Since my last blog I did hear from Rob.......
It turns out he was waiting for me to initiate contact and vise versa. I feel really bad because of the miss communication and from what it sounded like he felt even worse about it and thought I was pulling away in a sense. So everything is ok....... Well........ I have a confession to make SG and this confession came out the other night when I was with Rob........ I though it was the demise of what Rob and I have going........
Monday night we started The Fast and The Furious marathon; I call it this because he has never seen the Fast series and he wants to see Fast Five. I told him he has to see the others in sequence or it's not going to make much sense, so he agreed and we started it Monday night. Since I had been sick for the past week and a half he made me some soup and we watched the first movie. After the movie was done we watched an episode of Top Gear and talked as always
Our blossoming relationship was the hot topic of the evening, I mentioned how much the age difference had bothered me up until now and he got a little worried that I was going to bounce out. I told him that I am not going to go anywhere and that I had plans in about 2 months and that I was going to decide whether I was going to stay or go. He started to worry and we both got extremely emotional, I reassured him that I am not going to leave and that my plan is asking him to be in a relationship with me. I told him that I wanted to wait for 3 months so that I know it's not going to turn out like the rest of the relationships I have had and he totally understood.
It was getting really late and he needed to take me home, however, while we were trying to leave things were getting a little hot and heavy between us. He expressed how he is afraid of me finding a younger, hotter stud to replace him with. I looked at him and told him that I had to tell him something and I completely broke down in tears, he grabbed me and hugged me, I tried pushing away and he told me to please not do that and to tell him whats on my mind. I told him that I had slept with someone else about a week ago Saturday, the weekend that I had girl time with my friend Catey. It was me, my mom, my brother, Catey and I had invited Mike over which was the biggest mistake of my life. Rob asked me if it was Mike and I had said yes and I just broke down even more, I actually got to the point where I felt suicidal but Rob didn't know that. When I looked at him he had tears in his eyes and that added more to the pain, even though we weren't in a relationship at that point and time, we were both single, it still felt like I had betrayed him. He held me close and told me it's ok, that we were both single and that I was able to do whatever I wanted, he said that if this would've happened two month into this he would've been more pissed off and hurt. He thanked me for my honesty and told me he forgives me and that we will move forward and never look back at this. I couldn't stop crying, I was devastated, it was hard for me to look at him. I expressed to him that I am starting to fall in love with him slowly but it's starting none the less and that I don't want to lose him, he said that I'm not going to and that we are going to move forward and fall even more for each other. He said that he is still mine and that I am his princess, however, my tears still wouldn't stop.
On the way to my house it was an awkward silence, I saw him look over at me from the corner of my eye, he grabbed my hand and held it and initiated conversation. When we got to my house he walked me to my door like always and looked me in the eyes and told me it's going to be ok. He held me close and tight and I just cried some more, he wiped the tears from my cheeks and told me that I am still his princess and that's not going to change, he also said this is not good bye this is until next time and that he will see me on Wednesday. He gave me a kiss and walked to his truck and before he got in he turned around and waved and I did the same, when I got inside I broke down even more, my sister came out to check on me and asked me what was going on, I told her the whole story and she was like oh man.
I got real lucky Monday night, even though I was single at the time I was extremely foolish and now know the powers of alcohol since we were all drinking that night. Rob is so amazing and to be quite honest SG I can't see myself without him....... It's not that I can't see myself without him, I don't want to see myself without him. He has my heart in his hand........
It turns out he was waiting for me to initiate contact and vise versa. I feel really bad because of the miss communication and from what it sounded like he felt even worse about it and thought I was pulling away in a sense. So everything is ok....... Well........ I have a confession to make SG and this confession came out the other night when I was with Rob........ I though it was the demise of what Rob and I have going........
Monday night we started The Fast and The Furious marathon; I call it this because he has never seen the Fast series and he wants to see Fast Five. I told him he has to see the others in sequence or it's not going to make much sense, so he agreed and we started it Monday night. Since I had been sick for the past week and a half he made me some soup and we watched the first movie. After the movie was done we watched an episode of Top Gear and talked as always
Our blossoming relationship was the hot topic of the evening, I mentioned how much the age difference had bothered me up until now and he got a little worried that I was going to bounce out. I told him that I am not going to go anywhere and that I had plans in about 2 months and that I was going to decide whether I was going to stay or go. He started to worry and we both got extremely emotional, I reassured him that I am not going to leave and that my plan is asking him to be in a relationship with me. I told him that I wanted to wait for 3 months so that I know it's not going to turn out like the rest of the relationships I have had and he totally understood. It was getting really late and he needed to take me home, however, while we were trying to leave things were getting a little hot and heavy between us. He expressed how he is afraid of me finding a younger, hotter stud to replace him with. I looked at him and told him that I had to tell him something and I completely broke down in tears, he grabbed me and hugged me, I tried pushing away and he told me to please not do that and to tell him whats on my mind. I told him that I had slept with someone else about a week ago Saturday, the weekend that I had girl time with my friend Catey. It was me, my mom, my brother, Catey and I had invited Mike over which was the biggest mistake of my life. Rob asked me if it was Mike and I had said yes and I just broke down even more, I actually got to the point where I felt suicidal but Rob didn't know that. When I looked at him he had tears in his eyes and that added more to the pain, even though we weren't in a relationship at that point and time, we were both single, it still felt like I had betrayed him. He held me close and told me it's ok, that we were both single and that I was able to do whatever I wanted, he said that if this would've happened two month into this he would've been more pissed off and hurt. He thanked me for my honesty and told me he forgives me and that we will move forward and never look back at this. I couldn't stop crying, I was devastated, it was hard for me to look at him. I expressed to him that I am starting to fall in love with him slowly but it's starting none the less and that I don't want to lose him, he said that I'm not going to and that we are going to move forward and fall even more for each other. He said that he is still mine and that I am his princess, however, my tears still wouldn't stop.
