Its been quite a long time since I had need to consider the favor of another. Three years in fact. Since then and until now I had little consideration for anyone, including myself. Now, transfixed, I am taunted by a face I had only prior seen in my dreams. I mentally circle around the notion. I am well aware that the skills required to meet my desired outcome have been filed away deep in my conscienceness. As if fumbling for a sword seconds before battle I stand before my desire intimidated and ill prepared. I am adaptation. I am patient. When a prospect is so clear and desired one does not simply walk away. Nor, does he submit to the over eager tendencies of a boy. In situations such as this one walks with the earth. Ones actions are guided by the wind. Ones heart maintains fire of hope. Ones mind flows as a river to the sea. Knowing that the outcome is truly in the hands of the gods.
Each martial art was created or assembled by someone or some group of someones. Each was created with a purpose or function in mind that applied to the social-political climate of each respective time and circumstance. There was a point of birth, a moment of truth for all of them. The arts as we know them today are built on those foundations. Some have lasted longer than others based on the initial concept and some have verged away from the “old traditions”.
Of all the developments, valid or not, change has been the only constant. Evolution has forced its way into nearly every art form and this evolution has been met with strong resistance by most all art forms. The basic idea being that no one man could devise or surpass the collective efforts of those that came before him. Especially, if that man is not, at least, as equally versed as those that come before him.
I would tend to agree with this to an extent. Yet, if one is to became as versed as his or her master prior to inacting evolution how could one ever accomplish this in his or her lifetime. The vast concepts, styles, methods and opinions serve to help the martial arts world as much as they serve to hinder. I have seen things become so complicated that many have forgotten that all rivers return to the sea. Often times when this simplification is presented its mislabled a new creation when its truly the oldest of ideas
Of all the developments, valid or not, change has been the only constant. Evolution has forced its way into nearly every art form and this evolution has been met with strong resistance by most all art forms. The basic idea being that no one man could devise or surpass the collective efforts of those that came before him. Especially, if that man is not, at least, as equally versed as those that come before him.
I would tend to agree with this to an extent. Yet, if one is to became as versed as his or her master prior to inacting evolution how could one ever accomplish this in his or her lifetime. The vast concepts, styles, methods and opinions serve to help the martial arts world as much as they serve to hinder. I have seen things become so complicated that many have forgotten that all rivers return to the sea. Often times when this simplification is presented its mislabled a new creation when its truly the oldest of ideas
I realized that I haven't said anything outlandishly vulgur or otherwise offensive in quite sometime. I put forth some effort, but only concluded that Moxi has nice titties. Not vulgur or outlandish, but undeniably true. In fact, I think the next time I'm pissed off (which should be in the next 5 min or so) I will just think to myself, "Moxi has nice titties" and im quite sure I will instantly forget my troubles for the moment. Yep, "Moxi has nice titties" is my new happy thought. I mean come on...look at those things. You just have to smile.
Ya, pink is my favorite color.
omg, and shes burying a body!
she just went from my happy thought to my dream girl! And she likes cheap beer! I wonder if she likes guns?
Ya, pink is my favorite color.
omg, and shes burying a body!
she just went from my happy thought to my dream girl! And she likes cheap beer! I wonder if she likes guns?
ok..um, let me get this straight. So....the supreme court says that it is a constitutional right under the first amendment for corporations to be able to make direct contributions to the campaigns of politicians. Hmm...oh and there will still be transparencey. Well....if the corporations or the individuals accepting the funds are honest enough to tell you the truth. Of course why even bother. With the kind of influence corporate money can have on the minds of the masses a simple deal or two behind closed doors will solve any issues with the public. They will just think they have a choice. Then they can get back to getting control of the available resources and tapping this nation..and the world dry.
"Basicly, almost...." what the fuck is that? For example ; "Basicly, almost painfree." or "Basicly, almost finished." Just say the shit hurt and your not done.
So...um, im terrible at being alone...apparently. I've gotten back into the bottle since the holidays. Probably not as much as a true drunk, but bad enough that its making things complicated. Im spending more than I have on going out and getting tanked. A few days ago I downed a 5th of maker's after a night of drinking at the bar. Granted, I ran 6 miles the next morning, but thats a crap justification. Simply put I need to get shit under control.
Jan 1st sort of ruined me. I met a girl...well I didnt meet her that day, but we ended up together that night after she broke up with her man. Flames hadn't even gone out on that relationship before I was there....and I took her home. Honestly, I felt alive. It was a great night. Karma being what it is she promptly went back to her ex the next day and I havent heard from her since. For 24hrs I was foolish enough to think that I had found something. I was in need of something to keep me afloat. Common sense should have told me it wasnt her. Even she said she was "just a piece of ass." I guess I had hoped that was just talk and she felt something too. Its not her fault, I let myself be fooled.....I wanted to be fooled.
Its still fall out from my marriage I guess. Its been years now and I still have the horrible hole that I just cannot fill. No matter how far I run or how many push-ups I do. No matter how high my PT score is or what school I am going to next I can't fill that fucking hole. There was time that silence and the privacy of living alone was a great thing. Now it just mocks me. Regardless, I need to stop drinking. I cant afford to drink like this...especially not now.
