I saw Leonard Cohen: I'm Your Man last night. OMFG, what a beautiful film. I'm a pretty big fan of Leonard Cohen as it is, but I think any lover of music would appreciate this movie. If I had to choose a favorite out of the performances, I think Antony's rendition of If It Be Your Will is just amazing... spazzy though Antony may be.

Yeah, sometimes I paint. It has been a while.
This is 48" long, that's WAY bigger than I am used to working. Also, I found out after sketching it out that I had neglected to bring my Bombay inks with me to my new apartment, so I had to make due with acrylic, which I have basically zero experience with. I didn't have any blue either, so the sky? I tore a marker apart and rubbed its innards on the canvas, lol.
I don't know that I like how it turned out, but it was fun.

I'm too lazy to resize these but... yeah. I posted them on a couple of other forums a week or two ago, so I guess it's time to post here now too.

So apparently some dude is going to pay me $50 to take a picture of myself in a pair of underwear/stockings, then send him those undies/stockings in the mail. Dude, that's like... almost as much as I make for a full day at work. So what if there's some (probably at least moderately creepy) dude masturbating into my used garments somewhere. I need more people to pay me for doing basically nothing.

In response to your last comment Frankus, yes and no.

That guy I have interest in... we hung out Saturday and I was getting such mixed signals that I don't know which way is up.
He asked me out to dinner, then came back to my place and we hung out until around 2AM. He suggested future plans for the weekend after next. He was going to head back to his apartment, so I walked him to the door and asked if he'd object to a kiss. He said no, he wouldn't object, but that it made it harder for him to leave... then followed that up by saying he thought we'd be better off just friends.

I was cool with that, honestly... I figured he didn't think we were compatible, and there's nothing you can do to change that, so I was more than ready to just accept it. I'm willing to admit I'm a little odd, and not everyone's cup of tea. But then, because nothing can ever be that simple, he tries to explain. This becomes an hour long conversation about how he doesn't know what he's doing with his life, is pretty sure he doesn't believe in God anymore, and is having trouble finding a purpose to existence. I'm glad we had this conversation because he obviously needed to get it off his chest (I found out about a week back about him being depressed and had confronted him about it already, so this was no shock,) but what does all of this have to do with me? Before that I was willing to assume it was just incompatibility, but now I have no fucking clue what the real issue is. I have a friend who suffers chronic depression, which she keeps under control with meds and therapy, and she said it sounded to her like he was feeling guilty and wanted to avoid a relationship because he felt like he would just drag other people down with him. That sounds likely, but I'm not willing to assume that's the right answer just because it's the preferable one to me. I'm gonna try to talk to him about it soon, I'm pretty lost here and I need to have this explained to me.

So, again, after this conversation he's on the way out the door and I kinda jokingly mention in passing that while I was 100% fine with being friends (and I am, if that's all I can get,) I also want to molest him almost constantly, so if I continued to be flirty in the future he shouldn't worry, that's all it is. Once again, he said that made it even harder for him to leave. Long story short, he decided to stay the night after thinking it over for a long time. If nothing else, I'm really glad he decided to stay, because it gave me the chance to tell him how gorgeous I think he is, and I hope he at least left feeling a little better about himself. Plus, I'd have been sad if I never got to see that body again . I do actually care about preserving the friendship, so I asked the next day if he was still alright with everything. He said he thought he was, but would let me know if it ever started to bother him, and definitely still wanted to be friends even if so. That's reassuring.

So yeah, that's where we're at now. I really like this guy, so next time I see him and the opportunity arises I've decided I'm just going to ask him about it. I want to know what the reason for "just friends" is, and if it's something I can simply accept or something I want to challenge. I'm trying to live my life with as few regrets as possible, and I find that people more often regret the things they don't do. If I just accept things as they are now I may never know what the outcome could have been, so I'm more than willing to try.

I feel like I've been holding my breath for a month. The suspense is killing me. It's like I began reading a book, was starting to get to the good part, then had to put it on hold. Only that book is my life.

There aren't nearly enough distractions around either. Or maybe it's just that they're not distracting enough? I'm thinking about it too much. I'm enjoying thinking about it too much. I don't get this kind of excitement often (ever.)

I'm such a goddamn girl all of a sudden.

My dwarf scorpion escaped. She's in the apartment somewhere, I'm sure. AWESOME. Like I'm ever going to be able to locate a 1" brown scorpion in here. She apparently squeezed through the air vents in her Kritter Keeper. Did I mention she's heavily preggers? And has a constant supply of crickets because some ALWAYS manage to escape? Yep, assuming the cats don't get her, she could live in here comfortably for the duration of her lifespan. Super.
The cats tried to release my Dallas brown tarantula again too. Luckily the lid stayed on her enclosure this time when they knocked it off the shelf. She was loose in my old apartment for 2 weeks once before I found her. One hour before my mother arrived for a visit.

This is why I don't keep anything highly venomous.

I got my tattoo shaded finally. Pictures to come when it stops being all peely and gross. It's still not finished though, I will go in for a touchup and to add white highlights. Some areas are so light grey at the moment that they'll almost certainly fade off as soon as I go out in the sun and have to be redone. Luckily, I am rarely in the sun, so after the touchup we'll probably be good for a long while.

I was doing good distracting myself from that one guy. I have a new romantic interest, and am putting serious effort into banging my ex's identical twin brother (those two things being completely unrelated)... went and hung out with those two recently and had a blast, BTW. It was a rare opportunity, since the ex was only around for the holidays and normally lives in Boston. Anyway, like I said, I was doing good, but then he has a rough day and starts venting to me and I get this.

My immediate reaction is "I wish he wouldn't say things like that..." but I know I don't mean it. Worst part is that's not some line, it's just a stream of consciousness.

I'm somewhat worried about him actually. He has been acting a little off lately. Something is bothering him and he's trying not to let on. I'm going to try to get him to talk about it, because I am nosy, but also because I think he needs to. I wish he wouldn't hesitate to talk to me about life's unpleasantries -- I mean, if not to listen to you bitch, what are friends for?

But, the new boy is back in town now, and we're going to try to get together this weekend. Hopefully he'll be up to do a lot of distracting

Remember this? I got an upgrade.


It amuses the hell out of me that this activity is apparently popular enough as to merit a toy designed specifically for the purpose.

Yay, new potential romance interest to take my mind off the dude I ranted about... at least somewhat.

This is a guy I worked with recently, though he has since quit the job. I've been interested in him since he started up there. I don't know him that well yet, but he's really spiffy and fun, and one of those people you instantly feel comfortable with. Even my dog likes him, and she doesn't like ANYBODY, especially men (she is scared of strangers.) She was sitting in his lap within 15 minutes of him coming over, and snuggling up next to him and licking his face by the end of the night.... until now she has literally only ever done that with my mother and I. He was talking to her and kept saying how cute she is, and at some point she fell asleep tucked under his chin and he was whispering and trying not to move so as to avoid waking her. I have never seen anything so fucking cute. Guys, if you ever want a girl to fall for you, just be nice to her pets.

And now here's my shallow side coming out, but appearance-wise, he is my ideal. I could stare at his nekkids all day. He looks very young and boyish, slim build and kinda feminine waist-to-hip ratio, but also works out a bit so he has some nice muscle tone. And a perma-tan. Oh goodness, the tan and dark hair. Only in my wildest dreams could I have imagined such a lovely

Funny part is, as mentioned, he looks young. He's 19 and looks young for his age even, so... my friends are calling me a pedophile, LOL. They forget, though, that I look young too. Besides, to be perfectly honest, that's the look I prefer. Can't wait until I'm older so I can be a cougar