Whoops!
So there was this girl...
...she had been busy and I hadn't heard from her really...
...other than a few tweets back and forth...
...I saw that she told a friend that she was free the week she was going to be here...
...I jumped to a conclusion...
...I thought this meant she wasn't coming...
...I got my feelings hurt...
...I brought it up to her...
...I was told she didn't think of that when she made those plans...
...I felt forgotten...
...She didn't respond for a couple hours...
...In the mean time I turned to twitter for support and commiseration...
...Some things said were a little mean, but were from those that cared...
...After a while I tried reining it in and moving away...
...When she did respond she was mad and she was hurt...
...One thing that stood out in her defense was that I didn't know what was going on with her...
...It stood out because I didn't know, because I hadn't talked to her...
...I pointed that out, but still tried to figure things out and apologize...
..I know it wasn't all on my, but I know it was mostly on me...
..She will still be my friend, but there won't be more...
...Maybe that is how it is supposed to be...
...There were an awful lot of mis-steps on both our sides...
...Starting something from far away brings difficulties with it...
...I have a sad, but the door is not completely closed...
...My trip will still be amazing...
...I just don't have a date now...
...These things happen.
So there was this girl...
...she had been busy and I hadn't heard from her really...
...other than a few tweets back and forth...
...I saw that she told a friend that she was free the week she was going to be here...
...I jumped to a conclusion...
...I thought this meant she wasn't coming...
...I got my feelings hurt...
...I brought it up to her...
...I was told she didn't think of that when she made those plans...
...I felt forgotten...
...She didn't respond for a couple hours...
...In the mean time I turned to twitter for support and commiseration...
...Some things said were a little mean, but were from those that cared...
...After a while I tried reining it in and moving away...
...When she did respond she was mad and she was hurt...
...One thing that stood out in her defense was that I didn't know what was going on with her...
...It stood out because I didn't know, because I hadn't talked to her...
...I pointed that out, but still tried to figure things out and apologize...
..I know it wasn't all on my, but I know it was mostly on me...
..She will still be my friend, but there won't be more...
...Maybe that is how it is supposed to be...
...There were an awful lot of mis-steps on both our sides...
...Starting something from far away brings difficulties with it...
...I have a sad, but the door is not completely closed...
...My trip will still be amazing...
...I just don't have a date now...
...These things happen.
There's a girl...
...she confuses me in the best possible way...
...she might not make it to the wedding with me due to money issues...
...she is focusing on her new job...
...I support her in this...
...it is hard too because it means I am not first priority...
...I can't blame her though...
...new opportunity for her means stability she sought...
...I keep a smile on my face because she deserves it...
...it gets tarnished from time to time but it remains...
...after this weekend she won't be as busy...
...don't know if that will put us back where we were or not...
...she is stressed with the new job and her assistant gig running her ragged...
...not much I can do from here which makes my heart go out to her...
...I keep looking for clarity and find it from time to time...
...love is hard...
...how I am reminded of that as if I once forgot, I will never know...
...I can do this...
...well wishes, good vibes, fingers crossed, anything of that nature is welcome...
...at this point there is nothing I can do outside the normal...
...I figured out today that there are things set in stone...
...there are things that we work toward...
...and there are things that we have to let happen...
...this is the latter, so I take wisdom from the Beatles...
...Let it Be!
...she confuses me in the best possible way...
...she might not make it to the wedding with me due to money issues...
...she is focusing on her new job...
...I support her in this...
...it is hard too because it means I am not first priority...
...I can't blame her though...
...new opportunity for her means stability she sought...
...I keep a smile on my face because she deserves it...
...it gets tarnished from time to time but it remains...
...after this weekend she won't be as busy...
...don't know if that will put us back where we were or not...
...she is stressed with the new job and her assistant gig running her ragged...
...not much I can do from here which makes my heart go out to her...
...I keep looking for clarity and find it from time to time...
...love is hard...
...how I am reminded of that as if I once forgot, I will never know...
...I can do this...
...well wishes, good vibes, fingers crossed, anything of that nature is welcome...
...at this point there is nothing I can do outside the normal...
...I figured out today that there are things set in stone...
...there are things that we work toward...
...and there are things that we have to let happen...
...this is the latter, so I take wisdom from the Beatles...
...Let it Be!
There's a girl...
...she's far away...
...we talk daily...
...she's kind of amazing...
...she hides her feelings...
...the other morning she called me and told me she loves me...
...It's a big deal because she had told me she doesn't believe in love...
...I knew she believed, just not in the kind that TV and movies cliche for us...
...she won't do long distance and I don't blame here...
...she is coming to visit me for a week in November as my date to my friends wedding...
...originally we had said that we would meet, have fun and then leave it at that...
...now I don't think I want to do that, because I love her and am sure the visit will be amazing...
...I am going to get off my ass and truly look for a job in my field anywhere out there...
...I say anywhere because she talked of her willingness to pick up and go...
...tonight I was selfish and added to her stress and saw her retreat in a way...
...we talked further before she went to sleep and I feel better about where it was left...
...I know she is worth putting forth this effort so I promised her I would...
...I hate that her stress has her worrying about life and questioning us...
...I need to think before I talk, and ask before I answer...
...I might be twisted up, but I like it, so I will run with it instead of from it like I might once have...
...I had forgotten how confusing love can be, but I honestly know it is worth it...
...that's where my head has been and that's why my blog suffers.
...she's far away...
...we talk daily...
...she's kind of amazing...
...she hides her feelings...
...the other morning she called me and told me she loves me...
...It's a big deal because she had told me she doesn't believe in love...
...I knew she believed, just not in the kind that TV and movies cliche for us...
...she won't do long distance and I don't blame here...
...she is coming to visit me for a week in November as my date to my friends wedding...
...originally we had said that we would meet, have fun and then leave it at that...
...now I don't think I want to do that, because I love her and am sure the visit will be amazing...
...I am going to get off my ass and truly look for a job in my field anywhere out there...
...I say anywhere because she talked of her willingness to pick up and go...
...tonight I was selfish and added to her stress and saw her retreat in a way...
...we talked further before she went to sleep and I feel better about where it was left...
...I know she is worth putting forth this effort so I promised her I would...
...I hate that her stress has her worrying about life and questioning us...
...I need to think before I talk, and ask before I answer...
...I might be twisted up, but I like it, so I will run with it instead of from it like I might once have...
...I had forgotten how confusing love can be, but I honestly know it is worth it...
...that's where my head has been and that's why my blog suffers.
I have just watched my Braves lose yet another game this month. If you had told me a month ago that we would be skidding like this, that we would be struggling like this, that our chance at getting into the postseason was tantamount at best, well I would have laughed at you, and then I would have bit my tongue lest I tempt the fickle Gods of baseball.
DISCLAIMER: Yes I use the term we when I refer to the Atlanta Braves, or any team that is my favorite in any given sport. They are my favorite team for a reason, and I have undying loyalty to me even on the downslide that sometimes happens. So yes, I am one of those people that says we, or my, or our when referring to my favorite team and what is going on with them, and I will continue to do so. Besides, one of the pitchers for the Braves, whom I follow on Twitter, said that we should do that, so I will dangnabbit.
Okay, so I sit here watching the Astros play the Cardinals in the hopes that the Astros can beat them, and bring the Braves magic number down to one. If the Cardinals win, then they are tied with the Braves and tomorrow's game becomes even more important. Yes, I am nervous, yes I am saddened by my teams performance this month, and yes I hope St. Louis falters.
I also sit here and wonder if it is heartening or disheartening that a sports team can seemingly break my heart. It could be heartening in the fact that it isn't anything in my personal life that is causing this turmoil, and that when I look at it in regard to the rest of the world I will get perspective much more quickly than I would if it was a personal thing. It is disheartening for many of the same reasons, because I can let such a thing as sports affect me so, but dammit I don't care. I love baseball, and I love the Braves, and I do not like to see them struggle, to beat themselves up, to try and force greatness when they are capable of it when they want to be.
I will continue to have a discussion within my own head about these things. I hope the Braves make the postseason and make a run at another title. If they do not make it, or they lose out, I hope at least they put forth the best effort they can, as that is ultimately all I can truly hope. If they do lose, then I will take it in, I will lament it, and then I will worry about the moves they make in the offseason. I will also worry about college hockey and professional hockey and football as they have started or will start.
Of course, in sports my first love is Baseball, and much like anyone's first love, it can be great or it can be spiteful, all you can hope for is the great, and take the spiteful in stride.