On the way to my house it was an awkward silence, I saw him look over at me from the corner of my eye, he grabbed my hand and held it and initiated conversation. When we got to my house he walked me to my door like always and looked me in the eyes and told me it's going to be ok. He held me close and tight and I just cried some more, he wiped the tears from my cheeks and told me that I am still his princess and that's not going to change, he also said this is not good bye this is until next time and that he will see me on Wednesday. He gave me a kiss and walked to his truck and before he got in he turned around and waved and I did the same, when I got inside I broke down even more, my sister came out to check on me and asked me what was going on, I told her the whole story and she was like oh man.
I got real lucky Monday night, even though I was single at the time I was extremely foolish and now know the powers of alcohol since we were all drinking that night. Rob is so amazing and to be quite honest SG I can't see myself without him....... It's not that I can't see myself without him, I don't want to see myself without him. He has my heart in his hand........
I'm sorry I haven't written in a while, I've been really sick.....
I don't really have any updates on anything.....
Tonight I think Rob's true colors are coming out but I don't know for sure. The last text I received from him was at 5:40 before his son showed up to his house. Let me remind you, I have NO Issues with him having a child but I did find it quite odd and very hurtful that he didn't text me once tonight but he had all the time in the world to be on facebook, I'm not checking up on him or "stalking" if you will, it's just every time I would log into facebook there was another new post. I don't know if I am being overly dramatic or if I am being overly sensitive but I refuse to be treated like this once again by some douche bag asshole. I already may a promise to myself that I am not putting up with anything like this ever again. I didn't think I would get as hurt as I am now but....... I am...... and it hurts pretty bad.
I'm not sure what to do at this point..... I didn't even receive a good night like I normally do from him, it's like I don't even exist in his world tonight. He even wrote me a poem this afternoon and now this? I just don't get why guys do this. We aren't together, so I don't know why I am feeling this way? *smh*.............
I don't really have any updates on anything.....
Tonight I think Rob's true colors are coming out but I don't know for sure. The last text I received from him was at 5:40 before his son showed up to his house. Let me remind you, I have NO Issues with him having a child but I did find it quite odd and very hurtful that he didn't text me once tonight but he had all the time in the world to be on facebook, I'm not checking up on him or "stalking" if you will, it's just every time I would log into facebook there was another new post. I don't know if I am being overly dramatic or if I am being overly sensitive but I refuse to be treated like this once again by some douche bag asshole. I already may a promise to myself that I am not putting up with anything like this ever again. I didn't think I would get as hurt as I am now but....... I am...... and it hurts pretty bad.
I'm not sure what to do at this point..... I didn't even receive a good night like I normally do from him, it's like I don't even exist in his world tonight. He even wrote me a poem this afternoon and now this? I just don't get why guys do this. We aren't together, so I don't know why I am feeling this way? *smh*.............
I'm sorry SG, for not blogging for the past couple of days...........
It's been a little hectic, so we will start with Wednesday........
If I remember correctly I didn't tell you guys what was going on with my brother. He is about to be married May 29th to a girl who desperately needs to grow up and I'll tell you why. Last weekend my brother called my mom concerning his fiancee and how she was treating him, she was belittling and calling him names..... excuse me?! WTF is that all about!?!??!! She's 25 years old, has a 2 year old little girl and is acting like a 2 year old herself, I mean come on now.......
With that being said, I was supposed to help out my brother on Wednesday, he needed to take his del sol back into the shop, so me being the reliable sister that I am I agreed to help him. I received a text that morning stating that Megan called off work and that she would be joining him and asked if I still wanted to go. I told him no that I am still pissed at her for the shit she pulled and left it at that. May I remind you this was the second time she pulled this shit with coming between my brother and I. When my brother showed up he came to my room and of course she followed, he asked if I was ok as he handed me my ID, apparently I had left it on the ground somewhere outside, I told him no and that I would talk to him later. 20 mins went by and there was a knock on my door, when I opened it there she stood as happy as could be and asked me why I didn't want to go, I told her "Because I'm pissed at you". I told my friend that was on the phone that I would call him back and asked her to please come in my room and I shut the door. I told her that I knew what happened over the weekend between her and my brother and that I wasn't happy with it or with her. I even explained to her that the family is not happy with her right now, she tried to deny everything and tried to get aggressive with me, I stood up out of my chair and told her "You wanna drop bombs we'll do it right now." She stormed out of my room and slammed the door which made me even more upset. I called up my mom and told her what happened, she explained that she would be having words with Megan as well about everything.
Ok enough about that........
Later on that evening Rob came and picked me up and we went back to his place, but before that we went to the store to buy the necessary items to make grilled cheese and tomato soup!!
I had also brought Super Troopers since he had never seen it. When we got to his place we put everything away and talked for a little bit, before I knew it, it was time for me to take my medication so we headed on back to the kitchen to make dinner. He helped me out with preparation and made sure I was all set, he is the sweetest guy in the world After that we went back into the living room to eat and watch Super Troopers. Like always we didn't exactly watch the entire movie but enough to where he understood the plot, instead we either talked or had a pretty intense make out session 
As the night went on he was telling me how afraid he is to fall in love with me as he doesn't want to get hurt, no one ever does, I'm also afraid .
SG, he has a smile that lights up my whole world when it's gone dark........ Every time I think about him or a see a photo of him my face lights up with the biggest smile........
On to last night!
