Well, here we are. The parents left about 5 minutes ago, and I'm naked. I'm calling around to see who's gonna get me my 30 pack. This is my best attempt to live it up. I've sent out a text to see if anyone wanted to play scattegories. I heart scattegories. My sister and I used to drink and play every summer when my parents went away. Now she's got a baby and she moved out, so that's not gonna happen. So I'm trying to get somebody else to play, but nobody on the fringe has bothered to respond. With the friends you don't see too often, you have to make sure to call or text in advance. The close friends, they're up for it, and you don't need much notice. I don't really have any of those around these days. The closest I have that are in the city are Mike and Ken, and neither of them is picking up right now. Well, that's for the best. If they came over or I went out, I'd probably have to put clothes on, and that's really not in the spirit of the moment. I've got loads of food, and a little extra cash my mom laid on me, and I'm ready to seek out some good times. Maybe I'll put that cash towards some extra gas and see how far it gets me. Maybe I'll have a whole bunch of people over and see what that gets me. I guess we'll just have to see what happens.

Britty asked me to come over and watch something at their house tonight. Tiff's down the shore and I miss those guys, so I think I'm gonna go. It's gonna be weird though... I don't know, I guess it'll be better than sitting home alone.

Well, as I thought earlier, then dismissed, Dani is indeed hooking up with (or at least trying to, I don't know which but the effect is the same) some dude in Scranton. Honestly, that's her perogative, and I wouldn't care...If she hadn't raised holy hell when I fucked Barb AFTER we decided we weren't getting together because she's too emotionally unavailable. Apparently she's too unavailable to show me some affection, but not too unavailable to be offended when I bang other girls (and for the record, I was wasted out of my mind and horribly depressed since Tiffany was there. If I were a woman, I could easily call rape on that.) So yeah, she got really indignant when I called her on this. Apparently she was planning on pursuing this other guy and not telling me til things worked out, presumably keeping me as her sidebet. That's a real confidence builder, I gotta say. She tried to call me seeing something that wasn't there, but I seem to remember her on more than one occasion telling me she cared about me, and my position was assured. Oh well, fuck her. I'm not really hurt. After I actually met her, I wasn't really incredibly enamored. She's flaky, has a LOT of ridiculous ideas, and is even the slightest bit annoying. But I was in love with the idea of having somebody to cuddle up to again, not to mention fuck. Ohhhhhh well, back to square one.

My parents leave for Ireland on Monday. For 12 days. 3 months ago, I'd be fucking THRILLED. This would be a drunken sex holiday for me. But as things stand, I'm expecting to be miserable. Most of my friends are going to be down the shore for the first week, and things are super tenuous with them anyway(they're going down with Tiffany, because apparently, they're HER friends now)... Mike and Ken are still here, but Ken's pretty unreachable and Mike's got Maria. Besides, there's not a lot I can do with just those two. FUCK. I should be throwing a huge bash, I should be LIVING IT UP, but instead, I'll be going to school and my internship and coming home to my big empty house and being lonely allll the time. Oh well. I'll have to keep the fridge stocked with beer, that and walking around naked ALL THE TIME and masturbating where/whenever I want will be the only ways I'll be enjoying the solitude.

So I'm transcribing the same story since my boss never got around to finishing it up. It's still insanely boring. This guy's the superintendent for some rich-ass housing development in NY. Blah, blah, blah, who the fuck cares...But now he's talking about his former career as a cop. "We got a call at Waterside Plaza on the 16th floor. The sheriff was serving a warrant for eviction. They went to the wrong floor, but the same apartment number. He knocked on the door and the guy inside looked out and tried to jump out the window into the bay. The wind blew him in and he hit the wall and he splattered all over the floor. The guy’s head was here and his body was here. Apparently, the guy was dealing drugs and he thought they were there for him" OMG, that would be HILARIOUS to publish, but they'll never let me. Blood and gore is not, as previously hoped, the lifeblood of the construction industry. Apparently, it's oil and lube(and not the good kind!)

