Never mind about this online dude i've had this long stupid thing with. He's shown his true colors by acting like a child and telling me i could "suck his dick for all he cares" yeah, fuck you child.... bye bye lol

Hello Sg land ^_^

Figured it was time i wrote a blog with more than one issue or just an update on whats been going on in my life.

This is kinda a rant.....or vent... or something D:

I know what i desire and as usual i am putting that on the back burner. I'm craving to write, do more art and compile those two even. Hell i even think about re learning guitar.
Every day is the same shit.
I wake up. get coffee, get online and go straight to this stupid game smallworlds.com Waste time on there for hours and before i know it im way behind on normal daily stuff....and just been dealing with idiots on a game. Virtual bullshit. I could be creating art, writing, going out more, meeting people but no im stuck in this fake world. And i decided it was best to stop talking to this online dude ive been speaking of, better in so many ways. Yet i again go back to it. And i KNOW BETTER. i am just going to destroy everything if i keep going back.
It's insanity.

So yes ^ how damn true.

I know better. i am better. i deserve better. i have everything i need. Just need to make it happen!
Summer is almost here and as much as i dont love summer i want to have a good one and not be depressed, stressed out or anything that i dont need to be.

I think a different routine would make a big difference. making myself get up, not get on that game, just maybe checking messages... going on a walk...? doing creativity in the afternoon ...any other suggestions?
That being said- i dont have a job at the moment and need to find one eventually. Its so damn hard now.

I have been going out and enjoying the sun more.
Loving this band 'sleigh bells'
Super into learning about transcendental meditation
wondering why the hell my one cat dante is acting up so badly - he's gotten accustom to peeing in random places in the house which is not cool at all. he is fixed. he peed on my bed one day Deff not liking that.

New photos:





( the good son) ^^






And new art piece:

Question-

why would someone, im very close to. who's seen my photos online.. promise me he'd let me see his...but then decide he wont let me? he has lied to me beore. i dont understand this, and we're going to lose our 'online relationship' over it...and he's willing to let that happen over a photo?

I have asked him why. his answer is "i dont know why"

I wish id just listen to my intuition. to myself. i can do better things than i am at the moment!


I want to write again.

I want to do more art. LOTS MORE.

I want to feel happy and take in everything that makes me happy.


I have been neglecting all that i love........
[x] My boyfriend
[x]Family
[x]Spiritual growth
[x]loving myself
[x]creativity
[x]happiness in general

But yknow what?


Yep

omg. the guy in this game i have gotten close to.... the virtual game i play.....is seriously making my life hell. i mean yes we care for each other and all that as much as we can being it the internet but its gotten to the point where its effecting me irl so much. he has so many problems, and the weight of it is crushing me.im more depressed...thinking bad thoughts, even suicidal things sometimes :/ i hate to admit that over something online but he's gotten inside my head and i dont feel happy or like me anymore at all. infact ever since i started the game its self.......anyway half of the time i dont think he's telling me the truth. i've caught him in lies. Which i hate. I know his past is shady...drugs,illegal stuff etc......all stuff i want nothing to do with.SUCH NEGATIVE BULLSHIT. so why am i putting up with it? ...............................

Ok... relationship advise? lol....... ok here goes..... ive been with joe(my bf) for.. well this summer it will be 11 years! and yknow things get old and this person ive been talking to online on the stupid game,which we have both developed feelings for eachother....obviously isn't going to be real...it makes sense cos when something new /exciting comes in it seems like so much better but the truth is i love joe and i cant imagine ever leaving him.i have it so good with him.i guess i just yern for certain things that are missing in our relationship yknow?

What to do? i know i need to spend more time with him for sure. Do different things i guess. Spice things up?

What would you do if someone you cared a lot about online was causing so much negativity to your life that you've been more depressed,crying a lot and just down right miserable due the the pain and drama they cause you. Remove them from your life?

i need answers. i need to do something.

Hello darlings!
not a lot to say... just been having some personal issues... with life and what not... guess everyone has those.
We bought a ps3 but cant pick it up till tuesday cos its a limited edition one thats red and comes with all the god of war games yay!

Ive been in such a rut lately i gotta pull myself out of it somehow...because i know its quite damaging to myself.

This time change thing sucks... i hate how we set the clocks ahead and back... so stupid... in my opinion

Some stuff i found online:




Thats right ^^^^ im all about that right now... if it doesn't make me happy.... then in the trash it goes



XXXXXX

PS:
Tell me one good thing you did today! ready....set......GO!

Hey guys.....this is random but any tips on the best ways to get up and keep busy w/o being stuck on a computer all day? lol stupid question but it always helps to hear how others wake up- what they do and how their days go! <3

ps:

hai!
xxxxxxxx

Hey guys. just want some opinions and input.... please
I am still playing this game smallworlds.com which is basically full of teenagers and liars, drama, depressing people and just a bunch of bs. I've noticed its changed me a lot and for the worse... i am not doing so well and it sees ever since i started with that game taking on others emotions and what not has turned me into a diff person. a sad person with less interest in things i once enjoyed. Should i just stop playing it? i mean it IS as simple as that, its just that its addicting. Its not uncommon for me to hear people wanting to kill themselves every day or some other problem -__- Thank you <3333