I don't normally see Rob on Thursdays, well not since we've started seeing each other, so last night was the first time I saw him on a Thursday. His son had a reading over at Barnes and Noble and I wasn't sure if or when he would be by until he called and took me by surprise, so I had to hurry up and get ready We went to Islands for dinner like we did on our first date and we sat and talked for what I would say a good hour maybe a little longer, like we always do. After dinner we went back to his place and talked some more, of course had another intense make out session He didn't want to take me home last night and to be quite honest I didn't want to leave either. He's been wanting me to stay the night with him but I'm not ready to take that next step with him yet, I want to take it slow. I told him once I get my truck registered then I would consider it but not until then and he completely understands. When we did leave to come back to my house it was so hard to part ways with him, especially knowing I wasn't going to see him for 3 days. This Saturday I am spending the evening with Catey and Saturday is mine and Robs night but he understood, he is an amazing guy. I made him stall for a little bit longer and invited him in to meet spot, my pet rat, I had never seen spot so calm with someone before it was quite a site. After he held spot for a moment he took a look around my room and if I would've remembered I would have given him one of my calendars, I completely forgot. Soon there after we went back outside, this time I walked him to his truck so we wouldn't stall anymore, he had a meeting to conduct this morning. We said our good byes, he waited til I got to my front door to get in his truck and waved at me.
Every night seems to be getting better and better, however, I did notice that I am starting to shut down a little. I think I am getting scared, sabotaging even, I'm not sure. It's like I am picking at little things, I tend to do that often with people, I find things I don't like just sabotage whether it be the way they talk, walk, laugh, eat, anything really and I think I am doing that with Rob. I know it's normal to do the things I just mentioned but for some reason my brain likes to make me think other wise.
Any suggestions SG? Give a hopeful a little advice?
It's been a little hectic, so we will start with Wednesday........
If I remember correctly I didn't tell you guys what was going on with my brother. He is about to be married May 29th to a girl who desperately needs to grow up and I'll tell you why. Last weekend my brother called my mom concerning his fiancee and how she was treating him, she was belittling and calling him names..... excuse me?! WTF is that all about!?!??!! She's 25 years old, has a 2 year old little girl and is acting like a 2 year old herself, I mean come on now.......
With that being said, I was supposed to help out my brother on Wednesday, he needed to take his del sol back into the shop, so me being the reliable sister that I am I agreed to help him. I received a text that morning stating that Megan called off work and that she would be joining him and asked if I still wanted to go. I told him no that I am still pissed at her for the shit she pulled and left it at that. May I remind you this was the second time she pulled this shit with coming between my brother and I. When my brother showed up he came to my room and of course she followed, he asked if I was ok as he handed me my ID, apparently I had left it on the ground somewhere outside, I told him no and that I would talk to him later. 20 mins went by and there was a knock on my door, when I opened it there she stood as happy as could be and asked me why I didn't want to go, I told her "Because I'm pissed at you". I told my friend that was on the phone that I would call him back and asked her to please come in my room and I shut the door. I told her that I knew what happened over the weekend between her and my brother and that I wasn't happy with it or with her. I even explained to her that the family is not happy with her right now, she tried to deny everything and tried to get aggressive with me, I stood up out of my chair and told her "You wanna drop bombs we'll do it right now." She stormed out of my room and slammed the door which made me even more upset. I called up my mom and told her what happened, she explained that she would be having words with Megan as well about everything. Ok enough about that........
Later on that evening Rob came and picked me up and we went back to his place, but before that we went to the store to buy the necessary items to make grilled cheese and tomato soup!!
I had also brought Super Troopers since he had never seen it. When we got to his place we put everything away and talked for a little bit, before I knew it, it was time for me to take my medication so we headed on back to the kitchen to make dinner. He helped me out with preparation and made sure I was all set, he is the sweetest guy in the world After that we went back into the living room to eat and watch Super Troopers. Like always we didn't exactly watch the entire movie but enough to where he understood the plot, instead we either talked or had a pretty intense make out session As the night went on he was telling me how afraid he is to fall in love with me as he doesn't want to get hurt, no one ever does, I'm also afraid . SG, he has a smile that lights up my whole world when it's gone dark........ Every time I think about him or a see a photo of him my face lights up with the biggest smile........
On to last night!
I don't normally see Rob on Thursdays, well not since we've started seeing each other, so last night was the first time I saw him on a Thursday. His son had a reading over at Barnes and Noble and I wasn't sure if or when he would be by until he called and took me by surprise, so I had to hurry up and get ready
We went to Islands for dinner like we did on our first date and we sat and talked for what I would say a good hour maybe a little longer, like we always do. After dinner we went back to his place and talked some more, of course had another intense make out session He didn't want to take me home last night and to be quite honest I didn't want to leave either. He's been wanting me to stay the night with him but I'm not ready to take that next step with him yet, I want to take it slow. I told him once I get my truck registered then I would consider it but not until then and he completely understands. When we did leave to come back to my house it was so hard to part ways with him, especially knowing I wasn't going to see him for 3 days. This Saturday I am spending the evening with Catey and Saturday is mine and Robs night but he understood, he is an amazing guy. I made him stall for a little bit longer and invited him in to meet spot, my pet rat, I had never seen spot so calm with someone before it was quite a site. After he held spot for a moment he took a look around my room and if I would've remembered I would have given him one of my calendars, I completely forgot. Soon there after we went back outside, this time I walked him to his truck so we wouldn't stall anymore, he had a meeting to conduct this morning. We said our good byes, he waited til I got to my front door to get in his truck and waved at me. Every night seems to be getting better and better, however, I did notice that I am starting to shut down a little. I think I am getting scared, sabotaging even, I'm not sure. It's like I am picking at little things, I tend to do that often with people, I find things I don't like just sabotage whether it be the way they talk, walk, laugh, eat, anything really and I think I am doing that with Rob. I know it's normal to do the things I just mentioned but for some reason my brain likes to make me think other wise.
Any suggestions SG? Give a hopeful a little advice?
So yesterday was pretty fucking awesome.......
