A big blog of nothing,

For once I would like someone to come up to me and ask me How I"m doing...... I think this is the biggest thing I wish for.
A big blog of nothing
the big thing is ... Is that I feel like nothing and it's a horrible feeling, I hope I've never made anyone feel this way.

A month ago my BFF was killed and she will not be in this life anymore, her daughter will grow up with out a mother and father, Because her father killed my best friend. I feel selfish for being sad , I feel bad for being mad that my "friends' here don't ask if I"m ok. But really it does it matter if I'm okay right? Because there's a 7 year old with out a mother

My one "friend" needs help paying fines or he's going to jail. I've been to jail and It's not a cool place. I told him I would help him. I can't pay my rent,,but since I told him I would help him, he's talked to me every day.and he acts so interested in what I have to say. I use to talk to my bff every day. I miss her and I'm so lonely

My other "friend" use to tell me his life story, use to love how easy I was to talk to, use to search out my conversations. Now he forgets to return my texts, emails, phone calls, and acts like he does it know me. Actually he's said that, "you and I don't know each other" I asked him if something happen if I said something wrong and he tells me he's just busy. He forgets when I invite him to do things to let me know if he's going.

My other "friend" who I use to talk to all the time as well and said I was a cool ass chick, just stopped as well as returning emails ect.... When asked ... because I'm honest... I was told that my grammar and spelling is really hard to understand what I'm trying to get across. When we do talk every know and then it's about what he's going threw, and if I mention something about me or whatever, it gets completely ignored. Hence the big nothing blog.

I just want to be myself again because of all this I get really insecure when it comes to them.

I just want to stop feeling this way, I want to be that cool ass chick that everyone else thinks I am and I know I am but I can't stop this yuck insecurity that I have . I just want some one I can talk to....

Pathetic huh ?