So in about ten minutes, I'm leaving for Tiffany's house to pick up her sister. Last night she im'ed me to ask me if I could drive her to her boyfriend's house today. She said she'd pay me, but I don't even want the money(though I'll probably still take it, I'm not in a position to turn down cash). I miss her, she was always fun to hang out with. She told me to come at 12 to avoid Tiff, she thinks she might get mad. I don't know why she would...But I'm glad I have an excuse not to see her. Anyway, I'm sorta excited about this, I haven't seen Britty since the breakup.

After that, I have nothing to do allllll day. Stevie and Mike might be free, but I really don't have much money to blow, so...

So I've been seeing previews for The Island and it looks AWESOME. Nobody has said a word about it all summer, and I have to wonder where their heads are! I have to say, the first wave of previews I saw didn't really wow me, but the new ones are BREATHTAKING. I HAVE to see this. This weekend.

UPDATE.

Yeah, Britty's fella lives FAR AS FUCK away and most of the way is through cobblestone and trolleytrack laden G-Town. It was quite the annoying drive, but it was worth it to get to spend some quality time with her...Although she did the scrunchy face thing Tiff used to do that I thought was so cute. Now I'm looking for something cheap/free to do. Steve's going out to play baseball, Mike's probably with Maria, Ken'll be at work, Anj definitely is at work...Those are all the people I care to hang out alone with. There are others, but ugh. Without certain links, I really don't want to hang out with anyone. When did I start hating all my friends? I wonder how I could get my spare 40 from Yaz's house. I'd feel like a jagoff just walking in and saying "hey, just here to get my 40, I don't actually wanna hang out or anything..." Ah, fuck it. People will probably get together later tonight...

I'm climbing the walls. It's been 9 weeks, but it feels like forever. I think I'm in heat or something.

I'm so fucking tired. I couldn't sleep last night, I was up til around 4, and I got up at 7 to get ready and study a little for my Chem test. Which was ridiculously easy. I hear all the idiots studying beforehand, and they are obviously not career students like myself. I scoff at them *scoff, scoff*. I rocked the test in ten minutes, then left....Until I realized I'd left my notebook under the desk and was forced to sheepishly return. Then I went early to my internship where I had no new stories to write, so my boss had me work on transcribing an interview he did. The only thing worse than that is editing press releases...UGH. And Cait wasn't around to keep me company, all I could do was fuck around on the boards and *gasp* actually do work!

Dani's flaky, she kinda hasn't responded much in the past day or two, which, considering her recent blogs, is really bad. I'm just gonna wait and see. I've noticed that with her, worrying is usually a fruitless endeavor, it almost always turns out to be nothing... But still, I'm hoping whatever this is, she turns it around. I think there might be a dude in Scranton, and if she's really interested, he's probably coming with her to Philly for school. Otherwise, I figure she probably wouldn't get involved. It's best not to put much hope in her one way or the other.

After the internship, I went straight downtown for Cait's fella's show. It was good to see her and Melissa again. I talk to Cait almost every day, but I haven't seen her since like...November. Melissa and I usually only communicate through myspace blogs and text messages now that we don't see each other at school. I suppose we'd hang out, but she lives kinda far and she doesn't really do anything, anyway, whatwiththekid and all. The show had a LOT of lame bands(the first and last being the only ones that were decent, in my estimation), and I'm fucking exhausted from head to toe. I feel like I could drop at any minute and my day isn't even over yet. I'm going drinking with the pals at 12, I need to get some food in me first so I don't get sick...

I don't think I got the job at commerce, they haven't called me back yet and they said they would Monday... That means I need to start looking...I'd say I'll go tomorrow, but I imagine with everything I did today, and getting up fairly early tomorrow, I'll do nothing but nap as soon as I get home from class. UGHHHHHHHH... I don't even know where to look now...

God, I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I'm now getting 10 hours a week at my job, which is not nearly enough. I was hoping to start looking for a new job this week, but now that I'm all herped up, I think that might not be a fantastic idea.

