ONE. WEEK. LEFT.

(technically, it's two, but I'm not teaching the final week)

HOWEVER, I have about three weeks' work to do in one afternoon. Yikes! And we have two field trips this week (excessive)

So I might disappear for a week.

Well, I guess I'm putting my insomnia to good use! I'm up planning for the week. I had a workday, and still had a bunch to do.

Only two weeks of teaching left, and there are THREE field trips AND a Book Fair to take up huge chunks of time.

The kids will be crazy, but it's ALMOST OVER.

(I wish I could say I was kind of sad... but I'm mostly just happy to have the end in sight.)

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Well, then... the Tarheels are sucking profusely, and not in the fun way. I generally don't care about basketball, but we're in the final four. I felt like I should watch. And we are doing poorly. Sad. It's halftime, so maybe we'll pull it together.

Regardless, I updated my photo album, and here are some pictures of my awesome garden:









So, yeah. This is what I've done with my Spring Break. Sadly, no violin playing, but I will.

And... I've been drinking. And now I want to have sex.

Ah, vacations. How quickly they come and go.

It's only Tuesday, I know, and I have until Sunday off. But, still, I feel like it's going by too fast. I've been enjoying my time as much as possible... though I've been wanting to color (yes, in a coloring book), and coloring books suck, nowadays.

I'd draw my own, but that's almost like work.

I have plenty to do this week, but I wanted to waste several days so that I wouldn't be working the whole break.

Anyway, enough of that. I just ordered a bunch of stuff to get me back into playing my violin. I bought new strings (because one should always have a backup set), a new mute (because my old one rattles when not in use, which is annoying as fuck), and a new music stand (because I've had the same one since 1995, and it sucked then... and I can't find it, anyway). I have some music, but I really need to buy more. The trouble with that, is I was never very good, and never really had lessons (public school orchestra program FTW) - so while there is music I know I like, finding violin music that I can play is rather hard. Also, music is not cheap when you are trying to get several songs. Buying it on the internet is even more tricky, because you can't actually see the music to tell if it's at your level.

I've been considering taking violin lessons to help me get past where I am. I've also been toying with the idea of rejoining the community orchestra as soon as possible (this fall), but I have no idea which community I'll be living/teaching in next year... so joining the local orchestra doesn't make much sense if I'll be living and working in other counties, unless they don't have community orchestras.

In any case, I'm trying. I miss playing terribly, and hate that she spends so much time in the closet, her strings sagging from the change in temperature and humidity. I was so madly in love with my violin when I bought her, and now she barely comes out of the case once a year. Sad.

In any case, if any of you play classical stringed instruments (violin, viola, cello, bass, classical guitar), Southwest Strings has been the one website where I've gotten everything for my violin. Hell - it's where I bought my violin back in high school. Their prices are great, their service is good, and I have always gotten good quality products from them. Their variety for the more orchestral instruments is excellent, but I do admit they only carry one type of classical guitar string (but they're D'Addario strings, and a set is only $6.95, which is really cheap).

Anyway, that's my geekdom, for the week. I miss making music.

Sex is awesome.

That's it, I decree that all weekends should be three days long. I don't care if we add another day, or what, but they will be three days long. Period.

I got so much more done, this weekend, and that's because I had a day to recover before having to cram a week's worth of work into two days. It was beautiful.

Am I finished? HA! No way, but at least I don't have much left to do. Just amazed that one extra day makes so much difference. Sometimes having Christians influence the government has its benefits, though I generally wish they would keep their religious holidays to themselves.

I can't wait for spring break. Five more days.

Or, as a friend put it, 5 alarm clocks away...

Wow, what a shitty week. But, that's okay. I'm enjoying a long weekend (slept aaaaaallll day yesterday), which should be pretty productive. Then one more week and I finally get a VACATION! That's right, folks - Spring Break is finally coming. *whew*

I was pretty much told that I'm not prepared enough. Which I'm kind of mad about, because I am trying. At the same time, though, she's right. It really doesn't matter that I'm busting my ass every day and I'm still not prepared... what matters is that I'm not prepared.