DISCLAIMER: Yes I use the term we when I refer to the Atlanta Braves, or any team that is my favorite in any given sport. They are my favorite team for a reason, and I have undying loyalty to me even on the downslide that sometimes happens. So yes, I am one of those people that says we, or my, or our when referring to my favorite team and what is going on with them, and I will continue to do so. Besides, one of the pitchers for the Braves, whom I follow on Twitter, said that we should do that, so I will dangnabbit.
Okay, so I sit here watching the Astros play the Cardinals in the hopes that the Astros can beat them, and bring the Braves magic number down to one. If the Cardinals win, then they are tied with the Braves and tomorrow's game becomes even more important. Yes, I am nervous, yes I am saddened by my teams performance this month, and yes I hope St. Louis falters.
I also sit here and wonder if it is heartening or disheartening that a sports team can seemingly break my heart. It could be heartening in the fact that it isn't anything in my personal life that is causing this turmoil, and that when I look at it in regard to the rest of the world I will get perspective much more quickly than I would if it was a personal thing. It is disheartening for many of the same reasons, because I can let such a thing as sports affect me so, but dammit I don't care. I love baseball, and I love the Braves, and I do not like to see them struggle, to beat themselves up, to try and force greatness when they are capable of it when they want to be.
I will continue to have a discussion within my own head about these things. I hope the Braves make the postseason and make a run at another title. If they do not make it, or they lose out, I hope at least they put forth the best effort they can, as that is ultimately all I can truly hope. If they do lose, then I will take it in, I will lament it, and then I will worry about the moves they make in the offseason. I will also worry about college hockey and professional hockey and football as they have started or will start.
Of course, in sports my first love is Baseball, and much like anyone's first love, it can be great or it can be spiteful, all you can hope for is the great, and take the spiteful in stride.
Ten Years...
First off let me briefly address those that lost their lives in the tragic events of ten years ago, you are not forgotten, you are missed and you are loved.
Ten years ago I was in Grand Forks North Dakota attending the University of North Dakota working on my bachelor's degree in Anthropology. The night of the tenth I worked at Borrowed Bucks Roadhouse, the bar I worked at during my undergrad years, and I actually didn't stay after to have beers with the boys because I had a test the next morning.
I had studied a little but I told myself to sleep, and then wake up early and head to Babcock hall so I could cram before the test. I actually woke up on time that day, something that never happened with Matt during those years, I was always late for classes and the like. Drove to campus and found a decent spot then headed over to Babcock. The anthropology lounge was empty so I hunkered down and started studying.
After a bit I heard people come in and talk a little about things that I didn't know were happening, but couldn't glean from what they were saying. I heard things like "can you believe" "that's fucked up" etc., all things that could have been something their friend did the night before, or something that happened on campus, I still had no idea. It was then that I heard that class was cancelled, and had I went straight to the door of class instead of the lounge I would have seen the note on the door that said so.
Well, hell, I was pretty ecstatic, my two hour class was cancelled, the one class of the day, I could go home and nap before I had to go to work that night, Awesome! I walked out of Babcock rejuvenated for the day, smiling...a smile that would not last.
I didn't listen to the radio back then so I was oblivious all the way back to my apartment. Once through my door I thought about eating some food, but plopped down in front of my TV and turned it on. Instantly I knew my day had changed. On my TV there was a burning Tower, something at first I thought had to have been a movie until I realized that I was on a channel that did not show movies. Then as the broadcaster talked, I heard the shock in their voice and suddenly a plane was on my screen, and I thought it looked weird that it would be flying like that, awfully low. You see I still didn't know that the first tower was burning because of something like this. Then the plane made a wide turn and I see the plane hit the second tower.
I was transfixed like countless other people were in this country and many others. I was shocked more than anything, I have never been to New York so I did not understand the enormity of what was happening other than it was a big deal. I had always seen the towers in the skyline of movies and shows, but that wouldn't prepare a person for something like that, of course nothing can prepare a person for something like that.
As the towers collapsed a new feeling came over me, up til then I had thought that a fire would be the end of it all, did not even think it would be possible to collapse something like that, but it was. The scenes of people running from the clouds of dust and debris was horrifying, as was the thought of those that had been trapped inside. As that emotion settled in, and reactions began to form in me, the broadcast changed to coverage of people in the Middle East, people that were celebrating and mocking our loss.
I am ashamed to say that at that moment I wanted to kill them, I had never felt that before, but those people, even those children, had reacted in a way that made me wish I could harm them. I now realize that this was the intention of the channel, they wanted to cause a reaction like that, and that to saddens me.
At a time when we should have been pulling together in horror, in support of those we lost, to support those that stepped up in heroism, to reach out to those we love and stand together in tough times, we instead were possibly incited to so much more.
I understand the reaction, and I own it, but I am not proud of it, and I hope that people feel the same way as well.
We should remember, we should honor, and we should never forget, but we should learn as well. We should learn about the differences in the people that caused this terrorist attack so that we do not blindly hate anyone of that nationality, religion, or background. We should learn how to live among others without fear.
Tolerance, respect, and understanding are the things that we should enter the world with, because not everyone else will, but if we do, we are more apt to get it in return.
Ten years later I honor and respect those that were tragically lost that day, I honor and respect the people that stepped up and looked danger in the face because they thought it the right thing to do, I honor and respect those that defend our rights against acts like this.
They say 9/11 never forget, and I don't see how I could.
First off let me briefly address those that lost their lives in the tragic events of ten years ago, you are not forgotten, you are missed and you are loved.
Ten years ago I was in Grand Forks North Dakota attending the University of North Dakota working on my bachelor's degree in Anthropology. The night of the tenth I worked at Borrowed Bucks Roadhouse, the bar I worked at during my undergrad years, and I actually didn't stay after to have beers with the boys because I had a test the next morning.
I had studied a little but I told myself to sleep, and then wake up early and head to Babcock hall so I could cram before the test. I actually woke up on time that day, something that never happened with Matt during those years, I was always late for classes and the like. Drove to campus and found a decent spot then headed over to Babcock. The anthropology lounge was empty so I hunkered down and started studying.
After a bit I heard people come in and talk a little about things that I didn't know were happening, but couldn't glean from what they were saying. I heard things like "can you believe" "that's fucked up" etc., all things that could have been something their friend did the night before, or something that happened on campus, I still had no idea. It was then that I heard that class was cancelled, and had I went straight to the door of class instead of the lounge I would have seen the note on the door that said so.
Well, hell, I was pretty ecstatic, my two hour class was cancelled, the one class of the day, I could go home and nap before I had to go to work that night, Awesome! I walked out of Babcock rejuvenated for the day, smiling...a smile that would not last.
I didn't listen to the radio back then so I was oblivious all the way back to my apartment. Once through my door I thought about eating some food, but plopped down in front of my TV and turned it on. Instantly I knew my day had changed. On my TV there was a burning Tower, something at first I thought had to have been a movie until I realized that I was on a channel that did not show movies. Then as the broadcaster talked, I heard the shock in their voice and suddenly a plane was on my screen, and I thought it looked weird that it would be flying like that, awfully low. You see I still didn't know that the first tower was burning because of something like this. Then the plane made a wide turn and I see the plane hit the second tower.
I was transfixed like countless other people were in this country and many others. I was shocked more than anything, I have never been to New York so I did not understand the enormity of what was happening other than it was a big deal. I had always seen the towers in the skyline of movies and shows, but that wouldn't prepare a person for something like that, of course nothing can prepare a person for something like that.
As the towers collapsed a new feeling came over me, up til then I had thought that a fire would be the end of it all, did not even think it would be possible to collapse something like that, but it was. The scenes of people running from the clouds of dust and debris was horrifying, as was the thought of those that had been trapped inside. As that emotion settled in, and reactions began to form in me, the broadcast changed to coverage of people in the Middle East, people that were celebrating and mocking our loss.
I am ashamed to say that at that moment I wanted to kill them, I had never felt that before, but those people, even those children, had reacted in a way that made me wish I could harm them. I now realize that this was the intention of the channel, they wanted to cause a reaction like that, and that to saddens me.
At a time when we should have been pulling together in horror, in support of those we lost, to support those that stepped up in heroism, to reach out to those we love and stand together in tough times, we instead were possibly incited to so much more.
I understand the reaction, and I own it, but I am not proud of it, and I hope that people feel the same way as well.
We should remember, we should honor, and we should never forget, but we should learn as well. We should learn about the differences in the people that caused this terrorist attack so that we do not blindly hate anyone of that nationality, religion, or background. We should learn how to live among others without fear.
Tolerance, respect, and understanding are the things that we should enter the world with, because not everyone else will, but if we do, we are more apt to get it in return.
