The_matt79 Drinking a beer, sitting on the front steps as Ben runs around the yard, not too bad a way to wind down a Friday night.
I’m private
I have recently decided that I want to think more.
Those of you that have read a few posts of mine might recall that I do not like the fact that I over think things, but that's not what I am getting at here.
You see, I want to use my brain more, as I don't feel I am using it to it's full potential, something I might never do, but I want to try.
I figure maybe if I let it think about things more, maybe it will let me over think things less.
Solid hypothesis?
Why don't I think that much?
Well, I think at my job, enough to keep safe, and to get my work done for the shift, but it isn't a job that causes deep thought. I am not complaining at all, nor am I looking down on the job, but it is what it is. Washing locomotives in and out, dumping shitters, things like that do not cause you to wax poetic, but they do allow you to live a good life. A life full of things that can help stimulate your mind, a life that sees you flying around the country doing things you had dreamed of. So that's why I will look outside of work.
I also don't partake in large discussions like I once did, at least not in person anyway. A lot of my friends that I would sit down and talk with live far away from me, and that's just part of life at this point in time, and that's fine, I will live close to those people again soon, and I look forward to that. I have people that I can talk to here, but I don't take advantage of that as much as I should, and that's on me. Maybe I am forgetting how to do this in person, maybe I am just getting lazy when it comes to it, maybe my shift and days I work throw me off. All very possible reasons, but no matter which it is, I still want to use my brain more, to think more.
So, how do I propose to do this thinking?
Reading will play in heavily, of course. I want to look towards the whole philosophy spectrum of things, throw in some zen, some studies, essays, non-fiction, and the like. That should be a good start to get my brain into gear.
I can throw in some documentaries, some thought provoking movies, more music while I sit idly by. There are movies that I watch, and afterward I feel inspired and energized, I want to latch onto that feeling and run with it.
I should get back into doing crossword puzzles, even the ones that irritate me by showing me I am not as smart as I thought I was.
I will take time to just sit and appreciate things, whether it be nature, art, or whatever. These things should be taken in, taken in and appreciated. You shouldn't speed past things like these in your life, unless someone is closing the museum and you have to rush, of course. That's actually how I saw an actual Van Gogh at the Smithsonian, they were closing in 20 minutes, so I found the arrows, walked quickly, and found the room. The wonder I was filled with when I saw those haystacks was something that I would love to be able to bottle up and savor over the years. I suppose that is what memory can be, in a way.
That is another reason that I want to think more, I want to exercise my brain so that it will take these things in and hold onto them.
I want to be able to share thoughts with others.
I want to have well formed opinions.
I want to be able to recall memories in a way that allows me to share them with others.
I want to be able to take in the beauty of the world.
I want to be able to react to the ugliness that hides behind that beauty.
I want to react.
I want to help.
I want to think!
Those of you that have read a few posts of mine might recall that I do not like the fact that I over think things, but that's not what I am getting at here.
You see, I want to use my brain more, as I don't feel I am using it to it's full potential, something I might never do, but I want to try.
I figure maybe if I let it think about things more, maybe it will let me over think things less.
Solid hypothesis?
Why don't I think that much?
Well, I think at my job, enough to keep safe, and to get my work done for the shift, but it isn't a job that causes deep thought. I am not complaining at all, nor am I looking down on the job, but it is what it is. Washing locomotives in and out, dumping shitters, things like that do not cause you to wax poetic, but they do allow you to live a good life. A life full of things that can help stimulate your mind, a life that sees you flying around the country doing things you had dreamed of. So that's why I will look outside of work.
I also don't partake in large discussions like I once did, at least not in person anyway. A lot of my friends that I would sit down and talk with live far away from me, and that's just part of life at this point in time, and that's fine, I will live close to those people again soon, and I look forward to that. I have people that I can talk to here, but I don't take advantage of that as much as I should, and that's on me. Maybe I am forgetting how to do this in person, maybe I am just getting lazy when it comes to it, maybe my shift and days I work throw me off. All very possible reasons, but no matter which it is, I still want to use my brain more, to think more.
So, how do I propose to do this thinking?
Reading will play in heavily, of course. I want to look towards the whole philosophy spectrum of things, throw in some zen, some studies, essays, non-fiction, and the like. That should be a good start to get my brain into gear.
I can throw in some documentaries, some thought provoking movies, more music while I sit idly by. There are movies that I watch, and afterward I feel inspired and energized, I want to latch onto that feeling and run with it.
I should get back into doing crossword puzzles, even the ones that irritate me by showing me I am not as smart as I thought I was.
I will take time to just sit and appreciate things, whether it be nature, art, or whatever. These things should be taken in, taken in and appreciated. You shouldn't speed past things like these in your life, unless someone is closing the museum and you have to rush, of course. That's actually how I saw an actual Van Gogh at the Smithsonian, they were closing in 20 minutes, so I found the arrows, walked quickly, and found the room. The wonder I was filled with when I saw those haystacks was something that I would love to be able to bottle up and savor over the years. I suppose that is what memory can be, in a way.
That is another reason that I want to think more, I want to exercise my brain so that it will take these things in and hold onto them.
I want to be able to share thoughts with others.
I want to have well formed opinions.
I want to be able to recall memories in a way that allows me to share them with others.
I want to be able to take in the beauty of the world.
I want to be able to react to the ugliness that hides behind that beauty.
I want to react.
I want to help.
I want to think!
Changes!
Lately I have been thinking about changes, and how the world needs them.
Now personally I am a pretty left leaning liberal, but I would think that those of us that lean to the right can also agree that the world needs change.
I want wide sweeping change, because it is 2013 and I think we should be more advanced, more accepting, and more aware of others.
I know that not everyone is accepting of these wide sweeping change, and I understand that they have their own ideas of right and wrong that influence them. That’s fine, but it doesn’t mean it’s right. Hell, I’m definitely not always right, but I want what I want, and I think what I think. And at risk of sounding like an old man going off on a rant, I will go ahead and sound like a 34 year old going off on a rant…of sorts.
I believe in a woman’s right to choose, and I don’t think that there should be more and more restrictions put upon them.
I think everyone should be allowed to love and marry whoever they want. Again, it’s 2013 people, we can deal with this, the idea of marriage won’t be taken and turned into something scary, get over it.
Guns are a right, yes, but settle down on fighting for all of these guns. There should be better background checks, why should a gun be so easy to get? I have no problem with guns, I hunt with my dad, but they shouldn’t be easy to get, nothing that powerful should be.
On a personal level I have changes to make, health, location, dedication changes to make, but changes to make for sure.
I don’t think that news companies should jump to conclusions when covering big subjects, knock it off.
I think that coverage of celebrity pregnancies should not rival coverage of actual tragedies or crimes. I know it isn’t always easy to watch these subjects, but they should be looked at and reflected upon.
We shouldn’t profile, there are assholes in all races and religions. Our country has plenty of em, just look around.
Health Care should be a right, if gun ownership is a right, then health care should be too. I hate that people have to fear going broke just so they can get the care they need.
I hate how schools get funding cut when government thinks they need to save money. That obviously should change if we want to progress forward and help our next generations be their best. Worry about our future, dammit!!
We need filibuster reform in Washington D.C.
Alternative forms of energy…is that a change? Who cares, look into it, you owe the world that.
Don’t teach hate, let people decide that stuff on their own. (hopefully they choose to be accepting)
This isn’t the form I thought I would take with this, but these are some of the things I have been thinking lately, and so here they are. Some of these I have said before, and some are new, but all are things that I would love to see some changes come about with.
The world is a crazy place, and we make it crazier. Sometimes this is a good thing, as we are able to make forward movements. Sometimes this is a bad thing, as we cause chaos and destruction. We can change some of the bad to good, we can change some of the good to better, but we will always need change at some level. We may not want to accept this, but it’s true. If you aren’t willing to change and learn as you grow, then you will be left behind and quite possibly miserable. That’s my opinion, and it’s subject to change.
Lately I have been thinking about changes, and how the world needs them.
Now personally I am a pretty left leaning liberal, but I would think that those of us that lean to the right can also agree that the world needs change.
I want wide sweeping change, because it is 2013 and I think we should be more advanced, more accepting, and more aware of others.
I know that not everyone is accepting of these wide sweeping change, and I understand that they have their own ideas of right and wrong that influence them. That’s fine, but it doesn’t mean it’s right. Hell, I’m definitely not always right, but I want what I want, and I think what I think. And at risk of sounding like an old man going off on a rant, I will go ahead and sound like a 34 year old going off on a rant…of sorts.
I believe in a woman’s right to choose, and I don’t think that there should be more and more restrictions put upon them.
I think everyone should be allowed to love and marry whoever they want. Again, it’s 2013 people, we can deal with this, the idea of marriage won’t be taken and turned into something scary, get over it.
Guns are a right, yes, but settle down on fighting for all of these guns. There should be better background checks, why should a gun be so easy to get? I have no problem with guns, I hunt with my dad, but they shouldn’t be easy to get, nothing that powerful should be.
On a personal level I have changes to make, health, location, dedication changes to make, but changes to make for sure.
