and honestly, it put me in a great mood! I got closure and I got to see someone who I really care about as a human being. It doesn't change the fact that some really shitty stuff has gone down in the past between us, but if I keep focussing on the past, I'm never going to make my way to my future. Not to mention that resentment is just a negative and icky feeling and I really prefer to have none of that in my world right now.

Anyways, I don't know what the future holds for me and Johnny. We will see. He's going to be back in town next Monday for another meeting so we made tentative plans to hang out then. So, we'll just see how it all turns out. No expectations.

#2: I got a text from Katie today that initially really pissed me off, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew she was right. (Don't ya hate when that happens?! lol) Her text was very blunt and basically stated the following:

"You need to start getting happier because no one wants to hang out with someone who's sad all the time. We all have stuff going on in our lives. That's life. It's not supposed to be easy."

I thought long and hard about this text before I replied because my first reaction was not a good one. I felt defensive. I felt like... how dare she belittle my feelings?! I mean, fuck you! You don't know how hard this shit is for me to deal with! But the more I really thought about it, the more I realized what she was saying was what I needed to hear, even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear.

Of course it's ok for me to feel sad and sit in those feelings! but the longer I sit in those feelings, the more I begin to alienate those who care about me. I begin to push people away which then reinforces my lonesomeness... it's a vicious cycle really. At some point, I need to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get back to life. Because if I continue to be so damn depressed, I turn into bad company and then no one will want to be around me. Lol.

I know this all probably makes total sense to most of you and you're all thinking how silly I must be to not have these thoughts come naturally to me. But, I was never taught how to deal with stress and shitty situations. It was only a few months ago that I completed an intensive therapy program where I only began to learn coping skills. And, to be honest, I haven't really kept up with my therapy the way I should have. So, handling stress is not on my list of top five personal skills... is what I'm getting at here. lol

I ended up thanking Katie for saying that to me and telling her that I'm sorry for being such a downer and she's right about me needing to cheer up. Even though most moments it feels COMPLETELY impossible to smile or feel happy about life, I need to find something to be happy about. I just have to if I want to survive this inner war with myself. And although there are moments I just feel like throwing my hands up in the air and saying "FUCK IT!" and driving off a damn bridge or some shit.... I don't want to be a quitter. There is too much I want to see myself accomplish before I tap out of this fight. So I'm going to make a better effort to find a smile because dwelling on my problems is not getting me anywhere.

Sooooo that was my day!

On the note of Brando, by the way, (for those of you who are keeping up on that little soap opera in my life) I haven't written the letter to him yet. I keep sitting down, pen in hand with a blank sheet of paper in front of me... but I am at a loss as to where I want to begin. If I was saying this all to his face, I know exactly what I would say. That's the silly thing! But, for some reason, writing it all down is really fuckin hard for me. I'll get it though. I'll probably just write what I was planning on saying and then clean it up. Lol. I'll figure it out!

My camera is officially LEGIT broken now. All I have at this moment in time is my iPhone and I have no photos to share with you tonight unfortunately. Just a lot of blah blah blah...

So, I leave you with this:



I don't know if this blog is actually interesting to anyone... It's kind of a diary entry for me. It was just.... a good day for the first time in a while and I thought I'd share it with you.

Love you all times infinity, especially if you toughed this boring blog out.

I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again!

"..I'll be somebody different, I'll be better to you."
I have not been able to stop singing this song for the last couple days. Like literally. LOL I fell in love with it the first time I heard it and I instantly taught myself a little simple acoustic version of it on the guitar. But, I am not a practiced enough guitarist lately to sing AND play at the same time. I wish I could so I could make you a little video. lol Buuuuut I suck. I'm gonna make one of my guy friends learn it on the guitar so we can record it together. But this song pretty much sums up exactly how I feel right now about Brando. I know, I'm pathetic.


Have you ever made a super cool fort and then all of a sudden the pillows cave in and the sheet above you falls on top of you?

That's how I feel today. Right now. In this moment.

Some moments I feel like I want to cry, others I want to punch the shit out of a wall. Some moments I even feel like just giving up. Completely. But I know I can't. Or I'm just too chicken to pull the trigger. One of those.

Either way, I'm here to see another sunset. Which tonight, by the way, was rather underwhelming.

