i'm drinking myself into a coma for the following reasons:

i'm barely half the man i should be
i pick all the wrong fights
i lose all the right fights
i let little bitches from TEXAS push me around like it's their job... oh wait it is
i've been a soulless slave of the state for three years, and have yet to take a human life
i cook spaghetti like a master italian chef and have no one to share it with, thus i overeat
i'm too goddamn sexy
and lastly,
i can't see my forehead

so, as you can see, the only remedy is gallons upon gallons of whiskey, adminstered orally, with ice. woe is me.

love ya ;-)