Well I pretty much dropped off the map here on SG since my dad passed away...i will eventually get back up to speed. Just a lot to do right now. hope everyone is good

Today I got up and headed into town to see my dad, I took the day off where i work so I could spend it with my mom and him. He was now a resident at the manor where i work. I went in and got to talk to him, he answered yes and no and simple answers appropriately...all between labored breaths. Then when I was talking into his ear, he opened his eyes to tell me he loved me, told my mom the same and passed away about a minute later. I can't even begin to explain how much I loved him and I am always glad I showed him I did. I have never, ever, cried this much in my life. He is so at peace now as compared with how he was before. I am so glad i was with him and that wasn't taken away from me. He was grouchy and I loved that character to him...he was always loving. I will miss him dearly...

I think i have just dealt with the most horrible thing a person could face. I worked a long shift then went to see my dad after work at home. He went on hospice last week after coming home from the hospital. His decline is so rapid that I am shocked, even as a nurse and watching many of these things. I can't help but be caught off guard. Even though last fall with the initial diagnosis. I knew the end result would be. But he was still able to walk and interact and be active. They finally admitted the other day that all the chemo and radiation did nothing to assist him or help him live a quality end. It just wasn't there. the meds and treatments just made him sit at home more and not be able to do what he needed to do.

So today, after being the strong one for everyone...i broke down and cried like never before. my dad has to be so frightened. Knowing you are on your way to saying a final goodbye. It has been a rough week and I know the upcoming days are going to be tougher than ever.

My dad had a really rough weekend, he was having a rough time breathing so i went up sunday and took a non-rebreather mask up to my dad and hooked him up on his O2 and turned up the machine and Voila...better breaths. But i was upset because my dad had been doing overall fairly well then this hit on wednesday. So here is this guy with no left lung at all for over 15 years and walked around through 8 months of radiation and chemo with cancer going strong in his one good lung and other areas, still hadn't needed oxygen. til last wednesday. I knew all appeared to be too good for so long. I knew it would come to a climax so today i went to work. called at 8am to talk to my dad and mom and see how he was. all was ok. then at 9:30 my mom called me, my dad collapsed and went into a seizure.

I knew this was possible. one area of spread for his cancer was to his brain and the swelling from the cancer and radiation treatments is taking effect now. I left work immediately and arrived within 3 minutes to their house, thank god for working close by...surprisingly the ambulance crew was there quicker than that! they beat me. all day in the ER, stabilized and off to ICU. Big decision time now. we talked and talked before and now we have to put it into effect. How much do we want to do? etc. His illness is terminal and he is losing any functionality at all. the quality is now falling and things are getting rough and changing. He is content to let himself go but my mom...she always said she was ready but after seeing her today...she's not.

My blogs get too long so I will just say, his blood pressure and pulse are all over the place with no stability because he brain function area is now affected. So things are changing very quickly. I came home to care for my animals. then back into town again to see him. I think I am smuggling my one dog in with me so it can lay on the bed with him. I just pray he is more relaxed and i can't get over the fact that with all the stuff going on. he has No pain at all! none. Thank you God for that! and i do feel better after typing this out. peace and talk later all...

Hello fellow campers...today we will be having a tree recognition session at 10:00 in the amphitheatre located near the cabins. At 11:00 is scheduled a lunch and learn where we will be discussing indigenus flora. In the afternoon we will be taking a short hike at 1:00 to check out some landmark trees in the area, please give yourself at least 1.5 hours for the tour. at 4pm, local fisherman extroidinaire ~magua~ will be showing the basics of catch and release, and don't forget our stories by campfire tonite, talk of local legends, hauntings, and other amusement tales to keep you laughing or goosebumping to the bunk and bag tonight!!

Damn, i shoulda been a park ranger. Each day i work in my current profession i think about it...This year marked 20 years that I have been doing nursing in some form. I am old! yikes. And i love the people and residents I care for but the red tape and work itself has me worn out. I shoulda been a game specialist.

So I guess this is why I have this deep love as a naturalist, environmentalist, hiker, outdoor loving fanatic! Then there is the idea, if you work it, you eventually hate it...so maybe this is true too! i had that happen when i had our bike biz with the family. i loved cycling til i was involved in the biz and i got tired of it. So, yeah. I will take where I am at in life. And i am really doing well with emotions too. thanks for all the well wishers out there who identified with troubled times. I love the people on here...