it's officially the end of my third week in art school. things are going really well so far. the amount of homework i have to do seems rather insane at times but i get through it. i've been having a lot of fun with the whole thing. it feels like a second chance at living. and i mean really living, not just existing. although, the past year leading up to this was difficult, to say the least. i still wonder what things would be like if they had turned out differently. i know i ended up in the right place in the end, but i still wonder if i should have taken a few different roads to get here.

decided to come back to the fold after a brief intermission.

classes start back tomorrow. a little nervous, but excited at the same time. i'm gonna be in class with a bunch of freshman that are almost half my age, so that's gonna be a little weird. i am looking forward to finally moving into a happier part of my life, working toward finally being the person i've always wanted to be.

also, i now have a mohawk. and it is awesome.

this is my official goodbye to you SG. it's been an interesting couple of years but it's time for us to call it quits. things are changing and i'm rolling with the punches.

see ya round, space cowboy.

p.s. guess who got his acceptance letter today??? this guy!!

yes!! had a wonderfully creative weekend. went down home to little ol' columbia, nc to attend an altered book workshop. quite a few talented artists were there doing there own thing. nothing was structured so it was more like a free-for-all open studio kind of thing. all the finished pieces will be placed in an exhibit that starts this weekend. i ended up finishing one that i started yesterday, one that i had started some time ago, and added one that i had done a few months back simply to have something else to add.

met some new people. one happened to be one of the heads of the art dept. at the local university that i am currently applying to. i'm gonna try getting together with her again and hanging out to work on some projects. the rest of the people there i had met once or twice but it was still fun to learn and play with them.

today there was a new project started, but i can't really say anything about it since it's mostly a secret at this point. sshhhhh!!!!

this week has been a bit of a mixed bag. things at work have been either really good or really bad. plus it seems i'm on a bit of an emotional roller coaster. i'm sometimes happy, sometimes morose. the number of days where i think about the ex at some point are fewer in number than they were, but those thoughts still creep up and sometimes it's just hard to deal with. but for over a week now i've been able to resist the urge to check up on how she's doing. i have to move on. it just happens to be rather difficult for me to let go of emotional attachments once they're made. i don't gravitate to many people but when i do it tends to be strongly. i'm trying to get out and meet new people and distract myself from the mess of the past few months. unfortunately that's always been a slow process for me. it's just the way i am.

in other news, i'm gearing up for another altered book workshop this weekend. it's gonna be another small group of folks at the Pocosin Arts Folk School. it'll be good to get out and see all of them again, as well as some of the family. i realize i haven't seen most of them since christmas and it's not like i live all that far away. anyway, pics to come next week.

last night i had one of the greatest experiences of my life. a friend of mine had gotten hold of a couple tabs of X and was waiting for a good time to take them so we figured this weekend would be good since he didn't have to work and i wasn't doing anything. we started the night going out to dinner and just talking about the usual dinner stuff: life, relationships, and general silliness. we got back to my apartment, unbagged a shitload of candy and went to it. basically all we did was sit around all night high as shit watching the venture bros. and ren and stimpy. still, it was really fucking awesome. the sensations you experience on that sort of mind altering drug are amazing. i knew it was hitting me as soon as the tv looked like it was seen through a view-master, and after a few minutes, i hit my first roll. it felt really strange and really great all at the same time. my vision started to shake a little and i just laid my head back to let it wash over me. i've never felt so happy and relaxed in all my life. the sensation of just touching your own skin when that roll hits is something else. electric is the only way to describe it. my friend was right. that's something that should be done about every 3 or 4 months just to help take the edge off.

as far as everything else goes, this was, for the most part, a good week. i was pretty upbeat for the first couple days of this week. monday and tuesday just seemed to fly right by. the later it got though, things started to slow down a little, but more to a normal pace. i haven't been thinking much on the past few months and have instead been trying to focus on the future. things are starting to look up. life is a little brighter. though i do still think of my ex from time to time, it's mostly for the simple fact that i miss my friend. it's hard for me to simply let go of emotional attachments. when i get to know someone like that they stick in my head. to simply let them go is difficult. but i know it's for the best and that's what keeps me going.

back from a night out at the pub. an ok night. there wasn't anyone i really knew there until later on in the evening so i mainly just sat there drinking this great amber called 'celtic ale' that's on draft right now. listened and chimed in on the odd conversation every now and then. didn't have any good conversation until jett showed up. things were going well until word got out that people's cars were being booted in the lot across the street. there's a new thing going on where the small grocer next door who actually owns the lot is booting and towing cars that are parked there. it doesn't matter if the store is open or not. or if the car has been parked there overnight. people are getting booted while still in the bar. such a rip-off. so i gave jett a ride to the closest atm to get enough cash to get his car off the lot and get home. he was of course pissed. idk why they want to do that shit besides exploiting money from people. that's all it seems to come down to, sheer human greed. c'est la vie.

brrr...just got back from a chilly afternoon walk. the whole way down to the park the wind was blowing right in my face making my ears feel like little icicles on the side of my head. thankfully i was wearing my hoodie and could cover up for the return trip.

last night's movie watching was fun. had a couple friends over and we watched 'the dark crystal' and 'the machinist'. i hadn't watched dark crystal in a while and it was as good as always. machinist could have been better if i hadn't already seen 'memento' and 'fight club'. they all have similar themes running through them and you can kind of see a lot of what's going to happen ahead of time. over the course of the evening i ended up learning a lot more about some of my friends sex lives than most people are comfortable with. i actually wish i had more friends that were as candid as that. it's the one thing i miss about working in a porn store. candid conversation.

at the end of the night we all went out for milkshakes and sat watching 'the venture bros.' until about 2:30 until everyone else went home. i was pretty much crashing anyway so i guess that was a good thing. all in all, a good night. need to start having movie nights more often. weekly perhaps? we'll see.

tonight was a very good night at the pub. any night that culminates with the birthday for a guy named thor is bound to be good. sat around and chatted with a couple of the bartenders. it was good to talk to them on the other side of the bar for once. had a few drinks with a rather stunning, well endowed red head, but she was a little too young for my taste. playful in that young mischievous kind of way, but she can't take as well as she gives. oh well. saw a couple good friends at the end of the night and stood and talked movies and comics for a while. all in all a damned good night.

last nights beer tasting went well, though it would have been better if it had only been about 10 degrees warmer. found a couple new beers to drink (new to me anyway). Abita Amber and Dixie Dark Voodoo Lager. Good stuff.

tonight i went out with some friends to the new korean bbq restaurant that opened up recently. the selection of food is a little limited and quite pricey, but the fact that you get to cook it right in the middle of your table is pretty fucking sweet. they also give you a ton of stuff to add: two meats, vegetables (broccoli, onions, mushrooms), garlic, marinated tofu, a couple sauces, bowl of rice, and pancakes (thin asian style pancakes to wrap your food in and eat). so for all that i guess the price isn't all that bad since it's easily enough for two people. the restaurant itself is quite beautiful. plenty of asian ornamentation, but it's not overwhelming. it's quite modern in it's styling for such simple little place. there's nothing over the top or garish about it.
after dinner was over our waiter let us know that they have karaoke after hours a couple nights a week. we're definitely going back for that.

the ex and i have pretty much agreed that it was for the best that we finally did break things off. we were never quite right for each other but for some reason we tried anyway. she was a pretty amazing part of my life and i'll never forget her. but now it's time to move on, and right now, i think that means finding a new playmate. nothing serious, but everyone has their needs.