According to The AA website, it's 285.83 miles from my house to his 
*sigh* distance really does suck.
To be honest I haven't really done much since I last wrote. I'm totally skint at the moment, had far too many bills recently, so there's no going out for me this Bank Holiday weekend. But this skintness doesn't stop me wanting, actually it's more like craving rather than just a simple wanting, more ink and holes. I'm thinking about maybe either getting my tongue or my lip pierced, and then possibly start work on my sleeve. Not that I've actually decided what I want on my sleeve, just that I want something.
I need to make an appointment next week to see the doctor. Something I really can't put off any longer that I must get sorted before I completely flip my lid one of these days and go totally off the rails (more than I am already
)
Work is still up in the air at the moment as to what's happening with when the jobs will likely be going. We have another couple of the Argentinians over with us at the moment, for 5 weeks this time. One of them has already been nicknamed The Eyes by most of the women in the office simply due to the fact that he has incredibly blue "come to bed" eyes It's hard when these guys are just so incredibly polite and easy to talk to, yet you know that at the end of all of this, they are the ones recommending whether your job is one of the ones that will be transferred to Argentina. Fucking sucks really, but it's not in my nature to put obstacles in the way just to be awkward. At the end of the day, the way I look at it is, that if I'm as helpful and polite as I can be, then hopefully it will put me in a good light for any positions that do happen to stay. And if not, then I'm only a temp anyway, and hopefully the agency will be able to find me something quick enough to not have any weeks where I won't have any money coming in. Still, I hate all the uncertaincy.
There's also an air of something not quite right here at home aswell. Just certain things that the kids are coming out with that are not the type of things a 6 1/2 year old would say. I can't put my finger on it, but something is going on. Hopefully it'll be the start of the end, something that I've wanted for SO long, but I'm not going to hold my breath on it. Baby steps and all that.
I hope you're all having a good start to the weekend
Michelle xx
*sigh* distance really does suck.To be honest I haven't really done much since I last wrote. I'm totally skint at the moment, had far too many bills recently, so there's no going out for me this Bank Holiday weekend. But this skintness doesn't stop me wanting, actually it's more like craving rather than just a simple wanting, more ink and holes. I'm thinking about maybe either getting my tongue or my lip pierced, and then possibly start work on my sleeve. Not that I've actually decided what I want on my sleeve, just that I want something.
I need to make an appointment next week to see the doctor. Something I really can't put off any longer that I must get sorted before I completely flip my lid one of these days and go totally off the rails (more than I am already
)Work is still up in the air at the moment as to what's happening with when the jobs will likely be going. We have another couple of the Argentinians over with us at the moment, for 5 weeks this time. One of them has already been nicknamed The Eyes by most of the women in the office simply due to the fact that he has incredibly blue "come to bed" eyes
It's hard when these guys are just so incredibly polite and easy to talk to, yet you know that at the end of all of this, they are the ones recommending whether your job is one of the ones that will be transferred to Argentina. Fucking sucks really, but it's not in my nature to put obstacles in the way just to be awkward. At the end of the day, the way I look at it is, that if I'm as helpful and polite as I can be, then hopefully it will put me in a good light for any positions that do happen to stay. And if not, then I'm only a temp anyway, and hopefully the agency will be able to find me something quick enough to not have any weeks where I won't have any money coming in. Still, I hate all the uncertaincy.There's also an air of something not quite right here at home aswell. Just certain things that the kids are coming out with that are not the type of things a 6 1/2 year old would say. I can't put my finger on it, but something is going on. Hopefully it'll be the start of the end, something that I've wanted for SO long, but I'm not going to hold my breath on it. Baby steps and all that.