I don’t think that news companies should jump to conclusions when covering big subjects, knock it off.
I think that coverage of celebrity pregnancies should not rival coverage of actual tragedies or crimes. I know it isn’t always easy to watch these subjects, but they should be looked at and reflected upon.
We shouldn’t profile, there are assholes in all races and religions. Our country has plenty of em, just look around.
Health Care should be a right, if gun ownership is a right, then health care should be too. I hate that people have to fear going broke just so they can get the care they need.
I hate how schools get funding cut when government thinks they need to save money. That obviously should change if we want to progress forward and help our next generations be their best. Worry about our future, dammit!!
We need filibuster reform in Washington D.C.
Alternative forms of energy…is that a change? Who cares, look into it, you owe the world that.
Don’t teach hate, let people decide that stuff on their own. (hopefully they choose to be accepting)
This isn’t the form I thought I would take with this, but these are some of the things I have been thinking lately, and so here they are. Some of these I have said before, and some are new, but all are things that I would love to see some changes come about with.
The world is a crazy place, and we make it crazier. Sometimes this is a good thing, as we are able to make forward movements. Sometimes this is a bad thing, as we cause chaos and destruction. We can change some of the bad to good, we can change some of the good to better, but we will always need change at some level. We may not want to accept this, but it’s true. If you aren’t willing to change and learn as you grow, then you will be left behind and quite possibly miserable. That’s my opinion, and it’s subject to change.
Adulthood is a trip man.
Why do I say this?
Because I got my latest statement from my credit union and it is like they deleted one month of activity. It is just literally not on the latest statement. It goes from 1/01 to 2/15 and acts like January didn’t exist.
Now, I turned 34 in January, but I don’t want to act like it doesn’t exist, especially when it comes to my money dangnabbit. I am kind of fond of my money, and I definitely want the work I put in to make it, to be shown for. So I will venture down to the credit union before work tomorrow, I will keep my calm, I will show them their very odd math, and then I will walk away with all problems taken care of. For all I know, the problem will have been addressed before I go there, but I don’t want to take a chance that it hasn’t been, of course.
So what else about adulthood is a trip?
Bills, man do they suck…am I right?
Of course bills suck, but part of me does get a sense of pride out of being able to pay them. I like being responsible it turns out, who knew? I don’t like sending checks off for decent sized sums of money, money that could be used for fun things, but I like knowing that I have responsibilities and I take care of them. There is something about having a job, whether you like it or not, that puts you in a position where you can pay your bills and still have fun.
Having money for fun things.
Now this isn’t just a thing of adulthood, but the size of the fun and the ability to pay for it is. Take for example last year. Last year I took a trip to Vancouver, this required me to apply and pay for a passport, then I had to book a flight, and then I had to have money to live on while up there, and get a tattoo as well. This is something I couldn’t have done ten years ago. Now I can plan for things like this, and I can figure out what needs to be done and how I can go about doing it. This is something I like about being an adult.
Making decisions simply because we can.
Want to eat ice cream for supper? Go right ahead.
Want to sleep half the day away and then lie in bed and watch TV the rest of it? By all means.
Want to stay up all night simply because you have nothing to do the next day? I think that’s a fine idea.
These are the random types of decisions that we can make now. These are the things that we were told not to do when we were children, but now we can go right ahead. Sometimes we get reminded why they aren’t the best decisions, but at those times we get to deal with the consequences, because we are adults.
Adulthood can be a pain in the ass, but it can also be kind of cool. One of my favorite things about being an adult is that I can afford to buy things from my childhood that I didn’t have back then, or that I wish I still did.
Yes, one of my favorite things about adulthood is that part of me will never have to grow up if I don’t want it to.
Adulthood, ain’t it a trip?
Why do I say this?
Because I got my latest statement from my credit union and it is like they deleted one month of activity. It is just literally not on the latest statement. It goes from 1/01 to 2/15 and acts like January didn’t exist.
Now, I turned 34 in January, but I don’t want to act like it doesn’t exist, especially when it comes to my money dangnabbit. I am kind of fond of my money, and I definitely want the work I put in to make it, to be shown for. So I will venture down to the credit union before work tomorrow, I will keep my calm, I will show them their very odd math, and then I will walk away with all problems taken care of. For all I know, the problem will have been addressed before I go there, but I don’t want to take a chance that it hasn’t been, of course.
So what else about adulthood is a trip?
Bills, man do they suck…am I right?
Of course bills suck, but part of me does get a sense of pride out of being able to pay them. I like being responsible it turns out, who knew? I don’t like sending checks off for decent sized sums of money, money that could be used for fun things, but I like knowing that I have responsibilities and I take care of them. There is something about having a job, whether you like it or not, that puts you in a position where you can pay your bills and still have fun.
Having money for fun things.
Now this isn’t just a thing of adulthood, but the size of the fun and the ability to pay for it is. Take for example last year. Last year I took a trip to Vancouver, this required me to apply and pay for a passport, then I had to book a flight, and then I had to have money to live on while up there, and get a tattoo as well. This is something I couldn’t have done ten years ago. Now I can plan for things like this, and I can figure out what needs to be done and how I can go about doing it. This is something I like about being an adult.
Making decisions simply because we can.
Want to eat ice cream for supper? Go right ahead.
Want to sleep half the day away and then lie in bed and watch TV the rest of it? By all means.
Want to stay up all night simply because you have nothing to do the next day? I think that’s a fine idea.
These are the random types of decisions that we can make now. These are the things that we were told not to do when we were children, but now we can go right ahead. Sometimes we get reminded why they aren’t the best decisions, but at those times we get to deal with the consequences, because we are adults.
Adulthood can be a pain in the ass, but it can also be kind of cool. One of my favorite things about being an adult is that I can afford to buy things from my childhood that I didn’t have back then, or that I wish I still did.
Yes, one of my favorite things about adulthood is that part of me will never have to grow up if I don’t want it to.
Adulthood, ain’t it a trip?
Step One.
Some of you may have seen me post a picture of a calendar with May 4th circled on it, alluding to a development of sorts. I was cryptic in the posting, because I knew I would let it germinate in my head, that I would let people speculate if they wanted, and then finally I would do what I am doing right now, and that’s write a blog about what I found out last week. I did my regular visit to the website about immigrating to Canada, clicked on the apply button just to see what it would do, and maybe get a feel for what I might be required to do. That is when I saw May 4th 2013, finally a firm date when I could apply for a Visa to our neighbors to the north.
You know what happens when you finally see a firm date for when you can apply for something you have wanted since the previous summer? You get excited and you get nervous, or excervous as I told a friend of mine. I got excited because I finally had something to count down to, a date to have something done by. I got nervous because “shit just got real” if you will. Seriously though, a big change that I want to take place in my life is finally going to begin.
Sometimes I have felt like I am spinning my wheels because I never knew when I could start, never knew when the new regulations would go into effect so that I could get step one out of the way. I haven’t been coy about my desire to move up there, and to give city life a try for once, and this also added to my spinning wheels feelings. Every so often I will get asked how my move to Canada is going, and I was the broken record saying how they weren’t accepting Visa applications from the unemployed as of yet, and that I didn’t have a date that I knew of. I know of it now, and I can finally say that when asked.
Excitement and nerves, that will probably be the initial reaction as each step falls into place and I get closer to the end goal. I will put my all into that application and mail it off on or slightly before the 4th of May, I figure it will take a few days to get where it is going. Then it all comes down to processing, how long will it take them to look me over and decide whether I am worthy of entering their country and living there. I don’t foresee a problem arising in that process, it will just come down to how long it takes. Hopefully it won’t be an extended period of nerve wracking time, but who knows when it comes to these types of things.
Once I have that bit out of the way, then I can look for employment and living space, big pieces in the puzzle of course, and ones that may be difficult to come by, but ones that will be met and moved on from. This is a step by step process that I take seriously, hence my movements made in the right direction down here. Money wise I am getting things situated in the way I need them to be, and I will continue to work on that aspect of life. I know I will be able to come up with a budget that I can live on, one that will let me live like I want to live, so this is just another step to take.
I am not trying to oversimplify any of these steps, I know they will be difficult at times, but they are what needs to be done, so I will do them. That’s what it comes down to really, I have a goal, and to reach that goal I have to do things, so I will do them because I want to reach my goal. I have done that with college, and I have done that in my personal life, so I will do that with my future. I am not simplifying it, but it is a basic thing.
I know I will get there when I am supposed to get there, everything in me tells me that, and I don’t enjoy lying to myself, so I see no reason that I am now. I also do well with things that I must accomplish, during this time of year. I don’t know if it is Spring, or what exactly, but early May is good to me. Just two years ago I successfully defended my thesis on May 5th, something I was extremely nervous about, but turned out to be a fun and enjoyable experience. This too was something that I got excited and nervous about, but when it came down to it, I did it, because it was the next step in the goal I had for myself.