I want to vent everything that's going on right now with me in my world. I want to tell you about every last thing that is driving me to insanity! But, I'm not one for pity. And I realllllllllly don't like giving people the impression that I am in anyway looking for help from them financially or whatever. I'll figure it out. Somehow, some way, I'll get this.

In the spirit of venting though, here's a bulleted vent sesh:
-broken heart
-loneliness
-hate living at home
-broke
-owe too many people money
-not making enough at work
-irritated with friends
-irritated with boys
-parents driving me insane
-out of weed
-unmotivated
-wanting to shoot a new set w/ a staff photog but can't
-cold
-random crying fits and/or panic attacks
-feeling super not cute

Ok that's half my list. But I'll keep the rest to myself. FuuuuUUUUUUuuuuuuck

Pictures? K.
This morning I didn't want to leave this spot:

On my way to work this morning:

I've had this book for a couple weeks now and I haven't been able to motivate myself to start it.

the best listener in the world:

a gargoyle picking his nose:

Things in the garden:




seriouslyyyyyyy


religion...


I'm trying to smile! I promise!!! I genuinely am trying to see that goddamn light at the end of the tunnel because I HATE being a Debbie Downer. So hardcore. You guys know me and know I try to stay positive no matter what shit is thrown at me. But, like I said, my fort caved in on me and even if it is just sheets and pillows, it feels like anvils. Guess I should have worked out more. *knee slap*

Well, I'm off to do probably nothing. LOL Thanks for letting me kinda vent and thank you ALL for your amazingly sweet comments on my last blog. I feel really lucky to have you all in my corner, I just wish you were all a bit closer to me. I need hugs soooooooo bad.

The sun is gonna break through like this again soon, right?

Right.

Here's a booty for your troubles

Off to hide in my hood.

They say true love hurts well this could almost kill me.


...... Apparently Ke$ha wrote a song about my life right now in this moment and my friend Elyse shared it with me last night as I cried in her car on the way to our friend's house .......

I'm seriously going to lose all you friends on here cuz you're gonna get sick of me being emo. I know it. I can feel it. I'm sorry. I just feel..... raw. Someone reached into my heart and tore it out and the wound doesn't seem to want to heal. Maybe I need antibiotics because it feels like it gets worse every day. I promise I'm trying to get better.

Chasing the ghost of a good thing...


This song really, genuinely, says it all right now.. I mean REALLY. It also reminds me of high school. And it reminds me of him and he and I playing and singing duets. Fuck.
Lyrics:

This blog is probably going to consist of a lot of babbling, just a heads up. But I'll try to toss some pictures at ya too.

Love life update:
Last I told you, Brando bailed on our coffee date. Not that it was a date per say, just a meeting. He had promised me a minimum of 30 minutes to let me get out whatever I needed to get some closure so that I could properly move on. And in stead of holding up his end of the deal, he completely backed out of coffee. He told me he was "busy" but the fact of the matter is, if he really wanted to do this for me, he would have found 30 goddamn minutes for me. In the conversation in which he told me he was "too busy" he even went as far to say "Well, I moved on without having a face to face conversation." Well, good for you, champ.

Oh yeah, and he hasn't talked to me since.

So where this has left little old me, is that I am pissed and frustrated and sad and hurt and above all closure-less. That last one hurts the most. That's the one that kills me in the quiet, lonely moments of my days. I was determined to say how I felt to him and he led me to believe I would receive that closure. No no no. he didn't only lead me to believe it, he promised it to me. Fuck that.

What's my next move?

Well, I'm supposing my next move is to move on. But how do I do that without closure? Well, I saw my therapist today because things have been.... well.... really bad for me lately. Thoughts of leaving this earth, not only over this situation but over everything, have been recurring and that's when I know it's time for me to talk to someone. So, I talked to my therapist about EVERYTHING. On the topic of B, she helped me decide to write him a letter. Now, this isn't exactly how I saw it going down, but I need to get the things I wanna say to him out of my head somehow and if he's going to be an asshole, it looks like this is my only option. For some reason, I'm having a hard time writing out all my thoughts to him. It'd be so much easier if I could just say it to his face. Fuck.

In the rest of my love life....

