i'm falling hard for a vegetarian girl. not sure how to "be myself" without offending her horribly. any of you gals have any advice on this? i don't want to renounce my carnivorous lifestyle, but i wanna show her that i respect her life choice, and support it.
This is not an emo post. This is not an attention-seeking blog about the cold, cruel world. This is honesty, unrestrained and uninhibited, free of the influence of peer pressure, chemicals or ulterior motives.
I feel as if I have cut out my heart.
To all those who would judge me, know this. To all those who look down on me for my self-medicating, escapist, anti-social ways, shut your damn mouths and acknowledge truth. Not one of you is in any position to evaluate my actions or the person that I am. I have lived a life of loss and alienation. I have turned my back on loved ones, forgotten who I am and become the thing that I despise most. But I have done the best I know how with the gifts God has given me. No one has any right to punish me for my transgressions but God. For what earthly price I might pay, I've volunteered it readily of my own volition. I need no help from you.
Not one of you self-righteous, pompous pricks could claim half as much humility. You are all hypocrites. You are all cowards. You know who you are.
This is not an apology.
I feel as if I have cut out my heart.
To all those who would judge me, know this. To all those who look down on me for my self-medicating, escapist, anti-social ways, shut your damn mouths and acknowledge truth. Not one of you is in any position to evaluate my actions or the person that I am. I have lived a life of loss and alienation. I have turned my back on loved ones, forgotten who I am and become the thing that I despise most. But I have done the best I know how with the gifts God has given me. No one has any right to punish me for my transgressions but God. For what earthly price I might pay, I've volunteered it readily of my own volition. I need no help from you.
Not one of you self-righteous, pompous pricks could claim half as much humility. You are all hypocrites. You are all cowards. You know who you are.
This is not an apology.
so! thanksgiving is a time to come together, enjoy good food, and incite race riots. or so you would think if you spent it in ewa beach.
i need to reiterate that i have never met a culture that so openly tolerates ignorance and xenophobia as i have in hawaii. people here consider open-mindedness a weakness. the hawaiians i've met who are legitimately sympathetic to outsiders (and there are many, don't misunderstand) admit to being outcast from their families and neighborhoods on the grounds of their "nontraditional" beliefs. the whole of local culture looks up to haole-bashing as a sign of pride, maturity and even wisdom. it's disgusting and makes me actually agree with them: i should get the fuck out.
i'm typing at half my normal speed right now on account of my fucked up left hand. at least on the east coast you'll get a black eye for looking at someone the wrong way; the cowards who start fights here would sooner break your fingers or stab you in the back. even the criminals are a cut below mainland scum: they'd sooner smash your windshield for a forty dollar stereo than mug you face-to-face. i choose aggressive-aggressive over passive-aggressive any day.
/end rant
i need to reiterate that i have never met a culture that so openly tolerates ignorance and xenophobia as i have in hawaii. people here consider open-mindedness a weakness. the hawaiians i've met who are legitimately sympathetic to outsiders (and there are many, don't misunderstand) admit to being outcast from their families and neighborhoods on the grounds of their "nontraditional" beliefs. the whole of local culture looks up to haole-bashing as a sign of pride, maturity and even wisdom. it's disgusting and makes me actually agree with them: i should get the fuck out.
i'm typing at half my normal speed right now on account of my fucked up left hand. at least on the east coast you'll get a black eye for looking at someone the wrong way; the cowards who start fights here would sooner break your fingers or stab you in the back. even the criminals are a cut below mainland scum: they'd sooner smash your windshield for a forty dollar stereo than mug you face-to-face. i choose aggressive-aggressive over passive-aggressive any day.
/end rant
i'm drinking myself into a coma for the following reasons:
i'm barely half the man i should be
i pick all the wrong fights
i lose all the right fights
i let little bitches from TEXAS push me around like it's their job... oh wait it is
i've been a soulless slave of the state for three years, and have yet to take a human life
i cook spaghetti like a master italian chef and have no one to share it with, thus i overeat
i'm too goddamn sexy
and lastly,
i can't see my forehead
so, as you can see, the only remedy is gallons upon gallons of whiskey, adminstered orally, with ice. woe is me.
love ya ;-)
i'm barely half the man i should be
i pick all the wrong fights
i lose all the right fights
i let little bitches from TEXAS push me around like it's their job... oh wait it is
i've been a soulless slave of the state for three years, and have yet to take a human life
i cook spaghetti like a master italian chef and have no one to share it with, thus i overeat
i'm too goddamn sexy
and lastly,
i can't see my forehead
so, as you can see, the only remedy is gallons upon gallons of whiskey, adminstered orally, with ice. woe is me.
love ya ;-)
Okay so I'm up all night yet again. I might have slept for an hour or two but it's hard to be sure - when you dream about not being able to sleep there's really no way to tell when it starts or ends. Now I'm up on watch, doing what I can to stay focused and alert. Writing some tags for maintenance in the morning, listening to Rise Against's Appeal to Reason - which by the way is an amazing album that completely defines the disposable generation. I'm almost inclined to get a tattoo over it.