I do things at my own pace, and for once the Visa application has settled into my pace as well. I gave myself six months to a year to figure it out, from the time I decided I was going to move, and I made steps in my life to show myself I could do it, and the Canadian government decided to tack a few months on where I wanted to be at the six month point, and that’s fine, it just shows me that I am doing things as I should do them, and that I am even more prepared this way.
I know that I don’t have guaranteed success up there, but I don’t have that anywhere, so I might as well try it out up there. I know that if worse comes to worse I can tuck my tail between my legs and come home again, but I don’t think that will happen at all. There are too many things telling me that I have made the right decision for myself, so I choose to listen to them.
So here I am, making headway and preparing for step one. I am excited. I am nervous. I am moving right along, just as I should be.
Some of you may have seen me post a picture of a calendar with May 4th circled on it, alluding to a development of sorts. I was cryptic in the posting, because I knew I would let it germinate in my head, that I would let people speculate if they wanted, and then finally I would do what I am doing right now, and that’s write a blog about what I found out last week. I did my regular visit to the website about immigrating to Canada, clicked on the apply button just to see what it would do, and maybe get a feel for what I might be required to do. That is when I saw May 4th 2013, finally a firm date when I could apply for a Visa to our neighbors to the north.
You know what happens when you finally see a firm date for when you can apply for something you have wanted since the previous summer? You get excited and you get nervous, or excervous as I told a friend of mine. I got excited because I finally had something to count down to, a date to have something done by. I got nervous because “shit just got real” if you will. Seriously though, a big change that I want to take place in my life is finally going to begin.
Sometimes I have felt like I am spinning my wheels because I never knew when I could start, never knew when the new regulations would go into effect so that I could get step one out of the way. I haven’t been coy about my desire to move up there, and to give city life a try for once, and this also added to my spinning wheels feelings. Every so often I will get asked how my move to Canada is going, and I was the broken record saying how they weren’t accepting Visa applications from the unemployed as of yet, and that I didn’t have a date that I knew of. I know of it now, and I can finally say that when asked.
Excitement and nerves, that will probably be the initial reaction as each step falls into place and I get closer to the end goal. I will put my all into that application and mail it off on or slightly before the 4th of May, I figure it will take a few days to get where it is going. Then it all comes down to processing, how long will it take them to look me over and decide whether I am worthy of entering their country and living there. I don’t foresee a problem arising in that process, it will just come down to how long it takes. Hopefully it won’t be an extended period of nerve wracking time, but who knows when it comes to these types of things.
Once I have that bit out of the way, then I can look for employment and living space, big pieces in the puzzle of course, and ones that may be difficult to come by, but ones that will be met and moved on from. This is a step by step process that I take seriously, hence my movements made in the right direction down here. Money wise I am getting things situated in the way I need them to be, and I will continue to work on that aspect of life. I know I will be able to come up with a budget that I can live on, one that will let me live like I want to live, so this is just another step to take.
I am not trying to oversimplify any of these steps, I know they will be difficult at times, but they are what needs to be done, so I will do them. That’s what it comes down to really, I have a goal, and to reach that goal I have to do things, so I will do them because I want to reach my goal. I have done that with college, and I have done that in my personal life, so I will do that with my future. I am not simplifying it, but it is a basic thing.
I know I will get there when I am supposed to get there, everything in me tells me that, and I don’t enjoy lying to myself, so I see no reason that I am now. I also do well with things that I must accomplish, during this time of year. I don’t know if it is Spring, or what exactly, but early May is good to me. Just two years ago I successfully defended my thesis on May 5th, something I was extremely nervous about, but turned out to be a fun and enjoyable experience. This too was something that I got excited and nervous about, but when it came down to it, I did it, because it was the next step in the goal I had for myself.
I do things at my own pace, and for once the Visa application has settled into my pace as well. I gave myself six months to a year to figure it out, from the time I decided I was going to move, and I made steps in my life to show myself I could do it, and the Canadian government decided to tack a few months on where I wanted to be at the six month point, and that’s fine, it just shows me that I am doing things as I should do them, and that I am even more prepared this way.
I know that I don’t have guaranteed success up there, but I don’t have that anywhere, so I might as well try it out up there. I know that if worse comes to worse I can tuck my tail between my legs and come home again, but I don’t think that will happen at all. There are too many things telling me that I have made the right decision for myself, so I choose to listen to them.
So here I am, making headway and preparing for step one. I am excited. I am nervous. I am moving right along, just as I should be.
Jobs, Man
You know that thing where you are looking to your future, thinking about how it would be nice to go somewhere else, see new sights, try a new vocation, see what the world holds for you? Nice, isn’t it? To dream of a future that is unknown, but still bright and shiny. That’s what I have been doing since I got back from Vancouver last summer. I now find myself entering the stage of things where I wonder if it is ever going to come together or not, and that stage momentarily sucks.
You see, I can’t fill out a Visa application yet, because they aren’t accepting them if you don’t have employment already, or are part of a PhD program, or at least that’s what the webpage tells me, the webpage that I check almost daily. I am making the right moves in my life to facilitate something like this, but I guess the want is so big that if feels like I am not doing enough, even though I can’t do more than what I am.
What am I doing? Well, I am paying down my student loans so that they will be much more manageable when I get back out there on my own. I am saving up money so that the move can be much easier to go about, and I will be able to live once I get there. I am putting myself out there on websites such as LinkedIn so that I can do some networking of a sort, or at the very least I can get a taste of what is out there. Getting a taste of what is out there is actually what inspired this blog entry last week. (Yes I procrastinated when I promised I wouldn’t, and I apologize to you)
Last week I wanted to get an idea of what jobs might exist up there in the beautiful Vancouver area, so I figured looking at Craig’s List a bit wouldn’t hurt. There was no hurt, but when going through the job categories I started to question what I was bringing to the table. You see, I have a masters degree in anthropology, but I have only ventured briefly into that wonderful field. I have worked for the railroad for the past 7 years, roughly, but I don’t think my future lies in that field. In a perfect world I would be able to be the rich and handsome anthropologist that leads an exciting life, an interesting life, but for now I can only say that I have the handsome part covered. At the same time, I have a large desire to earn money by writing, something that I have had the desire to do as long as I had my love of museums, and it was that love that brought me into anthropology and made me happy to stay.
So what did my “job hunt” show me? It showed me that I am scared off by words like, experience required. Yeah that one put up a panic flag in my head, and I started to freak out a bit. I want to find a job that pays comparably to what I earn now, if not better, because that’s what you do right? You move up in the world, or laterally at the very least, right? I questioned what I am qualified for, what could I do, what would I want to do. I was looking at the whole, and not the sum of the parts, and that was what I was reminded to do.
You calm yourself down much easier when you discuss things with other people, people that are out there and looking around, people who remind you that the world is about the skills you can bring into the picture. I may not have a lot of experience in specific fields, but I am an intelligent man that has built up some skills in the various jobs I have held in my life. Unfortunately for me, that panic flag can perk up and I forget that these are the things that can set you apart from others, these skills are what make an employee more desirable.
I pick up on things quickly, I am very observant, and that will help me as I adapt myself to new situations and opportunities in the future. I have my skills that I have learned, and I will learn more as I go on. The idea of looking for a job is a scary one right now, and I add to that trying to figure it out in a whole other country. I will admit that I have had the fear run through my mind that I won’t be granted a Visa and that this dream will be unrealized. I have had the fear that I get a Visa, but then companies look past me for Canadians instead, which I guess I wouldn’t blame them, but that doesn’t help that brief fear from abating.
No, the only way I have found to calm the fear is by communicating with people I know, here and there, important people that want to see me succeed, that want to see me realize my dreams. I am reminded that I am doing the right things to get me where I want to go, that I will get there when the time is right, and that it will work like other things have worked in my past. I have always been a man who gets an idea of what he wants, figures out the requirements, and then gets it done. It might take me longer than others, or I might go a different route from someone else, but I get it figure out and I get there.
I just need to take a deep breath, calm down, pay my bills, and fill out that Visa application as soon as it becomes available again. That will be a nerve wracking situation as well, but cause and effect, I just have to remember that cause and effect get me where I am going. Step 1 leads to step 2 and that leads to the following steps and finally to the conclusion. I will be sitting here with my mini panic attacks and my moments of self doubt, but I know where I want to be, and I know that I am meant to go there.
So, the question becomes, why am I worrying about something that I know will happen?
You know that thing where you are looking to your future, thinking about how it would be nice to go somewhere else, see new sights, try a new vocation, see what the world holds for you? Nice, isn’t it? To dream of a future that is unknown, but still bright and shiny. That’s what I have been doing since I got back from Vancouver last summer. I now find myself entering the stage of things where I wonder if it is ever going to come together or not, and that stage momentarily sucks.
You see, I can’t fill out a Visa application yet, because they aren’t accepting them if you don’t have employment already, or are part of a PhD program, or at least that’s what the webpage tells me, the webpage that I check almost daily. I am making the right moves in my life to facilitate something like this, but I guess the want is so big that if feels like I am not doing enough, even though I can’t do more than what I am.