I'm falling apart over Tiffany. I saw her for the first time since we broke up on Friday. We didn't speak, I tried to look away every time I saw her. It was truly awful. I drank myself to oblivion, fooled around with Barb, and something that happened that night, I'd assume, was the cause of (what I think is) this mess of cold sores attacking my face. I took off my internship to go to the doctor, and he said it was "some kind of breakout" which was ultimately unhelpful and unproductive. I feel like I wasted a day for no reason, and this shit doesn't really seem to be getting any better. I'm thinking now that it was some combination of the excessive amounts of alcohol in my system and the shock and horror of seeing Tiffany again that made my skin cry out and crust up.

Things fell apart completely with Dani... She's never there for me when I need her, and doesn't know how to deal with any real emotional display, so we decided it wasn't gonna work out. I'm not hurt or anything, but horribly disappointed. I was kinda depending on that relationship to get me past Tiffany. And now that it's over, I feel the backslide.

God, this Summer started getting good a week or two past the breakup, and now, everything seems so bleak. I can't get away from her, everything I do, everywhere I go reminds me of her... I wish the shit they had in Eternal Sunshine was real...But honestly, if it was, my very nearly broke ass couldn't afford it for all the world. I miss her and if I thought it'd make me not want her anymore, I'd do anything short of something especially drastic. And I love how my friends are so often nowhere to be found when I'm desperate and lonely. What the fuck.

Well, at the very least, I've got a decent GPA, my internship is successful and they're gonna start paying me(although not for very long or for very many hours...) I think that's all I've really got going for me.

I got my internship at Construction Equipment guide, and I'm passing all my classes so far. Everything looks positive and I'm gonna make it. I'll only have to go to school two days a week next semester. Hot shit. Tiffany seems happy, and we've been getting along. Let's hope I can hold all this together for a while.

Well, this might be the big one. After pretty much a whole weekend of Tiffany doing nothing but sleeping, I talked to her about it over aim. It bothers me a lot when she refuses to wake up and spend time with me, even after we've been sleeping for 8,9,10 hours. Anyway, we discussed it, and she pretty much said it's not gonna change so I better learn to deal with it. This really pissed me off, but I tried to keep myself from yelling at her or anything...With somewhat limited success. I was a little harsh, and now she's not responding to me. I hope she's not crying or hurting herself at all, and I hope she calls me later. I don't want this to be the end of us... This is really such a minor thing, and I wish I'd just let it go, but every time it happens, it makes me feel like she'd rather sleep than spend time with me. I mean, I know we all gotta sleep, but she's been going way above and beyond, sleeping 10-12 hours a night every night of her break so far. I would understand if she had nothing to do, but a couple of those days, she was supposed to get up and spend time with me. I remember talking to her about this once, wondering if it's because she's depressed. She said she's been feeling good, and I have to wonder how that could be! If you're loving life so much, why the fuck can't you stay awake and face it? God, I hope she calls.

Tiffany and I are in a bit of a weird place right now. Our relationship's seeming to become very intense. We're both stressed out a lot right now, looking for new jobs, trying to get school work done and all. We fight more now, over stupid stuff like her wanting to sleep all the time(possibly caused by the stress itself) and her pot smoking (which REALLY causes me severe distress, and is, I suppose, yet another way she deals with this stress). It's not as if it's legal or good for her. There are certainly enough arguments against it, but I don't even bother with those, she knows them and they won't help. The only thing I've really got is that it upsets me. And she's not horrible about it. She doesn't smoke in front of me... But at parties, she'll go off with the other pot smoking crowd, and sometimes I'll see her stuff out when I come to see her. She says it makes her happy and horny, and that I should be happy about that. Honestly, all that knowledge does is make me suspect that every time I find her in a good mood, it's drug induced. On Friday, we got into what seemed like an almost relationship ending fight about it. I wish I could be ok with it, I've tried not to let it bother me, but it always does. I don't know how long we'll be able to last before one of us changes our minds.

Among the fights, there's plenty of love to be had. Most of the time, it's great, and I really love her. But there are times when she's happy and I feel good to be with her, and I have to wonder if we're only happy because she had a good toke before I came over.