Good morning or afternoon my dears, I sign on to SG every day expecting my profile to not be there, and sure enough it is.
I find this pic to be really creepy but I love it, everyone's scared of clowns



This girl is amazing as well I can't stop listening to her



I'm going to post a pic of me every day for a whole year, I hear that's the thing to do

goals for 2010
1.find new friends ( mine just not cutting it)
2. FIND a boyfriend ( tired of being lonely)
3. find a better job ( this crappy paying job sucks)
4. Learn to take better photos ( I really do suck at photo taking)
5. Get a xbox ( better games)

I 'm sure I will be adding more threw out the year , Someone told me I should make lists and stick to them, I was also told to stop having people walk all over me starting today yea I'm going to do it

I miss my one friend Ian, when ever we were together we always had such a great time. We fucked like coked out Rabbits and the sex was really good. Before we would completely in my home Ian would have me pinned in someway or form and my clothes would be ripped off of me. After and I'm talking hours later my face would be smeared with old makeup and a smoke hanging out of my lips. He hated that I smoked. LOL actually he really just Hated me. We had such a hateful relationship I think back on how fucked up it was, and knew that Yeah I'm fucked up sometimes but there is always that person that you just look at and think " dude what the hell is wrong with them" Ian sometimes would call me, Just to make me cry, he would tell me how I was worthless and the world his world would be better without me in it and I should just kill myself right now. It always shocked me when I got these messages and as soon as my tears would fall and my voice would crack he would sooth his harsh words and beg to come over and have sex with me.... I'm ashamed now to say that I would let him.
My friends could not believe that I stuck around with him, I couldn't help myself the sex was so amazing.

I have it seen Ian for about year well seen him in a physical way, we did a last big tumble in the sheets and he kissed me goodbye and walked out of the house. Of course later I found out that he had a girlfriend who was actually my best friends sister's bff and lol well lets just say I had some explaining to do. I hear that Ian and this girl are still together, and that he loves her and is very nice to her which I'm very happy for him that he found peace in his life. I always wonder if he thinks back of me and how crazy we were together crazy but sooo good that he would even cheat on girl that he "loves" are how if they are having sex he thinks about that time he held my face in his hands and told me I was the best he ever had and he looked like he was the telling the truth it was scary I felt like he would have eaten me. I just always wonder about this stuff, is it wrong to miss someone like that?

Two days of cabin fever, is starting to eat at me. Atleast the sun is high in the sky today, melt damn snow melt!! Have it worked in two days, tomorrow there's always tomorrow.

I'm on Twitter

Heathers twitter

So follow me or say hello. I'm still here !!! but I know soon I will be gone and you all will be but a memory I have a facebook as well

look me up this way Hrode1@yahoo.com



I hate my boobs they are so small nipples look like chewed up pieces of gum

My daughter's hamster passed away, she took it hard : (
I'll be on later

I'm so in love with Leon from The Resident Evil 4 game. I want him to be my boyfriend. Is this wrong of me to have a wet dream about a character in a game? More importantly due women have wet dreams?

What have been up too ?

well every day I sign on to SG and I'm surprised that I still have my account. I thought for sure the beginning of feb. I was out of here


still strong on stay a vegan, I just made corn chowder today and it's so yummy I like to have it on the stove and let it simmer and eat a little bit here and there

I also noticed that I have been slimming down, it's not that I needed it but I can see a difference in the way my clothes fit.. or maybe I should wash my clothes haha

Last summer :



I miss the beach, but here's a recent pic



Okay I know you can't really see my stomach my camera chose to die right at this moment

Book I"m reading :



She has to be one of my Favorite people

Movies I've been watching
Shutter Island
Legion ( which is stupid)
Running with Scissors
Perfume
Quills

That's it I feel like my life is getting crazy again and I can't breathe I should just stay in my own head

It only took me a week to grow this...haha
I"ll write more later

I hate to inform you all of this but, well this will be the last month for me on SG. I love you all and I will miss everyone. Funds will not let me enjoy my time on here. or well lol I don't have a credit card anymore. I enjoyed meeting and talking to everyone, and sharring me life and adventures with you all, I hope I made you laugh, and made you look at life a little different Kisses

My head is hating me today, including the knee

http://beautifulwords-heather.blogspot.com/2010/01/pulp.html

Dealing with the bad choices I stood at my front door at 4 am with my crutch in one hand, holding it like a weapon . My other hand had my phone in it. I placed all my weight on my good knee and cracked my toes on my right leg trying to find a comfortable way to hold it.

The girl upstairs was screaming. I jumped and clenched the crutches harder as the male voice screamed again To get the fuck out , over and over again he said this as the girl screamed.

What do I do? call the cops? Let them go at it was he killing her. I froze in fear and not wanting to bother or really get in anyone's life. Shame on me for this.

My upstairs Neighbors were robed beat up pretty badly and was robbed and I stood in my apartment with a busted knee and did nothing. Why is this?

I put myself in situations were I threw myself in things I shouldn't have why didn't I call the police? Why didn't I run upstairs and hit these stupid fucks with my crutch? Why did I think the worst Of my neighbor when he was nothing but loving to his girl and nice to me? Why did I think the worse of him and kept my mouth shut and didn't do anything?

How can I bitch about society and I've become like everyone else!! This disappoints me. I know myself, I've done mistakes in the past and I always understood them but this, this I don't get .

Why would I stand around and not do anything? Even if he was hurting her why wouldn't I help? I do know that it's over with, and I can't change or I had no control over it but I just got a glimpse of myself and I really don't like it.

It's way cool being a girl I use to have this weird thing I did as a child. I remember it plainly at age 5 but I'm not sure how old I was when it started. When ever someone asked me my name, I would always say it was Steve. My mother would shake her head and my sister would snicker behind her hand. I just always wanted to be a boy!!! Maybe at a young age I understood how so much more relaxed boys were, how they were it so bound up in a tight ball, Where society didn't look down at them and expected them to act or be a certain way. Because if you think about it boys are not suppose to act anyway. I always defied everything that I could think of. I was the girl that always smoked in the bathroom with the boys ( yes I'm talking about the boys bathroom) I belched and farted and flung my boogers and screaming girls. I was always the cool girl or the one that the girlfriends hated cause their boys would call me up if they had problems. I've gotten threatened so many times that I was going to get my ass kick If I didn't stay away someone's boyfriend. You know what was funny... I never wanted there boyfriends, I knew their secrets I knew what they did behind their girlfriends back, and sorry girls it's not what you would Like. Years later when I started growing into my skin... I was such a late bloomer I really started understanding why it's so good to be a girl!!! and I'm not talking about free drinks , boys pay, or what ever, I'm not that superficial. We have compassion and we have a need to forgive and we have understanding. As some of our fine points. Yes we have sex appeal that we can use to get what we want. And Yes folks and boys we can play our head games and let me tell you, we do do them better we just let you all think you pulled one over us. : ) What's my point in this well... nothing really I'm happy at being a women. It's good feeling I'm happy about being a strong independent women. Yes I do frighten people with my waging tongue and my great fuck you approach to life, but that's me.... and it's way cool