Ten years later I honor and respect those that were tragically lost that day, I honor and respect the people that stepped up and looked danger in the face because they thought it the right thing to do, I honor and respect those that defend our rights against acts like this.
They say 9/11 never forget, and I don't see how I could.
Ever look at a metaphorical bridge and have the overwhelming desire to torch it?
I usually don't like burning bridges, but I think I am at the moment, and I think I am pretty okay with it. I have always been the one to let things be, cultivate as much of a nice atmosphere as possible in hopes that I will continue to be liked.
Well this one is just irritating to say the least and I think I won't worry about cultivation or letting things be. I have real people in my life that want me in theirs in return, people I would defend and fight for, but in this instance I do not feel that, and I have to say, that it is a requirement to feel at least a part of that. I have to feel a part of that to not go searching for kerosene to pour on already rickety bridge...oh look, I was just handed a can of kerosene, how convenient.
Yes, this bridge is one that, while in it's midst, I thought was built with fantastic concrete and beautiful wrought iron, but now that I am on the other side looking back at it, I see that it is made of balsa wood and chewed gum. It has been an important bridge, one that got me to a great place in life, but now I don't see how it is going to survive all of this.
That is why I am not afraid if this one burns to the ground, because I have seen it coming, I have been put aside, and now I stand up, I look around, I see, and I do not fear the fire.
I usually don't like burning bridges, but I think I am at the moment, and I think I am pretty okay with it. I have always been the one to let things be, cultivate as much of a nice atmosphere as possible in hopes that I will continue to be liked.
Well this one is just irritating to say the least and I think I won't worry about cultivation or letting things be. I have real people in my life that want me in theirs in return, people I would defend and fight for, but in this instance I do not feel that, and I have to say, that it is a requirement to feel at least a part of that. I have to feel a part of that to not go searching for kerosene to pour on already rickety bridge...oh look, I was just handed a can of kerosene, how convenient.
Yes, this bridge is one that, while in it's midst, I thought was built with fantastic concrete and beautiful wrought iron, but now that I am on the other side looking back at it, I see that it is made of balsa wood and chewed gum. It has been an important bridge, one that got me to a great place in life, but now I don't see how it is going to survive all of this.
That is why I am not afraid if this one burns to the ground, because I have seen it coming, I have been put aside, and now I stand up, I look around, I see, and I do not fear the fire.
This blog brought to you by...
Life consists of sacrifices and choices to be made, I realize this and I live this. It's about to get introspective, you've been warned.
I live where I do because I had student loans and had to be in a situation that would allow me to deal with them so that I wouldn't be floundering in the near future, a near future that is now a few years further along then I had imagined. That's okay though, because my student loan debt has gone down about 3/4, I have a good sized savings account (although that will get cut by 2/3 because I am going to buy a pickup, adding back to my loan total but leaving plenty for emergency), I am happyish, and I am preparing for the future. The bad part is that I am comfortable, I am close to family but far from friends (my second family, one that helps me grow), and I don't know where I am going or how I will get there.
I have become, in all sense and purpose, a phone, a computer, a disembodied connection.
I blame my job for part of it, I only have ten vacation days a year and have Tuesdays and Wednesdays off, but it isn't the whole story of why I am now only those things. No, I am those things because it is somehow easier to live in a slight misery than it is to seek out the methods of happiness. That sounds morose, but it is what is for the most part. It is easier to sit here in a kind of comfort and lament what I am missing then it is to go and transcend it. As I write this I am becoming all to aware of the things I hide from myself...I am good at this apparently.
There are people out there, hundreds and hundreds of miles away from me, that mean so much to me. People that I love, people that inspire me, people that I am myself with, people that shouldn't be far from me. Here I have my family which is fantastic, but I need to be further from my family making more of myself. I have outgrown Glendive Montana, but yet it is giving me the ability to have stability that I haven't really known before. Funny how debt can force you to find a means of stability in a way that you had never wanted to. When I was in high school my fear was that I would wind up working for the railroad and be stuck in Glendive, but after being away for 7 years and going to school and accruing debt you realize that it isn't the worst situation in the world. See, growing up a bit shows you that sometimes you have to make that sacrifice, so that is what I have done, I have grown up a bit....still read my comic books though.
So I face that fear five days a week, I walk to the roundhouse, I swipe my card, I go to my locker and put on my reflective vest, and then I sit in the lunchroom waiting for the foreman to come in and give us a briefing on the day. While I wait I usually sit there looking at twitter on my phone. Twitter is one of my connections to the world, through it I have friends in Canada, New Zealand, England and America, some I have never even met, but that I know I will one day. I have even become a Folk Hero in Vancouver according to those that I know there. The Whatsapp app on my phone allows me to text with those in foreign lands, i.e. Canada, and it's audio notes has even allowed me to hear their voices and share my own. (Apparently mine is good, news to me)
If my supervisor isn't hanging around, I will get on my phone once I get to my work station in the Material building. I am efficient with my job enough that I can cram all of it into a shorter period of time and still stay connected to those away from me. Tweeting, texting, checking facebook, and occasionally actually talking to people keeps me up to date on what is going on...unfortunately it also keeps me up to date on what is going on. Seeing everything that people are getting up too on the weekends can be slightly depressing, especially when nothing changes here. I don't go out often here because it is always the same thing, same people, same DJ (when they have them), and same sad situation. I feel for the people that are content to stay here their whole lives, and then feel bad about that because who am I to judge their decisions. I have been out and seen more, but that doesn't mean everyone should.
Yes I have fun when I run into a few people of interest in this town, but unfortunately there are seemingly only a few. I could possibly find more if I went looking, but working the afternoon shift cuts down on a lot of that simply because that is when things occur. I like the afternoon shift because I like to stay up a little late and I like to sleep in a bit too, so I make a sacrifice there as well.
I live for these connections of a technological nature because they let me in the lives of those I love, in a way I couldn't otherwise. I use my 10 days of vacation to see them when I can as well. Five days of it goes to WEfest each year, three days of concerts, four days of camping, and great people to drink and bullshit with. Take the five days between your weekends and you suddenly have nine days off, wonderful...but it goes so fast. The other thing is that those five days aren't until August, so I sit and do nothing until then. (This year is an exception) My other five days will see me going to North Dakota in November...that sounds like a title...dibs! I am going to be in one of my best friends weddings then, suiting up to borrow from Barney Stinson. I really look forward to that because I will get to see more of my loved ones, ones I did not see last trip, and ones I have seen in a year or more. Still, two months off though, but it has me working towards a goal of health and that is good.
Again, though, I am connected merely through the magic of airwaves and internet tubes. I see how it makes me a secondary player, at least it feels that way. It seems that I am easily pushed aside because I am just a piece of technology in their hand, when a real person awaits them. I do not blame them for this and never will, this is my life, my sacrifice. It hurts because I let it. It stings because I chose this. It alienates because I withdraw.
I shutdown when in a funk, or when aggravated by a situation. I have had help from those I care for in this regard, but a retreat mechanism resides within me from way back, so who knows if this will ever go away completely. When forced to communicate I do well, I figure things out, I get over and past things. Unfortunately when you're a phone or a computer or a disembodied connection, you don't get forced to do those things because people cannot always tell that you have withdrawn. Looking at one's face, in one's eyes, or hearing an inflection in voice, that is how you pick up on those things, but alas I am but a phone, a computer, a disembodied connection.
I know that the person on the other end feels highly about me, I will not stoop to thinking there is a vindictiveness on their part to make me feel the way I do...no that is all within my own brainpan. I have always been my own worst enemy, my own biggest stumbling block, but I trip forward not backward...that makes all the difference.
Sacrificing and choosing to be in this situation allows for a future, the phone, the computer, and the disembodied connection allow for me to stay in people's lives in some manner at least. That is what I shall keep a grip on, I do not feel it slipping, nor will I, that is not a sacrifice I will make.
No, I need merely open my eyes wider, keep my nose to the grindstone, my hearing unobstructed, and clear my head of cobwebs. Sacrifices and choices are made so that we can find what we are looking for and be prepared for it when we do. I may feel momentary loneliness from time to time, but I know is a storm followed by double rainbows and so I push forward...I may stumble, I may fight myself, but I go forward.
Life consists of sacrifices and choices to be made, I realize this and I live this. It's about to get introspective, you've been warned.