I have a couple guys after me right now, which is sort of nice, but sort of annoying at the same time. One of them is one of the party rock boys and the other lives about 40 minutes away from me up in the hills and thinks his shit doesn't stink. Neither of these guys are really my type really. I mean, they are both musicians and artists and are super interesting but... I don't know. My head is just NOT in that game right now. Everyone is telling me to date and have fun. But, it just doesn't sound fun to me right now. I am ready for a prince charming to just come and sweep me off my feet or some shit. The whole dating thing just feels tedious.

Work update:
Nothing super new really to report except that the holidays are coming up and I cannot wait for the madness that is holiday shopping. I'm sure I'll take that back after a week of it, but honestly.. I'm really pretty good at my job which makes it all sort of fun! So, I'm kind of looking forward to pushing my limits there and seeing what I can achieve. It will sure be interesting! Also, this week I'm going to try to go check out the Art Institute and see about what kind of financial aid I qualify for. I really want to get the ball rolling on this whole design thing so that I can hurry up and get out of dodge...

If I -do- become a designer for Vans here in the next couple years, I will get t move to southern California, which would be a nice change. I feel like around every corner here in Sacramento, there is the shadow of a memory that brings me a lot of sadness. It would be fantastic if I could run away from this box of ghosts that is my home town. And moving would bring me so much opportunity. I just need to be patient and get the school work done so I can move on to bigger and better things!

Dermal update:
This is a picture of it today:

You can see some very light bruising around it, but other than that, it's healing just fine! I have yet to snag it on anything or bump it or anything and it seems pretty happy about that. I am really in love with it! My new piercer, Chris, says when I'm ready he'll do a bunch more for me at a good price because I was so fun to pierce. "No one laughs more than you in my chair!" <--- exact quote from Chris. Ha! I'm not sure where else I'd get them though. Maybe a tear drop???? Hmmmmm I'll have to think on it.

Halloween
...was kind of a bust this year. Didn't do anything. Like, I literally did nothing. I didn't even watch any good scary movies or anything. I just haven't been able to shake this melancholy for long enough to partake in any "fun" activities. I really need to snap out of it soon. I took some cute pics though!





Rat news:
Unfortunately, I feel the day rapidly approaching where I will have to put my sweet Dita to sleep. You may remember from one of my previous blogs that she has a GIANT mammary tumor. She's been eating and drinking normally, playing with her sister Zoe, running in her wheel, EVERYTHING normally. But she is finally starting to have a hard time getting up and down the levels of their cage. I really don't know what to do because I just love her so much. And I just cannot justify killing her if she is still doing everything normally and not suffering. But, how long do I watch this tumor grow? Ugh... It just saddens me so much.
Look at this beautiful face!

And I keep wondering what life will be like for her sister Zoe without Dita around. I mean, I'll obviously play with her more and I'm thinking about getting her a giant ball to run around my room in once Dita is gone. I want to make sure she is staying occupied and happy. But I don't know what the grieving process is for rats. I have had lots of other pets and have watched cats and dogs go through heartbreaking processes of not having their companion. But, this is my first set of rats so I just am not sure what to expect. I'm sure my Zoe will be just fine as long as she gets lots of play time.


RANDOMS:
the weather has been amazing. Dammit I love California

I've even been able to drink my coffee outside!

Speaking of coffee, Starbucks holiday cups are here! Yaaaaay!

On Halloween, I filled my Jeep up and it was $60.66 which is kinda like 666, which I thought was cool. lol

I tried to take a picture of how cute my hair was yesterday for Halloween but, it whited me out and you can ONLY see my hair which is sort of awesome. Look how bright my hair is right now!

LOL As if THIS is what will make people go to Carls Jr:

I came out of my bedroom to find a slaughtered giraffe:

The culprit:

I met a caterpillar today


Random funny Tumblr things:






Ok, that's all for today! I hope this wasn't terribly boring. I had to get some thoughts out and I hope I did it eloquently enough to not drive ya crazy. You all have been so supportive and wonderful and I love you so so so so much. More happier updates to come in the near future. I feel it!

Obligatory Halloween Blog

I'm only in it for the costumes







(the last one is "Jesus fucking Christ" if you didn't get it. Second to last is a child molester. HAHAHA!)
Terrible, I know.

I've got nothing for ya tonight. Just wanted to share these costumes that made me laugh on Tumblr just now.
Oh yeah! And these 2 things make me laugh too!


and this is soooo true:


I haven't done anything to celebrate Halloween this year, nor am I going to. Not in the spirits. Maybe next year!

Hope you all had/have a safe and fun night!


