i'm still sick. my tonsils are fucking huge and disgusting. i think most of my feeling bad stems from me being so pissed that i still feel like hell. i'm going to go back to the doctor, and hello, my insurance sucks ass. i call it fauxsurance. the worst, and why i'm overly upset and crying right now, is that i can't see sam tomorrow. i mean, i could, but i don't want to get him sick too. especially if it's strep, cause that shit sucks. dammit. if he gets sick it's totally going to be my fault cause we totally did the dirty last night.

i had a little bit of a nervous breakdown last night... is there such a thing as a little nervous breakdown?

i think part of it has to do with my illness. this is just the worst time ever to be sick. i'm so afraid of letting down my mom, and my teaching partner. i told my mother this and she acted like that was a silly notion, so that was comforting.

i sobbed and cried and couldn't catch my breath, same old drill. i guess at this point at least i know what to expect and i can see when they're coming. *shrug* it was actually a relief when it was over. i took a hot bath to relax.

i think i just bottle stuff up so much, and try to be a hard ass. sometimes you just need to cry and get it all out, and i did. unfortunately, i didn't cry out my illness like i was hoping to.

so i went to the doctor... i am a medical mystery.
we're treating the sinus infection and the girly business. she said that the light headedness/weakness could be due to the sinus-ness. the passing out is still a mystery. so we'll see. i have to go back thursday to have my TB test read and she said if i'm not feeling better by then we'll start at square one.

the big issue is... tomorrow is meet the teacher day at school, and thursday i'm supposed to nanny, and friday is my first day of real class. so um... this is like the worst time ever to get sick. i should be nannying today, but i didn't want to infect the little guy with my mysterious illness.

so, i'm going to go take a nap and drink some fluids.

oh wow.
havana = killer rad time. i miss Columbus and my Ohio friends.
and it was so awesome to meet all of my new havana friends, and PSW ladies (holla)!

i promise to update about it in depth later (including pictures), but now i must attend to other business.

you see, i am sick. i feel like ass...
there are a myriad of things wrong with me including but not limited to:

generally feeling like crap, and just not totally rightness
sinus headache, possible infection
swollen glands, including tonsils
girly issues (i will leave it at that, lol)
sporadic fevers
and the pièce de résistance... i PASSED OUT:

at barnes and noble yesterday. i never pass out. i don't faint. i've fainted once in my 26 years, and that was at my surprise 7th birthday party. just out of no where i started getting black spots and tunnel vision. i told my friend Jennifer that i felt like i was going to pass out.. she asks if i wanted to sit down. the next thing i knew i was on the floor and she was standing over me. i totally blacked out. Jennifer said that my eyes were open the whole time, how creepy is that? so i've been kinda light headed and weak feeling ever since... the fevers started last sunday and i won't be able to get into the doctor until tomorrow sometime. i think i'm a medical mystery, haha.

so... keep me in your thoughts. good mojo would be nice, lol.

TOMORROW! i will be there and i hope you all will too. i'm so excited!

so i think parent night went ok... i probably made an ass of myself, so i guess it's good that i don't mind doing that! one of the dad's in my class asked me what he was supposed to be doing and i literally said,

"oh, i don't know. i just smile and look pretty."

LOL really Allison!? really! duh.
so if he doesn't come back it's probably because i scared him off, haha. hopefully he has a sense of humor and knew i was being sarcastic.

i wish i had something new to update about... i'll give it a try.

- went to a preschool party last night, i love those ladies.
- i also went to sam's last night. major rad sex.
- we were supposed to hang out again tonight, but he's got drama with his insurance/car thing. *sigh*
- monday is parent night at preschool. i'm so nervous! wish me luck?
- tuesday is first aid at preschool. i'm so nervous! wish me luck?
- wednesday i pack to go to columbus!
- thursday is HAVANA!!!!

goodness i'm going to be busy this week... lol.

PS- i just started getting the chills, and i have a temp of 100.7! this is not good. i can't get sick right before school OR HAVANA. crap crap crap.

i have a new job!
my nannying gig is up at the end of this month, and now i'm moving up in the world of child care, so to speak.

i'm a preschool teacher!

so while thats all well and good, i am also quite nervous. for one i've never taught. which shouldn't really be to much of a problem, because i'm the assistant to a lead teacher (and hello, it's preschool). 'assistant' sort of trivializes the position, it's going to be a lot of work regardless. it's very much a partnership, and i'm excited to be working with the woman i'm paired with. i've known her for years and she's so fun!

so, the other nervousness stems from the fact that my mother is the director of the preschool (the kids call her the principal, lol). so... i'm afraid that people will think i'm unqualified and just work there cause my mom's the boss. realistically, i don't think thats going to happen. the ladies that teach are so awesome and a few of them have even suggested that she hire me in the past. but, nepotism comes with a set of worries. i also have a feeling i'm going to have to work extra hard to impress my mother. i know she's going to be expecting a lot out of me.

this all came about just today. my mom and i had talked about it before when the position had come open, but she had to exhaust all of her other resources first. one of the women on the preschool board had originally been hired and just backed out today, we think due to agoraphobia or some such thing. she was hysterical after the first staff meeting. so... alas, i am the one, to any ones yay's or neh's. here i am, preschool teacher, hear me roar!

so... excited, yes. nervous, yes.

wish me luck?
tomorrow is our first day of set up and teachers meetings.

...i think i may need a new wardrobe.

yesterday sucked.
today has sucked.
i hate when people are mean to me.
no wait, i hate when the people i care about are mean to me.
and
i hate being a disappointment.

the two are unrelated in this situation.