I live where I do because I had student loans and had to be in a situation that would allow me to deal with them so that I wouldn't be floundering in the near future, a near future that is now a few years further along then I had imagined. That's okay though, because my student loan debt has gone down about 3/4, I have a good sized savings account (although that will get cut by 2/3 because I am going to buy a pickup, adding back to my loan total but leaving plenty for emergency), I am happyish, and I am preparing for the future. The bad part is that I am comfortable, I am close to family but far from friends (my second family, one that helps me grow), and I don't know where I am going or how I will get there.
I have become, in all sense and purpose, a phone, a computer, a disembodied connection.
I blame my job for part of it, I only have ten vacation days a year and have Tuesdays and Wednesdays off, but it isn't the whole story of why I am now only those things. No, I am those things because it is somehow easier to live in a slight misery than it is to seek out the methods of happiness. That sounds morose, but it is what is for the most part. It is easier to sit here in a kind of comfort and lament what I am missing then it is to go and transcend it. As I write this I am becoming all to aware of the things I hide from myself...I am good at this apparently.
There are people out there, hundreds and hundreds of miles away from me, that mean so much to me. People that I love, people that inspire me, people that I am myself with, people that shouldn't be far from me. Here I have my family which is fantastic, but I need to be further from my family making more of myself. I have outgrown Glendive Montana, but yet it is giving me the ability to have stability that I haven't really known before. Funny how debt can force you to find a means of stability in a way that you had never wanted to. When I was in high school my fear was that I would wind up working for the railroad and be stuck in Glendive, but after being away for 7 years and going to school and accruing debt you realize that it isn't the worst situation in the world. See, growing up a bit shows you that sometimes you have to make that sacrifice, so that is what I have done, I have grown up a bit....still read my comic books though.
So I face that fear five days a week, I walk to the roundhouse, I swipe my card, I go to my locker and put on my reflective vest, and then I sit in the lunchroom waiting for the foreman to come in and give us a briefing on the day. While I wait I usually sit there looking at twitter on my phone. Twitter is one of my connections to the world, through it I have friends in Canada, New Zealand, England and America, some I have never even met, but that I know I will one day. I have even become a Folk Hero in Vancouver according to those that I know there. The Whatsapp app on my phone allows me to text with those in foreign lands, i.e. Canada, and it's audio notes has even allowed me to hear their voices and share my own. (Apparently mine is good, news to me)
If my supervisor isn't hanging around, I will get on my phone once I get to my work station in the Material building. I am efficient with my job enough that I can cram all of it into a shorter period of time and still stay connected to those away from me. Tweeting, texting, checking facebook, and occasionally actually talking to people keeps me up to date on what is going on...unfortunately it also keeps me up to date on what is going on. Seeing everything that people are getting up too on the weekends can be slightly depressing, especially when nothing changes here. I don't go out often here because it is always the same thing, same people, same DJ (when they have them), and same sad situation. I feel for the people that are content to stay here their whole lives, and then feel bad about that because who am I to judge their decisions. I have been out and seen more, but that doesn't mean everyone should.
Yes I have fun when I run into a few people of interest in this town, but unfortunately there are seemingly only a few. I could possibly find more if I went looking, but working the afternoon shift cuts down on a lot of that simply because that is when things occur. I like the afternoon shift because I like to stay up a little late and I like to sleep in a bit too, so I make a sacrifice there as well.
I live for these connections of a technological nature because they let me in the lives of those I love, in a way I couldn't otherwise. I use my 10 days of vacation to see them when I can as well. Five days of it goes to WEfest each year, three days of concerts, four days of camping, and great people to drink and bullshit with. Take the five days between your weekends and you suddenly have nine days off, wonderful...but it goes so fast. The other thing is that those five days aren't until August, so I sit and do nothing until then. (This year is an exception) My other five days will see me going to North Dakota in November...that sounds like a title...dibs! I am going to be in one of my best friends weddings then, suiting up to borrow from Barney Stinson. I really look forward to that because I will get to see more of my loved ones, ones I did not see last trip, and ones I have seen in a year or more. Still, two months off though, but it has me working towards a goal of health and that is good.
Again, though, I am connected merely through the magic of airwaves and internet tubes. I see how it makes me a secondary player, at least it feels that way. It seems that I am easily pushed aside because I am just a piece of technology in their hand, when a real person awaits them. I do not blame them for this and never will, this is my life, my sacrifice. It hurts because I let it. It stings because I chose this. It alienates because I withdraw.
I shutdown when in a funk, or when aggravated by a situation. I have had help from those I care for in this regard, but a retreat mechanism resides within me from way back, so who knows if this will ever go away completely. When forced to communicate I do well, I figure things out, I get over and past things. Unfortunately when you're a phone or a computer or a disembodied connection, you don't get forced to do those things because people cannot always tell that you have withdrawn. Looking at one's face, in one's eyes, or hearing an inflection in voice, that is how you pick up on those things, but alas I am but a phone, a computer, a disembodied connection.
I know that the person on the other end feels highly about me, I will not stoop to thinking there is a vindictiveness on their part to make me feel the way I do...no that is all within my own brainpan. I have always been my own worst enemy, my own biggest stumbling block, but I trip forward not backward...that makes all the difference.
Sacrificing and choosing to be in this situation allows for a future, the phone, the computer, and the disembodied connection allow for me to stay in people's lives in some manner at least. That is what I shall keep a grip on, I do not feel it slipping, nor will I, that is not a sacrifice I will make.
No, I need merely open my eyes wider, keep my nose to the grindstone, my hearing unobstructed, and clear my head of cobwebs. Sacrifices and choices are made so that we can find what we are looking for and be prepared for it when we do. I may feel momentary loneliness from time to time, but I know is a storm followed by double rainbows and so I push forward...I may stumble, I may fight myself, but I go forward.
The Culmination of a Time
Wednesday morning in Seattle dad and I wake up so we can eat before the day game at noon. We found out that you could get into the field right around two hours early and we were going to go ahead and do that in case we could get some autographs. We weren't quite sure what to do for breakfast but I talked dad into hitting Starbucks on the way, and they had sausage breakfast sandwiches so dad was happy with that. I kept getting a kick out of him ordering "just regular coffee". I had my Brian McCann t-shirt on under my Chipper Jones jersey, and while waiting in line an older gentleman decked out in Milwaukee Braves gear was sitting down with his breakfast. He noticed our Braves gear and struck up a brief conversation.
He lived in Seattle and was a Braves fan from way back, and last year his son and him had made a trip to Milwaukee to see the Braves take on the Brewers for four games and he said he had loaded up on throwback Braves merchandise. He seemed to have a gleam in his eye talking Braves, and meeting two fans from Montana. Breakfast was good, and after enjoying our coffee we started heading towards the field. It was still too early for the gates to open so we weren't sure what to do exactly and we walked around the corner to find a surprise. A little restaurant in the field had outdoor tables and sitting at one were our friends from the night before. So we had someone to bullshit with as we waited, and since they had been to the games before and went for autographs, they were now our tutors. They also came through and had an extra sharpie they lent me.
The lines began to form behind us and once the horn sounded they started to scan tickets and let us in. I ran down to the field and got right up alongside. Unfortunately today they weren't doing batting practice today so it wasn't as lively, but we stood our ground. Plenty of conversation came about, guy to my left was a Braves fan down from Alaska, hundreds of Braves fans up the left field line waiting and hoping.
Finally a Brave appeared in the dugout and started signing autographs for those around there. Brandon Beachy our rookie pitcher who had won the game on Monday, awesome. He signed for a bit and then went into the outfield and started playing catch, something to keep him loose and his arm in shape. The really interesting part was when Eddie Perez, our bullpen coach, would hit the ball to him from the left field line deep in center field, Beachy would catch it and throw it back with seemingly no effort at all. After they were done he came over to us and started signing for everybody, literally everybody.
Beachy signed the back of my Chipper jersey and signed dad's hat bill, real nice guy too as he was going along small talking, look forward to him being on the team for a long while. We stayed around waiting as the relief pitchers came out and made their way towards the bullpen. Unfortunately we had to go to our seats as they were having a Softball homerun derby with the all stars from local leagues. I looked over to where we were going to be sitting and saw a lot of yellow shirts filling it in, then I saw that it was called Kings Kourt...crap we were going to be in enemy territory, we were going to be in the section that roots for Seattle's pitcher whenever he takes the mound, should be fun.
We got some cheeseburgers and onion rings and headed to our seats, I picked out really great seats actually. They were three rows from the left field fence, and the first row had two seats, second had four and then ours had five, so we had a great view of everything. With our tickets we could have gotten one of those yellow t-shirts for free, but no, I love free shit (that's one of my mantras) but I don't take stuff from the opposite team. Wound up having a Braves fan behind us so that was cool too, and we knew we could behave ourselves so that we wouldn't piss off the Kourt.
