So I took some ribbons at the 30th Annual Oregon Homebrew Festival yesterday. Second place for my Weizenbock in the Wheat Beer category and Third in Open Meads for a apple pear mead I made for Hopey. I'd earned some minor awards in the past, but never took any medals in a major event, so it was a nice surprise.
The best thing was I named the weizen Frau Blucher. The horse noises from the crowd upon announcement was priceless.
Life has sort of downshifted into lather, rinse, repeat. Pretty much just working all week and moping about on the weekends. I need to find things to do to fill my free time, when I have it, so I don't slip back into permanent mope mode.
Step one will be getting my ass back to a gym. It's been a long time since I went and I can feel the time. Frankly I just sort of gave up on it some time ago. I don't know if I lost interest, inspiration, or something else. I think it's been a bit of all three. I took the end of things between the ex and me pretty hard and much to much to heart. Too much blaming myself and putting myself down which led to a "who cares anyway" kind of attitude. That's the old way of me and I've got to get back to forward process instead of this static state I've been in. I just need to break friction and get the ball rolling again. Wallowing over such nonsense is just silly and I'm better than that. Much better in fact. And once back in that rut it only gets deeper and harder to get out of. Time to wipe and get off the pot!
Still no love life at all. Mostly because I still don't have any sort of real social life or way to meet new people. And I don't really know where to go or what to do to change that. I never really learned socialization with strangers and trying to pick that up this late in life is really challenging. I'd go out and do more things, but I'm not sure what to do. And when I do I end up keeping to myself like always. That last bit of social anxiety keeps hanging on and keeps me alone. Perhaps I'll overcome it, perhaps I won't. I hope for the former as the latter could make for a lonely life. I'm taking steps to overcome, they're just really small ones. Not always forward, but at least I'm moving.
No one climbs a slippery slope without a slip or two. That being said I'm gonna go judge some beers and see if I can't get some social practice. Peace, love, and gravy.
Step one will be getting my ass back to a gym. It's been a long time since I went and I can feel the time. Frankly I just sort of gave up on it some time ago. I don't know if I lost interest, inspiration, or something else. I think it's been a bit of all three. I took the end of things between the ex and me pretty hard and much to much to heart. Too much blaming myself and putting myself down which led to a "who cares anyway" kind of attitude. That's the old way of me and I've got to get back to forward process instead of this static state I've been in. I just need to break friction and get the ball rolling again. Wallowing over such nonsense is just silly and I'm better than that. Much better in fact. And once back in that rut it only gets deeper and harder to get out of. Time to wipe and get off the pot!
Still no love life at all. Mostly because I still don't have any sort of real social life or way to meet new people. And I don't really know where to go or what to do to change that. I never really learned socialization with strangers and trying to pick that up this late in life is really challenging. I'd go out and do more things, but I'm not sure what to do. And when I do I end up keeping to myself like always. That last bit of social anxiety keeps hanging on and keeps me alone. Perhaps I'll overcome it, perhaps I won't. I hope for the former as the latter could make for a lonely life. I'm taking steps to overcome, they're just really small ones. Not always forward, but at least I'm moving.
No one climbs a slippery slope without a slip or two. That being said I'm gonna go judge some beers and see if I can't get some social practice. Peace, love, and gravy.
So the old man had brain surgery on Thursday, was out of intensive care on Friday, and got released from hospital today. That's fast!
Surgery on pappy went very well from what I've been told. Old man is in ICU for the night and into normal recovery tomorrow. It's gonna be all sponge baths and percocet for Snake Sr.
My pappy gets brain surgery tomorrow to remove his tumor who I have named Kuato. Do a voodoo dance or something for me. I'll also accept a little hand action to get my mind off things.
Passed a major milestone at work yesterday. First on-the-job poop. As a highly territorial pooper I found it liberating.
I keep thinking about someone I shouldn't. But I'm starting to realize it's those thought patterns aren't genuine, but merely a symptom of lonely feelings in the now that bring old things long washed away to mind. In realizing that's the case I'm acknowledging that it's ok to think about the past, just not to stew on it or obsess with it. So I let it leave my mind as easily as it enters, without depressing my mood or causing anxiety. I just let it go.
I'd call that progress.
I'd call that progress.
Another week down at the new job. Still getting stellar reviews and doing well. It's funny, but I never knew how much my anxiety had an effect on my job performance until it was gone. Before I wanted to do the bare minimum because I just was more concerned about leaving than anything. Get shit done and bail. Now I seem to have back my old passion for working, for doing a good job, and participating with the team. All good things I missed about myself.
I did receive a little odd criticism from my boss. Apparently I'm too "happy go lucky". I'm ok with that though as it's taken me a solid year to get back to being in such good spirits. Frankly, I might go out on a limb and say I haven't been doing this well since I was very young. That being said I took it as a compliment.
I bought a BBQ pit last weekend. I fucking love it already. I did a pork butt last saturday and last night I did a rack of ribs and a turkey breast for tonight. I gotta say I'm already knocking shit out of the park. Usually I don't give two shits for ribs but the rack I made changed my mind about that. They were nice and tender without being mushy or mealy. I smoked them for four hours, wrapped them in foil with butter and apple cider vinegar and gave them another hour, then unwrapped them for another hour to finish. I really can't stop going on and on about them. Chances are I'll have to make some for my good friend MisterSatan as he is a rib fan through and through.
Look at my meat.
LOOK!