I hope you're all having a good start to the weekend
Michelle xx
My house is currently resonating to the sounds of Killswitch Engage, Slipknot, Avenged Sevenfold, 3 Doors Down and Stone Sour at VERY loud volumes. It's supposedly to stop me thinking about the fact that I've been sat in my PJ's ALL day, trying not to miss someone quite as much as I do. The fact that they appear to be missing me just as much isn't really helping the fact that there are hundreds of miles between us now, and that I might not get to see them again until November
It's been a bit of a whirlwind week for me. The kids left to go to Cornwall with their Dad at about 5.10pm last Saturday, and at 5.20 I was in a taxi heading for the train station, having literally thrown some clothes and toiletries into a case, to head to Reading to meet the gorgeous Sinope as we were both going to TheQuestion's birthday bash in London. Big thank you to TheQuestion and CreamyGoodness for letting us crash at their place for the night and for toast in the morning
And big thank you to main girlie Sinope for helping me get cheaper train tickets from Reading to London in the first place Was lovely to see lots of old faces again, and even more lovely to meet lots of new people (well, new to me seeing as it'd been 8 months since I'd last been to an SGUK meet).
The next day saw Sinope and I head back to Reading, where we parted company so that she could go home, and I could catch a train to Manchester. I initially planned on spending three nights there before heading home, but circumstances changed somewhat during the course of the previous night, in that the person that was meant to be coming down from Monkseaton to join me, couldn't afford it, and couldn't find anyone to give them a lift down either because they're also in the process of packing up ready to move house on Monday next week. So I ended up cancelling two of the nights at the apartment, and headed up to Monkseaton on Monday morning instead.
I had only planned to stay until Wednesday and then head home, but when the offer came up to stay another night, I really couldn't refuse. So I spent three wonderful nights chilling, getting into WoW and X3, playing with a soppy dog, and generally feeling very comfortable with someone new. I haven't had a whole lot of sleep at all since last weekend, as I think one of the nights we didn't actually go to bed until about 9,30 in the morning, whereby I'd been up already for over 24 hours. Still, it was totally worth it, I just wish there wasn't such a huge distance between here and there 8 hours worth of train journeys in one day is not a nice prospect but if it means I get to see him again, then I'm more than prepared to go through it again. It makes it easier if I go as he suffers with agoraphobia and so the likes of big open train stations like Newcastle and Manchester would not do much for his anxiety.
To know that someone misses you before you've even gone, and then more so when you have actually left is a lovely feeling though. Especially when you didn't expect anything like that to be said and that it wasn't you that said it first. To then travel home and have dozens of messages throughout the journey saying they don't know what to do with themselves now you've gone, and that the dog misses you too, is something that I'm not used to, and it made me feel wanted by someone for the first time in a long time.
It's been fun having intelligent conversations with someone younger than me, watching Dirty Sanchez DVD's and not feeling sick at some of the stunts, watching heaps of Deadwood DVD's, listening to rocking good music, smoking far too much, drinking too much (5 bottles of vodka were downed in the 3 days I was there), watching Star Wars movies on Sky, cuddling up on the sofa and just generally being happy in someone's company.
In fact, life has been very good for me over the past week. I know it won't last, but let me linger in the moment just a little while longer, ok? The kids don't come home until Sunday, so I have 2 more days of wallowing in my happiness before reality fully hits me in the face again!
I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no-one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
And it's the stars, the stars that shine for you
And it's the stars, the stars that lie to you
It's been a bit of a whirlwind week for me. The kids left to go to Cornwall with their Dad at about 5.10pm last Saturday, and at 5.20 I was in a taxi heading for the train station, having literally thrown some clothes and toiletries into a case, to head to Reading to meet the gorgeous Sinope as we were both going to TheQuestion's birthday bash in London. Big thank you to TheQuestion and CreamyGoodness for letting us crash at their place for the night and for toast in the morning
And big thank you to main girlie Sinope for helping me get cheaper train tickets from Reading to London in the first place Was lovely to see lots of old faces again, and even more lovely to meet lots of new people (well, new to me seeing as it'd been 8 months since I'd last been to an SGUK meet).The next day saw Sinope and I head back to Reading, where we parted company so that she could go home, and I could catch a train to Manchester. I initially planned on spending three nights there before heading home, but circumstances changed somewhat during the course of the previous night, in that the person that was meant to be coming down from Monkseaton to join me, couldn't afford it, and couldn't find anyone to give them a lift down either because they're also in the process of packing up ready to move house on Monday next week. So I ended up cancelling two of the nights at the apartment, and headed up to Monkseaton on Monday morning instead.