What am I doing? Well, I am paying down my student loans so that they will be much more manageable when I get back out there on my own. I am saving up money so that the move can be much easier to go about, and I will be able to live once I get there. I am putting myself out there on websites such as LinkedIn so that I can do some networking of a sort, or at the very least I can get a taste of what is out there. Getting a taste of what is out there is actually what inspired this blog entry last week. (Yes I procrastinated when I promised I wouldn’t, and I apologize to you)
Last week I wanted to get an idea of what jobs might exist up there in the beautiful Vancouver area, so I figured looking at Craig’s List a bit wouldn’t hurt. There was no hurt, but when going through the job categories I started to question what I was bringing to the table. You see, I have a masters degree in anthropology, but I have only ventured briefly into that wonderful field. I have worked for the railroad for the past 7 years, roughly, but I don’t think my future lies in that field. In a perfect world I would be able to be the rich and handsome anthropologist that leads an exciting life, an interesting life, but for now I can only say that I have the handsome part covered. At the same time, I have a large desire to earn money by writing, something that I have had the desire to do as long as I had my love of museums, and it was that love that brought me into anthropology and made me happy to stay.
So what did my “job hunt” show me? It showed me that I am scared off by words like, experience required. Yeah that one put up a panic flag in my head, and I started to freak out a bit. I want to find a job that pays comparably to what I earn now, if not better, because that’s what you do right? You move up in the world, or laterally at the very least, right? I questioned what I am qualified for, what could I do, what would I want to do. I was looking at the whole, and not the sum of the parts, and that was what I was reminded to do.
You calm yourself down much easier when you discuss things with other people, people that are out there and looking around, people who remind you that the world is about the skills you can bring into the picture. I may not have a lot of experience in specific fields, but I am an intelligent man that has built up some skills in the various jobs I have held in my life. Unfortunately for me, that panic flag can perk up and I forget that these are the things that can set you apart from others, these skills are what make an employee more desirable.
I pick up on things quickly, I am very observant, and that will help me as I adapt myself to new situations and opportunities in the future. I have my skills that I have learned, and I will learn more as I go on. The idea of looking for a job is a scary one right now, and I add to that trying to figure it out in a whole other country. I will admit that I have had the fear run through my mind that I won’t be granted a Visa and that this dream will be unrealized. I have had the fear that I get a Visa, but then companies look past me for Canadians instead, which I guess I wouldn’t blame them, but that doesn’t help that brief fear from abating.
No, the only way I have found to calm the fear is by communicating with people I know, here and there, important people that want to see me succeed, that want to see me realize my dreams. I am reminded that I am doing the right things to get me where I want to go, that I will get there when the time is right, and that it will work like other things have worked in my past. I have always been a man who gets an idea of what he wants, figures out the requirements, and then gets it done. It might take me longer than others, or I might go a different route from someone else, but I get it figure out and I get there.
I just need to take a deep breath, calm down, pay my bills, and fill out that Visa application as soon as it becomes available again. That will be a nerve wracking situation as well, but cause and effect, I just have to remember that cause and effect get me where I am going. Step 1 leads to step 2 and that leads to the following steps and finally to the conclusion. I will be sitting here with my mini panic attacks and my moments of self doubt, but I know where I want to be, and I know that I am meant to go there.
So, the question becomes, why am I worrying about something that I know will happen?
Big Baseball Trip Take Two!
So, back in 2011 I got dad to go to Seattle with me to watch our Braves play the Mariners. We had to go so that we could see Chipper Jones play, since we weren’t sure if it would be his last year or not. He went on to play the 2012 season, but he decided that it was his last. It was amazing watching him go from city to city, receiving gifts from teams, and being cheered by fans, fans that understood what kind of player he was. That brings me to the announcement that was made earlier this week.
June 28th, 2013, the date the Atlanta Braves will retire Chipper’s number, the date that mom, dad, and I will be in attendance. The tickets go on pre-sale Friday, and I will be waking up as if it were Christmas to buy three. I pretty much don’t care what they might cost, I just want to get good seats for the ceremony, and for the game that follows it. Then Saturday dad and I will go back to the Ted for another game, and mom will chill back at the hotel I imagine.
I will have to figure out what else to do in Atlanta, because I have only ever wanted to go so I could see the Braves play at home. I do know that it will be a great trip to take with the family, and it will have some awesome highlights, so that isn’t a problem.
So, why do I HAVE to go to this ceremony?
I have to go because Chipper Jones is my all time favorite player and the Braves are my team. Chipper Jones played for the Braves for over half my life, he was what I knew of that team even before I got to diehard fan status. Over the years there were highs and lows, but there was always Chipper. I followed more and more closely, and there was always Chipper. I invested more time and money into my love for the Braves, and there was always Chipper. This season will be different, there is no Chipper.
Sure, he will always have a place with the team on some level, you don’t play your whole career for one team and not get that, but he will no longer be on the field, he will no longer be at the plate, and that is an adjustment that will be hard to make. That’s sports for you though, the team goes on, and so do we. Sometimes we like where it takes us, and sometimes we question it all, but our love for them does not diminish.
I look forward to seeing how the Braves will celebrate a man I have cheered for, for years. I look forward to hearing from those that are there to honor him, and from Chipper himself. I look forward to realizing a dream of mine, seeing the Braves play at home, and I look forward to sharing that with my folks.
Chipper Jones is not just another baseball player. Chipper Jones is one of the best switch hitters the game has ever seen. Chipper Jones is one of the best third basemen the game has ever seen. Chipper Jones is a 1st ballot hall of fame player, who played the game of baseball the way it was meant to be. His accomplishments speak for themselves, and his numbers don’t lie. Chipper Jones is the real deal, and I cannot wait to help thousands of fellow fans celebrate his career.
June 28th, you’ve giving me something to look forward too, and I cannot wait to see Atlanta in it’s full glory.
So, back in 2011 I got dad to go to Seattle with me to watch our Braves play the Mariners. We had to go so that we could see Chipper Jones play, since we weren’t sure if it would be his last year or not. He went on to play the 2012 season, but he decided that it was his last. It was amazing watching him go from city to city, receiving gifts from teams, and being cheered by fans, fans that understood what kind of player he was. That brings me to the announcement that was made earlier this week.
June 28th, 2013, the date the Atlanta Braves will retire Chipper’s number, the date that mom, dad, and I will be in attendance. The tickets go on pre-sale Friday, and I will be waking up as if it were Christmas to buy three. I pretty much don’t care what they might cost, I just want to get good seats for the ceremony, and for the game that follows it. Then Saturday dad and I will go back to the Ted for another game, and mom will chill back at the hotel I imagine.
I will have to figure out what else to do in Atlanta, because I have only ever wanted to go so I could see the Braves play at home. I do know that it will be a great trip to take with the family, and it will have some awesome highlights, so that isn’t a problem.
So, why do I HAVE to go to this ceremony?
I have to go because Chipper Jones is my all time favorite player and the Braves are my team. Chipper Jones played for the Braves for over half my life, he was what I knew of that team even before I got to diehard fan status. Over the years there were highs and lows, but there was always Chipper. I followed more and more closely, and there was always Chipper. I invested more time and money into my love for the Braves, and there was always Chipper. This season will be different, there is no Chipper.
Sure, he will always have a place with the team on some level, you don’t play your whole career for one team and not get that, but he will no longer be on the field, he will no longer be at the plate, and that is an adjustment that will be hard to make. That’s sports for you though, the team goes on, and so do we. Sometimes we like where it takes us, and sometimes we question it all, but our love for them does not diminish.
I look forward to seeing how the Braves will celebrate a man I have cheered for, for years. I look forward to hearing from those that are there to honor him, and from Chipper himself. I look forward to realizing a dream of mine, seeing the Braves play at home, and I look forward to sharing that with my folks.
Chipper Jones is not just another baseball player. Chipper Jones is one of the best switch hitters the game has ever seen. Chipper Jones is one of the best third basemen the game has ever seen. Chipper Jones is a 1st ballot hall of fame player, who played the game of baseball the way it was meant to be. His accomplishments speak for themselves, and his numbers don’t lie. Chipper Jones is the real deal, and I cannot wait to help thousands of fellow fans celebrate his career.
June 28th, you’ve giving me something to look forward too, and I cannot wait to see Atlanta in it’s full glory.
To Cynic Or Not To Cynic, That Is The Question!
Another holiday approaches, and I went back and forth about what to write. Would I go historical and mention a man that became a saint? Would I look at the cliched subject matter that always pops up? Would I weigh in on what others think? I think I will wing it, and see what happens.
I am a hopeless romantic, always have been, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. So how does that reflect on Valentine's Day? I haven't had that much experience with it personally, on the dating front that is. The thing of it is, when you're single on a bunch of V Days, you see all the sides of it, well if you're reflective like me anyway. You know what the sides are? Well, there's the side that looks at is a glorified Hallmark holiday, and then there's the side that chooses to embrace the celebration of love. You know who's right? Both. You know who's wrong? Neither.
