♥ I got into my size 14 jeans last night with no flabby overhang This made me grin like a fucking loon for most of the night as I've not been in a size 14 since before I had the kids 6 years ago

♥ I booked tomorrow off work too, so I don't have to get up for the next two days quite so early, I can have a lovely peaceful lie-in

♥ I love the feeling after having just been to the chiropractor. Especially when she's put the massage machine on my lower back That thing is total bliss.

♥ I love how NIN's Beside You In Time and Right Where It Belongs can make me totally chill out and go into an almost comatose state

I'm happy right now, happier than I've been in a long time, and I hope that some of my happiness can rub off on you all

Love and kisses
Michelle xx

♥ Tomorrow morning the kids leave to go to Cornwall with their Dad for 4 days. This means I will have the house all to myself for three wonderful peaceful nights

♥ Because of this, I am going to take Thursday off work and have a day to myself, to a) finally get my eyes tested after not having had them done for over 3 years, and b) so that I can avoid having to go to the pub at lunchtime for farewell drinks/lunch for Brenda. Now don't get me wrong, I love going to the pub as much as everyone else, but right now, it's too much temptation when I am doing SO well with my weight-loss. Going to the pub and not eating or drinking anything other than water, isn't quite right, so I'd rather avoid it completely.

♥ I tried an old pair of my GAP 12 jeans on yesterday that I haven't worn in about 3 years, and not only do they fit again, but I have room in them I wish they were actually a UK size 12 instead of a US size 12, but hell, I'm happy at my ever shrinking figure at the moment

♥ I have made enough money on eBay so far this month to at least pay for one nights accommodation when I head to Manchester in May. Hopefully by the time it comes around, I will have made enough to pay for all three nights, but we'll see!

♥ Train times have been checked and there is a one-change route this time that will make life a lot easier than the 3 changes I had to make last time. However, there are currently no Apex tickets available due to the times having only just gone online, so I'm not prepared to fork out £61 if I can get them cheaper nearer the time.

Otherwise, things are still going relatively well which is still amazing me. I'm still waiting for the inevitable kick in the slats but so far, so good Still smiling, still being made to smile and still on target.

Love and kisses
Michelle xx

The gift of the Taurean is resilience, fixidity and endurance
Ultimately the Taurean needs to discover their truest, deepest and highest values. When they know what is truly valuable, they are no longer chained to people and to things that have to do with lesser values. The greatest indication of value to a Taurean is beauty, which cannot be owned, only appreciated.

I've turned stubborness into determination, and it's paying off.

♥ I've lost 20 pounds since January 2nd, cut my BMI from 31.5 to 28.2, lost 2 inches off my waist and hips, 4 inches from my back, and today for the first time in goodness knows how many years, I wore a short skirt that last year I couldn't even get over my hips, and now is too big I know personally I have a long way still to go, but at this rate I will have surpassed my goal of 2 stone by my birthday with ease and be on my way to my ultimate goal a lot sooner than imagined. The only mental problem I still have is the physical element. Maybe I'll never be happy with how my stomach skin looks, but hell, I've had twins, this body has lived through an awful lot

♥ One account is back in the black so now I can work towards clearing another.

♥ With each pound lost, I'm re-gaining my self-confidence and with it, I'm finding a better stress-free me. It's weird, I've never been so relaxed, chilled out and not worrying about things like I used to. I'm still waiting for the bubble to burst! Sure, I still worry about people I care about, but I'm not pissed off when I don't get replies straight away anymore, I know that I'm not the centre of their world and so the new chilled out me will still send heaps of messages, but knows that they will return them when they can.

♥ I'm having an immense amount of smiles and fun with a rather gorgeous man up North More than I could ever have imagined would take place and I hope it continues for a long time to come

Is there a downside to all this I hear you ask?

No, not really. Ultimately everything above is helping me get towards my final destination one step at a time. I may be a hermit this year unless something radical changes all that, but at the end of it, I will be financially secure once again, and free from the burden of my past life once and for all. I know it's not going to be easy and there will be pitfalls along the way, but with any luck the new found confidence in myself will help me overcome them.

Now wish me luck as Valentine's Day is the day I get a cold speculum shoved up my crotch How romantic, eh?!

Love and kisses
Michelle xx

Forget yesterday. Blah, blah, blah.

Today's been good Still missing chatting with A, but not much I can do about it at the moment until he's ready to come find me online again - Edit: sorted

Put on a pair of trousers for work today, and have spent the entire day having to pull them up every time I got out of my chair because they are now too big since I've started losing weight. This makes me very Really could tell the difference in my shape too, which is a great feeling.

Positive attitudes all round.

Love and kisses
Michelle xx

EDIT: Holy Shit! Anna Nicole Smith is dead!!!

I don't even know how to explain it, it's kind of contradictory. To be happy, yet so utterly depressed.

Things are finally beginning to look up for me on all fronts, and yet I feel so so alone tonight. I just want someone to talk to, to be held, to have my hair stroked and feel someone breathe hot breath on me.

I miss not talking with A properly for the last few days, and not knowing if I've done something to upset him, I miss not having someone I can just hug or pick up the phone to and just cry if I want to. Because although I am happy that I am finally starting to see the glimmer of light at the end of that ever elusive tunnel, tonight I just want to cry, and I don't know why.

In fact, I already am. Gah

It's probably not helped by having found a letter from nearly 20 years ago (when I was 15 and this guy was 17) which reads:

Dear Michelle,

I'm dreadfully sorry I can't be with you this Valentine's Day, I wish this flu would go away. As you know I picked it up on Tuesday and I was hoping to see you yesterday.

I hope I'll be alright for ice-skating tomorrow. I'll probably give you a ring tonight about 5.30pm.

Whatever happens...................I Love You. ( I hope you love me!)

Lots and lots of love, Adrian

I guess I just miss being told by someone that they love me. In whatever context they want love to mean, the true meaning, the lust factor, etc. Hell I'm not even looking for a relationship, I have too much shit in my life to add something as complicated as that into the equation. But I think we all need to at least know that there's someone out there that cares enough about you to want to bring a smile back to your face in times of adversity.

Gah! Someone just shoot me. I think I'm over horny and my text partner isn't around to help me out.

I'm thinking about going Anon for a few days, maybe a week tops. I need to clear my head about an issue that's beginning to bug me, and I don't know how to resolve it without either damaging a friendship beyond repair, or coming off like a total twatfaced bitch. And no, I'm not going to discuss it here because the person is a member of the site and on my friends list.

I will be back, never fear...