I had only planned to stay until Wednesday and then head home, but when the offer came up to stay another night, I really couldn't refuse. So I spent three wonderful nights chilling, getting into WoW and X3, playing with a soppy dog, and generally feeling very comfortable with someone new. I haven't had a whole lot of sleep at all since last weekend, as I think one of the nights we didn't actually go to bed until about 9,30 in the morning, whereby I'd been up already for over 24 hours. Still, it was totally worth it, I just wish there wasn't such a huge distance between here and there
8 hours worth of train journeys in one day is not a nice prospect but if it means I get to see him again, then I'm more than prepared to go through it again. It makes it easier if I go as he suffers with agoraphobia and so the likes of big open train stations like Newcastle and Manchester would not do much for his anxiety.To know that someone misses you before you've even gone, and then more so when you have actually left is a lovely feeling though. Especially when you didn't expect anything like that to be said and that it wasn't you that said it first. To then travel home and have dozens of messages throughout the journey saying they don't know what to do with themselves now you've gone, and that the dog misses you too, is something that I'm not used to, and it made me feel wanted by someone for the first time in a long time.
It's been fun having intelligent conversations with someone younger than me, watching Dirty Sanchez DVD's and not feeling sick at some of the stunts, watching heaps of Deadwood DVD's, listening to rocking good music, smoking far too much, drinking too much (5 bottles of vodka were downed in the 3 days I was there), watching Star Wars movies on Sky, cuddling up on the sofa and just generally being happy in someone's company.
In fact, life has been very good for me over the past week. I know it won't last, but let me linger in the moment just a little while longer, ok?
The kids don't come home until Sunday, so I have 2 more days of wallowing in my happiness before reality fully hits me in the face again!I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no-one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
And it's the stars, the stars that shine for you
And it's the stars, the stars that lie to you
I've finished for the weekend now. Thank fuck for that. Crazy guy at work is really beginning to drive me up the wall. I am so sick of him sat there staring at me and what I'm doing, more than likely reading my personal messages etc. Um, have you never heard of PERSONAL FUCKING SPACE?? 
It must be oh so wonderful to not have enough work to do that you have to sit and stare at someone else every 5 bloody minutes 
*sigh*
♥ I have my own group now!!! Way to go SG for NOT actually telling me that it had been approved and that it's been up and running since March 6th!!! Anyway, if you're a contractor or a temporary worker, go here
♥ I'm still ever hopeful of getting back to Manchester next month. I should be in for a wild ride if I do
What is that saying? Oh yeah, sex, drugs and rock & roll 
That is of course, if a) I'm ever told when the kids will be going to Cornwall and date of return and b) the trains down this neck of the woods are running properly again after all the flooding we've had. Train tickets are still very cheap and the apartment building I stayed in for my birthday is still available for the dates I'm looking at. But even if I don't make it up there, then there is the distinct possibility that the person I'm due to hook-up with can make it down this end of the world from Newcastle instead. Either way, I'm due for some mega chilled out, loved up free time away from the house.
♥ I don't really have a huge amount to say at the moment to be honest, I'm sorry if I've been neglecting you recently, I have been somewhat embroiled online with aforementioned Geordie, dealing with the garage and gardens being completely flooded, working and just general life stuff.
Hope you're all well
Love and kisses
Michelle xx
It must be oh so wonderful to not have enough work to do that you have to sit and stare at someone else every 5 bloody minutes *sigh*
♥ I have my own group now!!! Way to go SG for NOT actually telling me that it had been approved and that it's been up and running since March 6th!!!