My friend Catey came over yesterday for the first time since things started really taking off with Rob. She was in shock at how giddy and happy I was as she has never me in this state before, especially since she knew my ex. I needed to run some errands and asked if would like to go with me, of course her being my best friend she said of course. As I was getting ready I received a text from Rob and face just lit up, he asked "Had a frap today"? I said "No, I am trying to tone up for a shoot coming up". The next message totally blew me away and took me by surprise "Guess you don't want me to drop one off then." I completely freaked out, the look on Catey's face was priceless at this point. I text him back with "OMG! Yes I do"! He even offered to get me something else since I am trying to lose a little bit weight and also offered my sister something, I couldn't believe it! No other guy has offered my little sister something. 10 minutes later there is a knock on my front door and I look like a mess! I had just gotten out of the shower, my hair was still damp and all over the place, I was freaking out. I opened the door and omg..... He had his hair down he smiled, gave me a hug and a kiss. SG, I couldn't even look at him, I was smiling, bushing ... I couldn't contain myself. He gave me my drink and one last hug and kiss and said "I'll see you tonight." and on his way he went. I closed the front door, turned around and couldn't move, so the door was helping me stand for the next 2 mins or so. Catey was like "Are you standing against the door." I replied with "No.... Maybe......Yes." She laughed and called me a dork. We proceeded to leave and run the necessary errands before my date with Rob last night.
I couldn't believe my reaction yesterday, it was out of this world...... but the date last night is another story that begins right now.........
He picked me up around 6:45 or so and we went to California Pizza Kitchen, as we were walking up to the restaurant he put his arm around me, it was nice We went in and sat down and just started talking like we always do but this time we ordered and then continued to talk instead of the other way around, well, he ordered for the both of us which was fine by me 
One thing that he brought up was the fact that he is not talking to anyone else nor is he interested in anyone else, that was a nice surprise. He also told me he doesn't want me to feel rushed in anyway and wants me to be able to feel free to just live my life being single until I am ready, he just wanted to tell me how he felt. I thought that was very considerate of him since most people now a days don't have considerate bone in their body. After the food came I decided to bring up the Target story 
It turns out he was actually stalling!!! He wanted us to bump into each other, I felt so bad after he told me that. He said he loved the story and it made him feel good that I feel the way that I do. After dinner we went back to his place, on the way there he was telling me how our friends were trying to pry out of him who he was talking to this last Saturday night, Rob told them not to worry about and that they will know in due time. It's going to be kind of funny when they see it's me because I am one of their special Miscreant's but I know it will all fall into place the way it's supposed to when we got to his place, we turned on Top Gear and continued to talk..... Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that at the restaurant we talked about shaving his beard! So as we were continuing to talk went went to his restroom and he asked, "How much should I shave"? I told him "Leave the Go-t and side burns." he asked "What about the mustache". I told him "Leave it and we'll see when everything is shaved". So he shaved and said he has never shaved for anyone and has never had anyone watch him shave, that made me happy I'm such a dork, I know. When he finished shaving he asked about the mustache and I told him to take it off, so he did. Btw, this man is sexy no matter what he does, I swear. After he was done, he got my seal of approval, he looked very nice.
Ok this next part, is a little hard for me to talk about and I will explain while I am blogging.......
So when we sat back down we talked some more about a couple of things, like about animals and how I lost my two Siberian Huskies...... of course I ended up crying but Rob was so sweet and hugged me and told me that it'll be ok. After a long while of exchanging stories, we started kissing and well one thing lead to another and we ended up in his bedroom. We did the deed and afterward I had this feeling and it wasn't a good feeling. It was that feeling of "I feel like I am being used" because that's happened so many times before that I went completely numb and kind of shied away. Rob knew there was something wrong. We laid down on his couch and after a little bit we started talking about what just happened and I explained my feelings and what was going through my head. He sat me up and explained to me that if I didn't want to commence in sexual activity we didn't have to and continued to apologize. He said that he was sorry for letting the chemicals get the best of him and that he didn't want that to ruin anything between us. I could not believe what I was hearing from this man's lips, I was in shock. He said he wants to give us a shot, if there is a chance when I am ready and that he has never felt this way about anyone before not even his ex wife. Since he was telling me about all this, I told him about how I was going to pursue something with someone else before I had even talked to Rob and that it wasn't working out for multiple reason, the first is because this mystery man is married and second he some what fell off the face of the earth for about a week and it totally destroyed me emotionally. This mystery man has also been helping me with my financial situation at the moment and I told Rob this and he told me if I need help he will help me and I can pay him back when I am more financial capable. I told Rob no that I am not taking his money, I basically made my bed so now I have to sleep in it. Rob wants to help me in the worst way and I can't bring myself to do so but he put the offer on the table and it still stands.
He took me home around 1, I told him I hope I see him again and he said you will. When we got to my house he walked me to my door as he always does and reassured me again that I will see him again as he kissed me. As I was walking into my house I turned back and he waved at me as he got into his truck.
Last night was totally unexpected in every way, this man is very special to me and I will be breaking ties with the mystery man.
My friend Catey came over yesterday for the first time since things started really taking off with Rob. She was in shock at how giddy and happy I was as she has never me in this state before, especially since she knew my ex. I needed to run some errands and asked if would like to go with me, of course her being my best friend she said of course. As I was getting ready I received a text from Rob and face just lit up, he asked "Had a frap today"? I said "No, I am trying to tone up for a shoot coming up". The next message totally blew me away and took me by surprise "Guess you don't want me to drop one off then."