Yes we don't need a specific day to celebrate love for one another, just as we don't need gifts and flower to show each other how we feel. Love is something that makes life better, that's just a fact. Whether it's love for our parents, friends, kids, pets, coworkers, or even for ourselves, if we have love in our lives, then it is better. Sure, not every day is going to be rainbows and unicorns, but it is still worth the effort. You see, love does take effort, effort that should be shown year round, but that doesn't mean that effort shown one day out of the year should be scoffed at.
Valentine's Day has been commercialized, but what holiday hasn't? Literally no holiday out there doesn't have some kind of marketing geared towards it. Even the holiday's that aren't geared around a celebration, will have something latched onto them, like a sale for example. Does this mean that we should look down on a holiday because it is commercialized? I don't think so, but I also don't think we have to blindly accept it either.
There are those among us that like the idea of Valentine's Day, and I don't see why that's wrong. Why shouldn't we put forth a day to celebrate the emotion of love? We set days aside for mother's and father's for example, but I never hear people yelling about how these important people should be celebrated every day and not just on those days. Of course mother's and father's should be celebrated year round, these people make us who we are, and if we are lucky, they give us unconditional love and support, but that doesn't mean we should leer at the day marked on the calendar that is specifically theirs.
An emotion such as love can be a tricky subject, and I understand that is where some of the backlash comes from, but I don't think it should result on someone being put down because they choose to celebrate it. There are those of us that think the idea of this day is a fantastic one, and buy into it whole hog. There are those of us that buy into the day because people we are dating think it is the best thing ever, and they know that not celebrating it will hurt their partner and cause sadness. Then there are those of us that think it shouldn't be celebrated at all, and that's perfectly acceptable as well. In my line of thinking, none of these people are wrong, and at the same time, none of these people have a right to tell me that my way is anything other than correct.
Personally I have bought no cards, flowers, or candy, but that doesn't mean I won't let those that are important to me know that I love them. I will go to to work like I do every Thursday, and I will come home afterwards, watch TNA wrestling and drink a beer. I am a creature of habit, and that's what I like about Thursday nights. Is my way wrong? No. Did I buy into the commercialism? No. Would I have if I was dating someone? Yes. Yes I would, and I am not ashamed to say that.
I buy presents for people on holidays, birthdays, and sometimes just because I want to remind them that they are special, so yes, I would celebrate Valentine's Day as well. I would celebrate it with a smile on my face, and hopefully a kiss or two on those smiling lips. I wouldn't shake my fist at Hallmark, I wouldn't scoff at someone toting around a giant stuffed animal, and I wouldn't think less of someone that chooses not to glorify the day. My opinion of the day is not the same as everyone else, and it never will be. I will have similar thoughts as others, about this day and many other things, but no one out there has the exact same ideology as me, because no one else out there is me.
I applaud you if you wake up tomorrow and you have a grand design for what you are going to do, and how you are going to celebrate.
I applaud you if you decided to make the effort and bought a card or a gift because you know it is expected and you don't want to have that fight.
I applaud you if you know you are full on in love with someone and don't need a specific day to prove that to anyone.
I applaud you if you decide to let a few people that are important to you know that they are.
I applaud you if you smile at people you see walking down the street hand in hand with the person they love.
Love is an interesting emotion, it causes highs and lows, but it does the world a lot of good. The world needs love every day that it spins around and orbits the sun, but there is nothing wrong with shining a spotlight on it once a year. If we take one day a year and reflect on what love means to us, or to point out the love in our lives, then that will help us show that love on all the other days of the year. You can't fully embrace something and share it unless you understand it and know what it means to you. That is something I believe about many, many things in this world, and I hope that you might see that as well.
I love the fact that I have people who decide to spend a few minutes here and there reading what I have written.
I love that I have parents that have always been there for me and helped me get to where I am in life.
I love that I have friends that have helped me through struggles, that have made me laugh, have shared a beer, or have opened up to me.
I love that I have a pretty great family, and that I have extended that family through the friendships I have made.
I love that I have access to the technology that let's me meet people from around the world, like minded people that keep things interesting.
I love that fact that I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and that there isn't a reason to worry, because I am capable of dealing with what it throws at me.
I love so many things in this world, and I love that I learn more and more as time ticks by.
I am a hopeless romantic, and I love love.
Another holiday approaches, and I went back and forth about what to write. Would I go historical and mention a man that became a saint? Would I look at the cliched subject matter that always pops up? Would I weigh in on what others think? I think I will wing it, and see what happens.
I am a hopeless romantic, always have been, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. So how does that reflect on Valentine's Day? I haven't had that much experience with it personally, on the dating front that is. The thing of it is, when you're single on a bunch of V Days, you see all the sides of it, well if you're reflective like me anyway. You know what the sides are? Well, there's the side that looks at is a glorified Hallmark holiday, and then there's the side that chooses to embrace the celebration of love. You know who's right? Both. You know who's wrong? Neither.
Yes we don't need a specific day to celebrate love for one another, just as we don't need gifts and flower to show each other how we feel. Love is something that makes life better, that's just a fact. Whether it's love for our parents, friends, kids, pets, coworkers, or even for ourselves, if we have love in our lives, then it is better. Sure, not every day is going to be rainbows and unicorns, but it is still worth the effort. You see, love does take effort, effort that should be shown year round, but that doesn't mean that effort shown one day out of the year should be scoffed at.
Valentine's Day has been commercialized, but what holiday hasn't? Literally no holiday out there doesn't have some kind of marketing geared towards it. Even the holiday's that aren't geared around a celebration, will have something latched onto them, like a sale for example. Does this mean that we should look down on a holiday because it is commercialized? I don't think so, but I also don't think we have to blindly accept it either.
There are those among us that like the idea of Valentine's Day, and I don't see why that's wrong. Why shouldn't we put forth a day to celebrate the emotion of love? We set days aside for mother's and father's for example, but I never hear people yelling about how these important people should be celebrated every day and not just on those days. Of course mother's and father's should be celebrated year round, these people make us who we are, and if we are lucky, they give us unconditional love and support, but that doesn't mean we should leer at the day marked on the calendar that is specifically theirs.
An emotion such as love can be a tricky subject, and I understand that is where some of the backlash comes from, but I don't think it should result on someone being put down because they choose to celebrate it. There are those of us that think the idea of this day is a fantastic one, and buy into it whole hog. There are those of us that buy into the day because people we are dating think it is the best thing ever, and they know that not celebrating it will hurt their partner and cause sadness. Then there are those of us that think it shouldn't be celebrated at all, and that's perfectly acceptable as well. In my line of thinking, none of these people are wrong, and at the same time, none of these people have a right to tell me that my way is anything other than correct.
Personally I have bought no cards, flowers, or candy, but that doesn't mean I won't let those that are important to me know that I love them. I will go to to work like I do every Thursday, and I will come home afterwards, watch TNA wrestling and drink a beer. I am a creature of habit, and that's what I like about Thursday nights. Is my way wrong? No. Did I buy into the commercialism? No. Would I have if I was dating someone? Yes. Yes I would, and I am not ashamed to say that.
I buy presents for people on holidays, birthdays, and sometimes just because I want to remind them that they are special, so yes, I would celebrate Valentine's Day as well. I would celebrate it with a smile on my face, and hopefully a kiss or two on those smiling lips. I wouldn't shake my fist at Hallmark, I wouldn't scoff at someone toting around a giant stuffed animal, and I wouldn't think less of someone that chooses not to glorify the day. My opinion of the day is not the same as everyone else, and it never will be. I will have similar thoughts as others, about this day and many other things, but no one out there has the exact same ideology as me, because no one else out there is me.
I applaud you if you wake up tomorrow and you have a grand design for what you are going to do, and how you are going to celebrate.
I applaud you if you decided to make the effort and bought a card or a gift because you know it is expected and you don't want to have that fight.
I applaud you if you know you are full on in love with someone and don't need a specific day to prove that to anyone.
I applaud you if you decide to let a few people that are important to you know that they are.
I applaud you if you smile at people you see walking down the street hand in hand with the person they love.
Love is an interesting emotion, it causes highs and lows, but it does the world a lot of good. The world needs love every day that it spins around and orbits the sun, but there is nothing wrong with shining a spotlight on it once a year. If we take one day a year and reflect on what love means to us, or to point out the love in our lives, then that will help us show that love on all the other days of the year. You can't fully embrace something and share it unless you understand it and know what it means to you. That is something I believe about many, many things in this world, and I hope that you might see that as well.
I love the fact that I have people who decide to spend a few minutes here and there reading what I have written.
I love that I have parents that have always been there for me and helped me get to where I am in life.
I love that I have friends that have helped me through struggles, that have made me laugh, have shared a beer, or have opened up to me.
I love that I have a pretty great family, and that I have extended that family through the friendships I have made.
I love that I have access to the technology that let's me meet people from around the world, like minded people that keep things interesting.
I love that fact that I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and that there isn't a reason to worry, because I am capable of dealing with what it throws at me.
I love so many things in this world, and I love that I learn more and more as time ticks by.
I am a hopeless romantic, and I love love.
Mental Evolution
It’s been a little while, which makes me mad at myself, but I have had some laptop issues that have caused this delay. I think those issues are mostly out of the way, or at least handled to the best of my ability. So that’s the explanation portion of today’s blog entry, wasn’t that fun?