Anyway, if you're a contractor or a temporary worker, go here♥ I'm still ever hopeful of getting back to Manchester next month. I should be in for a wild ride if I do
What is that saying? Oh yeah, sex, drugs and rock & roll That is of course, if a) I'm ever told when the kids will be going to Cornwall and date of return and b) the trains down this neck of the woods are running properly again after all the flooding we've had. Train tickets are still very cheap and the apartment building I stayed in for my birthday is still available for the dates I'm looking at. But even if I don't make it up there, then there is the distinct possibility that the person I'm due to hook-up with can make it down this end of the world from Newcastle instead. Either way, I'm due for some mega chilled out, loved up free time away from the house.♥ I don't really have a huge amount to say at the moment to be honest, I'm sorry if I've been neglecting you recently, I have been somewhat embroiled online with aforementioned Geordie, dealing with the garage and gardens being completely flooded, working and just general life stuff.
Hope you're all well
Love and kisses
Michelle xx
Well the bad heads and toothache seem to be subsiding, which is a good thing
Today's been pretty good:
♥ I made £200 in hard fresh cash today by selling a wholesale box to a woman in Malawi. Her Grandad lives in a town not too far from me, and came and picked the box up from me, and handed the cash over If she's happy with this one, I'm hoping that this will become a regular thing, and I can finally shift the old stock sat in my loft and clear the credit card debt once and for all (I no longer have the card as I finally cut the fucker up - yay me!). Her Grandad was a lovely bloke, bloody hard handshake though, my hand is still feeling rather squished
♥ The sun has been shining ALL day, it's been warm and after the shitty weather the UK has been having recently, this made me very indeed.
♥ I
Scrubs. I simply adore it and can't get enough of it. So it's been marathon Scrubs watching day again today. This also makes me very
♥ I have beer that's been chilling in the fridge since 4pm today so it will be lovely and ice-cold when I get round to opening the bottles later.
Ooooh, having this cash in my room is making me all It means I can put it towards my next trip. Now all I have to do is sort out dates when the kids will be away next month, and I'm outta here for a couple of nights again. Can't wait. I need a change of scenery again and to catch up with some of you lot again.
What a Kiss means:
Today's been pretty good:
♥ I made £200 in hard fresh cash today by selling a wholesale box to a woman in Malawi. Her Grandad lives in a town not too far from me, and came and picked the box up from me, and handed the cash over
If she's happy with this one, I'm hoping that this will become a regular thing, and I can finally shift the old stock sat in my loft and clear the credit card debt once and for all (I no longer have the card as I finally cut the fucker up - yay me!). Her Grandad was a lovely bloke, bloody hard handshake though, my hand is still feeling rather squished ♥ The sun has been shining ALL day, it's been warm and after the shitty weather the UK has been having recently, this made me very
indeed.♥ I
Scrubs. I simply adore it and can't get enough of it. So it's been marathon Scrubs watching day again today. This also makes me very ♥ I have beer that's been chilling in the fridge since 4pm today so it will be lovely and ice-cold when I get round to opening the bottles later.
Ooooh, having this cash in my room is making me all
It means I can put it towards my next trip. Now all I have to do is sort out dates when the kids will be away next month, and I'm outta here for a couple of nights again. Can't wait. I need a change of scenery again and to catch up with some of you lot again.What a Kiss means:
Kisses to you all
Michelle xx
Gah. I have a bad head again, and toothache too
I'm sure my damn wisdom tooth seems to know when I'm due for a dental appointment as it makes the gum it hasn't quite finished breaking through swell like fuck and hurt just as bad I can't sleep on my left side because it hurts so much at the moment.
Been neglecting myself lately hence why I think I've got the bad heads back again, and I need to get back on track before things go to pot completely. So I'm off to bed now, and plan to get some good nights sleep in over the next month or so, and back on my diet again as that's kinda gone by the wayside too.
Still trying to sort out logistics for my next trip, but still waiting on dates of when the kids will be away, so it might be short(ish) notice for all concerned. But fear not, I will keep those of you that matter most, in the know as soon as I have more information
Night all
I'm sure my damn wisdom tooth seems to know when I'm due for a dental appointment as it makes the gum it hasn't quite finished breaking through swell like fuck and hurt just as bad
I can't sleep on my left side because it hurts so much at the moment.Been neglecting myself lately hence why I think I've got the bad heads back again, and I need to get back on track before things go to pot completely. So I'm off to bed now, and plan to get some good nights sleep in over the next month or so, and back on my diet again as that's kinda gone by the wayside too.