I completely freaked out, the look on Catey's face was priceless at this point. I text him back with "OMG! Yes I do"! He even offered to get me something else since I am trying to lose a little bit weight and also offered my sister something, I couldn't believe it! No other guy has offered my little sister something. 10 minutes later there is a knock on my front door and I look like a mess! I had just gotten out of the shower, my hair was still damp and all over the place, I was freaking out. I opened the door and omg..... He had his hair down he smiled, gave me a hug and a kiss. SG, I couldn't even look at him, I was smiling, bushing ... I couldn't contain myself. He gave me my drink and one last hug and kiss and said "I'll see you tonight." and on his way he went. I closed the front door, turned around and couldn't move, so the door was helping me stand for the next 2 mins or so. Catey was like "Are you standing against the door." I replied with "No.... Maybe......Yes." She laughed and called me a dork. We proceeded to leave and run the necessary errands before my date with Rob last night. I couldn't believe my reaction yesterday, it was out of this world...... but the date last night is another story that begins right now.........
He picked me up around 6:45 or so and we went to California Pizza Kitchen, as we were walking up to the restaurant he put his arm around me, it was nice
We went in and sat down and just started talking like we always do but this time we ordered and then continued to talk instead of the other way around, well, he ordered for the both of us which was fine by me One thing that he brought up was the fact that he is not talking to anyone else nor is he interested in anyone else, that was a nice surprise. He also told me he doesn't want me to feel rushed in anyway and wants me to be able to feel free to just live my life being single until I am ready, he just wanted to tell me how he felt. I thought that was very considerate of him since most people now a days don't have considerate bone in their body. After the food came I decided to bring up the Target story It turns out he was actually stalling!!! He wanted us to bump into each other, I felt so bad after he told me that. He said he loved the story and it made him feel good that I feel the way that I do. After dinner we went back to his place, on the way there he was telling me how our friends were trying to pry out of him who he was talking to this last Saturday night, Rob told them not to worry about and that they will know in due time. It's going to be kind of funny when they see it's me because I am one of their special Miscreant's but I know it will all fall into place the way it's supposed to when we got to his place, we turned on Top Gear and continued to talk..... Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that at the restaurant we talked about shaving his beard! So as we were continuing to talk went went to his restroom and he asked, "How much should I shave"? I told him "Leave the Go-t and side burns." he asked "What about the mustache". I told him "Leave it and we'll see when everything is shaved". So he shaved and said he has never shaved for anyone and has never had anyone watch him shave, that made me happy I'm such a dork, I know. When he finished shaving he asked about the mustache and I told him to take it off, so he did. Btw, this man is sexy no matter what he does, I swear. After he was done, he got my seal of approval, he looked very nice. Ok this next part, is a little hard for me to talk about and I will explain while I am blogging.......
So when we sat back down we talked some more about a couple of things, like about animals and how I lost my two Siberian Huskies...... of course I ended up crying
but Rob was so sweet and hugged me and told me that it'll be ok. After a long while of exchanging stories, we started kissing and well one thing lead to another and we ended up in his bedroom. We did the deed and afterward I had this feeling and it wasn't a good feeling. It was that feeling of "I feel like I am being used" because that's happened so many times before that I went completely numb and kind of shied away. Rob knew there was something wrong. We laid down on his couch and after a little bit we started talking about what just happened and I explained my feelings and what was going through my head. He sat me up and explained to me that if I didn't want to commence in sexual activity we didn't have to and continued to apologize. He said that he was sorry for letting the chemicals get the best of him and that he didn't want that to ruin anything between us. I could not believe what I was hearing from this man's lips, I was in shock. He said he wants to give us a shot, if there is a chance when I am ready and that he has never felt this way about anyone before not even his ex wife. Since he was telling me about all this, I told him about how I was going to pursue something with someone else before I had even talked to Rob and that it wasn't working out for multiple reason, the first is because this mystery man is married and second he some what fell off the face of the earth for about a week and it totally destroyed me emotionally. This mystery man has also been helping me with my financial situation at the moment and I told Rob this and he told me if I need help he will help me and I can pay him back when I am more financial capable. I told Rob no that I am not taking his money, I basically made my bed so now I have to sleep in it. Rob wants to help me in the worst way and I can't bring myself to do so but he put the offer on the table and it still stands. He took me home around 1, I told him I hope I see him again and he said you will. When we got to my house he walked me to my door as he always does and reassured me again that I will see him again as he kissed me
. As I was walking into my house I turned back and he waved at me as he got into his truck. Last night was totally unexpected in every way, this man is very special to me and I will be breaking ties with the mystery man.
Ok so I can't sleep........
I was laying in bed and all I could think about is Rob. His eyes, his smile, his gorgeous hair the way he touches my face when he kisses me. I can't stop smiling SG, this is insane.
I can't stand kids, I don't want kids, they get on my one last fucking nerve........ Rob has a little boy, he's 6 and he is absolutely adorable. I don't mind AT ALL, I am totally cool with it. He has set days that he see's his son and I don't mind, the funny thing is when Rob is with his son he doesn't text anyone, at least that's what I have gathered from our conversations, but he will respond to me. It's trippin me out.
I can't stand pot smokers, I hate them, they are retarded in my eyes....... Rob's a pot smoker, go figure..... SG it doesn't even bother me that he smokes pot, like I said this is really weird. Is it true about what they say, that opposites attract? If that's the case, in this aspect we are complete opposites but we get along and see eye on pretty much everything so far. I don't think I should look too much into it, I might just jinx it 
and that's the last thing I need.
I really like this guy, as I have been saying in all of my blogs since the 10th and I really hope this feeling doesn't go away. I don't want him to change anything about himself and that's a first for me to say, granted it's only been two weeks but so far it's been extraordinary.
I was laying in bed and all I could think about is Rob. His eyes, his smile, his gorgeous hair
the way he touches my face when he kisses me. I can't stop smiling SG, this is insane. I can't stand kids, I don't want kids, they get on my one last fucking nerve........
