The head doc tells me i have PTSD, and that i need to cut back on the drinking. I haven't slept in a few so it helps. Off the morphine though withdrawls were a bitch, but that helped to. Life back home is kinda surreal. I haven't seen any friends of mine in 10 months, and i'm a little aprehensive about letting them know i'm home. How can i share experiences like mine with anybody. Everybody tells stories about there day and arguments they have wih various people over god knows what. what do i say "i drove to michigan the other day to tell my buddies mother that i couldn't save her son." My side has been giving me trouble. Had a peice of shrapnel the size of a pizza slice go through me when my humvee hit an IED. I was lucky Another driver lost his leg. Some people tell me i should be proud of the service i did for the country. When they say things like that they have this spitefull tone. Like thier just angry about thier own personal shit, and need something to take it out on. Now days we celebrate the deaths of our troops, well only in some religions. Leave it to the church to inspire that kind of hatred. I'm not angry anymore...tired as hell though.

tired

It's kinda depressing. My first time in the sand box no one wrote. I never cried cause thats the last place on earth you want to lose composure, but for some reason I feel more depressed about it here back in the states. there is a tendancy of mine to push people away. Am I antisocial. I'm trying to change that, but it's kinda a pain in the ass to talk to people. When i'm with the marines its like every single one of them has a wife or kids...or both...or parents...they have something to look foward to. Not to mention that i'm also the oldest person in the division aside from gunnery sgt. Maybe I should buy a gold fish.

ssssspank me

Looks like my time on this site is up. I do have el profilo on myspace under Richard! if you wish to find me. gooooooooooooodbyeeeeeeeeeeeee.???!!!

I now have two jobs. I fear the work overload will kill me. Other than that it's been a good day.

So here I find myself with a new job that I don't like very much. I suppose any job at this point is better than nothing so i'm grateful...sorta. I still plan to move back to L.A. at the end of the year, but now it seems more visible than it did a few months ago when I planed it. I will probably leave most of my stuff here in Austin either in storage or with family when I move. I do rather like the idea of droping everything and just leaving the area, but there is a little more planing involved. A change of surroundings is the best thing for me right now otherwise I am doomed to work petty jobs and go insane

Wellll, the hunt for a new job continues unsucessful. My responsible side kicks in telling me to hussle while the other 99.9% of my brain tells me to shut up cause it's trying to sleep. All in all it's been a slow week. With my determination to not spend a whole day indoors I just drove around to clear my head. Great fuckin job that did I ended up getting the mother of all headaches. So before the alien queen burst from my temple I stopped at HEfuckinB to grab some excedrin. That place still makes me want kill many things at random so I made quick business and little eye contact and got the hell out of there. My friends tell me I need a girlfriend. I say pshaw, but there right, my ex was really good at calming me down when I get super pissed or frustrated. I wanted to call her today and tell her what a dick I am and search the possibility for reconcile, but i'll spare her the drama. Hopefully next week will bring me fortune.

.

Got no freakin sleep, had to be at the work at 6(all my fault) a.m. till 1:30 but I stayed a while longer to milk the bastards. After work I came home showered and right as I was going to crash (seriously I was actually in mid air about to hit the bed when this happened) My buddy JP calls. So I answer, he begins to explain about a house painting job he picked up and needs help doing so naturally he thought of me who has never painted a goddamn house before. The job paid a hefty sum so, tired as I was, I was not going to turn it down. The job went fairly smoothly and even with my limited experience I at least managed to look like I knew what I was doing. Anyway now I have a monster headache and I need to shower again...twice in one day those who know me know that is unheard of.