Braves won that game without having to come back from behind, and as we walked up the stairs one lady told us we were welcome for the help. So the Braves are undefeated when dad and I see them live, great percentages there. The walk from the field back to the hotel was great as well, great buildings all around, and people playing giant chess in the kind of park we walked through as well.
We got situated at the hotel and were deciding what to do when dad said that he wanted to check out these dried strawberries that he saw at Pike Place Market but we missed on our second trip through the day before. I was kind of surprised because dad isn't usually one to bring stuff up like that, so yeah, let's walk on over there again, besides I had seen some journals I wanted to check out. We found the strawberries and they were delicious, dried strawberries are the shit, just so's you know. I also bought a new leather bound journal that featured hand made paper, cool stuff, all of them original, hopefully my creativity can fill it up as well.
We then went exploring a bit more, we were going to go to the aquarium, but it was soon to close so we just hung out. Looking at the pier, the water, all that great stuff. Dad even said that it was kind of calming, this amongst him giving me shit for saying I could live in a city. haha Then I heard from Amanda, my friend, and she asked when we wanted to meet up for supper, suggested Cheesecake Factory and told us what street it was on. We headed back to the hotel and I used my phone to bring up google maps and see where the restaurant was. Eight blocks up and five blocks over, killed a little time and headed out. Amanda wanted to go there because it was a short walk from her job and she could park there for free, smart girl. We beat her there and a nice homeless man gave us eating suggestions in the area when we were looking at the menu outside. He was a nice guy, but the one across the street by the theater was pretty crazy looking.
A fantastic dinner and conversation followed by some cheesecake was a great way to spend some time. It was hard to get used to the brightness as time passed, that whole time change thing, but in a good way. Dad headed back to the hotel and I walked back to Amanda's car with her and went to her place to catch up more. After talking til about 2ish in the a.m. One of the best things about this drive back to the city, she lives north of Seattle, was coming into the city with the skyline lit up, that is a beautiful sight to see.
Sleep came easy after that day, and the next morning meant waking up and figuring out what we would do. See the flight we were on flew out of Seattle at 8:45 at night. We figured we would head to the airport just to see what we could do since we had such a long time before we left. Took the light link to the hotel and checked in so we could see if there was an earlier flight, no dice on that one, and we also found out that you couldn't check your bags until 4 hours before your flight, hmmm, what to do, what to do. Well there is a spot by baggage claim where you can pay to have your bags held, 16 bucks and we were free to explore the city again.
We headed back to our stop and walked around to get some food. We just kept walking, and the Hard Rock seemed good enough for me, so I took dad to lunch. Good food ate, and more time to kill I suggested the art museum, because the anthropologist in me wanted to walk into a museum in a city.
I won't say that I understood all the modern art, but I loved walking around in that building and just taking things in that you can't see here in Glendive....here's a taste of it all.
The angle on that one makes the mirror face actually look like it is a face.
Love the mouse.
That was made with individual dog tags
Blown and worked glass
It was a baseball trip after all
Ah yes, now we are into my favorite kind of tribal art, the Northwest tribes!
Then there was some great African and other culture art as well.
Then some classical art came around on the upper floors
Had to take that picture since ceramics inspired this trip.
Some African art returned around the corner.
These cars were hanging in the lobby with the lights and everything, kinda interesting.
While dad and I sat outside the museum resting for a bit we saw two cars get towed, man those guys work fast.
On the way back to the light link stop so we could get to the airport I was fascinated by the base of this building.
We made it back to the airport and picked up our bags from storage to go check them in. Headed through security and then hit up Starbucks before we went and sat for a few hours. I read up until the flight was ready to go, and finally that night we got up in the air and headed back east. I didn't drink the beer this time, passing it up for coffee since I was going to be driving us home from Billings. I was seated next to a nice girl that runs cross country for one of the colleges in Billings, talked to her off and on, and read on the flight. We finally arrived back at Billings at around 11 something, and I was feeling pretty good. Our bags came out on the carousel, and upon retrieval we went out to the car and headed to the gas station. Filled up, grabbed some grub, and caffeine and headed out on the road.
This is where it went pear shaped...
I felt great, took in some caffeine, ate a bit and hit the road. Driving was going well, dad was sleeping since he worked in the morning, and I didn't see anything bad about it at all. Well after about 45 minutes I started zoning out, shit was getting weird on me, I turned into a rest stop so that I could change the music on my ipod into something a bit better. Dad woke up and asked me if I was going to go or what, and I said I was just changing the music so that I wouldn't kill us. Maybe over dramatic, because I guess he didn't really sleep after that. Ooops.
Well driving along was fine, for a bit, but then I started getting tunnel vision, started to hallucinate maybe a bit. I couldn't figure it out that I felt just fine physically but I could not get my head to work with me on it. At one point when we were really close to home and going up a hill, the road looked like it went right up into the clouds and the shoulders disappeared completely. I got us home safe and sound, and wouldn't you know it, I was wide awake when we got here. Unpacking was quick and easy, and the trip was over.
Dad worked that day and then mom and him headed to the lake to stay with my aunt. I worked for three days and then on the 4th of July dad's dog and I headed to the lake so I could fish with him for three days. That was a great two weeks for sure, and there's something about going to ball games with your dad, and then going out on a lake in your dad's boat. Serenity can come over you if you undergo that combination of time spending.
Ben eat's ice when hot and thirsty, well I was going to hand him some but he just crawled right in there and helped himself.
One of dad's Northerns
Wednesday morning in Seattle dad and I wake up so we can eat before the day game at noon. We found out that you could get into the field right around two hours early and we were going to go ahead and do that in case we could get some autographs. We weren't quite sure what to do for breakfast but I talked dad into hitting Starbucks on the way, and they had sausage breakfast sandwiches so dad was happy with that. I kept getting a kick out of him ordering "just regular coffee". I had my Brian McCann t-shirt on under my Chipper Jones jersey, and while waiting in line an older gentleman decked out in Milwaukee Braves gear was sitting down with his breakfast. He noticed our Braves gear and struck up a brief conversation.
He lived in Seattle and was a Braves fan from way back, and last year his son and him had made a trip to Milwaukee to see the Braves take on the Brewers for four games and he said he had loaded up on throwback Braves merchandise. He seemed to have a gleam in his eye talking Braves, and meeting two fans from Montana. Breakfast was good, and after enjoying our coffee we started heading towards the field. It was still too early for the gates to open so we weren't sure what to do exactly and we walked around the corner to find a surprise. A little restaurant in the field had outdoor tables and sitting at one were our friends from the night before. So we had someone to bullshit with as we waited, and since they had been to the games before and went for autographs, they were now our tutors. They also came through and had an extra sharpie they lent me.
The lines began to form behind us and once the horn sounded they started to scan tickets and let us in. I ran down to the field and got right up alongside. Unfortunately today they weren't doing batting practice today so it wasn't as lively, but we stood our ground. Plenty of conversation came about, guy to my left was a Braves fan down from Alaska, hundreds of Braves fans up the left field line waiting and hoping.
Finally a Brave appeared in the dugout and started signing autographs for those around there. Brandon Beachy our rookie pitcher who had won the game on Monday, awesome. He signed for a bit and then went into the outfield and started playing catch, something to keep him loose and his arm in shape. The really interesting part was when Eddie Perez, our bullpen coach, would hit the ball to him from the left field line deep in center field, Beachy would catch it and throw it back with seemingly no effort at all. After they were done he came over to us and started signing for everybody, literally everybody.
Beachy signed the back of my Chipper jersey and signed dad's hat bill, real nice guy too as he was going along small talking, look forward to him being on the team for a long while. We stayed around waiting as the relief pitchers came out and made their way towards the bullpen. Unfortunately we had to go to our seats as they were having a Softball homerun derby with the all stars from local leagues. I looked over to where we were going to be sitting and saw a lot of yellow shirts filling it in, then I saw that it was called Kings Kourt...crap we were going to be in enemy territory, we were going to be in the section that roots for Seattle's pitcher whenever he takes the mound, should be fun.
We got some cheeseburgers and onion rings and headed to our seats, I picked out really great seats actually. They were three rows from the left field fence, and the first row had two seats, second had four and then ours had five, so we had a great view of everything. With our tickets we could have gotten one of those yellow t-shirts for free, but no, I love free shit (that's one of my mantras) but I don't take stuff from the opposite team. Wound up having a Braves fan behind us so that was cool too, and we knew we could behave ourselves so that we wouldn't piss off the Kourt.