Rob has a little boy, he's 6 and he is absolutely adorable. I don't mind AT ALL, I am totally cool with it. He has set days that he see's his son and I don't mind, the funny thing is when Rob is with his son he doesn't text anyone, at least that's what I have gathered from our conversations, but he will respond to me. It's trippin me out.I can't stand pot smokers, I hate them, they are retarded in my eyes.......
Rob's a pot smoker, go figure..... SG it doesn't even bother me that he smokes pot, like I said this is really weird. Is it true about what they say, that opposites attract? If that's the case, in this aspect we are complete opposites but we get along and see eye on pretty much everything so far. I don't think I should look too much into it, I might just jinx it and that's the last thing I need.I really like this guy, as I have been saying in all of my blogs since the 10th and I really hope this feeling doesn't go away. I don't want him to change anything about himself and that's a first for me to say, granted it's only been two weeks but so far it's been extraordinary.
Ok so it's later .....
After discussing our feelings and how we felt about the situation, I suggested we watch The Big Lebowski. I had watched it once before but with someone who was just mind numbingly stupid, my ex. When I watched it this time around I found it to be quite funny, well what we watched of it. During the movie we both got hungry and decided to head to the kitchen and scrounge around for some food, he kept apologizing for having a bachelor pad, I told him no worries and that it's not a big deal to me He made rice and I made eggs, I ended up eating and he only had some rice, which is ok at least he had something Around this time it was already 3:30, we ate and watched some more of the movie and both almost fell asleep on the couch. It was 4:15 when I told him I didn't want to keep him awake any longer and that I didn't want to make it to where he was too tired to have fun with his son today. He took me home and walked me to the door as he always does and kissed me, he said I'll see you soon.
I can't explain this feeling and to be quite honest I don't want to and most definitely don't want to jinx it.
So this afternoon my sister took me to a store called bloom so I could pick up some more tank tops, while doing so I was debating whether or not I should text Rob saying I hope he is having a wonderful day with his son and that I would talk to him soon. It was funny because every time I would go to text him I would exit out of the text menu heh So finally I got up to the courage to do so and I received a nice message back. He said him and his son were at Target...... Well, I needed to go to Target........ Oh dude........ He asked what I was doing and I told him I was at the plaza getting some tank tops and that I was about to head to Target for some things. He then asked me which Harry Potter was the first one, which gave away which section of Target he was in. I told him I forgot but I think it was Sorcerers Stone, he said his son wants to see it and he himself had never seen it either. When my sister and I got to the parking lot and parked I saw his truck, heh. We went in and made sure to go the looooong way around because where he was at I needed to be, my face wash and everything was by the movie section. So we got over there and I was looking at my hair dye, I was trying real hard to be incognito so he wouldn't see me if he went by, my sister was like "he is probably at the check out already". Well when I turned around I saw a basket with a little boy and a man with long hair pulling around a corner in the movie section, I then continued to say "No he's not" and bolted around the other side and was laughing hysterically, almost crying, as a matter of fact there were tears. My sister offered to go get my face wash, I already had my hair dye so I told her which one it was. She came running back and said "Dude, he came in the same isle as me and now he is going down each isle". I grabbed my sister and we headed near the electronics thru the sporting goods and I told her to put the stuff down and lets go, she said "But we can just go and check these two out" I told her no lets just go, she put the stuff down, I took her hand and we bolted. We went around the back of the store and cut thru the big middle isle, I was home free!!!!! Until we got near the exit...... I saw him over to my right looking at something and I booked it right for the door my sister in hand.
OMG SG!!!! What the fuck is wrong with me!!!!! *face palm* I am so nervous and scared it's pathetic
and he looked so good today, he had his hair down and everything. HOWEVER!!! I get to see him tomorrow but do I dare tell him the Target story? that is the real question..... What do you think SG? Should I tell him?
.....After discussing our feelings and how we felt about the situation, I suggested we watch The Big Lebowski. I had watched it once before but with someone who was just mind numbingly stupid, my ex. When I watched it this time around I found it to be quite funny, well what we watched of it. During the movie we both got hungry and decided to head to the kitchen and scrounge around for some food, he kept apologizing for having a bachelor pad, I told him no worries and that it's not a big deal to me
He made rice and I made eggs, I ended up eating and he only had some rice, which is ok at least he had something Around this time it was already 3:30, we ate and watched some more of the movie and both almost fell asleep on the couch. It was 4:15 when I told him I didn't want to keep him awake any longer and that I didn't want to make it to where he was too tired to have fun with his son today. He took me home and walked me to the door as he always does and kissed me, he said I'll see you soon. I can't explain this feeling and to be quite honest I don't want to and most definitely don't want to jinx it.
So this afternoon my sister took me to a store called bloom so I could pick up some more tank tops, while doing so I was debating whether or not I should text Rob saying I hope he is having a wonderful day with his son and that I would talk to him soon. It was funny because every time I would go to text him I would exit out of the text menu heh
So finally I got up to the courage to do so and I received a nice message back. He said him and his son were at Target...... Well, I needed to go to Target........ Oh dude........ He asked what I was doing and I told him I was at the plaza getting some tank tops and that I was about to head to Target for some things. He then asked me which Harry Potter was the first one, which gave away which section of Target he was in. I told him I forgot but I think it was Sorcerers Stone, he said his son wants to see it and he himself had never seen it either. When my sister and I got to the parking lot and parked I saw his truck, heh. We went in and made sure to go the looooong way around because where he was at I needed to be, my face wash and everything was by the movie section. So we got over there and I was looking at my hair dye, I was trying real hard to be incognito so he wouldn't see me if he went by, my sister was like "he is probably at the check out already". Well when I turned around I saw a basket with a little boy and a man with long hair pulling around a corner in the movie section, I then continued to say "No he's not" and bolted around the other side and was laughing hysterically, almost crying, as a matter of fact there were tears. My sister offered to go get my face wash, I already had my hair dye so I told her which one it was. She came running back and said "Dude, he came in the same isle as me and now he is going down each isle". I grabbed my sister and we headed near the electronics thru the sporting goods and I told her to put the stuff down and lets go, she said "But we can just go and check these two out" I told her no lets just go, she put the stuff down, I took her hand and we bolted. We went around the back of the store and cut thru the big middle isle, I was home free!!!!! Until we got near the exit...... I saw him over to my right looking at something and I booked it right for the door my sister in hand.OMG SG!!!! What the fuck is wrong with me!!!!! *face palm* I am so nervous and scared it's pathetic
and he looked so good today, he had his hair down and everything. HOWEVER!!! I get to see him tomorrow but do I dare tell him the Target story? that is the real question..... What do you think SG? Should I tell him? Last night was simply amazing.......