Still trying to sort out logistics for my next trip, but still waiting on dates of when the kids will be away, so it might be short(ish) notice for all concerned. But fear not, I will keep those of you that matter most, in the know as soon as I have more information
Night all
So it would appear that over the past fortnight or so I have turned into a M.I.L.F. 
I'd find this quite flattering if it wasn't so bizarre and the fact that it's 18-21 year olds that appear to be putting me in the aforementioned category. I mean, c'mon, I'm old enough to actually BE their Mother
That's just not right in my books. Either they're virgins or they seriously have something wrong with them if they think that I would actually hook up with them! Geee, get a life boys.
CreamyGoodness and I have been discussing one such boy involved in this charade ( I can't think of it in any other sense, than a big game to be honest ), and have decided that this Adam needs to be taught by CreamyGoodness on how to actually talk to women without all the text speak crap that's being spouted in online messages. Which is actually making me and Creamy laugh a lot, and then feel unclean because it's just so childish! I think Creamy is probably one of the best people to teach him how it's done, as long as he keeps the knives and stabbing prostitutes out of the equation (in-house joke folks!)
Other than that I've not really done much else this past week. Been busy at work, eating WAY too much when I should be back on track and losing weight. I know I should stop with the crap as I'm feeling way too tired and sluggish about everything right now, which means that I'm totally eating the wrong things. Sitting eating ring doughnuts and doritos whilst watching Downsize Me! is pure hypocrisy at its best. I shall aim to get back on the good stuff on Monday, and make my aim the first week in August for my next goal. So, 5 weeks to hopefully shift 14 pounds (of which 7 of those are what I've fluctuated with gaining and losing since my birthday).
Because:
I'm still aiming to get out of here for a couple of days in August when the kids go to Cornwall, but until I know exactly how long they'll be away for, I can't book anything up yet. The lure of Manchester is still playing on my mind, and the apartment block I stayed in for my birthday has vacancies at the cheaper rate again....but then again, I haven't been to London since November last year, haven't caught up with the SGUK posse, so maybe I should go there.....or even combine a trip to Manchester with a night in London on the way back. Who knows. First I have to have money for that to happen (which would be made a lot easier if someone would come through with the £200 cash for an order), and then I need actual dates, before I can contact people about hooking up.
Who knows, the weather might even have stopped being so shitty by then *wishful thinking*
Well, I have a large cold beer in the fridge yelling out for me, so I'll love you and leave you all for now
Michelle xx
I'd find this quite flattering if it wasn't so bizarre and the fact that it's 18-21 year olds that appear to be putting me in the aforementioned category. I mean, c'mon, I'm old enough to actually BE their Mother
That's just not right in my books. Either they're virgins or they seriously have something wrong with them if they think that I would actually hook up with them! Geee, get a life boys. CreamyGoodness and I have been discussing one such boy involved in this charade ( I can't think of it in any other sense, than a big game to be honest ), and have decided that this Adam needs to be taught by CreamyGoodness on how to actually talk to women without all the text speak crap that's being spouted in online messages. Which is actually making me and Creamy laugh a lot, and then feel unclean because it's just so childish! I think Creamy is probably one of the best people to teach him how it's done, as long as he keeps the knives and stabbing prostitutes out of the equation (in-house joke folks!)
Other than that I've not really done much else this past week. Been busy at work, eating WAY too much when I should be back on track and losing weight. I know I should stop with the crap as I'm feeling way too tired and sluggish about everything right now, which means that I'm totally eating the wrong things. Sitting eating ring doughnuts and doritos whilst watching Downsize Me! is pure hypocrisy at its best. I shall aim to get back on the good stuff on Monday, and make my aim the first week in August for my next goal. So, 5 weeks to hopefully shift 14 pounds (of which 7 of those are what I've fluctuated with gaining and losing since my birthday).