Twitter
Tumblr

Everyone's sayin different things to me.


Anguish over the last few days brought up a lot of secondary feelings for me. A lot of them (read: all of them) were pretty self destructive just because that's how my mind is trained to think. But instead of doing something stupid, I did something fun!

Observe:

I got me a dermal anchor in my chest!

Yaaaaay! I love it soooo much! I bled like a motherfucker, which was terribly relaxing and almost.. freeing. I smiled when he jabbed me with that beautiful needle and he chuckled at my reaction. People love piercing me. HAHA! Anyways, it was super fun and hardly hurt at all, which of course makes me want a billion more of them.

A lady today at work asked me if she could touch it and was super offended when I told her no. Like, no, sorry lady. I don't want your cooties in my open flesh wound. lol People are fuckin weird. Who just walks around asking to touch strangers' piercings?! Absurd.

I really don't have anything else to update on. I'm just truckin along trying (hard) to maintain a smile on my face and think positively. Goddamn it's hard sometimes! Haha! But at least right now, I have a pretty new piercing to tend to and coddle. Something to occupy my mind a little. I will take more pictures soon. I wanna take pictures of its healing process just because it's interesting to me. Today I'm a slightly bruised, I have a feeling the it is gonna get darker since I'm anemic and bruise like no other. So yeah!

I hope everyone had a great Halloween weekend! Cant wait to see some new picture blogs from you all in costumes and shit! So fun! I, obviously, didn't partake in any ghoulish activities this year. Too much goin on in the noggin, Except tonight, while I was watching tv in my room, I saw a bat outside my window! Pretty sure it was Dracula.




Love ya guys!

You don't see me... You don't see me at all.


This song seems to mean more and more to me every day. Thinking about getting the 3Libras symbol tattooed on the back of my neck or something. It's just... yeah. I don't think I have to explain it.

Brando bailed on today. Of course. I haven't asked him for anything but a 30 minute face to face convo, and even after all we've been through together, he can't even seem to pull that off. He just doesn't give a fuck.

And goddammit it hurts like hell.

I wish I could stop loving him. That sure would ease the pain. I've literally been trying to stop loving him for months now to no resolve.

Can someone please remove my soul from my body? She's been through enough.





Fuck it.

Have a good Halloween weekend folks. I have about 4 parties I think I'll not RSVP to and I will curl up in the fetal position and feel sorry for myself some more. Pathetic, yes. But, I just don't know if I have the strength in me to put on a smile and party it up. Maybe I'll go get a new tattoo or something but, I think I wanna be solo this weekend. If only to save me the embarrassment from my sporadic crying fits.

I'll find my way back to sanity somehow. I promise not to be a downer forever. Just let me sit in this one for a bit. I need to feel this pain to get over it. Fuck.

Love you guys.

Quick update!

Bass lines that will SLAY you:

Dear Les Claypool, can we just make a music genius baby together? Please? Love, me
Give this song a minute to get going... it's fucking RAD!!!!
LOL for reals though, if you haven't checked out Primus' new album Green Naugahyde you need to get on top of that shit ASAP. I have to miss the Primus concert in Berkley this weekend and I'm probably gonna cry about it. Booooooo! My buddy Devyn is goin though so I told him he has to send me pictures during the show so I can pretend I'm there. Haha!!

Soooo miss Thanatogenous and I went out to dubstep night the other night and guess what? We didn't take any pictures. Haha! Well, I took this one of our first shot at the bar:

Yeah... we suck. but the dubstep night wasn't as fun as we had hoped. The crowd was FULL of hipsters and.... eh.. we just don't mesh well with hipsters. But we danced a little bit but, like I said, the crowd sucked so we went home. LOL But it was still fun to hang out with my lovely friend! So, overall, it was a good night!

Not a whole lot else to update on. Me and Brando are set to meet tomorrow for coffee. We will see though. The radio show he produces just picked up a couple new affiliates and he's got to meet up with them and check out their equipment and make sure they can get everything up and running. I swear this guy never gets a break. I kinda feel bad for him sometimes. Haha! But, supposedly tomorrow is "perfect" for coffee so we'll see. Either he'll bail or I'll finally get to spill my guts out. Like I said, not expecting anything to happen after said guts have been spilled, but I just gotta do it. I'll feel five billion times better once it's done.