Braves won that game without having to come back from behind, and as we walked up the stairs one lady told us we were welcome for the help.
So the Braves are undefeated when dad and I see them live, great percentages there. The walk from the field back to the hotel was great as well, great buildings all around, and people playing giant chess in the kind of park we walked through as well. We got situated at the hotel and were deciding what to do when dad said that he wanted to check out these dried strawberries that he saw at Pike Place Market but we missed on our second trip through the day before. I was kind of surprised because dad isn't usually one to bring stuff up like that, so yeah, let's walk on over there again, besides I had seen some journals I wanted to check out.
We found the strawberries and they were delicious, dried strawberries are the shit, just so's you know. I also bought a new leather bound journal that featured hand made paper, cool stuff, all of them original, hopefully my creativity can fill it up as well.We then went exploring a bit more, we were going to go to the aquarium, but it was soon to close so we just hung out. Looking at the pier, the water, all that great stuff. Dad even said that it was kind of calming, this amongst him giving me shit for saying I could live in a city. haha Then I heard from Amanda, my friend, and she asked when we wanted to meet up for supper, suggested Cheesecake Factory and told us what street it was on. We headed back to the hotel and I used my phone to bring up google maps and see where the restaurant was. Eight blocks up and five blocks over, killed a little time and headed out. Amanda wanted to go there because it was a short walk from her job and she could park there for free, smart girl. We beat her there and a nice homeless man gave us eating suggestions in the area when we were looking at the menu outside. He was a nice guy, but the one across the street by the theater was pretty crazy looking.
A fantastic dinner and conversation followed by some cheesecake was a great way to spend some time. It was hard to get used to the brightness as time passed, that whole time change thing, but in a good way. Dad headed back to the hotel and I walked back to Amanda's car with her and went to her place to catch up more. After talking til about 2ish in the a.m. One of the best things about this drive back to the city, she lives north of Seattle, was coming into the city with the skyline lit up, that is a beautiful sight to see.
Sleep came easy after that day, and the next morning meant waking up and figuring out what we would do. See the flight we were on flew out of Seattle at 8:45 at night. We figured we would head to the airport just to see what we could do since we had such a long time before we left. Took the light link to the hotel and checked in so we could see if there was an earlier flight, no dice on that one, and we also found out that you couldn't check your bags until 4 hours before your flight, hmmm, what to do, what to do. Well there is a spot by baggage claim where you can pay to have your bags held, 16 bucks and we were free to explore the city again.
We headed back to our stop and walked around to get some food. We just kept walking, and the Hard Rock seemed good enough for me, so I took dad to lunch. Good food ate, and more time to kill I suggested the art museum, because the anthropologist in me wanted to walk into a museum in a city.
I won't say that I understood all the modern art, but I loved walking around in that building and just taking things in that you can't see here in Glendive....here's a taste of it all.
The angle on that one makes the mirror face actually look like it is a face.
Love the mouse.
That was made with individual dog tags
Blown and worked glass
It was a baseball trip after all
Ah yes, now we are into my favorite kind of tribal art, the Northwest tribes!
Then there was some great African and other culture art as well.
Then some classical art came around on the upper floors
Had to take that picture since ceramics inspired this trip.
Some African art returned around the corner.
These cars were hanging in the lobby with the lights and everything, kinda interesting.
While dad and I sat outside the museum resting for a bit we saw two cars get towed, man those guys work fast.
On the way back to the light link stop so we could get to the airport I was fascinated by the base of this building.
We made it back to the airport and picked up our bags from storage to go check them in. Headed through security and then hit up Starbucks before we went and sat for a few hours. I read up until the flight was ready to go, and finally that night we got up in the air and headed back east. I didn't drink the beer this time, passing it up for coffee since I was going to be driving us home from Billings. I was seated next to a nice girl that runs cross country for one of the colleges in Billings, talked to her off and on, and read on the flight. We finally arrived back at Billings at around 11 something, and I was feeling pretty good. Our bags came out on the carousel, and upon retrieval we went out to the car and headed to the gas station. Filled up, grabbed some grub, and caffeine and headed out on the road.
This is where it went pear shaped...
I felt great, took in some caffeine, ate a bit and hit the road. Driving was going well, dad was sleeping since he worked in the morning, and I didn't see anything bad about it at all. Well after about 45 minutes I started zoning out, shit was getting weird on me, I turned into a rest stop so that I could change the music on my ipod into something a bit better. Dad woke up and asked me if I was going to go or what, and I said I was just changing the music so that I wouldn't kill us. Maybe over dramatic, because I guess he didn't really sleep after that. Ooops.
Well driving along was fine, for a bit, but then I started getting tunnel vision, started to hallucinate maybe a bit. I couldn't figure it out that I felt just fine physically but I could not get my head to work with me on it. At one point when we were really close to home and going up a hill, the road looked like it went right up into the clouds and the shoulders disappeared completely. I got us home safe and sound, and wouldn't you know it, I was wide awake when we got here. Unpacking was quick and easy, and the trip was over.
Dad worked that day and then mom and him headed to the lake to stay with my aunt. I worked for three days and then on the 4th of July dad's dog and I headed to the lake so I could fish with him for three days. That was a great two weeks for sure, and there's something about going to ball games with your dad, and then going out on a lake in your dad's boat. Serenity can come over you if you undergo that combination of time spending.
Ben eat's ice when hot and thirsty, well I was going to hand him some but he just crawled right in there and helped himself.
One of dad's Northerns
Ahhh, yes, lot's of letters for my fingers to type out and in turn for your eyes to see and take in....shall we?
Exploring the Emerald City
Tuesday morning arrived and I awoke to Dad coming into the hotel room with a paper and a cup of coffee. (for him, he's not that nice. lol) Asked him if it was a local paper and he said no they had USA Today or Wall Street Journal so he grabbed the WSJ, although he didn't know why the hell he did since it wasn't really what he was looking for. He was hungry so I jumped in the shower and got ready. The game wasn't until 7pm that night so we had time to kill until we had to go to Safeco Field.
Once I was ready and we were going to head out, I received a text message from an old friend that now works in Seattle and lives just north of there. She had just got off work and was going to crash and had to work that night so would Wednesday work to meet up, texted her of course it would because it was a day game then. Dad and I went to the elevator, and I asked what he wanted to have. He had heard someone talking in the lobby how you didn't want to eat at the restaurant there because it was to expensive, when I said one of the coffeeshops would have bagels and stuff he said no because he wanted some eggs and bacon dammit. Fine by me, let's go.
We started walking up 2nd avenue looking for a restaurant somewhere around there, and of course there were coffee shops everywhere, but no eateries that stood out, so we kept walking, all of a sudden, there's Pike Place Market, one of the places we had been told we had to see, so we went that way. Walking through that early in the day, people are setting up their wares, shops are opening, and the smell of fish welcomes you. Luckily it also had a restaurant within it that had good looking breakfasts on it's menu. These turned out to be a little expensive too, but we had a view of the harbor, and the pancakes and bacon were delicious, dad said his french toast and sausage was good too, and don't worry, we had eggs.
This was the point where I got a voice mail that I couldn't pick up on because of the building, so once we had wandered through the people setting up and went to a little park across the street I called voicemail and listened. It was a woman that works for the University of Montana, the one that helped me line things up as needed to get the paperwork done on my thesis. I also had received an email from her that I saw and responded to on my phone. I was nervous for a bit, but a few emails back and forth, and one or two from my thesis chair had everything straightened out and I had resolved to get that taken care of when I got back to Glendive. (I was so fricking relieved by that, I honestly thought my trip could get ruined by this, if I was stressing while there, but phew, no biggie)
The little park was pretty cool, just a small oasis in the middle of the city, had a couple patches of grass, some tables, two totem poles from the northwest cultures (some of my favorites that I have studied) and a view of the water. My phone's camera got a workout starting here. At one point dad leaned down and felt the grass to see how wet it was because he couldn't believe people were napping on it, grass was pretty damn wet, so they were tough individuals one might say.
Dad had his Braves hat on and I had one of mine as well, which proved to be nice as the day went on, we met so many Braves fans wandering around, and all of em smiled, nodded, or said Go Braves, twas awesome. I asked dad what he wanted to do and he didn't care, so I said there was a statue park up from there that I kinda wanted to see, and I knew the Space Needle was that direction, so of we went. The statue park was pretty cool, even though dad and I didn't get what half of those structures were, but hey, you don't have to get it to appreciate it.
