I wanna lock you up in my closet when no one's around
I wanna put your hand in my pocket because you're allowed
I wanna drive you into the corner and kiss you without a sound
I wanna stay this way forever I'll say it loud

Now you're in, and you can't get out

You make me so hot
Make me wanna drop
It's so ridiculous
I can barely stop
I can hardly breathe
You make me wanna scream
You're so fabulous
You're so good to me

I can make you feel all better, just take it in
And I can show you all the places you've never been
And I can make you say everything that you've never said
And I will let you do anything again and again


My new fav song, I didn't write it

I found a poem called Starburn.

I am a pixie of miniscule proportions; I am the friend of both the dark and the light, long traveled paths and new beginnings. I am constantly in motion although I will often defy the motion and sit on a rock. I am false starts, procrastination, and self-doubt, but I am also naiveté, vulnerability and potential. I as well am nothing with out my other half, the traveler from the beginning and end; he is diligence, patience, and strength. In this life my traveler is elsewhere, and it is possible that we shall not meet. I am strangely attracted to the once born, for they have a simplicity that is extremely attractive, and they are far more numerous then those many times born and reborn. I am starburn


found it at http://allpoetry.com/starburn

I look out in the backyard and I see half a dozen squirrels freaking out. It was wierd to see them all in one place like that, on the ground together, even if they weren't freaking out. That reminds me that I need to take the dogs out, they love chasing the squirrels. And honestly, I think the squirrels love being chased.
When we get out there, there were a lot more squirrels than I thought, an army of squirrels. The dogs get to chasing, and a lot of them move out beyond the fence, i can see them on the other side, freaking out, at least 2 were fighting making sounds like they were screaming. They all seemed to be making unpleasant noises. And some of them were in the trees, they always are, some live there, but there were so many squirrels up in the trees it looked like the trees were alive. And then some of them were so busy freaking out they don't even run from the dogs right away. And the dogs are racing around chasing the squirrels and at least 5 times they almost caught one, the squirrels seemed confused and didn't know which way to run. It only took 5 minutes for Punkin to get worn out and want to come in. He was panting like he was going to die, and its not even hot today, just humid. 10 seconds later pig wants in. she's panting hard too. And then i realise she's having a heat stroke or something and i have to get a wet wash cloth after her. And when i looked out into the backyard, I couldn't see even one squirrel.
Ok. I'm too paranoid for shit like this to happen. There's an army of squirrels dancing and fighting in my backyard like fucking west side story? Nothing seems really random to me and stuff like that makes me think its a sign from god or a warning because animals seem to know when something bad is going to happen before we do. For all I know the squirrels masterminded a plan to kill the dogs. They sure disapeared fast. The dogs got so excited they even forgot to go to the bathroom.

Thanks to everyone that wished me Happy Birthday. It was a wierd birthday, I didn't get much sleep so when all this drama went down it was hard to recover. I'm hoping to get to talk to my best friend before I get to sleep, but he's gone without a trace.
I've come to realise I'm a doormat and its my own fault. I just couldn't deal with that today and I kinda stood my ground and it really just ended up making things a lot worse. Things just seem to fall apart on my birthday, and they always have, even when i was little.
Think I'm going to have to go on that new medication the doctor offered to me. I've been having mood swings and they aren't as bad as they were years ago so I thought I could handle it but its messing up my life. Its up and down all the time. And a new med can cause new problems and it could be a real disaster but I can't keep going like I've been. It IS getting worse. I knew things might get bad if I stopped taking the geodon but I had to give it a try, because it has bad side effects.
Everyones leaving me tomorrow. I'm going to be alone all day and all night. I'm not sure what i'm going to do.
I can't belive everything that happened today. I guess today is not going to end well. Its just going to end.

I heard this song to day

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on


I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind


I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's gotta be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

its from the movie Music and Lyrics. The song echos how I feel a lot, but it ends with more hope than I can muster right now.

I may never find Mr. Right but there will be a fuckton of hot guys at my funeral.

I got a new pic up. Its a cell phone pic so the quality probably sucks. I'm doing a right. Did a lot of errands today. Got my shot hehe, I'm open for buisness! (thats a "that 70's show reference)

took about 2 months but i'm finally crying. My life is officially in the toilet. I'm tired of trying to keep my head up, I can't do it anymore, I can't kid myself anymore. I don't know why I wake up in the morning. At night I pray to god that he makes it so that I don't need anyone but him, but it doesn't work that way. I feel like I have no fight left in me. I need superman to come rescue me.

I met King and his wife for a movie and dinner. We saw Vacancy, it had a lot of potential but falls up short. Its not really worth seeing in a theatre. Then we ate at Chili's and got a chance to talk. I thought it went well hopefully we'll get to do something again soon.

My mind feels so clear and settled. Wonder how long it will last. I've been living with that on edge feeling for over a month, and for now anyway, its gone. I'm so glad I went to see chris, it was great therapy, thats what I feel so good about the visit even though it ended awkwardly. I'm so ready for a nap now but theres no time. Its nice to leave a happy post.