Going to selection has been like being under the gun. I have to perform, I have to do well. Not just for me,but for my kids. Its just that when I thought I had found someone...even if they werent ideal... that thought I was more than just a means to an end, I felt hopeful. Like I might not have to do all of this alone. Hey, it was only 24hrs, but I guess im a sucker that way. The bitch cracked my shell, what can I say?
When reality set in I crawled into the bottle. I havent stopped running or training, but I also havent stopped drinking. I told myself I would stay at the house. Then the solitude got to me and...well now im drunk, again. Tomorrow I will get up and run it off....agian.
I have to wonder how long it will take for me to shake the sins of the past. How long will I have to wait. I wish I didnt need anyone at all. I wish I was as hard as some people think. When it comes to work and most other things I am. Yet, im still looking for the bonnie to my clyde.
I know im a good man. Im honest, hard working, loyal. Yet, im having a hard time finding that connection. And I know the whole thing is stupid. Of all the issues to have this should be the one I should be able to deal with. Especially doing what i'm trying to do. What woman really wants to deal with a man who is going to be gone all the time and who may not come back? They would have to be both fully open and completely fearless....which, apparently, dosent happen.
Its -15 degrees tomorrow i heard. Better sleep im doing 6 miles.
Jan 1st sort of ruined me. I met a girl...well I didnt meet her that day, but we ended up together that night after she broke up with her man. Flames hadn't even gone out on that relationship before I was there....and I took her home. Honestly, I felt alive. It was a great night. Karma being what it is she promptly went back to her ex the next day and I havent heard from her since. For 24hrs I was foolish enough to think that I had found something. I was in need of something to keep me afloat. Common sense should have told me it wasnt her. Even she said she was "just a piece of ass." I guess I had hoped that was just talk and she felt something too. Its not her fault, I let myself be fooled.....I wanted to be fooled.
Its still fall out from my marriage I guess. Its been years now and I still have the horrible hole that I just cannot fill. No matter how far I run or how many push-ups I do. No matter how high my PT score is or what school I am going to next I can't fill that fucking hole. There was time that silence and the privacy of living alone was a great thing. Now it just mocks me. Regardless, I need to stop drinking. I cant afford to drink like this...especially not now.
Going to selection has been like being under the gun. I have to perform, I have to do well. Not just for me,but for my kids. Its just that when I thought I had found someone...even if they werent ideal... that thought I was more than just a means to an end, I felt hopeful. Like I might not have to do all of this alone. Hey, it was only 24hrs, but I guess im a sucker that way. The bitch cracked my shell, what can I say?
When reality set in I crawled into the bottle. I havent stopped running or training, but I also havent stopped drinking. I told myself I would stay at the house. Then the solitude got to me and...well now im drunk, again. Tomorrow I will get up and run it off....agian.
I have to wonder how long it will take for me to shake the sins of the past. How long will I have to wait. I wish I didnt need anyone at all. I wish I was as hard as some people think. When it comes to work and most other things I am. Yet, im still looking for the bonnie to my clyde.
I know im a good man. Im honest, hard working, loyal. Yet, im having a hard time finding that connection. And I know the whole thing is stupid. Of all the issues to have this should be the one I should be able to deal with. Especially doing what i'm trying to do. What woman really wants to deal with a man who is going to be gone all the time and who may not come back? They would have to be both fully open and completely fearless....which, apparently, dosent happen.
Its -15 degrees tomorrow i heard. Better sleep im doing 6 miles.
The ace of spades is placed on the first person that the soldier kills. If a soldier has his ace of spades, he has not killed anybody yet.
It also stood for -DEATH-. During the Vietnam War, it was a common misconception among US soldiers that the Vietnamese believed the ACE OF SPADES stood for DEATH.
Which is WHY American troops would distribute ACE OF SPADES playing cards on dead VC bodies. While the Vietnamese did not originally associate the ACE OF SPADES with DEATH, the card did become an effective weapon in the psychological battle with the Viet Cong. As a symbol it was also a very effective tool in the maintenance of moral among US fighting men. In fact, leaving the card on the bodies of dead Vietnamese soldiers became such a popular practice among G.I.'s that the BICYCLE playing card company was asked to manufacture that single card and ship it to Vietnam by the crate. These crates where often marked with the label "BICYCLE SECRET WEAPON." The card could also often be spotted tucked into the helmet webbing of American Infantry and Marines.
It also stood for -DEATH-. During the Vietnam War, it was a common misconception among US soldiers that the Vietnamese believed the ACE OF SPADES stood for DEATH.
Which is WHY American troops would distribute ACE OF SPADES playing cards on dead VC bodies. While the Vietnamese did not originally associate the ACE OF SPADES with DEATH, the card did become an effective weapon in the psychological battle with the Viet Cong. As a symbol it was also a very effective tool in the maintenance of moral among US fighting men. In fact, leaving the card on the bodies of dead Vietnamese soldiers became such a popular practice among G.I.'s that the BICYCLE playing card company was asked to manufacture that single card and ship it to Vietnam by the crate. These crates where often marked with the label "BICYCLE SECRET WEAPON." The card could also often be spotted tucked into the helmet webbing of American Infantry and Marines.
To answer any questions: Special Forces selection was something that I chose. I needed a challenge. I needed something that pushed my limits and used my talents. I am the most lethal weapon system available and the US government is the current high bidder. Thats all.