But he and I have had a couple really good and fun conversations over the last couple days. My hope is that we can at least go back to being friends! But, I just can't hope for much. I keep telling myself not to give in to false hope (and I've done pretty well with that), but that it's ok to enjoy the little things. Like him telling me he's genuinely looking forward to seeing me but nervous cuz it's been so long. That's cute to me. So, whatever. Time will tell. I just really hope he doesn't bail on tomorrow!

Last night at work, I felt like this, by the way:

So that's good news! I'm trying to just stay as positive as possible and hopefully life just follows suit.

I hung out with the boys the other day from the old crew. It didn't seem to stir up any drama, but Katie is definitely not talking to me. But, what-fucking-ever. I don't need douchey ass mother fuckers in my life anyhow. And the guys have been so sweet to me! Inviting me over to smoke and watch Workaholics and just dude stuff. It's nice and drama-free. I can dig it. LOL So, I may be hanging with them again soon.

I'm looking into getting more information about designing for Vans. My manager has been super supportive and seems to think I would have no problem getting a job in the ladies apparel design group once I've completed the courses. So, I want to get on this as soon as possible. Hopefully start classes the beginning of the year and hurry up and get the ball rolling! This is honestly my dream job. I love designing and drawing and I LOVE my company. And I can do whatever I want tattoo-wise and with my hair and everything. It would be literally perfect for me.

I can't end this mini blog without boobies. So here!


Sorry I don't have much else to share. To be totally honest, my mind is really wrapped up in meeting Brando tomorrow. Part of me is just terrified he's gonna bail either because of work or out of nervousness. But I need to not think about it that way. Like I said, I just need to think positive. I just worry a lot (too much). Gah! So, here's to stopping worrying and getting on with my day! Cheers!

New non-emo blog time??????
...me thinks YES

Ohhhhh my god please watch this video in its entirety!

Ultimate party rock house!!!!! If this was my house, my electric bill would be through the roof because I'd have that shit up year round. F'reals. I can't even count how many times I've watched this video in the last couple days. Back to back to back to back to back... Haha!

On the topic of party rock, the boys from the party rock crew are dubbing me an honorary dude so I can kick it with them. Katie and the girls are being hella weird towards me and are ignoring me and shit, which is super immature considering I wasn't involved in any of the drama that went down. But, it worries me cuz I don't know if Katie is still going to be my hair girl. I love her hair skills, just not her friendship skills. Hmmm Anyways, I've been talking to the guys a little bit lately. I wonder if it'd stir up more problems if I kicked it with the boys? Ugh... drama.

So I have one thing that is keeping me from losing my mind...

Tomorrow night, me and Thanatogenous are going to a dubstep night at a club!!!! I am so so so so so excited, not only for dubstep, but for us to fiiiiiiinally hang out! We need a good girls night so this'll be fun. Will someone remind us to take pictures for once?! lol We always forget... Someone message me like 50 times tomorrow to remind me. But anyways, we're gonna do that and then I'm gonna stay over at her house. It will be the highlight of my last few weeks. I am pretty jazzed about it!



Sooooo remember the whole CK_ mess how he lied about who he was and used pictures of his friend's as his own? Well does this guy look familiar?

HAHA! That's my buddy Ryan and his buddy Weezel. Ryan is the guy who Chris was pretending to be, with the band and whatnot. They are amazing and him and his wife have been such good friends to me since that whole bull shit scenario went down. They send me sweet pictures from South Carolina and keep me smiling. They're all trying to rally together enough frequent flyer miles to get me out there for a visit. We shall see!

These are my favorite Vans. I wore them today. They make me happy!


Also, I've given up on 5 Hour Energy shots because they taste like asshole. I'm back onto strictly coffee, which is fine by me. Starbucks nonstop.

This is how ridiculous I look after a full day's work:

Bleh... hahaha! So tired!

Speaking of work, I've been talking to my bosses at work a lot lately about my future with Vans. I don't see it just as my job, I see it as the company I want to have a career with. It's an incredible company to be a part of! Anyways, I'm always making the men's t-shirts into cool girl versions somehow and I always have good ideas about what we should have in women's apparel and shit. So, they were telling me I should try to get a job with corporate designing and that they are ALWAYS looking for people and that I'd be PERFECT. Sooooo this week I'm going to look into working on getting a diploma in fashion and then getting a job designing with Vans! Wouldn't that be amazing?!?!? I think it would! It'd also mean that I'd have to move down by Disneyland which I certainly do not see an issue with. Anyways, my boss is gonna help me get it all worked out and I'm pretty happy about it.