I sent ST an e-mail a few minutes ago responding to some of his stories. I worry about saying too much too soon. I understand that this is a big deal and most normal people would be overwhelmed with emotion, but the cantankerous grump that I've become is feeling more defensive. Not sure why that is, it's probably buried somewhere deep in my psyche. If you find a shrink who can put up with me, maybe we can figure it out.
Feeling the full brunt of the quarter-life crisis these days. Although if I only expect to live to 50, I guess this is actually my mid-life. Kind of disgusting actually. Must stop thinking about that.
Might be roommateless in about a week. Adam is being sent to Florida for SAR school and won't be back for six weeks. I'll probably move his stuff into a closet and turn his room into a VIP lounge. Not that any VIPs will be coming over, I'm more apt to spend every day in my boxers shouting profanities at 12-year-olds on Playstation Network. But the intention is there.
Miss having pets, thinking about getting some plants. Probably can't recreate the artificial jungle from coliseum lofts, customs prevent most of those species from being brought to the island, but I can do something new. Maybe get a live Christmas tree? Those have never stunk up / stickied up an apartment.
Wow I'm so sardonic tonight it's not even funny. Not a figure of speech - usually my attitude can bring a few laughs. But this is just depressing. I need a new adventure to liven things up a little. Shark-diving?
I sent ST an e-mail a few minutes ago responding to some of his stories. I worry about saying too much too soon. I understand that this is a big deal and most normal people would be overwhelmed with emotion, but the cantankerous grump that I've become is feeling more defensive. Not sure why that is, it's probably buried somewhere deep in my psyche. If you find a shrink who can put up with me, maybe we can figure it out.
Feeling the full brunt of the quarter-life crisis these days. Although if I only expect to live to 50, I guess this is actually my mid-life. Kind of disgusting actually. Must stop thinking about that.
Might be roommateless in about a week. Adam is being sent to Florida for SAR school and won't be back for six weeks. I'll probably move his stuff into a closet and turn his room into a VIP lounge. Not that any VIPs will be coming over, I'm more apt to spend every day in my boxers shouting profanities at 12-year-olds on Playstation Network. But the intention is there.
Miss having pets, thinking about getting some plants. Probably can't recreate the artificial jungle from coliseum lofts, customs prevent most of those species from being brought to the island, but I can do something new. Maybe get a live Christmas tree? Those have never stunk up / stickied up an apartment.
Wow I'm so sardonic tonight it's not even funny. Not a figure of speech - usually my attitude can bring a few laughs. But this is just depressing. I need a new adventure to liven things up a little. Shark-diving?
Haven't slept in two days. Don't plan to start anytime soon. Need to recharge before the weekend. Kthanx.so the horrible black banner is condemning me for not posting a blog, so here i am: feeding the beast.
i guess the appropriate thing to do would be to introduce myself, so here's a list of arbitrary fun facts:
i am omnivorous. like literally. if you can eat it, i will eat it. hook me up if you know a good fugu chef.
i'm trained in marksmanship and several forms of hand-to-hand combat, but i'm a total pushover.
as of this posting all of my body mods are symmetrical. this wasn't a deliberate action, it just sort of worked out that way.
i know more about beer than i do about cars. don't ask me to DD.
i'm quite the accomplished public speaker.
i'm perfectly comfortable with the sight of blood until i see the person / creature it came from, then i faint.
i was born in south boston, but i'm anglican. good luck to me.
i'm much more graceful underwater then my physique would suggest.
i'm a softy for little critters.
i really don't see what's so bad about emo music.
aaand that's all i care to post today. there'll probably be a succession of attempted poems / angry rants in the near future, but today i just felt like testing the water. peace out bitches.
i guess the appropriate thing to do would be to introduce myself, so here's a list of arbitrary fun facts:
i am omnivorous. like literally. if you can eat it, i will eat it. hook me up if you know a good fugu chef.
i'm trained in marksmanship and several forms of hand-to-hand combat, but i'm a total pushover.
as of this posting all of my body mods are symmetrical. this wasn't a deliberate action, it just sort of worked out that way.
i know more about beer than i do about cars. don't ask me to DD.
i'm quite the accomplished public speaker.
i'm perfectly comfortable with the sight of blood until i see the person / creature it came from, then i faint.
i was born in south boston, but i'm anglican. good luck to me.
i'm much more graceful underwater then my physique would suggest.
i'm a softy for little critters.
i really don't see what's so bad about emo music.
aaand that's all i care to post today. there'll probably be a succession of attempted poems / angry rants in the near future, but today i just felt like testing the water. peace out bitches.