So, what do I mean by the title of this entry? For me, it is the movement forward my mind is taking on in relation to my place in this world, and where I want to be. Namely I am mentally preparing for a move, a new chapter, a new challenge set forth before me. I am surprising myself with the small changes that are going into place, or with what I am becoming comfortable with.
So what is going on with me? The first thing I have noticed is that I am transitioning to getting ready to move. I know there is a move ahead, well, we all know that, don’t we? But I am starting to get away from the hold onto everything mentality that I have had in my life. I don’t hoard per se, but there is definitley a feeling of that sort when looking at how I keep hold of things. I am a collector, you could say, and that is what I am dealing with now.
I know it will be easier to move if I have less stuff, but at the same time I know that I have my stuff because I want it, or wanted it, at the very least. Some things, like my DVD collection I have downsized from many cases into a few books holding their jackets and dvds. So something that would have taken a few boxes or totes, is now the size of one self contained book. That’s not too shabby, if I do say so myself. I had done that with my CD collection long ago, and it felt right to do it with the movies too.
I know I will do it to a point with my clothes as well, and depending on my exercise regime, that could be pretty simple to do as well. Dunno, what kind of action this will be, but more than likely, the work section of my wardrobe can be thrown aside more or less…depending on what kind of job I find for my future, of course.
The really hard decision comes down to reading materials…what to do with my books and comics? It is such an ordeal to part ways with books, and I definitely don’t know what to do with my boxes upon boxes of comics. I cannot bring myself to not buy books, I have to keep with that, but the comics I might go digital one of these days, although it pains me to do so. The deal with comics,is that I like to know what is going on in all the books, which means a nice pile every month, and that means a lot of space is taken up.
That’s the key thing here, space. I look at the cost of living where I want to go, and the spacial relation to that, and I don’t know how I can put the two together. Bookshelves are great, and I can utilize them, but comics don’t really go on bookshelves. You can’t look at the spine of a comic book and know what it is. This can be combatted by buying collected versions of the books, and maybe that’s what I will do instead of digital, but that’s still a lot of space to take up. At least my books can be a kind of attractive addition to a room, or I think so anyway. Guess that’s all that matters in the long term.
As I organize things and get a feel for what I am doing, I come across little things that I have kept over the years, things that I thought were important, but now, I kind of question that a bit. I don’t fault younger Matt for holding onto some things that I did, but the current version of me doesn’t have the emotional connection to it that younger Matt did.
I guess that’s a part of growing up, as much as it is getting ready to move, or maybe I am just moving on…
No matter what you call it, it is interesting to see how our minds change over time, how they evolve to our circumstances, how they prepare us for the road ahead.
I have also presented myself with scenarios that I was sure I knew the answer to at one point or another, and now I am making myself think about them anew. These are akin to the life decisions that I have talked about in other entries, stuff like life, love, and my pursuit of happiness. I don’t know why I thought I was solid on things, I have never been solid on things in my life. I have always had the idea of what I wanted, and I got there in my own way, and in my own time. So it has been good to look at these again, to look at what I want, and how I am willing to get them, and when.
Evolving is something we don’t always realize we are doing, but when we take that step back and look, we see where we were and where we’re going, and that’s a good thing as far as I am concerned
It’s been a little while, which makes me mad at myself, but I have had some laptop issues that have caused this delay. I think those issues are mostly out of the way, or at least handled to the best of my ability. So that’s the explanation portion of today’s blog entry, wasn’t that fun?
So, what do I mean by the title of this entry? For me, it is the movement forward my mind is taking on in relation to my place in this world, and where I want to be. Namely I am mentally preparing for a move, a new chapter, a new challenge set forth before me. I am surprising myself with the small changes that are going into place, or with what I am becoming comfortable with.
So what is going on with me? The first thing I have noticed is that I am transitioning to getting ready to move. I know there is a move ahead, well, we all know that, don’t we? But I am starting to get away from the hold onto everything mentality that I have had in my life. I don’t hoard per se, but there is definitley a feeling of that sort when looking at how I keep hold of things. I am a collector, you could say, and that is what I am dealing with now.
I know it will be easier to move if I have less stuff, but at the same time I know that I have my stuff because I want it, or wanted it, at the very least. Some things, like my DVD collection I have downsized from many cases into a few books holding their jackets and dvds. So something that would have taken a few boxes or totes, is now the size of one self contained book. That’s not too shabby, if I do say so myself. I had done that with my CD collection long ago, and it felt right to do it with the movies too.
I know I will do it to a point with my clothes as well, and depending on my exercise regime, that could be pretty simple to do as well. Dunno, what kind of action this will be, but more than likely, the work section of my wardrobe can be thrown aside more or less…depending on what kind of job I find for my future, of course.
The really hard decision comes down to reading materials…what to do with my books and comics? It is such an ordeal to part ways with books, and I definitely don’t know what to do with my boxes upon boxes of comics. I cannot bring myself to not buy books, I have to keep with that, but the comics I might go digital one of these days, although it pains me to do so. The deal with comics,is that I like to know what is going on in all the books, which means a nice pile every month, and that means a lot of space is taken up.
That’s the key thing here, space. I look at the cost of living where I want to go, and the spacial relation to that, and I don’t know how I can put the two together. Bookshelves are great, and I can utilize them, but comics don’t really go on bookshelves. You can’t look at the spine of a comic book and know what it is. This can be combatted by buying collected versions of the books, and maybe that’s what I will do instead of digital, but that’s still a lot of space to take up. At least my books can be a kind of attractive addition to a room, or I think so anyway. Guess that’s all that matters in the long term.
As I organize things and get a feel for what I am doing, I come across little things that I have kept over the years, things that I thought were important, but now, I kind of question that a bit. I don’t fault younger Matt for holding onto some things that I did, but the current version of me doesn’t have the emotional connection to it that younger Matt did.
I guess that’s a part of growing up, as much as it is getting ready to move, or maybe I am just moving on…
No matter what you call it, it is interesting to see how our minds change over time, how they evolve to our circumstances, how they prepare us for the road ahead.
I have also presented myself with scenarios that I was sure I knew the answer to at one point or another, and now I am making myself think about them anew. These are akin to the life decisions that I have talked about in other entries, stuff like life, love, and my pursuit of happiness. I don’t know why I thought I was solid on things, I have never been solid on things in my life. I have always had the idea of what I wanted, and I got there in my own way, and in my own time. So it has been good to look at these again, to look at what I want, and how I am willing to get them, and when.
Evolving is something we don’t always realize we are doing, but when we take that step back and look, we see where we were and where we’re going, and that’s a good thing as far as I am concerned
Another day older and...
...deeper in debt? Nah, that's something I actually have a pretty good handle on, so that's something.
As some of you may have noticed, I had a birthday last week, and I found myself thinking a lot as the day approached and then passed. The number itself doesn't bother me, never has really. I know how I act, I know how I feel, and so I don't really worry about how old I am...but I do think about what I have and haven't done. Somewhere in my 34 years, I have picked up ideas that I should have done some things by now, and accomplished others along the way. Sometimes thinking about this over shadows what I have done, and what I have accomplished, and I get slightly irritated with myself for focusing on the things missing, when the things present are what I should look at.
So what haven't I done?
Found the right girl, settled down and had a family. When are you supposed to do that by? Should I put a timeline on it, and if I haven't done it by then, call it a day and fade away into bachelorhood? Wow, that sounds so much better than winding up a spinster, why do women get the short end of that stick? Anyway, yeah, I want to be a dad, I want to have a family, and I don't want to be the old dad that can't do stuff with his kid, so I guess that date is getting closer, but I'm not scared or anything. No, I will let this play out too. If I can convince myself to take better care of myself, then I can still be an active dad for any kids I have. So, no need to worry about this one as far as I can see.
Found my career, excelled at a vocation, and loved going off to work. Nope, haven't done that yet. I went to college with the idea that I would take classes that interested me, and challenged me. I did that, I got my degrees, I feel good about that, but there's something missing. Will I get to use my Anthropology degrees, will I find that museum out there that I have always dreamed of working in? I don't know, but I also know that I am open to all manners of job opportunities. Hell, I never figured I would work for the railroad, wasn't ever sure I would like it, but I had a need for a decent job, and so I started there. Over six years later I have paid down my student loans significantly, I have purchased a pickup, have investments and savings, and I know that I am not going to be shackled by these debts in the near future, not like I would have been if the last six plus years didn't exist. Maybe I become a practicing Anthropologist, maybe I don't, but I still love everything that went into my education. Maybe I will try something new, and maybe I won't like it, but I know I am capable of finding a job out there that will challenge me in a way that I love, and I do not doubt my ability to pay my way through this life of mine. So, yeah, I'm good here too.
