"When I found out what made the world go round and that it wasn't love; that's when I went bad "
William Rose

I don't think it's a good sign that my depression is taking over every moment of my life. When I fall asleep for short nap I expect to wake up refreshed and feeling a little better. But the nightmares come of monsters eating my baby, and happy moments with Sperm donor and then something horrible happens. I feel the life slipping away from my very eyes. though I think it's a good thing that I'm noticing this.

My legs ache, and I'm hot and clammy, my skin is very itchy not sure if it's from the heat, or the fact that I found a nest of spiders outside of my work today. I have it spoken to Sperm donor since tuesday morning and it's thursday night. This saddens me




don't think anyone is going to truly understand the pain I"m going threw, the hurt, I can't even put it in words. I can sit and pretend that every thing is fine but then I just cry and I have this sense of hopelessness that washes over me. I have a sever case of abandonment issues, and then I feel worthless, I feel like My baby and I arn't good enough . then I think about life and human beings and how fuck up the world is!!! then I get angry... this happens a couple times a day. My friends don't even know.....

How simple it would be if I was truly selfish just to end it... how simple it would be to just go into darkness, and never come out, and just sleep for good ......

how simple