life has been ridiculous lately. i finally gathered the balls to say "fuck it" throw it all to the wind and see where everything lands. so far it has been a mix of good and bad but the good is outweighing the bad. living in allston (a village of boston) is amazing. i love it here. with an average age of 29 and a super alternative friendly population this place is great. their is tons of good food. my relationship is good. i fuck it up a lot but chantel is super understanding. we have are moments. my anxiety 'causes us a lot of stress which i feel like shit about. luckily i am getting it together as we get settled in. i up and quit my job. i couldn't pretend to be happy there anymore. luckily after only a week of searching i have another job that even pays about a quarter more an hour. back to the anxiety, that had been an issue. luckily like i said it's cooling off.
i might be on here again more now. although i say that a lot.
i might be on here again more now. although i say that a lot.
life gets good:
i am moving to boston.
i am in a positive relationship.
i am genuinely happy.
life gets stressful:
i may or may not own a car.
i can not stand my job.
my anxiety is giving me shit lately.
meh, it all evens out.
work has blown lately. basically i am calling the cops everyday and they're being dicks to us. we have kids running away, beating the shit out of each other, and throwing chairs through windows daily. no one wants to help us. i need to find a new job.
however, other then that, life has been quite amazing. my apartment should be ready very soon. i have been finding a number of good records. most importantly i am now dating a girl, chantel, who is really into me. we spend our nights going to my favorite bars and listening to blues and rockabilly or we sit in my basement smoking and watching zombie movies.
however, other then that, life has been quite amazing. my apartment should be ready very soon. i have been finding a number of good records. most importantly i am now dating a girl, chantel, who is really into me. we spend our nights going to my favorite bars and listening to blues and rockabilly or we sit in my basement smoking and watching zombie movies.
i already know this isn't going to make much sense. it's gonna be a lot of rambling and half made points. so either bear with me or just don't read on.
tonight i had dinner and drinks with my friend jess. tall jess is how i think of her in my mind but i never call her that. i met jess freshmen year of college. we had an intro to criminology class together. she sat in front of me in this huge lecture hall and i eventually realized she was my height.... which led to an instant crush. we hung out, things didn't go that route and instead we ended up becoming good friends. like must of my closest friends jess is someone i only see every few months. that's just how it is with most of my friends. they, and i, are all very odd people. not odd as in weird, just odd as in not the norm. anyways so we became good friends. and we just hung out. like i said, i'll keep getting sidetracked. and now to the reason i am writing this. hanging out with a girl my height has some super calming and soothing affect on me. if it was a sexual thing i'd guess you'd call it a fetish but it it not a sexual thing. sure i find jess attractive, and yes a big part of that is her height. but this isn't it. it's just relaxing. it's refreshing. and i think it's just that for a short period of time it allows me to feel normal. and not normal as in guy to girl size ratio normal, because we're not normal guy to girl ratio normal. we are just about the same height. i have plenty of girl friends who are 5'8" 5'9" and this would probably but them at a normal ratio. what it is a relief of not being the tallest person in the room. not being the one everyone looks at. and yes, i'm only 6'3". which isn't very tall. but at the same time it is. it's rare i am not the tallest in a room. i'm in the top 2% of the worlds population as far as height goes. meaning put me in a room of 100 people and only one other person will be my height or taller. growing up i was freakishly taller then anyone my age. now i'm just tall. then i was huge (comparatively). so i have always grown up with that inherent attention. and i think i purposely did things to have control over that attention. i knew everyone would be looking at me. so i think on some subconscious level i set out to control what they would look at me for. i started wearing t-shirts that would grab peoples attention. i started wearing the most ridiculous hats i could find. and realistically that is probably why i look a lot like i do now. a lot of attention is brought on me because of my unusual facial hair styles or my tattoos and what not. so for tonight it just felt nice to have that attention split. me and someone my height. it's nice. plus we have a similar style. i was their in grey corduroys, a beat up flannel, and a hoodie. she had on black jeans, a leather biker-style jacket, and her piercing. i dunno. this probably sounds dumb if you're not in a similar situation. but i tend to not notice the stressors of everyday life until they are temporarily removed. anyways being tall can suck. i can't buy most cars because of it. i have horrible posture because if i wanted to look into someone's face i have to bend or look down. in old buildings i often don't fit in the stair wells. etc. etc. wow, now i feel like i've been bitching. anyways, jess was saying she read some book all about being tall. and it says how everyone should go on a vacation to one of the countries like the netherlands which has the tallest population. just to feel normal sized. i think for a change that'd be nice. weird rant, i know.
tonight i had dinner and drinks with my friend jess. tall jess is how i think of her in my mind but i never call her that. i met jess freshmen year of college. we had an intro to criminology class together. she sat in front of me in this huge lecture hall and i eventually realized she was my height.... which led to an instant crush. we hung out, things didn't go that route and instead we ended up becoming good friends. like must of my closest friends jess is someone i only see every few months. that's just how it is with most of my friends. they, and i, are all very odd people. not odd as in weird, just odd as in not the norm. anyways so we became good friends. and we just hung out. like i said, i'll keep getting sidetracked. and now to the reason i am writing this. hanging out with a girl my height has some super calming and soothing affect on me. if it was a sexual thing i'd guess you'd call it a fetish but it it not a sexual thing. sure i find jess attractive, and yes a big part of that is her height. but this isn't it. it's just relaxing. it's refreshing. and i think it's just that for a short period of time it allows me to feel normal. and not normal as in guy to girl size ratio normal, because we're not normal guy to girl ratio normal. we are just about the same height. i have plenty of girl friends who are 5'8" 5'9" and this would probably but them at a normal ratio. what it is a relief of not being the tallest person in the room. not being the one everyone looks at. and yes, i'm only 6'3". which isn't very tall. but at the same time it is. it's rare i am not the tallest in a room. i'm in the top 2% of the worlds population as far as height goes. meaning put me in a room of 100 people and only one other person will be my height or taller. growing up i was freakishly taller then anyone my age. now i'm just tall. then i was huge (comparatively). so i have always grown up with that inherent attention. and i think i purposely did things to have control over that attention. i knew everyone would be looking at me. so i think on some subconscious level i set out to control what they would look at me for. i started wearing t-shirts that would grab peoples attention. i started wearing the most ridiculous hats i could find. and realistically that is probably why i look a lot like i do now. a lot of attention is brought on me because of my unusual facial hair styles or my tattoos and what not. so for tonight it just felt nice to have that attention split. me and someone my height. it's nice. plus we have a similar style. i was their in grey corduroys, a beat up flannel, and a hoodie. she had on black jeans, a leather biker-style jacket, and her piercing. i dunno. this probably sounds dumb if you're not in a similar situation. but i tend to not notice the stressors of everyday life until they are temporarily removed. anyways being tall can suck. i can't buy most cars because of it. i have horrible posture because if i wanted to look into someone's face i have to bend or look down. in old buildings i often don't fit in the stair wells. etc. etc. wow, now i feel like i've been bitching. anyways, jess was saying she read some book all about being tall. and it says how everyone should go on a vacation to one of the countries like the netherlands which has the tallest population. just to feel normal sized. i think for a change that'd be nice. weird rant, i know.
