I don't even know where to begin...

I've done too much. That's it. I'm officially unable to blog. I am physically unable to discuss everything I do to a single person. My best friend/bandmate doesn't even know a quarter of the shit I do anymore, I love him like a brother and we hang out OFTEN but I can't even get out a quarter of my adventures and experiences with him, even if I sit there and talk about what I've done while I was on vacation. My family, the ladies in my life, all my beloved friends... None of them know me anymore. They know my personality, they know who I am, but it's impossible for me to begin discussing the why's and how's of how I got here, even when it's so simple as "What did you do yesterday?"

I'm making too many friends, I'm jumping on every opportunity, I'm making dreams come true at such an alarming rate I'm beginning to think I've become The King Of Cerebellar Fibres. I think I found something too. You know that whole The Secret theory and all that Law of Attraction jazz? I think people are taking what they're saying out of context... I think they presented themselves wrong, or phrased what they were trying to say on the whole kind of wrong...

I am kind of embarassed to talk about it, but I think I discovered a sort of... open mind. I can go on about this for fucking ever, but I got unpacking to do, and work to prepare for, and things that need cleaning. So in brief...

I don't have a formula, and I don't really know how exactly... But I think I found that if you're passionate enough, and you listen closely, but not focused... I think you can see and feel things coming before they happen. Almost every day now I'm noticing a series of highly related "coincidences" but chance and fate aren't that specific. Coincidence is chance and luck and randomly produced evidence that share likeness... I'm being shown something.

There is no fucking way, even within the infinite possibility of the Universe that the "random experiences and evidence" that has coincidentally presented itself to me in the most blatant and obvious of manners, is just chance, or luck. There is no... fucking... way...

And the more I look. The more I see, the more I listen, the more I feel... The more I'm gifted, granted and given. I don't know how, or even if I'm supposed to use this... But it's there. And I'm eerily frightened and intimidated. I've never been so scared to look within something my whole life. Usually I peer as far into something as much as possible to gain a better, deeper understanding. But with this, I'm afraid of what I might find.

Maybe people are conditioned to ridicule empaths and mediums and psychics for a reason... Maybe it's "taboo" for a reason... Maybe the rules we're taught in life about the basics of life, simply aren't. What if the "Paradox" was just another fear tactic that the tyrants in charge use to keep us from using something that will help us gain.

"It can never be, so why bother achieving it?"

What if time really isn't linear?

What if the understanding of the ten dimensions we have right now are taught in order to oppress? Or at least divert?

The old bait 'n' switch...

I'm gonna turn my brain off and listen to more ska and clean up some more before I go crosseyed. I don't want to think about this anymore.

Well... That's not true.

What I meant to say is I'm scared to do it alone.

- Christoph