Alas, I fear I may be done with using SG for my journal. I've become a total sellout and decided to move my journal to my own site so that anyone, including my family, can comment (not that anyone has, mind.) I will still be keeping SG to post in the journals of others, and to play in the groups, but if you would like to see what I'm up to, please visit me here.
XoxoX
XoxoX A news piece I wrote for my travel writing class:
Take My Flight Please!
During the early days of air travel, only trained nurses qualified for flight attendant jobs. But judging from whats taking place in the air today, attendants are apparently spending more time at the Improv than any hospitals. Southwest Airlines flight attendants delivered these recent gems during a quick hop from Burbank to Las Vegas:
If you have a child seated next to you, or someone who is just acting like one, please secure your mask before assisting with theirs, and "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane."
While Southwest attendants routinely look for laughs, other airlines arent so quick to follow. Howard Aronin, a United Airlines flight attendant for 21 years, says although the trend began with Southwest, United has traditionally guarded against offending passengers and risking possible Federal Aviation Administration fines, especially during the safety demonstration. But Aronin acknowledges that the mood of commercial aviation changed with Southwest. When Southwest came into popularity, the profession became more like a T.G.I.F restaurant in the air - tennis shoes, shorts and no ties.
But with the rise of low-cost, no-frills airlines such as Southwest, JetBlue, and Uniteds offshoot TED, will more flight attendants be adopting the Southwest-style of humor on its flights? The flight attendants [on TED] are the same ones who have been drilled over the years to be non-controversial, Aronin says. We are not told to deliver jokes or be nutty. Humor at my airline is not encouraged; more bad than good things come from the light, flippant attitude.
So does Southwest Airlines insist its flight attendants keep delivering the punch lines? Not if theyre not good at it, says Senior Administrative Coordinator Brenda Prince. She says that Southwest strictly adheres to training guidelines administered by the FAA, but they always encourage their crewmembers to be themselves. According to Prince, the funny in-flight experiences begin with the kinds of people who work for Southwest - they tend to be humorous people in the first place, so when crewmembers are being themselves, it often means passengers wind up feeling more like theyre in a comedy club and less like theyre on a plane. But Prince also concedes that the attempt at humor is not always successful, admitting that Southwest has received numerous complaints on this humor non-policy: Weve had crew members make up funny songs for the flight, but sometimes people who have bad days dont want to hear a joke.
Prince acknowledges that Southwests humorous flight phenomenon is spreading, with crewmembers who fly together picking it up from one another, taking it onboard other planes and possibly to other airlines. But she firmly denies any official policy governing humor on Southwests behalf. Training is very serious, she says. If crewmembers are funny, its just because thats the type of people we hire.
Aronin, meantime, says hes heard fellow attendants try to be funny or entertaining over the years, but winds up cringing at their unprofessional attempts. I have my own one-liners (that never miss) but they are non-offensive and or controversial. Now as I head to work my goal is to make 'em not laugh too much. Let Southwest ask which kid the mother would prefer saving if given the choice.
We are not amused at United. I am, but don't tell them.
Take My Flight Please!
During the early days of air travel, only trained nurses qualified for flight attendant jobs. But judging from whats taking place in the air today, attendants are apparently spending more time at the Improv than any hospitals. Southwest Airlines flight attendants delivered these recent gems during a quick hop from Burbank to Las Vegas:
If you have a child seated next to you, or someone who is just acting like one, please secure your mask before assisting with theirs, and "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane."
While Southwest attendants routinely look for laughs, other airlines arent so quick to follow. Howard Aronin, a United Airlines flight attendant for 21 years, says although the trend began with Southwest, United has traditionally guarded against offending passengers and risking possible Federal Aviation Administration fines, especially during the safety demonstration. But Aronin acknowledges that the mood of commercial aviation changed with Southwest. When Southwest came into popularity, the profession became more like a T.G.I.F restaurant in the air - tennis shoes, shorts and no ties.
But with the rise of low-cost, no-frills airlines such as Southwest, JetBlue, and Uniteds offshoot TED, will more flight attendants be adopting the Southwest-style of humor on its flights? The flight attendants [on TED] are the same ones who have been drilled over the years to be non-controversial, Aronin says. We are not told to deliver jokes or be nutty. Humor at my airline is not encouraged; more bad than good things come from the light, flippant attitude.
So does Southwest Airlines insist its flight attendants keep delivering the punch lines? Not if theyre not good at it, says Senior Administrative Coordinator Brenda Prince. She says that Southwest strictly adheres to training guidelines administered by the FAA, but they always encourage their crewmembers to be themselves. According to Prince, the funny in-flight experiences begin with the kinds of people who work for Southwest - they tend to be humorous people in the first place, so when crewmembers are being themselves, it often means passengers wind up feeling more like theyre in a comedy club and less like theyre on a plane. But Prince also concedes that the attempt at humor is not always successful, admitting that Southwest has received numerous complaints on this humor non-policy: Weve had crew members make up funny songs for the flight, but sometimes people who have bad days dont want to hear a joke.