We wandered through there, taking the pieces in, some I thought were really cool, some I just kinda shook my head at, but we talked to mom on the phone for a bit and just let it be what it would. After the park we headed towards the Needle. Like dad said as we went towards it, you have to be in shape to live in a city like this, those hills surprised us. I didn't really know much about Seattle, but for some reason hills never really came to mind, but they have some pretty good ones there. The area around the Space Needle was neat, looked like a science musuem, an imax theater, a water structure to beat the heat (which there wasn't much of while we were there, it was just right) a center where their WNBA team plays, and of course the Needle itself. Once I saw that you could see out the elevator's I knew I wasn't going up it. I have a thing about heights, they don't like me, or vice versa. I told dad he could go up if he wanted and I would wait, but he was cool so we wandered some more.
Our wanderings were taking a toll on dad, but I didn't know it because anytime we were deciding where to go he just kept hoofing it so I didn't think anything of it. We went by a construction site and watched and excavator push a giant boulder around for a while, then just kept walking, I knew the general direction to go, but that was about it. We finally stopped at a coffee shop and got something to drink and sat for a while. We marveled at the parking lots and I mentioned how that would be a great investment to have, minimal upkeep and a machine keeps track of everything, win/win.
Coffee finished, up we got and headed towards the water, we meandered around until we found the park again, I got a better picture of the spinning ampersand I liked and then we went by the buildings on the various docks, to see what was down there as well. We couldn't believe how old some of the beams were holding these buildings and structures up, how they looked partially rotten, but were obviously solid. We watched rats running around on the rocks below them, and just kinda took it in. We talked about going back through the Market and heading towards the hotel.
When we saw where the market was I couldn't believe all the steps we were going to have to go up to get to it, but off we went again. There were cement steps under the viaduct, and they were covered in deer poop, middle of the city and here was obviously a gathering place for them. Then through a parking lot and up wooden stairs to get back by the park from earlier. But hey, there's the market and so much more going on as everybody is set up. Mom had mentioned to me that dad should buy her a necklace or something because they had really neat glasswares and beadings or what have you, so I passed that information along to him. He did wind up finding a really pretty necklace and earring set that he got for her.
When we had gone through the first time I had noticed a lady that had hand made wooden spoons and I had mentioned to dad that I should get one for mom as a joke. When I was an unruly child that was her go to spanking device, so I thought it would be funny. Saw the price on em, 42 frickin dollars, joke wasn't that funny so I just told her about it later. I wound up buying some cool prints, and a present for my sister, a metal work butterfly. We went up and down in the Market looking at shops on all three levels. I went in a Mexican store and got a dog and donkey that are Dia De La Muerta inspired, and a brightly colored chicken for mom, she collects them. As I waited for the shopkeep to wrap up my purchase I noticed an empty tequila bottle that had a sign in front of it saying, On Thursdays all sales get a free shot of Tequila, DAMN YOU TUESDAY.
We saw people throwing fish, so that was our little touristy thing to do. We got some snack sticks and smoked cheese from the meat vendor. He asked if it was Atlanta money due to our hats, we set him straight that it was Montana money. Explored a little more and came out on 1st avenue. The chocolate shop was to much to pass up so we went in and got an English toffee caramel apple, they cut it up, and we sat and enjoyed it. Sampled the apple pie one, pretty sure all of em would have been amazing. Next door was a store with Northwest culture art so I knew I was going in there. Ever since I had heard the story of Raven, and gotten an appreciation for the art style of that group, I knew that I would be having some Ravens in my possession. I just love Raven's in general, thank you Mr. Poe. So I picked up two great prints for a decent price and off we went....wait a second not so fast, yeah this is where dad decided we should sit down for a while.
Nothing wrong with relaxing for a bit. After a while we got up and headed towards the hotel, walking down 1st I saw signs pointing out the stadiums so I knew which direction we would be going later that day, which is always a good thing. Once at the hotel dad told me that his legs were killing him because of his varicose veins, I hadn't even thought of that since he'd been such a trooper. But it was only 3 or 4ish and the game wasn't until 7 so no big deal, rest for a bit, call mom, get ready.
I think around 5:30 we set out, before we left the room dad asked if I was going to grab the map we had, I said nah, hadn't needed it yet, which surprised him, but I told him about those signs I had seen so I knew where we were headed. When the write up on the hotel said a ten minute walk to the stadium, they weren't shitting. I literally was asking my dad where it was cuz I knew it was near when I was almost parallel with Qwest field, where the Seahawks play, which is half a block from Safeco field. At that point I got goosebumps, it was really happening, we were going to see our first professional baseball game, we were going to see our favorite team, we were having that quintessential father son bonding moment that you always hear about. Most of those times it's a father taking his young son to a game, but hey, what's wrong with a 58 year old and his 32 year old son, I coulda acted young I suppose.
Even better was the fact that the first gate we see was the exact one we wanted, left field, right by where we were sitting. This game I bought us seats up on the visitor side close to third so I could see my favorite player, Chipper Jones, in action. I was surprised at all the people lined up to get autographs, at least a few hundred, but I didn't see many people signing, but there was batting practice and fielding exercises and stretching to be done. I had to get a kick out of how they set up BP, the player hit a few balls and then ran the bases as the next person was up. Dan Uggla hit before Chipper and so when Chipper was swinging he nearly hit Dan twice, I laughed as I saw the grin come across Chipper's face. He might not have been doing it on purpose, but he was enjoying it nonetheless. It was fun to see them get into a make shift home run derby and hit bombs.
I couldn't believe how small things seemed, I think it was because I had always heard the first game stories and how everything seemed so big, but hey to a kid it would be, to a full grown man, not so much, but still, it surprised me dammit. The game started off a little rocky for our Braves, but they are an excellent team so that came around like it should. There was a great family of Braves fans in the row in front of us up from Eugene Oregon, they were glad to see us because the game before they had Mariners fans behind them that didn't like it when they yelled. I got into the yelling for my team, that was a good time, only time I didn't enjoy it was when my voice broke mid yell. The one lady in front of us turned and surprisingly said "was that you" yeah, yeah that was me.
The Braves came from behind to win the game, I got to see my boys congratulate one another, and have a big ol grin on my face as we left the field. We were in the midst of many Braves fans as we headed back towards the hotel, got a high five from one when I was on the phone with mom telling her the good guys won. So yeah, after a few beers and a little food we were headed back to the hotel, but first we stopped in a little shop on the way. I don't know if I was more buzzed than I thought I was, or if it was just because the store was so frickin hot, but I went into strategic shopping mode which is something I only do when drunk or high. But it basically boils down to having beverage covered, and making sure there is a balance between salty and sweet. I got some stuff for in the morning too, in case dad didn't want to hoof it looking for food.
Dad watched TV for a while but crashed fairly quickly, I watched and then was reading. I saw dad had the covers over his head which I thought was odd, but figured hey he isn't snoring and it's probably the light, so we're good. Then I heard a noise that made me chuckle, then I heard him say "oh God" and pull the cover's off his head and I laughed. Yes I laughed at my father for he had just dutch ovened himself.
That was day two in Seattle, a fantastic day full of awesome.
The Giant Aluminum Tree, which I loved.
Exploring the Emerald City
Tuesday morning arrived and I awoke to Dad coming into the hotel room with a paper and a cup of coffee. (for him, he's not that nice. lol) Asked him if it was a local paper and he said no they had USA Today or Wall Street Journal so he grabbed the WSJ, although he didn't know why the hell he did since it wasn't really what he was looking for. He was hungry so I jumped in the shower and got ready. The game wasn't until 7pm that night so we had time to kill until we had to go to Safeco Field.
Once I was ready and we were going to head out, I received a text message from an old friend that now works in Seattle and lives just north of there. She had just got off work and was going to crash and had to work that night so would Wednesday work to meet up, texted her of course it would because it was a day game then. Dad and I went to the elevator, and I asked what he wanted to have. He had heard someone talking in the lobby how you didn't want to eat at the restaurant there because it was to expensive, when I said one of the coffeeshops would have bagels and stuff he said no because he wanted some eggs and bacon dammit. Fine by me, let's go.
We started walking up 2nd avenue looking for a restaurant somewhere around there, and of course there were coffee shops everywhere, but no eateries that stood out, so we kept walking, all of a sudden, there's Pike Place Market, one of the places we had been told we had to see, so we went that way. Walking through that early in the day, people are setting up their wares, shops are opening, and the smell of fish welcomes you. Luckily it also had a restaurant within it that had good looking breakfasts on it's menu. These turned out to be a little expensive too, but we had a view of the harbor, and the pancakes and bacon were delicious, dad said his french toast and sausage was good too, and don't worry, we had eggs.