Rob picked me up later than expected but it was ok because he was keeping me in the loop as to what was going on the entire time he was geeking out with our friends. When he called to tell me he was coming to get me I got extremely nervous and giddy, I couldn't wait to see him. When we got off the phone I did a slight indoor scream and giggled a lot, my sister thought I was on crack and told "dude calm down". I told her I can't I am just too excited. When he pulled up I got so nervous, he came up to the front door to get me and then opened the truck door as he always does.
We decided to go back to his place, when we did he asked what I wanted to do and I told him I want to geek out with him and watch star wars. He was super stoked about that since that is one of his favorites and also since I've never seen it. We didn't even make it through half way into the movie when we started talking again, we were telling each other how we feel and that he didn't know if I felt the same way he did. Apparently he gets all nervous and smiley like I do whenever I text him or message him on facebook. He said he really likes me a lot but didn't want to rush into anything and also didn't want to scare me away, he said that he's never felt like this before and it's new to him.
I really like this guy SG, a lot.......
I will try and write more later, I am exhausted and just got home a little bit ago but there is a little update for the time being
Rob picked me up later than expected but it was ok because he was keeping me in the loop as to what was going on the entire time he was geeking out with our friends. When he called to tell me he was coming to get me I got extremely nervous and giddy, I couldn't wait to see him. When we got off the phone I did a slight indoor scream and giggled a lot, my sister thought I was on crack and told "dude calm down". I told her I can't I am just too excited. When he pulled up I got so nervous, he came up to the front door to get me and then opened the truck door as he always does.
We decided to go back to his place, when we did he asked what I wanted to do and I told him I want to geek out with him and watch star wars. He was super stoked about that since that is one of his favorites and also since I've never seen it. We didn't even make it through half way into the movie when we started talking again, we were telling each other how we feel and that he didn't know if I felt the same way he did. Apparently he gets all nervous and smiley like I do whenever I text him or message him on facebook. He said he really likes me a lot but didn't want to rush into anything and also didn't want to scare me away, he said that he's never felt like this before and it's new to him.
I really like this guy SG, a lot.......
I will try and write more later, I am exhausted and just got home a little bit ago but there is a little update for the time being
Last night I had a ton of fun........
My friend Lynette e-mailed me the other day telling me about a surprise congrats party for her man who is also a good friend of mine. So last night my mom, sister and I gathered up and went to the yardhouse to surprise him, I guess from what I was told, he feels like he has no friends. When he got there he had the biggest smile on his face when he saw all of us, it was wonderful.
Here are a couple of pictures of last night, they are a tad pixelized because for whatever reason the camera phones on the newer droids suck balls.... moving on!
This one is kind of dark but this is Lynette, Roshaun and Josh
Me and Lynette - my bestie <3
Another photo of Lynette, Roshaun, Me and Josh - This one is a little washed out as the flash was super bright.
In this photo Lynette and I were laughing so hard - We have this thing we do, when one of us gets a cherry in our drink, she holds the stem and I take the cherry.
We were finally able to execute the photo without laughing, however my mom was sitting right there averting her eyes, it was hilarious.
Tonight I am hoping to see Rob He has some nerd stuff to do with some mutual friends of ours and he said that he would let me know what's going on after. If not it's cool! I understand how crazy things can get especially when geeking out with friends. I would know, I geek out quite often, just no one knows about it
We shall see what the night brings!!
My friend Lynette e-mailed me the other day telling me about a surprise congrats party for her man who is also a good friend of mine. So last night my mom, sister and I gathered up and went to the yardhouse to surprise him, I guess from what I was told, he feels like he has no friends. When he got there he had the biggest smile on his face when he saw all of us, it was wonderful.
Here are a couple of pictures of last night, they are a tad pixelized because for whatever reason the camera phones on the newer droids suck balls.... moving on!
This one is kind of dark but this is Lynette, Roshaun and Josh
Me and Lynette - my bestie <3
Another photo of Lynette, Roshaun, Me and Josh - This one is a little washed out as the flash was super bright.
In this photo Lynette and I were laughing so hard - We have this thing we do, when one of us gets a cherry in our drink, she holds the stem and I take the cherry.
We were finally able to execute the photo without laughing, however my mom was sitting right there averting her eyes, it was hilarious.
Tonight I am hoping to see Rob
He has some nerd stuff to do with some mutual friends of ours and he said that he would let me know what's going on after. If not it's cool! I understand how crazy things can get especially when geeking out with friends. I would know, I geek out quite often, just no one knows about it We shall see what the night brings!!
Last night was awesome.......
Rob came and picked me up last night and when I saw him I got all nervous inside and my heart started to beat just a little faster than normal. I feel like such a dork sometimes but I guess that's how it feels when you're really digging someone the way that I am with him.