Prince acknowledges that Southwests humorous flight phenomenon is spreading, with crewmembers who fly together picking it up from one another, taking it onboard other planes and possibly to other airlines. But she firmly denies any official policy governing humor on Southwests behalf. Training is very serious, she says. If crewmembers are funny, its just because thats the type of people we hire.
Aronin, meantime, says hes heard fellow attendants try to be funny or entertaining over the years, but winds up cringing at their unprofessional attempts. I have my own one-liners (that never miss) but they are non-offensive and or controversial. Now as I head to work my goal is to make 'em not laugh too much. Let Southwest ask which kid the mother would prefer saving if given the choice.
We are not amused at United. I am, but don't tell them.
I am anchored to this world by the weight of objects I dont even want. My mind is the masthead on my own ugly ship, weather-troddled, barnacle ridden, slugging through storms only to be beaten.
I am tied to reality, waiting for imagination to cut me loose.
My feelings have been flattened and the crepe-like substance of my dreams break and blow away. While false gods continue to grow corpulent, the air dirties itself with disillusionment. Vanity eclipses beauty these days; we need to get our priorities straight.
Maybe the minds not such a terrible thing to waste.
I am tied to reality, waiting for imagination to cut me loose.
My feelings have been flattened and the crepe-like substance of my dreams break and blow away. While false gods continue to grow corpulent, the air dirties itself with disillusionment. Vanity eclipses beauty these days; we need to get our priorities straight.
Maybe the minds not such a terrible thing to waste.
Per bijoux's request:
1. Seven things to do before I die:
1) Visit all seven continents
2) Publish a book
3) Live Abroad
4) Own a pug
5) Buy my parents a really expensive vintage cappuccino machine
6) Operate and own a Vespa
7) Learn to Tango
2. Seven Things I cannot do:
1) Shoplift
2) Be really adept at the trapeze
3) Eat rare steaks
4) Give up coffee
5) Learn to use a sewing machine
6) Hurt an animal
7) Stop buying books
3) Seven things that attract me to where I live:
1. My friends and family
2. The flea markets/antique stores
3. The revolving lounge atop of the Bonaventure Hotel
4. The Museum of Jurassic Technology
5. The mountains, ocean, desert and forest all being an hour away.
6. The weather
7. The food
4. Seven things I say most often:
1) Why?
2) Oh, my God.
3) That's hilarious!
4) Dude.
5) Fuck...
6) Shit...
7) Asshole...
5. Seven books (or series) that I love
<------- (see left)
6. Seven movies/dvds I watch over and over again (or would if I had time)
<------- (see left)
7. Seven people I want to join in, too:
1) ChrisSick
2) mcates
3) togalosh
4) auralpleasure
5) flaneur
6) PICA_PICA
7) allyn
1. Seven things to do before I die:
1) Visit all seven continents
2) Publish a book
3) Live Abroad
4) Own a pug
5) Buy my parents a really expensive vintage cappuccino machine
6) Operate and own a Vespa
7) Learn to Tango
2. Seven Things I cannot do:
1) Shoplift
2) Be really adept at the trapeze
3) Eat rare steaks
4) Give up coffee
5) Learn to use a sewing machine
6) Hurt an animal
7) Stop buying books
3) Seven things that attract me to where I live:
1. My friends and family
2. The flea markets/antique stores
3. The revolving lounge atop of the Bonaventure Hotel
4. The Museum of Jurassic Technology
5. The mountains, ocean, desert and forest all being an hour away.
6. The weather
7. The food
4. Seven things I say most often:
1) Why?
2) Oh, my God.
3) That's hilarious!
4) Dude.
5) Fuck...
6) Shit...
7) Asshole...
5. Seven books (or series) that I love
<------- (see left)
6. Seven movies/dvds I watch over and over again (or would if I had time)
<------- (see left)
7. Seven people I want to join in, too:
1) ChrisSick
2) mcates
3) togalosh
4) auralpleasure
5) flaneur
6) PICA_PICA
7) allyn
Guess what? I have my first published piece in over ten years in this morning's Los Angeles Times.
And I'm actually being paid for it, too...
And I'm actually being paid for it, too...
Would you believe it if I told you that I saw Bea Arthur doing her one-woman show last night? And it was fantastic!
I am also now "mentoring" a 13-year-old girl through WriteGirl. We're about to get together every Friday afternoon at a coffee shop to write together.
I am also now "mentoring" a 13-year-old girl through WriteGirl. We're about to get together every Friday afternoon at a coffee shop to write together.
Do you know what I love? Men in Panama hats rushing purposefully through ethnic crowds...
