Riiiight. Updating.

Actually, I'm planning on leaving the site in december. Not that I don't love it, but I have no income and am really incredibly busy with school. Unfortunately, I can barely afford anything, let alone a website. So, maybe I'll reactivate once I get some income...

Still! I've got a few months to hang out in the threads, comment on pictures, and be an active member. Then, good bye all.

Woooooooo!
Alright, I'm updating my journal here in the next few days. New pictures that are not 4 years old, new journals, all sorts of stuff. I'm excited...aren't you?

Bloggity Blog.

Yes, my term is almost over. Yes, I am feeling somewhat crushed by that because I'll be finishing with the best acting class I have ever taken, the best class I've ever taken, really. Absolutely profound. I'm worried because that means I won't know what to take next year, and I'll be stuck doing mostly prerequisite classes, lighting, script analysis, blah blah blah.
Luckily there is a lot of opportunity for shows. 3 sisters, As You Like It, and Metamorphoses. I just have to get better at auditions.
I've been keeping a really solid journal these last few weeks, and I think that may be why I am so disinclined to keep my blog on here. That, and a bunch of my friends left, so I have few readers. but I'll keep it at! one needs a healthy digital-social life as well as a regular one, right?

Ugh. What a crappy, crappy week.
I don't actually know anyone on here.

And now here comes agonizingly stressful part. Do I call her back soon, or do I wait for her to call me?
Is she regretting last night, or thinking on me as much as I am on her?
Sex?
What does an 'open relationship' even mean, really?

Bwah. Random post. I'm on hold with my old university because I want to apply for a transcript, so I can go to France during the summer.
I want to go to France!

Ergh. People read this still, right? I mean, sure I haven't posted a new blogy thing for a few months.
Whatever. I gots the school-learnin'. This term is good. Really good. Most amazing theatre class ever, Physics, Another theatre class, et Francais. Also, I'm one of a few undergraduate students who has the oppurtunity to write an essay, which will most likely be published in our school's literary journal. The general subject is TV, and mine, of course, will be on Buffy. Most likely something along the lines of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer's relevance to feminism. Cause, yeah. I'm that cool.

Ah man.
So own of my favorite suicide girls is gone: Tea. She's pretty much the cutest thing on the planet, and has amazing photography. I understand her reasons for going, and I'm glad she managed tot get off the site, but still. Sad for us.

So I was listening to the Spice Girls the other day, when I realized that KMatt is the single greatest man living today. Maybe in the history of alive men all together.

I probably would love him. But I women too much.
I'm lying. I still love him.

October

I love the fall. I live in fall, more than any other season.
While spring remains the season of change for some, the season of regrowth and newness, for me, it is always Autumn. Change comes when our unneeded elements glow brilliantly for a moment, and then are cast off, to be jumped upon by children and, sometimes, college students.
The air is crisp and vibrant, and I feel that all my thoughts and emotions are accentuated by it. I feel that my moods are more extreme, my extroversion and introspection alike. At times, I have been known to wax poetic. Horrors.
I've been struggling with writing for a few years now. The other day in my Shakespeare class, we were asked what is most Shakespearean about ourselves. We were given a few days, and then presented our findings to the class. People said a variety of things, from their wit to their passion. When it was my turn, I said something along the lines of, "All Shakespearean characters, heroes, villains, queens, peasants, soldiers alike, all of one thing in common: All of them desperately need to be heard and understood. That's why we have the soliloquies, the monologues. I feel that's what makes me Shakespearean, this desperate need to be heard and understood."
So I keep trying, even though I am often disgusted with my own prose. A natural reaction, I suppose.
But I love fall, and it makes me try all the harder. I live in fall. I feel that, more than January even, my year starts with October.

I've been so out of sorts since 2005. In 2006 I was struggling with my heart-break and, hilariously, my back-break. In 2007, which has gone by quite quickly, I must say, I was struggling with another adjustment: Moving out of the city I had lived for 21 years. Portland is so comfortable and easy. I know the streets and the people and the coffee houses. I know a lot of different sides of Portland, and a lot of different sides of the people. I love it. I don't mean that in the way that love gets through around like, "Oh, I love that pizza place." I mean I actually LOVE it. Romantic love. I get the same feeling about Portland that I do from the stage, and did for a particularly heart-breaking young woman a few years back. So it was hard leaving it, and coming to a place where I knew close to no one.
And now, now I'm back, and it's much easier. Now I live by myself, and feel free of the burden I had carried since January of 2006. I'm back onstage again, in small ways. Baby steps. No audience yet, but hopefully that will come.

And it's fall.
I love fall.