I did receive a little odd criticism from my boss. Apparently I'm too "happy go lucky". I'm ok with that though as it's taken me a solid year to get back to being in such good spirits. Frankly, I might go out on a limb and say I haven't been doing this well since I was very young. That being said I took it as a compliment.
I bought a BBQ pit last weekend. I fucking love it already. I did a pork butt last saturday and last night I did a rack of ribs and a turkey breast for tonight. I gotta say I'm already knocking shit out of the park. Usually I don't give two shits for ribs but the rack I made changed my mind about that. They were nice and tender without being mushy or mealy. I smoked them for four hours, wrapped them in foil with butter and apple cider vinegar and gave them another hour, then unwrapped them for another hour to finish. I really can't stop going on and on about them. Chances are I'll have to make some for my good friend MisterSatan as he is a rib fan through and through.
Look at my meat.
LOOK!
Second week of the new job is in the bag. So far I've garnered excellent reviews from the boss and others. I passed my certification tests both written and physical with perfect scores. Basically I do chemistry tests to determine traits of incoming and in process natural oils; Free fatty acids and peroxide values primarily. Other tests include color, refractive index, melting point, and flavor. Spoonfuls of margarine abound. So far a pretty decent job.
The improvements I've made in my mental health have drastically effected my work I find. I can concentrate on my job for once and really apply myself. I have a new-found drive and pride in what I'm doing that really reminds me of myself at a much younger age. It's a pretty damn good feeling. I hope it lasts past the new and shiny phase of all this.
Still no love life. I'm ok with that for right now. I don't need anyone else to validate me. I can do that on my own. Do I want it? Yes, I do. A lot to be perfectly honest, but I'm ok without it and I have the patience I need from that to not throw myself into anything else as foolishly thought out as my last relationship. Patience Daniel-san. Until then, wax on, wax off.
As for mi padre, neurological investigation has shown his tumor is located in the most external layer of the membranes. As such they are almost always benign and easily operated upon. So that's what's gonna happen on the 25th. I'm nervous about it but he's in the hands of the University of Iowa Hospital neurological department. Ever since U.S.News & World Report began publishing its "Best Hospitals in America" reports in 1990, University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics has appeared on that list every year. And the surgeon that will perform is simply one of the best in the nation. None-the-less I may sacrifice something for luck.
That's it for now really. I'm tired from work, and I might be engaging in a few intoxicants, so I'm done.
Later taters.
The improvements I've made in my mental health have drastically effected my work I find. I can concentrate on my job for once and really apply myself. I have a new-found drive and pride in what I'm doing that really reminds me of myself at a much younger age. It's a pretty damn good feeling. I hope it lasts past the new and shiny phase of all this.
Still no love life. I'm ok with that for right now. I don't need anyone else to validate me. I can do that on my own. Do I want it? Yes, I do. A lot to be perfectly honest, but I'm ok without it and I have the patience I need from that to not throw myself into anything else as foolishly thought out as my last relationship. Patience Daniel-san. Until then, wax on, wax off.
As for mi padre, neurological investigation has shown his tumor is located in the most external layer of the membranes. As such they are almost always benign and easily operated upon. So that's what's gonna happen on the 25th. I'm nervous about it but he's in the hands of the University of Iowa Hospital neurological department. Ever since U.S.News & World Report began publishing its "Best Hospitals in America" reports in 1990, University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics has appeared on that list every year. And the surgeon that will perform is simply one of the best in the nation. None-the-less I may sacrifice something for luck.
That's it for now really. I'm tired from work, and I might be engaging in a few intoxicants, so I'm done.
Later taters.
First week at the margarine mines is over. Training has been going well and the job is pretty easy overall. Sounds like my training is getting accelerated as I've made the impression that I'm not a dipshit. So that's nice. The next goal is to save up and get moved closer to work since gas is 4 bucks a gallon and commuting makes me want to drown kittens in a bucket of grease. I'm not sure of a location yet, but I know I won't tolerate an apartment complex. I hate loud neighbors and hearing other people fucking through the walls. Mostly because I'm not getting any, but I digress. A yard of some kind is a necessity. As is room for brewing, but that's a derp statement.
I've noticed my anxiety has dropped a lot during my training. Usually new places, new faces, and trying to make a good impression makes me shakier than a dog shitting razor blades, but it hasn't been the case. I'm noticing my own confidence in what I'm doing and I like it. I'm not stewing on the little errors I make either, I just let them go. Another good sign of progress.
Perhaps next I should tackle dating again. I don't know about that though, the heart is still a bit wishy-washy around the ladies, and so is the confidence. Either way I'm not worried. I'm ok where I am.
Go read this: http://suicidegirls.com/news/culture/25018/Plisskens-Shit-Food-Review-The-McDs-Big-Breakfast/ and comment plz. I'll show you my vagina.
I've noticed my anxiety has dropped a lot during my training. Usually new places, new faces, and trying to make a good impression makes me shakier than a dog shitting razor blades, but it hasn't been the case. I'm noticing my own confidence in what I'm doing and I like it. I'm not stewing on the little errors I make either, I just let them go. Another good sign of progress.
Perhaps next I should tackle dating again. I don't know about that though, the heart is still a bit wishy-washy around the ladies, and so is the confidence. Either way I'm not worried. I'm ok where I am.
Go read this: http://suicidegirls.com/news/culture/25018/Plisskens-Shit-Food-Review-The-McDs-Big-Breakfast/ and comment plz. I'll show you my vagina.