What else "should I have done by now"? Well, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I shouldn't think about it. I shouldn't dwell on what I haven't done, what I haven't learned, what I haven't pursued, because that won't help me move forward. A lot of the time I will say, I ain't dead yet, in jest, but I know that isn't the way to push yourself forward either. I say it because I want to tell myself that there is still time, but I know I let myself use it as a procrastination technique, because I have a lot of those, but I don't always use it like that. That's probably why I allow myself to go back to that saying when I know I should be doing something more productive, or at least more productive sounding. I will let you know when I figure that one out.
So I chose to think about something much more pertinent to my actual dilemma...what was I going to read? I told myself to clear off what I had in my currently reading category on www.GoodReads.com but after that, what was I going to do? After much hemming and hawing, I decided that this year will be predominantly classics, and non-fiction. I will mix in the modern day bit of fiction here and there because there is too much greatness to ignore it for a whole year, but the plan is pretty steadfast otherwise.
I have been watching a lot of documentaries on Netflix Instant, and they have been making me think, making me reflect, and that's why I want to read the non-fiction. I want to read biographies and learn about people, I want to read things that make me think, that make me ask questions, that challenge me to do more than just devour the words between the covers as I am wont to do sometimes. So there will be some philosophy, some theory, some biography, interviews, essays, these are the type of things that will fit under my non-fiction umbrella.
I decided to go with the classics because I want to see what I can learn from them. I have read many authors say that if you want to write, you have to read, and I believe that is true. That being a truth I believe, I want to read more of the classics so that maybe I can see what there is to them that sustains them from one generation to the next. I truly doubt that they stay on their pedestals merely because schools teach them, or that we are told they should have that lofty position, so let's see if my brain will find the things that keep them there. I think that will be a fun exercise for me to take on, and who can argue with reading classic literature, nobody, that's who!
This type of reading is something that will help me with my writing, and the dream of pursuing that, I believe this to be true. Maybe you'll see the effects of it, here in this blog. Maybe my voice will take on a new form, which I doubt, but it might hone it a bit. Maybe my vocabulary will grow, which I would not be mad about, not even a little bit. Maybe I will just be entertained for twelve months, and if so, that's fine with me.
So what does all this mean, what are these ramblings telling you?
I am going to be fine, I have a long ride on this planet ahead of me. I won't fault myself for not doing some things or accomplishing others. I will continue to pursue the dream that I set before me, and I will enjoy that pursuit. I am going to constantly learn about this world, and about myself. I am going to challenge myself in ways that others can't, simply because they can't see what is going on in this head of mine. I am going to open myself up to this world I live in, the people that share it with me, and the words that have been written down. I am going to write my own, I am going to embrace those that welcome me into their lives, and I am going to let this world show me wonders I didn't know I would be capable of seeing.
I am 34, and I am fine.
...deeper in debt? Nah, that's something I actually have a pretty good handle on, so that's something.
As some of you may have noticed, I had a birthday last week, and I found myself thinking a lot as the day approached and then passed. The number itself doesn't bother me, never has really. I know how I act, I know how I feel, and so I don't really worry about how old I am...but I do think about what I have and haven't done. Somewhere in my 34 years, I have picked up ideas that I should have done some things by now, and accomplished others along the way. Sometimes thinking about this over shadows what I have done, and what I have accomplished, and I get slightly irritated with myself for focusing on the things missing, when the things present are what I should look at.
So what haven't I done?
Found the right girl, settled down and had a family. When are you supposed to do that by? Should I put a timeline on it, and if I haven't done it by then, call it a day and fade away into bachelorhood? Wow, that sounds so much better than winding up a spinster, why do women get the short end of that stick? Anyway, yeah, I want to be a dad, I want to have a family, and I don't want to be the old dad that can't do stuff with his kid, so I guess that date is getting closer, but I'm not scared or anything. No, I will let this play out too. If I can convince myself to take better care of myself, then I can still be an active dad for any kids I have. So, no need to worry about this one as far as I can see.
Found my career, excelled at a vocation, and loved going off to work. Nope, haven't done that yet. I went to college with the idea that I would take classes that interested me, and challenged me. I did that, I got my degrees, I feel good about that, but there's something missing. Will I get to use my Anthropology degrees, will I find that museum out there that I have always dreamed of working in? I don't know, but I also know that I am open to all manners of job opportunities. Hell, I never figured I would work for the railroad, wasn't ever sure I would like it, but I had a need for a decent job, and so I started there. Over six years later I have paid down my student loans significantly, I have purchased a pickup, have investments and savings, and I know that I am not going to be shackled by these debts in the near future, not like I would have been if the last six plus years didn't exist. Maybe I become a practicing Anthropologist, maybe I don't, but I still love everything that went into my education. Maybe I will try something new, and maybe I won't like it, but I know I am capable of finding a job out there that will challenge me in a way that I love, and I do not doubt my ability to pay my way through this life of mine. So, yeah, I'm good here too.
What else "should I have done by now"? Well, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I shouldn't think about it. I shouldn't dwell on what I haven't done, what I haven't learned, what I haven't pursued, because that won't help me move forward. A lot of the time I will say, I ain't dead yet, in jest, but I know that isn't the way to push yourself forward either. I say it because I want to tell myself that there is still time, but I know I let myself use it as a procrastination technique, because I have a lot of those, but I don't always use it like that. That's probably why I allow myself to go back to that saying when I know I should be doing something more productive, or at least more productive sounding. I will let you know when I figure that one out.
So I chose to think about something much more pertinent to my actual dilemma...what was I going to read? I told myself to clear off what I had in my currently reading category on www.GoodReads.com but after that, what was I going to do? After much hemming and hawing, I decided that this year will be predominantly classics, and non-fiction. I will mix in the modern day bit of fiction here and there because there is too much greatness to ignore it for a whole year, but the plan is pretty steadfast otherwise.
I have been watching a lot of documentaries on Netflix Instant, and they have been making me think, making me reflect, and that's why I want to read the non-fiction. I want to read biographies and learn about people, I want to read things that make me think, that make me ask questions, that challenge me to do more than just devour the words between the covers as I am wont to do sometimes. So there will be some philosophy, some theory, some biography, interviews, essays, these are the type of things that will fit under my non-fiction umbrella.
I decided to go with the classics because I want to see what I can learn from them. I have read many authors say that if you want to write, you have to read, and I believe that is true. That being a truth I believe, I want to read more of the classics so that maybe I can see what there is to them that sustains them from one generation to the next. I truly doubt that they stay on their pedestals merely because schools teach them, or that we are told they should have that lofty position, so let's see if my brain will find the things that keep them there. I think that will be a fun exercise for me to take on, and who can argue with reading classic literature, nobody, that's who!
This type of reading is something that will help me with my writing, and the dream of pursuing that, I believe this to be true. Maybe you'll see the effects of it, here in this blog. Maybe my voice will take on a new form, which I doubt, but it might hone it a bit. Maybe my vocabulary will grow, which I would not be mad about, not even a little bit. Maybe I will just be entertained for twelve months, and if so, that's fine with me.
So what does all this mean, what are these ramblings telling you?
I am going to be fine, I have a long ride on this planet ahead of me. I won't fault myself for not doing some things or accomplishing others. I will continue to pursue the dream that I set before me, and I will enjoy that pursuit. I am going to constantly learn about this world, and about myself. I am going to challenge myself in ways that others can't, simply because they can't see what is going on in this head of mine. I am going to open myself up to this world I live in, the people that share it with me, and the words that have been written down. I am going to write my own, I am going to embrace those that welcome me into their lives, and I am going to let this world show me wonders I didn't know I would be capable of seeing.
I am 34, and I am fine.
Oh God Oh God, We’re All Gonna Die!
It is that time of the year, the time for reflection and figuring out what means something to us. It is that time of the year where we make big promises to ourselves of sweeping change in the new year. It is that time of the year that we take a look back, and hopefully see the shiny points and not the dark.
I think my reflection started around December 21st, the so called end of the world date. As an anthropologist, I knew that the Mayans hadn’t said the world would end, and so I wasn’t worried. The thing was, I wasn’t worried, but in the back of my mind I was ultra aware of the date, I was aware that part of me wondered what if. I knew that it wouldn’t happen, but what if it did happen? That was how I knew it had been talked about too much and for too long, when my own brain was jumping above logic and wondering what if.
At that point I started to see what drove the people that were building bunkers and shelters as the date grew closer. I had thought they were mainly crackpots that fell into theories and let them take over, and perhaps that is partially true, but at the same time, maybe it isn’t. What I mean is, what if these are intelligent people that have that one inkling of doubt in the back of their head, that one little thing that keeps asking them what if. These are people that want to protect their families from all harm, so that desire then mates with the inkling, and the offspring is them doing everything they can to survive an apocalypse. I can respect that notion, but I feel sorry for the ones that incurred a ton of debt preparing for this thing that didn’t happen. Suddenly they are faced with a whole new end of things, if they can’t pay for all these things they have done to prepare for the apocalypse that is yet to come.
I can respect someone that wants to do whatever they can to protect their loved ones and themselves, but I think that if you should do it within your means. Of course this too isn’t always possible, so then I started thinking more and more on the subject. Now I wondered how far you should go with it, and whether you have to have that little bit of the deranged in you to go ahead and move beyond your means. There is a fine line there, a line between protecting loved ones and showing the world up.
