Judging from some astute comments and hints left on previous blogs, some of you figured this out before I did, but I finally realized what's missing. I want a baby. Maybe several babies. I guess I already knew this to some degree but being surrounded by babies and pregnant women last week really hit it home for me. The question is do I want them bad enough to accept the changes that will result to my life and career? I certainly can't raise a family and work as much as I do now. Ideally I would find a man who would prefer to be the homemaker...or at least values career less than I do. Realistically if I am going to do this I'll probably have to do it alone. Not sure how I feel about any of the options associated with that route. Also I feel like a bit of a cliche.

I'm home visiting the folks for Easter. Tomorrow will be the big extended family get together. It's been a while since I have seen most of them. And of course there are a half dozen new additions to the family courtesy of all my fertile cousins. I'm looking forward to it. Far more than I might have expected. Sometimes you need to be away from people for a while to realize how much you love them.

For the last few months I've been struggling with feeling less than satisfied with my life. Like I need to make some serious changes. The thing is I don't really know what needs to change. I have a great job, in a great organization, doing the kind of work I dreamed of when I first decided to go to law school. My work gives me enormous satisfaction. I can't imagine having a job I would love more. I also have a fantastic family and a few really great friends. I really do feel blessed to have these people in my life. But something is missing. I'm starting to think it always will be.

I am so glad this is a slow time of year at work. I think I'm coming down with something. If it is the same crap that has been going around my office lately, it is not going to be fun.

It's at times like this that I really wish I were part of a couple. I want someone to come take care of me.

So I was at a small get together with some friends of a former SG member and the subject of SG came up. And this kind of creepy guy asked me if I ever thought about modeling here. I almost spit out my drink. I am way too shy and trust me...nobody here wants to see me naked. I wish I could remember the guy's name. He said he had shot a few sets here but I think he was lying. Or I hope so. He was pretty creepy.

I suppose it's about that time. Not a lot has been happening lately. Went home for Christmas and had a lovely time with my parents and saw some old friends. Work has been good, a little slow but steady enough that I don't get bored. Other than that not much to report.

Although I do have a date tonight. My first New Years Eve date since I was in Law school. And with someone who I actually could see myself having a future with. I'm pretty excited and a little nervous.

Hope everyone is having a great holiday season and that you have fun tonight.

Today one of the young girls in the office said "you remember what it was like when you were in your twenties". Um, yeah, I do. It really wasn't that long ago.

Apparently they think I am really old. I hope I still know a few of them when they reach the venerable age of 30.

Hello everyone,

Not a lot going on lately. Working a little less, going out a little more. I think the work is easier. I've been having a good time but I'm tired. Been to a few parties, seen a few movies and eaten way too many dinners. Some of these have been actual dates, but mostly just out with friends. It's been fun but I don't know if I can keep it up much longer. I'm tired of being single. I just want to sit home and cuddle with someone without having to go through finding the right one first.

Maybe because I'm still convinced that I've already met the right one.

If only he were convinced.


Transcend

by Caldera
08/24/2009


baby my love,
why do u sit crying.
when i have my hand held out
for you to hold
the sun will shine again,
upon your eyes, your smile, your tears,
your face, your lips, your touch, your scent,
I wont pretend

When
I say I'm here for you
until the grisly end
Ask me for my love,
I'll transcend

If you ever want or need
I'm just around the bend
kiss me, kill me
take your pick
i wont defend

When
I say I'm here for you
until the grisly end
Ask me for my love,
I'll transcend
Till the end
I'll transcend
Till the end
I'll transcend
Till the grisly end
I'll transcend
for
you

I'm supposed to go to Vancouver next week and I can't find my damn passport.

Tomorrow I will be in Philadelphia at a Law School fair. Doesn't that sound fun? Oh and I get to fill in at the last minute as a speaker. Yay.

This will be my first time in Philly and I will only be there for approximately 48 hours. What should I do while I am there?

Mini update: Trip to Philly relatively uneventful, had a great cheesesteak, met some interesting people, but didn't get to see much of the city.

My class continues to suck. I've decided that too much talking about poetry, ruins poetry.

Because I felt like I needed something to do besides work, something to keep my mind off things I can't change, I decided to take a poetry appreciation class. I used to love poetry. I thought it would be fun.

I hate this class. I apparently don't appreciate poetry as much as I thought I did.