So, I'm trying things a little different this weekend. We'll see if I'm more prepared this week, as a result. I certainly hope so, as I have to have my entire week ready go Monday at 8am. Every copy should be made, every lesson planned, every book in hand. Everything.

I can do it, I know I can, but I rather enjoy sleeping and spending time with people. But, there's only three more weeks of actual teaching left in the semester, so I guess I can bust my ass double-time just to get graduated.

C'mon, diploma!!!

*kisses*

I suppose I'm on an upswing, now. Which is good because I have to:

* Plan for the week

* Organize my shit for the week

* Write my résumé and cover letter

* Make copies of my PRAXIS II scores

* Do laundry

* Start asking people for letters of recommendation (and figure out how each district wants it formatted)

* Start on the application for employment (luckily, there's just one for all of NC)

* Figure out what all the districts I'm applying to require in the application

* Write up a short, friendly letter to my principal asking her to drop in on me this week (because I desperately want her to observe me so she'll write me a letter of rec.)

* Shave my legs

* Paint my nails

* Practice doing my hair for the upcoming job fair

* Get an employment application for my summer job

I'm sure there are other things I need to do, but this will probably not get finished, today. The job fair isn't until Tuesday, so I mostly just need to get the planning done, today, and everything else can be finished, tomorrow. I can't believe I'm done student teaching in six weeks. And then I graduate in eight weeks. In two months, I'll be done.

I started college in 2001. At the time, I was fresh out of high school and desperately trying to get out of Fayetteville. I knew I wanted to be a teacher, and didn't much care where I went to school. I chose UNC because that's where my boyfriend at the time was going. Stupid reason, but it's worked out okay. I even got a rather prestigious teaching scholarship to help pay for school.

I gained weight, struggled with school, was diagnosed with depression, then anxiety disorder, then ADHD... I've been off and on two medications... I've been through three relationships and quite a few flings. I took two years off of school because I was failing out and didn't want to face it. I came back to school in Fall 2006, and went back on my meds this past fall. My mother died. My Dad and Stepmom moved far away. I got my dog and then had to give him up.

I've made some of the most lasting friendships, here... but then I've also lost some friends that I always thought I would have in my life. I've cried a lot... probably more than I've laughed.

And that's life, I suppose. But it's odd to think that throughout all this, college was my main focus. Graduation has been the thing I've aimed for since freshman year of high school, maybe sooner. Get out of Fayetteville, and stay out of Fayetteville was my focus before that. What's my focus, now? I mean, once I have that degree in hand and have the job... it's going to be odd to have "live life and enjoy yourself" as my focus.

I'm sure I'll have things to strive for - but graduating is a huge thing. Much bigger than I thought it would be. And I'm a bit overwhelmed with the job search. I own a suit and fancy résumé paper. I even tried the suit on and it looks all professional and shit.

I just hope I get a job that I enjoy at a school that I like. I hope my kids next year are challenging, but not overly frustrating. And I hope that arguments with parents are minimal. Mostly, I hope that my principal is involved, passionate, and flexible. And I hope I have kids like my little Andrea in my class. Because that little girl gets my clock ticking - I so want to take her home.

Alright, then... enough time wasted. Enjoy your Sunday, loves...

These ups and downs are killing me.

Mostly the downs.

For reals.

I don't want to have the desire to fall asleep and never wake up, anymore. It's not quite suicidal, but it's certainly not healthy. Sadly, this depression didn't originate in my brain, but there's no way to treat the source on my own.

I'm going to try to get some sleep.

Don't worry, I'm sure I'll wake up whether I like it or not.

This weekend was strangely productive and yet largely wasted.

Par for the course!

Rather than wallow in the mountain of work in front of me this evening and tomorrow night, I want to revel in the fact that I, my friends, have found my dress.

THE dress.

It's a beautiful white and black gown that is strapless and form-fitted to just below the knee, where it flares out over some crinoline. It's three layers - the lining, white satin, and then a white mesh layer with a black felted floral design and small dots of glitter all over. The top has narrow black trim, and the back ties (corset-style) at the top and zips below that. I need to either lose a few pounds in my tummy or get a good corset (or both), and there is one place that needs to be taken in, but other than that it looks great! I'm thrilled.

I want to send out special love and thanks to Schiavona for helping me pick it out!