Because:
I'm still aiming to get out of here for a couple of days in August when the kids go to Cornwall, but until I know exactly how long they'll be away for, I can't book anything up yet. The lure of Manchester is still playing on my mind, and the apartment block I stayed in for my birthday has vacancies at the cheaper rate again....but then again, I haven't been to London since November last year, haven't caught up with the SGUK posse, so maybe I should go there.....or even combine a trip to Manchester with a night in London on the way back. Who knows. First I have to have money for that to happen (which would be made a lot easier if someone would come through with the £200 cash for an order), and then I need actual dates, before I can contact people about hooking up.
Who knows, the weather might even have stopped being so shitty by then *wishful thinking*
Well, I have a large cold beer in the fridge yelling out for me, so I'll love you and leave you all for now
Michelle xx
In the past 7 days I have:
Had an 18 year old tell me I look amazing and stunning
Had a 24 year old ask me how he can get in my bed
Been told that I may only have my current job for the next 6-8 months due to the possibility of the department's work being shipped to an Argentinian shared service centre
Visited my parents and seen my Mum regress slightly in her recovery from her stroke 2 years ago, due to being diagnosed with an accelerated heartrate
Found out my father-in-law has an irregular heartbeat and so can't have the operation on his knees that he needs as they are basically fucked, so he has to go back to his doctor and find out what happens next.
Been drunk-dialled by noctem from overseas - watch your phone bill Shane
Not heard much from someone I care a lot about
Talked tattoos and bikes whilst sat in my pink underwear, having my neck pulled and back cracked by my new chiropractor (yes, a man!!) - eeehgods I've never heard my back go with THAT much of a crack before. Sheer blissssss
Suffered with painful headaches
Bought limited edition versions of Star Wars 4,5 and 6 for £7 each instead of £23 each
So ..what have you done?
Michelle xx
Had an 18 year old tell me I look amazing and stunning
Had a 24 year old ask me how he can get in my bed
Been told that I may only have my current job for the next 6-8 months due to the possibility of the department's work being shipped to an Argentinian shared service centre
Visited my parents and seen my Mum regress slightly in her recovery from her stroke 2 years ago, due to being diagnosed with an accelerated heartrate
Found out my father-in-law has an irregular heartbeat and so can't have the operation on his knees that he needs as they are basically fucked, so he has to go back to his doctor and find out what happens next.
Been drunk-dialled by noctem from overseas - watch your phone bill Shane
Not heard much from someone I care a lot about
Talked tattoos and bikes whilst sat in my pink underwear, having my neck pulled and back cracked by my new chiropractor (yes, a man!!) - eeehgods I've never heard my back go with THAT much of a crack before. Sheer blissssss
Suffered with painful headaches
Bought limited edition versions of Star Wars 4,5 and 6 for £7 each instead of £23 each
So ..what have you done?
Michelle xx
I find it kinda funny (weird, not haha) when some stranger literally half my age calls me amazing and stunning. I just, um, don't get it, I mean, I'm old enough to be their damn mother Or is that what the attraction is these days??
Maybe I've just been out of all this "stuff" for too long and don't know how to react anymore. Maybe I just feel like I should be saying I'm too old to be playing games anymore. Maybe I need lessons in how to read signals and not take things too seriously....
Personally, the next 3 years are going to be the toughest of my life and I can only hope that at the end of it, that I'm not too battered and beaten down, and that I can come out of it all a stronger, happier and more positive person. Only time itself will tell. I don't want to be the "Life begins at 40" cliche. I want it to begin before then, which is why I'm setting the 3 years as my marker. Things will be sorted before I reach the big 40. They have to be for my sanity and wellbeing.
Now all I need is for something to look forward to in a few months time. Any ideas?
