Member: Sjofn
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Wednesday blog
JUNE 3, 2009 @ 01:10 PM


I had my bags pack and I was ready to run away to the city. I said good bye to my friends and gave a key to my one friend who was going to live in my apartment. This was a choice I made yesterday early morning and today I was planning on following threw with it.

But then:

My best friend got to me and she grounded me, I'm a free spirit which in the end it makes me selfish in away. Not that I try to be selfish, not that I go threw only thinking of myself but at times I forget the other people. That's not good,

Sperm donor took me home last night and told me he was going to miss me and that he was sorry. He asked me if it was something that he said that made me decide to leave. It was ... but it's not his fault.

Is it bad to think that now that I"m staying that people are going to think I made it up? I have the train ticket... I really was ready to do this.

But I got to thinking ( with help from my BF) that if sperm donor ran away everyone would be mad at him, arn't I doing the same thing? I"m running and I need to stick by him I need to understand that he's going threw a lot with this as well.......

sigh

I hate having understanding, I"m such a conterdiction with my free spirit and understanding.
Comments
Gunch

Gunch

Cockeysville Hunt Valley, MD
September 2005

JUN 03, 2009 01:23 PM

While running away rarely solves anything (I know from harsh experience), taking a break isn't a bad idea. Maybe you just need some time to yourself to get your thoughts in order. Maybe you aren't the only one. wink

Coffeelove

Coffeelove

Norway
March 2009

JUN 03, 2009 01:53 PM

In the end it might be better to stay and work things out in the best way you can under the circumstances. Leaving everything behind might not be the best idea. Though maybe you could use a little vacation and get away for a short time? *hugs*

NobodyHere

NobodyHere

I'm lost
February 2008

JUN 03, 2009 01:53 PM

I can't believe Mr sperm donor asked if it was somrthing he said! I mean hello? what planet did he beam down from?
I don't completely think you were selfish either. I mean, you told people what you were doing. I'm sure most people would understand deep down. On the other hand, it's good that you're still there with your frends.
We're all contradictions are'nt we?

pawko4b

pawko4b

Mechanicsburg, PA
May 2008

JUN 03, 2009 02:31 PM

You're a good person and it's tough. *hug*

LillithVain

LillithVain

SUICIDEGIRL

Florida, USA

JUN 03, 2009 03:27 PM

that happens to me sometimes too.. I want to go and then I am here still because of my friends

pawko4b

pawko4b

Mechanicsburg, PA
May 2008

JUN 03, 2009 04:38 PM

Welcome. So you're staying for now? shocked

Coffeelove

Coffeelove

Norway
March 2009

JUN 03, 2009 04:40 PM

Yes, sounds like a very good advice smile

Grayb

Grayb

Dover Plains, NY
January 2009

JUN 03, 2009 04:54 PM

Even with my current life, which one would assume should be unendingly pleasant and problem free, I often find myself wanting to get away from it all. There's too much drama and nonsense involved in everyday existence lately.

I can imagine how you feel - you're dealing with some serious pain and major issues.

We're all familiar with the Nietzsche quote "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." - but sometimes I'd be more than willing to settle for a little bit weaker and a wee bit easier.

I admire and agree with you decision to stay and deal with everything and everyone. Try and get away from it all for at least a little while though. Even if it's just basking in the sunshine on a sunny Spring day or taking a brief solitary stroll.

Don't worry about what others may think. Just do what you honestly think and feel is the right thing. Hopefully others will learn from your example.

Best wishes...

Grayb

Grayb

Dover Plains, NY
January 2009

JUN 05, 2009 06:48 AM

Hey - it's been a couple of days. I hope that you are okay. I've been missing you and thinking about you smile