Hello SG, small break from the computer there, and I'm pretty happy to finally be back 
In the past week I have learned that finding work without speaking French in Montreal won't just be hard. It'll be damn near impossible. I am trying my luck with everything I can find, short of the sex trade (Symbol doesn't believe in sharing, and frankly, I'm just not interested). So far, the only things that stick out are cook jobs and modeling. I can cook, I have a bit of experience catering and camp cooking, but I really would prefer to avoid working evenings if I could, since that's the only time I get to spend with the boy. Also, I don't eat animal products, so if might be hard to work in some places.
For modeling, I have no experience with photographers- I've only worked with painters and other types of artists, so I don't have a portfolio. It seems there's lots of work to be had here for modeling, but without some shots I have no way to apply! The other problem is that I am not a typical model-type. I'm bigger than most models (5'5" and 140 lbs), older (28, and it shows) and don't have the other features that would make those two things acceptable- perfect breasts, say, or good skin (stretch marks, scars, cellulite, acne- I have it all!). So, you see why modeling for artists, as compared to photographers, is preferred! However, I'm interested in trying, cause really, it's the best fit for my lifestyle. I just need a bit of money, I need casual work so I can continue to write my thesis, and I like working in creative industries. I'm not a desk job kind of person. I'm also really confident and have a great self esteem. The only downfall is the risk involved, I'm not a huge risk taker and meeting people I meet online in real life, in private settings, to take off most or all of my clothes is a risky thing to do. If I knew people here, at least I could get references, or bring a friend with me. Ah, choices, choices.
In other news, I somehow ended up with a case of Runner's knee from climbing stairs/ running/ doing BodyRock workouts at home. This is a huge let down because exercise is the only thing that's been keeping my sanity as I adjust to life in a new city where I have no friends, no work... nothing. Ah, well. Here's hoping it heals quickly and I can get back to it. I would love so much to have a gym membership so I could use an eliptical machine or rowing machine, or swim til I heal. In the meantime, I am challenging myself to learn how to do push-ups. We'll see how that goes.
In the past week I have learned that finding work without speaking French in Montreal won't just be hard. It'll be damn near impossible. I am trying my luck with everything I can find, short of the sex trade (Symbol doesn't believe in sharing, and frankly, I'm just not interested). So far, the only things that stick out are cook jobs and modeling. I can cook, I have a bit of experience catering and camp cooking, but I really would prefer to avoid working evenings if I could, since that's the only time I get to spend with the boy. Also, I don't eat animal products, so if might be hard to work in some places.
For modeling, I have no experience with photographers- I've only worked with painters and other types of artists, so I don't have a portfolio. It seems there's lots of work to be had here for modeling, but without some shots I have no way to apply! The other problem is that I am not a typical model-type. I'm bigger than most models (5'5" and 140 lbs), older (28, and it shows) and don't have the other features that would make those two things acceptable- perfect breasts, say, or good skin (stretch marks, scars, cellulite, acne- I have it all!). So, you see why modeling for artists, as compared to photographers, is preferred! However, I'm interested in trying, cause really, it's the best fit for my lifestyle. I just need a bit of money, I need casual work so I can continue to write my thesis, and I like working in creative industries. I'm not a desk job kind of person. I'm also really confident and have a great self esteem. The only downfall is the risk involved, I'm not a huge risk taker and meeting people I meet online in real life, in private settings, to take off most or all of my clothes is a risky thing to do. If I knew people here, at least I could get references, or bring a friend with me. Ah, choices, choices.
In other news, I somehow ended up with a case of Runner's knee from climbing stairs/ running/ doing BodyRock workouts at home. This is a huge let down because exercise is the only thing that's been keeping my sanity as I adjust to life in a new city where I have no friends, no work... nothing. Ah, well. Here's hoping it heals quickly and I can get back to it. I would love so much to have a gym membership so I could use an eliptical machine or rowing machine, or swim til I heal. In the meantime, I am challenging myself to learn how to do push-ups. We'll see how that goes.
I am not sure why I'm awake... I hardly slept last night, I've been up for 19 hours and my body is still sore from Friday. But here we are.
My mind works well beyond my means, most of the time. I can see too many relationships between ideas and actions, simple things like a look or a word choice are analyzed and carefully considered, extrapolated into a story, some sort of explanation to which I must adapt my working theory of the world and my place in it. I am very sensitive to change, patterns, cogency and dissonance- I like figuring out how it all works, and what it all means. Sometimes this arises out of an innocent but insatiable curiosity. I want to know all there is to know. But more often than not it's because I cannot know anything about myself if not by relation to others.
Your stories and actions are interwoven through time and space to create my own. I am responsive. I cannot step outside of my world to look down on it and see what it's like, I can only look from the inside to my reflection bouncing back at me in the actions of other people. What does this word show me about myself? Can I stand to know?
So, yes... Sometimes it's mere curiosity. But most of the time it's meticulous evaluation and calculation of the millions of factors, from world history to how you hold your cup, drawing lines from one point to another to make a massive web of meaning, and finding the points that make up my self within. Little pieces of me, splattered across the amorphous cloud of space and time, resting in the minuscule points of intersection between the mundane and the heartbreakingly serious. Like dew drops on a spider web, reflecting the whole world around me, but magnified in reverse, and stretched out across my field of vision.
The view from here is... indescribable. I can barely see the patterns, and they leave me speechless.
My mind works well beyond my means, most of the time. I can see too many relationships between ideas and actions, simple things like a look or a word choice are analyzed and carefully considered, extrapolated into a story, some sort of explanation to which I must adapt my working theory of the world and my place in it. I am very sensitive to change, patterns, cogency and dissonance- I like figuring out how it all works, and what it all means. Sometimes this arises out of an innocent but insatiable curiosity. I want to know all there is to know. But more often than not it's because I cannot know anything about myself if not by relation to others.
Your stories and actions are interwoven through time and space to create my own. I am responsive. I cannot step outside of my world to look down on it and see what it's like, I can only look from the inside to my reflection bouncing back at me in the actions of other people. What does this word show me about myself? Can I stand to know?
So, yes... Sometimes it's mere curiosity. But most of the time it's meticulous evaluation and calculation of the millions of factors, from world history to how you hold your cup, drawing lines from one point to another to make a massive web of meaning, and finding the points that make up my self within. Little pieces of me, splattered across the amorphous cloud of space and time, resting in the minuscule points of intersection between the mundane and the heartbreakingly serious. Like dew drops on a spider web, reflecting the whole world around me, but magnified in reverse, and stretched out across my field of vision.
The view from here is... indescribable. I can barely see the patterns, and they leave me speechless.
You know that feeling when you're so close to getting something you want... and then it just passes right through your fingertips?
... me too
... me too
There was a boy
A very strange, enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far
Very far, over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he
And then one day,
One magic day he passed my way
While we spoke of many things
Fools and Kings
This he said to me…
The greatest thing you’ll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return
Billie Holiday, I just don't know where I'd be without you to put my heart in song.
Hush now, don't explain.
Hush now, don't explain.
The only thing worse than not being desired is not knowing if you are desired.
Later tonight, I will put on my bunny ears and bounce bounce bounce
through the house, hiding chocolate eggs in pretty foil wrappers.
Being a big sister is the best job ever.
Also, bunny ears. <3
through the house, hiding chocolate eggs in pretty foil wrappers.
Being a big sister is the best job ever.
Also, bunny ears. <3