Naturally these thoughts on what drives a person to do something like that, wondering about what the reasons might be, brought me to thinking about the world and myself in general. The holidays have come and gone now, and I have to say, I had a really nice time with the family. Mom slightly guilted me into going to church on Christmas Eve, not all that bad of a thing, but man it was cold in there. Then it was a relaxed eve, as we do the Christmas thing on the day itself, much to mom’s chagrin. Dinner at the aunt and uncle’s with mom’s side of the family was good too. It was nice and relaxed, with good conversation, food, and company.
It is times like that, that I can see why I am like I am, because I come from good people. We have our quirks and idiosyncrasies, but we’re pretty good people, and I like where I come from. It is always good to have the holidays to remind us of things like that, especially when I hear people who have holidays that do the opposite. I fortunately have not experienced a horrible holiday, and I plan on keeping it that way.
So, as I am made more aware of having a good upbringing and base of support on the familial level, New Years Eve moves closer. Of course it has now passed, but the idea of it caused more thinking as well. I know that it is a good excuse to celebrate, but I was thinking more of the new beginnings it brings. I know a lot of people hope that the next year will be good to them, better than the past year was it would seem. For me, I want to take the idea of the new beginning and make it more than just the new year. Yes it is nice to start over on a calendar, but there are so many more moments in our lives that we can embrace as a new beginning.
Maybe they can’t all be new beginnings, but they can be a new focus, a new perspective, a new direction. A new month, a new week, a new day, a new hour, all of these are moments when we can embrace these things and move forward. Sounds simple doesn’t it? It kind of is. Obviously we can’t throw everything up in the air and walk away whenever it pleases us, but we can take a moment to think, a moment to look at it all in another light, a moment to find what we’re looking for. Life is hard, but we don’t have to do everything in our power to make it harder.
So, that’s where a lot of my thoughts have been recently, and they are bringing me into 2013 and helping me get a little more focus on what I want to happen.
Obviously the big one is a move, I am due a move, and I think we all know where I want that to take me. I think 2013 is a good time for a new start in a new land, so I will be working on that, and making that a reality. I will embrace the fear, and move from the comfort, knowing that if I fall, I can limp back to the comfort. This is good to know, but I won’t rely on it.
I plan on keeping the important people close to me, even if it takes technology to do so. I will let these people know how important they are, and how much they mean to me. I will let those that don’t have my best interests at heart fall to the wayside, I won’t allow the toxic to keep places in my life, I’m too old for that shit.
I will embrace my health, knowing what needs to be done and how to do it is half the battle, bout time I start fighting the other half too.
I will pursue the things that make me happy, and quit looking at the things that don’t.
I will write more, on here, in my journal, and creatively. This is something I owe to myself, so it is something that I will do. It has been a dream for far too long for me to be as relaxed on it as I am.
I won’t beat myself up for not using my degree just yet. There are many people in this world that don’t use their degrees, and I am merely one of them. I will remind myself of the work I put into getting it, and how much I enjoyed all of that.
I won’t look at 2012 as a wasted year because I was in the same position as the year before and the one before that, because when I look at it, I see I wasn’t actually in the same position. 2012 was the first year I wasn’t in school, the first year I didn’t have anything like that hanging over me, so it was a year of figuring out who I am when I am not a student, even if I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. It took some reflection to figure that out, but I felt better once I did.
If you have made it this far, I thank you, and I wish you a Happy New Year. I hope that 2013 is wonderful to you, that it is full of amazing adventures and good health, that it finds you smiling more than you are frowning, that you learn new things about the world and about yourself, that you are surrounded by support and love, and that you have laughter that you cause and that is caused within you.
You should see more of me around here, and I look forward to hearing from you as we adventure forth in this new realm called 2013.
It is that time of the year, the time for reflection and figuring out what means something to us. It is that time of the year where we make big promises to ourselves of sweeping change in the new year. It is that time of the year that we take a look back, and hopefully see the shiny points and not the dark.
I think my reflection started around December 21st, the so called end of the world date. As an anthropologist, I knew that the Mayans hadn’t said the world would end, and so I wasn’t worried. The thing was, I wasn’t worried, but in the back of my mind I was ultra aware of the date, I was aware that part of me wondered what if. I knew that it wouldn’t happen, but what if it did happen? That was how I knew it had been talked about too much and for too long, when my own brain was jumping above logic and wondering what if.
At that point I started to see what drove the people that were building bunkers and shelters as the date grew closer. I had thought they were mainly crackpots that fell into theories and let them take over, and perhaps that is partially true, but at the same time, maybe it isn’t. What I mean is, what if these are intelligent people that have that one inkling of doubt in the back of their head, that one little thing that keeps asking them what if. These are people that want to protect their families from all harm, so that desire then mates with the inkling, and the offspring is them doing everything they can to survive an apocalypse. I can respect that notion, but I feel sorry for the ones that incurred a ton of debt preparing for this thing that didn’t happen. Suddenly they are faced with a whole new end of things, if they can’t pay for all these things they have done to prepare for the apocalypse that is yet to come.
I can respect someone that wants to do whatever they can to protect their loved ones and themselves, but I think that if you should do it within your means. Of course this too isn’t always possible, so then I started thinking more and more on the subject. Now I wondered how far you should go with it, and whether you have to have that little bit of the deranged in you to go ahead and move beyond your means. There is a fine line there, a line between protecting loved ones and showing the world up.
Naturally these thoughts on what drives a person to do something like that, wondering about what the reasons might be, brought me to thinking about the world and myself in general. The holidays have come and gone now, and I have to say, I had a really nice time with the family. Mom slightly guilted me into going to church on Christmas Eve, not all that bad of a thing, but man it was cold in there. Then it was a relaxed eve, as we do the Christmas thing on the day itself, much to mom’s chagrin. Dinner at the aunt and uncle’s with mom’s side of the family was good too. It was nice and relaxed, with good conversation, food, and company.
It is times like that, that I can see why I am like I am, because I come from good people. We have our quirks and idiosyncrasies, but we’re pretty good people, and I like where I come from. It is always good to have the holidays to remind us of things like that, especially when I hear people who have holidays that do the opposite. I fortunately have not experienced a horrible holiday, and I plan on keeping it that way.
So, as I am made more aware of having a good upbringing and base of support on the familial level, New Years Eve moves closer. Of course it has now passed, but the idea of it caused more thinking as well. I know that it is a good excuse to celebrate, but I was thinking more of the new beginnings it brings. I know a lot of people hope that the next year will be good to them, better than the past year was it would seem. For me, I want to take the idea of the new beginning and make it more than just the new year. Yes it is nice to start over on a calendar, but there are so many more moments in our lives that we can embrace as a new beginning.
Maybe they can’t all be new beginnings, but they can be a new focus, a new perspective, a new direction. A new month, a new week, a new day, a new hour, all of these are moments when we can embrace these things and move forward. Sounds simple doesn’t it? It kind of is. Obviously we can’t throw everything up in the air and walk away whenever it pleases us, but we can take a moment to think, a moment to look at it all in another light, a moment to find what we’re looking for. Life is hard, but we don’t have to do everything in our power to make it harder.
So, that’s where a lot of my thoughts have been recently, and they are bringing me into 2013 and helping me get a little more focus on what I want to happen.
Obviously the big one is a move, I am due a move, and I think we all know where I want that to take me. I think 2013 is a good time for a new start in a new land, so I will be working on that, and making that a reality. I will embrace the fear, and move from the comfort, knowing that if I fall, I can limp back to the comfort. This is good to know, but I won’t rely on it.
I plan on keeping the important people close to me, even if it takes technology to do so. I will let these people know how important they are, and how much they mean to me. I will let those that don’t have my best interests at heart fall to the wayside, I won’t allow the toxic to keep places in my life, I’m too old for that shit.
I will embrace my health, knowing what needs to be done and how to do it is half the battle, bout time I start fighting the other half too.
I will pursue the things that make me happy, and quit looking at the things that don’t.
I will write more, on here, in my journal, and creatively. This is something I owe to myself, so it is something that I will do. It has been a dream for far too long for me to be as relaxed on it as I am.
I won’t beat myself up for not using my degree just yet. There are many people in this world that don’t use their degrees, and I am merely one of them. I will remind myself of the work I put into getting it, and how much I enjoyed all of that.
I won’t look at 2012 as a wasted year because I was in the same position as the year before and the one before that, because when I look at it, I see I wasn’t actually in the same position. 2012 was the first year I wasn’t in school, the first year I didn’t have anything like that hanging over me, so it was a year of figuring out who I am when I am not a student, even if I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. It took some reflection to figure that out, but I felt better once I did.
If you have made it this far, I thank you, and I wish you a Happy New Year. I hope that 2013 is wonderful to you, that it is full of amazing adventures and good health, that it finds you smiling more than you are frowning, that you learn new things about the world and about yourself, that you are surrounded by support and love, and that you have laughter that you cause and that is caused within you.
You should see more of me around here, and I look forward to hearing from you as we adventure forth in this new realm called 2013.
