He broke up with me last night. Said he's not ready for a relationship. That I'm amazing and he doesn't want to hurt me more down the road. Maybe he'll be ready for me someday but not now.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUCK!
I don't know if I've ever lost more tears in my life.
I may be checking myself into a mental hospital on a 51/50 because all I can think about is cutting myself to absolute shreds, even though I haven't done that in a loooong time. I don't think I can trust myself at all right now. Ithought I finally found the one. That's how it felt anyway. Maybe some absence will make him miss me. I'm ot going to count on it.
EDIT: I'm trying to avoid a hospitalization and am trying to be strong for once. I just wish it wasn't so goddamn hard. I went and had coffee with my best friend and she gave me some good advice that I needed to hear. Everyone seems to think he's going to come around after I give him some space. We'll see right? Anyways.... either way, this feels like absolute shit.
APR 13, 2012 09:50 AM
i'm so sorry. i hope things turn around for you 
APR 13, 2012 09:54 AM
So sorry lady, it's awful when that happens out of the blue. I really, truly wish you well xx
APR 13, 2012 10:06 AM
APR 13, 2012 10:20 AM
APR 13, 2012 11:27 AM
APR 13, 2012 11:43 AM
APR 13, 2012 11:47 AM
APR 13, 2012 12:05 PM
APR 13, 2012 12:13 PM
oh,
balls.
I'm so very sorry.
APR 13, 2012 12:47 PM
APR 13, 2012 06:43 PM
APR 13, 2012 07:13 PM
APR 13, 2012 07:16 PM
A) if you go to a hospital you will most likely be seen by one of 3 friends of mine (who all place 51/50 holds in sacramento) so that would be weird by proxy.
B) if you've never been to heritage oaks on a 51/50 hold, I suggest you do your best not to see the inside of those walls. Did a lovely 72 hours there last year in June.
C) that guy is a dope.
D) exes are exes for a reason. I learned this the hard way, and there is always exceptions to the rules. But for the most part, even of you (figuratively) were dumped or doing the dumping, in my expierience (both ways) that getting back with an ex, no matter how right or good it feels, will not work in the long run.
E) that guy is a coward for using the "I'm not ready for a relationship" line. Do or do not, there is no try. Thank you yoda.
F) you will get through this 
G) if you don't have a regular therapist, I would get one, but if I recall correctly, you do, so maybe give them a ring? Mine was quite disappointed in me that I didn't think to call him (though in a crisis situation like wanting to kill or hurt yourself, one does not always think clearly as I have learned) and spill. Sometimes it just feels better to blurt it all out to your head doctor over the phone then talk about it at real appointment later.
Anyways, enough rambling. You will get through this, pinkie swear, and when you do find the right guy, it will all make sense and somehow all the lost tears will be worth it.
APR 14, 2012 08:25 AM
APR 14, 2012 02:13 PM