We ended up going out to dinner at Fridays instead of staying in as planned, we sat and talked for 2 hours before we ordered, it seems to be going that way every time we go out it's awesome. I found out a lot of interesting things about him and that we have quite a bit in common considering the 9 year age difference. Do you think a big age difference should hinder whether or not you get a long with someone or whether you have something in common or not? because I know a lot of people have their own opinions but sometimes I wonder myself. What do you think SG?
After dinner we went back to his place, we had the TV on but there was no watching to be had. We talked about all kinds of things, he loves kung fu movies and that is awesome!! because I love kung fu movies. He is also some what of a geek like I am when it comes to certain things and that fits me just fine, you have to have some geek in you
While we were talking he ended up taking my hand and holding it, it made me feel good when he did that and he also initiated the first kiss of the night when he got up to go do something This man definitely caught my interest, therefore, taking it one day at a time is in order. Right before we left his house to go back to mine, he gave me one of the most passionate kisses I have ever experienced, fireworks if you will. When we got back to my house he walked me to the front door and gave me one last kiss of the evening, nothing intense but a kiss to let me know, hey I'll see you again.
I had an amazing night last night
Please enjoy these two pictures I took before I went out for the evening!
Rob came and picked me up last night and when I saw him I got all nervous inside and my heart started to beat just a little faster than normal. I feel like such a dork sometimes but I guess that's how it feels when you're really digging someone the way that I am with him.
We ended up going out to dinner at Fridays instead of staying in as planned, we sat and talked for 2 hours before we ordered, it seems to be going that way every time we go out it's awesome. I found out a lot of interesting things about him and that we have quite a bit in common considering the 9 year age difference. Do you think a big age difference should hinder whether or not you get a long with someone or whether you have something in common or not? because I know a lot of people have their own opinions but sometimes I wonder myself. What do you think SG?
After dinner we went back to his place, we had the TV on but there was no watching to be had. We talked about all kinds of things, he loves kung fu movies and that is awesome!! because I love kung fu movies. He is also some what of a geek like I am when it comes to certain things and that fits me just fine, you have to have some geek in you
While we were talking he ended up taking my hand and holding it, it made me feel good when he did that and he also initiated the first kiss of the night when he got up to go do something
This man definitely caught my interest, therefore, taking it one day at a time is in order. Right before we left his house to go back to mine, he gave me one of the most passionate kisses I have ever experienced, fireworks if you will. When we got back to my house he walked me to the front door and gave me one last kiss of the evening, nothing intense but a kiss to let me know, hey I'll see you again. I had an amazing night last night
Please enjoy these two pictures I took before I went out for the evening!
So I am quite aggravated at the moment.......
If you read my last blog you know that my friend and I made a mends. Well, I don't think I mentioned before that my brother and my friend had a fling that didn't go so well, so there is bad blood between the two of them. When she was over yesterday my brother showed up out of no where, he doesn't normally come over during the week, just on weekends so it made it quite awkward as it did before her and I stopped talking. Today I received a text from my soon to be sister in law saying: "Hey girl, your brother is gonna be heading to your moms house at 4. Please please please make sure Catey isn't there again, it really made him super uncomfortable to other day and kinda pissed him off. He's under a lot of stress today and he doesn't need that. Thank you i'd really appreciate that"...............
Really?!?!?!?! I feel like I can't have my friends come over and hang out because of the constant BS. My brother is still friends with my ex and guess what?! My ex is a guest at the wedding, fucking bullshit! and my brother knows what happened between us and refuses to change anything otherwise. 
The reason my brother came over here today was to talk to me about when I am going to enroll in school. Here's the deal, I am on unemployment and in order for me to go to school I need to obtain financial aid. If I do this I could possibly get my unemployment taken from me and I can't afford that right now. My brother mentioned something about student loans; Seriously? I don't want to be paying back loans for the rest of my life.
Ok, so I feel like an idiot.......
Rob texted me when he got off of work, asking me how my day was, no big right? normal question of course. Well, I responded with my brother is coming out from redondo to talk to me about when I am starting school. I should have just responded with great thanks for asking but noooooo I didn't. I feel like an ass, he never responded because he said in his first text that he was picking up his son and he doesn't respond to text messages or phone calls when he has him. But I still feel like a douche, I am pretty sure he didn't want to know about that. Oh well, it is what it is.
If you read my last blog you know that my friend and I made a mends. Well, I don't think I mentioned before that my brother and my friend had a fling that didn't go so well, so there is bad blood between the two of them. When she was over yesterday my brother showed up out of no where, he doesn't normally come over during the week, just on weekends so it made it quite awkward as it did before her and I stopped talking. Today I received a text from my soon to be sister in law saying: "Hey girl, your brother is gonna be heading to your moms house at 4. Please please please make sure Catey isn't there again, it really made him super uncomfortable to other day and kinda pissed him off. He's under a lot of stress today and he doesn't need that. Thank you i'd really appreciate that"...............
Really?!?!?!?!
I feel like I can't have my friends come over and hang out because of the constant BS. My brother is still friends with my ex and guess what?! My ex is a guest at the wedding, fucking bullshit! and my brother knows what happened between us and refuses to change anything otherwise. The reason my brother came over here today was to talk to me about when I am going to enroll in school. Here's the deal, I am on unemployment and in order for me to go to school I need to obtain financial aid. If I do this I could possibly get my unemployment taken from me and I can't afford that right now. My brother mentioned something about student loans; Seriously? I don't want to be paying back loans for the rest of my life.
Ok, so I feel like an idiot.......
Rob texted me when he got off of work, asking me how my day was, no big right? normal question of course. Well, I responded with my brother is coming out from redondo to talk to me about when I am starting school. I should have just responded with great thanks for asking but noooooo I didn't. I feel like an ass, he never responded because he said in his first text that he was picking up his son and he doesn't respond to text messages or phone calls when he has him. But I still feel like a douche, I am pretty sure he didn't want to know about that. Oh well, it is what it is.