I'm getting there, thanks mostly to you guys, and to the unconditional love from my two boys
Michelle xx
Or is that what the attraction is these days?? Maybe I've just been out of all this "stuff" for too long and don't know how to react anymore. Maybe I just feel like I should be saying I'm too old to be playing games anymore. Maybe I need lessons in how to read signals and not take things too seriously....
Personally, the next 3 years are going to be the toughest of my life and I can only hope that at the end of it, that I'm not too battered and beaten down, and that I can come out of it all a stronger, happier and more positive person. Only time itself will tell. I don't want to be the "Life begins at 40" cliche. I want it to begin before then, which is why I'm setting the 3 years as my marker. Things will be sorted before I reach the big 40. They have to be for my sanity and wellbeing.
Now all I need is for something to look forward to in a few months time. Any ideas?
I'm getting there, thanks mostly to you guys, and to the unconditional love from my two boys
Michelle xx
I believe the black veil is starting to lift. I look back at my last few posts and good god! How bleak and horrible! I really felt awful. I still don't feel myself completely but I feel like I'm getting there.
I have been trying to remember everyday to be grateful for things, to remember affirmations and the pearls of wisdom I have been given by friends. I couldn't seem to hold onto them in my brain as of a week ago but something happened on Sunday, something finally "clicked" and it started moving towards working "right" again. I seem to be able to hold on to the positive much longer and see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I've not been the most cheerful person around here recently but there's been a lot happening and unfortunately none of it was good.
Things will also be better once I've been home to see my parents this weekend as I need to see for myself how my Mum is. I hate her being ill when I'm so far away.
I know I'm going to make it now, I just have to have patience. Thank you all for your kind words, your support and those select few who've stayed at the end of texts with me over the past week or so, I love you all
Now I just need to get focused and shift this 1/2 stone that I've put on over the past couple of weeks
I have been trying to remember everyday to be grateful for things, to remember affirmations and the pearls of wisdom I have been given by friends. I couldn't seem to hold onto them in my brain as of a week ago but something happened on Sunday, something finally "clicked" and it started moving towards working "right" again. I seem to be able to hold on to the positive much longer and see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I've not been the most cheerful person around here recently but there's been a lot happening and unfortunately none of it was good.
Things will also be better once I've been home to see my parents this weekend as I need to see for myself how my Mum is. I hate her being ill when I'm so far away.
I know I'm going to make it now, I just have to have patience. Thank you all for your kind words, your support and those select few who've stayed at the end of texts with me over the past week or so, I love you all
Now I just need to get focused and shift this 1/2 stone that I've put on over the past couple of weeks
I'm so tired. Tired of crying. Tired of being told I'll feel better soon. Tired of not knowing what it is that's making me so utterly unhappy right now. I just want to be held tight, have my hair stroked and know that someone actually, truly cares enough. I feel so lonely...
If anyone knows the way out, let me know as the candle has nearly been extinguished.
I feel it washing over me, the slow poisonous tide.
Pins and needles dance on me.
Sickness undefined.
Now I'm afraid to face the sky.
Please someone hear my haunted cries.
Please let them waken me...
With eyes sewn shut I still can see (I end up somewhere)
All that is surrounding me (Somewhere between)
Between a dream (I end up nowhere)
And motionless reality, will I forever lie?
I feel them binding so smoothly.
I see myself below.
I feel it gnawing, eating me.
Poisonous and slow.
My mind it speeds.
My voice has died.
God let me make the faintest cry.
Please let them waken me...
If anyone knows the way out, let me know as the candle has nearly been extinguished.
I feel it washing over me, the slow poisonous tide.
Pins and needles dance on me.
Sickness undefined.
Now I'm afraid to face the sky.
Please someone hear my haunted cries.
Please let them waken me...
With eyes sewn shut I still can see (I end up somewhere)
All that is surrounding me (Somewhere between)
Between a dream (I end up nowhere)
And motionless reality, will I forever lie?
I feel them binding so smoothly.
I see myself below.
I feel it gnawing, eating me.
Poisonous and slow.
My mind it speeds.
My voice has died.
God let me make the faintest cry.
Please let them waken me...
