Sup.

I'm still alive. I've also just finished my Chrismukkah shopping.. I'm so happy with what I've got a certain someone.
I'm feeling super festive and all I can think about is how much I want a fucking ridiculous sized dinner, snow and Bow under my tree.

My Mum has also already given away 2 Christmas presents and it's not even December yet, although I'm looking forward to both my Vans and vintage JVC Arsenal shirt..

This girl has made me believe in something I never thought I would again..

I've suspended my application for the forces and got a full time job so where I'll be able to see her more than once a month at best..

Other than that.. I've built bridge I thought were totally burnt and found things I thought I'd lost. This week has been a good week.

Royal Marines interview today..

I passed it.

I'm trying to force out words that aren't even there.
How can I say anything to you when I'm so afraid?
You're the most complicated question I've had to answer, but it's probably why I like you.


Also, on a completely different note. Why the fuck is it that only ONE PERSON (anyone on SG excluded) has even asked how the fuck I am? Or why I'm not DJing anymore? Or why that I won't be coming up to London?

Not even the guy I DJ with, my supposed "best friend" has even said more than "can I keep the CD's?".

As I've said already today, it just seems really quiet. And I guess it hurts more than I let on some times.

I had such a great weekend, with such awesome people.. but I genuinely can't believe that people who I've called my life over the last 2 or 3 years, who I would have done anything for, can literally cut me out so quickly.

The last night I DJ in London for the foreseeable future..


I'm awoken by the same face almost every day.. It could be worse.

3 notifications and 0 friend requests? Balls.

My cat makes a fleeting cameo..

My room is outside, so I'm more appreciative of a nice day than most people.

Bed hair. For some reason, it's as flat as a pancake.

Fighters are always obsessed with their weight.

My breakfast corner. Nettle tea, eggs, bananas, coffee, olive oil and the wheat bread is missing. I love my diet.

My post-workout, pre-shower naked ass.

Me post-shower, pre-heading out to London.

Green tea.. and I'm out.

Riding the bus because despite being 22, I still can't drive. Rad.

Going past things such as my old school..

That's right.. nearly 10� to get from Gravesend to London, a 30 mile, 50 minute journey.

Free news r00lz.

I always read this secretly hoping I'll be in it.

The journey takes me past a shit load of bushes...

So I put my feet up..

And the bushes give to buildings.. and eventually Tower Bridge, which you can kind of see.

Go past London Bridge station.. and get off at Waterloo.

Go and hangout at my ex Heather's place for a bit

She has a sweet pad (ah, I miss those full length mirrors)..

and really dirty windows.

I hang out with Matt, where we talk about his band and my training. I drink Red Bull and he blows smoke in my face.

I also went to Nando's, but totally forgot to take a picture on my phone. I had a mixed leaf salad with an extra hot chicken breast. Note to self: plain chicken goes with salad. Extra hot, does not.

Went and met Bow and drank water while she started on the Sailor Jerry. Both decided we were infact going insane.

Business meeting turns into drawing dicks on to Angela's notepad .

Then it's off to the night job.. I love my compilations. I would be nowhere without them.

I also need a lot of red bull to get me through the night. Unfortunately, I then got pissed off my other ex was there and she's a fucking bitch so I forgot to/wasn't in the mood to take any more photos.

I crashed at Joe's/my old house in the spare room. It's better than my room at home.

I didn't stay asleep long/at all and left at 5.30 am this morning to get the first train back to Gravesend.

Rad. I didn't actually know this was going to be my last time DJing at the club, but after last night and some text messages I got this morning, I won't be back in London for a while. I need some time out and to sort my life out before I deal with petty fucking children and people that clearly couldn't care less about me.

SOME people though I have all the time in the world for and will see them soon I'm sure.

Djing FAVOURITE WEAPON @ the Borderline, Central London tonight..

Pop punk and stuff til your ears can take no more.

It's my happy place..

Just so you know, I don't kiss people I intend to ignore afterwards.

If only I had a clue to what you were thinking I could make the first move or say the right words, but I have a habit of fucking things up way before anything gets started.

Talk to me. Tell me it meant something.

(I only write this as I know she'll never see it)