Look! Sea shells!

lol my mom grabbed em off the beach last week while she was on vacation because I love shells from far away places.

This is the handsome boy I come home to every night. Isn't he just the dreamiest?!

Haha! He puts a smile on my face, that's for damn sure.

Today I felt more like this:

Not quite a happy face, but I'm getting there!

Tonight's sunset helped:


Sooooo, by the way, I hate how early it gets dark these days. HATE. It makes me lose all concept of time. Like, it was pitch black out at 7:15 tonight... I thought it was midnight or some shit. it was dumb. SO, hey Mother Nature, get on top of this shit for me, will ya? Thanks.



Well, I think that's all I've got for ya tonight! I'm tired and I'm trying to stay in an okay mood since tomorrow night I'll be having a blast with my bestie!!!!!! Ahhhh! I can't wait! Don't forget to remind us to take pictures! lol

You don't see me at all.

*sigh*
lyrics:

I'm feeling mighty emo tonight. And I don't like that. I'd much rather be an emotionless robot. LOL Unfortunately, I've got all kinds of stuff swirling around in my mind tonight. About a bunch of different things...

LOVE LIFE:
My love life is still nonexistent. Which is fine I suppose. But Brando has still been too busy to meet with me so I haven't gotten a chance to get all the bullshit off my chest yet. I'm not expecting much to happen when I do pour my heart out to him. I just need to get it out to him so that I can have some closure, ya know?

FRIENDS:
The Party Rock Crew has pretty much disbanded. There was a bunch of drama that I worked damn hard to stay out of but now it's split up: Boys vs. Girls. And I think that's pathetic. So, I haven't been doing much talking to either side. The guys are boring to me and the girls seem to be on a drug rampage, which I honestly want nothing to do with.
And outside of that group of friends, I have my amazing and wonderful Thanatogenous, but unfortunately she's been sick and very very busy. So, we haven't gotten to hang out in a few weeks. I miss her tons but it just is what it is. People have lives and such. But we are gonna make a better effort to hang out very soon

FAMILY:
I feel like I'm losing my mind living at home. I hate that I am 25 years old and I live with my parents. Honestly. I've lived on my own since I was 18 and this is painful. I feel so cramped and so dependent. I truly truly hate it. It was nice having my parents out of town for a few days, but now they're back and I'm back to feeling like a prisoner. It's really not -that- bad, I just (obviously) prefer having my own apartment. And who knows when I'll be back to that life. Living alone. I look forward to that life.

ANIMALS:
My ratties are very sweet and loving life. Ever since my mom got them the hammock, they have gotten much lazier. HAHA! Thus, they are faaaaaaat. But they are happy and that's all that matters to me. I took Dita to the vet a couple months ago to have he tumor checked out. It's a mammary tumor and is incredibly expensive and risky to have removed. So, the vet told me to just keep an eye on her and as long as she seems happy, let it be. But there will come a day that I'll most likely have to have her put down Her tumor is HUGE now because it doesn't stop growing, but she still walks in her wheel and eats normally and can go potty ok, yadda yadda. So, she seems to be pretty happy for now! I just hate knowing that she won't be around forever. LOL I wish my ratties could live for like 20 years. Oh welllll

RANDOM PHOTO DUMP:
worst tasting piece of shit ever:

I fucking rock at folding denim at work:


How I feel lately:

I get bored at night and draw on my feet sometimes:

I had coffee with my dad and my uncle this morning:

I saw this amazing sunrise:

This song makes my panties wet (not literally...well, maybe)

Fatty ratty play time!


My baby Dita and her tumor:

My climber Zoe:


Random, uncalled for tits:


That's all I've got for ya tonight! Sorry I'm kinda emo. It's just a phase... I'll feel better soon. I've got my chin up and I'm truckin right through it, so I'm not worried. It just sucks for a little bit.

Hopefully VERY soon, tattoo action will be happening with miss Boomie and her, me and Thanatogenous can have an another amazing night of whiskey and ink! Ahhhh.... something to look forward to!

I hope you all are having a fabulous weekend and thanks for dealing with my moodiness tonight. You guys rock!

Follow me on Twitter if ya wanna!

xo