This was the point where I got a voice mail that I couldn't pick up on because of the building, so once we had wandered through the people setting up and went to a little park across the street I called voicemail and listened. It was a woman that works for the University of Montana, the one that helped me line things up as needed to get the paperwork done on my thesis. I also had received an email from her that I saw and responded to on my phone. I was nervous for a bit, but a few emails back and forth, and one or two from my thesis chair had everything straightened out and I had resolved to get that taken care of when I got back to Glendive. (I was so fricking relieved by that, I honestly thought my trip could get ruined by this, if I was stressing while there, but phew, no biggie)
The little park was pretty cool, just a small oasis in the middle of the city, had a couple patches of grass, some tables, two totem poles from the northwest cultures (some of my favorites that I have studied) and a view of the water. My phone's camera got a workout starting here. At one point dad leaned down and felt the grass to see how wet it was because he couldn't believe people were napping on it, grass was pretty damn wet, so they were tough individuals one might say.
Dad had his Braves hat on and I had one of mine as well, which proved to be nice as the day went on, we met so many Braves fans wandering around, and all of em smiled, nodded, or said Go Braves, twas awesome. I asked dad what he wanted to do and he didn't care, so I said there was a statue park up from there that I kinda wanted to see, and I knew the Space Needle was that direction, so of we went. The statue park was pretty cool, even though dad and I didn't get what half of those structures were, but hey, you don't have to get it to appreciate it.
We wandered through there, taking the pieces in, some I thought were really cool, some I just kinda shook my head at, but we talked to mom on the phone for a bit and just let it be what it would. After the park we headed towards the Needle. Like dad said as we went towards it, you have to be in shape to live in a city like this, those hills surprised us. I didn't really know much about Seattle, but for some reason hills never really came to mind, but they have some pretty good ones there. The area around the Space Needle was neat, looked like a science musuem, an imax theater, a water structure to beat the heat (which there wasn't much of while we were there, it was just right) a center where their WNBA team plays, and of course the Needle itself. Once I saw that you could see out the elevator's I knew I wasn't going up it. I have a thing about heights, they don't like me, or vice versa.
I told dad he could go up if he wanted and I would wait, but he was cool so we wandered some more.Our wanderings were taking a toll on dad, but I didn't know it because anytime we were deciding where to go he just kept hoofing it so I didn't think anything of it. We went by a construction site and watched and excavator push a giant boulder around for a while, then just kept walking, I knew the general direction to go, but that was about it. We finally stopped at a coffee shop and got something to drink and sat for a while. We marveled at the parking lots and I mentioned how that would be a great investment to have, minimal upkeep and a machine keeps track of everything, win/win.
Coffee finished, up we got and headed towards the water, we meandered around until we found the park again, I got a better picture of the spinning ampersand I liked and then we went by the buildings on the various docks, to see what was down there as well. We couldn't believe how old some of the beams were holding these buildings and structures up, how they looked partially rotten, but were obviously solid. We watched rats running around on the rocks below them, and just kinda took it in. We talked about going back through the Market and heading towards the hotel.
When we saw where the market was I couldn't believe all the steps we were going to have to go up to get to it, but off we went again. There were cement steps under the viaduct, and they were covered in deer poop, middle of the city and here was obviously a gathering place for them. Then through a parking lot and up wooden stairs to get back by the park from earlier. But hey, there's the market and so much more going on as everybody is set up. Mom had mentioned to me that dad should buy her a necklace or something because they had really neat glasswares and beadings or what have you, so I passed that information along to him. He did wind up finding a really pretty necklace and earring set that he got for her.
When we had gone through the first time I had noticed a lady that had hand made wooden spoons and I had mentioned to dad that I should get one for mom as a joke. When I was an unruly child that was her go to spanking device, so I thought it would be funny. Saw the price on em, 42 frickin dollars, joke wasn't that funny so I just told her about it later.
I wound up buying some cool prints, and a present for my sister, a metal work butterfly. We went up and down in the Market looking at shops on all three levels. I went in a Mexican store and got a dog and donkey that are Dia De La Muerta inspired, and a brightly colored chicken for mom, she collects them. As I waited for the shopkeep to wrap up my purchase I noticed an empty tequila bottle that had a sign in front of it saying, On Thursdays all sales get a free shot of Tequila, DAMN YOU TUESDAY. We saw people throwing fish, so that was our little touristy thing to do. We got some snack sticks and smoked cheese from the meat vendor. He asked if it was Atlanta money due to our hats, we set him straight that it was Montana money. Explored a little more and came out on 1st avenue. The chocolate shop was to much to pass up so we went in and got an English toffee caramel apple, they cut it up, and we sat and enjoyed it. Sampled the apple pie one, pretty sure all of em would have been amazing. Next door was a store with Northwest culture art so I knew I was going in there. Ever since I had heard the story of Raven, and gotten an appreciation for the art style of that group, I knew that I would be having some Ravens in my possession. I just love Raven's in general, thank you Mr. Poe. So I picked up two great prints for a decent price and off we went....wait a second not so fast, yeah this is where dad decided we should sit down for a while.
Nothing wrong with relaxing for a bit. After a while we got up and headed towards the hotel, walking down 1st I saw signs pointing out the stadiums so I knew which direction we would be going later that day, which is always a good thing. Once at the hotel dad told me that his legs were killing him because of his varicose veins, I hadn't even thought of that since he'd been such a trooper. But it was only 3 or 4ish and the game wasn't until 7 so no big deal, rest for a bit, call mom, get ready.
I think around 5:30 we set out, before we left the room dad asked if I was going to grab the map we had, I said nah, hadn't needed it yet, which surprised him, but I told him about those signs I had seen so I knew where we were headed. When the write up on the hotel said a ten minute walk to the stadium, they weren't shitting. I literally was asking my dad where it was cuz I knew it was near when I was almost parallel with Qwest field, where the Seahawks play, which is half a block from Safeco field. At that point I got goosebumps, it was really happening, we were going to see our first professional baseball game, we were going to see our favorite team, we were having that quintessential father son bonding moment that you always hear about. Most of those times it's a father taking his young son to a game, but hey, what's wrong with a 58 year old and his 32 year old son, I coulda acted young I suppose.
Even better was the fact that the first gate we see was the exact one we wanted, left field, right by where we were sitting. This game I bought us seats up on the visitor side close to third so I could see my favorite player, Chipper Jones, in action. I was surprised at all the people lined up to get autographs, at least a few hundred, but I didn't see many people signing, but there was batting practice and fielding exercises and stretching to be done. I had to get a kick out of how they set up BP, the player hit a few balls and then ran the bases as the next person was up. Dan Uggla hit before Chipper and so when Chipper was swinging he nearly hit Dan twice, I laughed as I saw the grin come across Chipper's face. He might not have been doing it on purpose, but he was enjoying it nonetheless. It was fun to see them get into a make shift home run derby and hit bombs.
I couldn't believe how small things seemed, I think it was because I had always heard the first game stories and how everything seemed so big, but hey to a kid it would be, to a full grown man, not so much, but still, it surprised me dammit. The game started off a little rocky for our Braves, but they are an excellent team so that came around like it should. There was a great family of Braves fans in the row in front of us up from Eugene Oregon, they were glad to see us because the game before they had Mariners fans behind them that didn't like it when they yelled. I got into the yelling for my team, that was a good time, only time I didn't enjoy it was when my voice broke mid yell. The one lady in front of us turned and surprisingly said "was that you" yeah, yeah that was me.
The Braves came from behind to win the game, I got to see my boys congratulate one another, and have a big ol grin on my face as we left the field. We were in the midst of many Braves fans as we headed back towards the hotel, got a high five from one when I was on the phone with mom telling her the good guys won. So yeah, after a few beers and a little food we were headed back to the hotel, but first we stopped in a little shop on the way. I don't know if I was more buzzed than I thought I was, or if it was just because the store was so frickin hot, but I went into strategic shopping mode which is something I only do when drunk or high. But it basically boils down to having beverage covered, and making sure there is a balance between salty and sweet. I got some stuff for in the morning too, in case dad didn't want to hoof it looking for food.
Dad watched TV for a while but crashed fairly quickly, I watched and then was reading. I saw dad had the covers over his head which I thought was odd, but figured hey he isn't snoring and it's probably the light, so we're good. Then I heard a noise that made me chuckle, then I heard him say "oh God" and pull the cover's off his head and I laughed. Yes I laughed at my father for he had just dutch ovened himself.
That was day two in Seattle, a fantastic day full of awesome.
The Giant Aluminum Tree, which I loved.
