Well, this blog being what it is, this update is about a month late. At 9:32, May 22, My daughter Blaise Ayn was born. Its been a little over a month now and every day brings more great things. I know this already sounds like a cleche, but the girl already has me wraped around her tiny finger.

Well, I can safely say now that my original intention of keeping a web log on this page is a phenomenal failure. I haven't updated this page for a year…. That just seems sad. Especially considering how exited I was when Fatality posted a response to my first entry. How disappointed I am in myself that I wasn't able to keep her interest. However, I actually have something to update about now and that is my Fiancé "Ryalie" is expecting our fist child (she's about three months along). I really can't say how I feel about this because I've never experienced emotional turmoil quite like it before. One moment I feel like everything is going to be all right, and literally the next minuet I'm despondent and despair of ever achieving the things I'd like to. Mostly I'm just terrified though…. In a good way, if that makes any sense at all.

meh... I'm tired of the previous post. Not that I have anything to write about at the moment. It just sat there for far too long. I wonder why people take this site so very seriously. Do they really think that profit wasn't THE major motive for creating Suiced Girls? And even if a man is at the helm of SG I still say the product (yes it is indeed a product) here has more to offer then any other "barbie" site. I plan on enjoying what the site offers without overanalyzing things and from here on out I won't be taking the site so seriously.

This spate of missing Suicide Girls has me confused to say the least. I hate that clueless feeling you get when something important is happening just under the surface but you can’t grasp it. That is how I feel right now. I’ve seen some of my favorite SG’s suddenly disappear and the band/staff plays on, and I stay oblivious, except for a vague apprehension. What the hell is going on here? I don’t feel at home here anymore.

Well, as of Sept. 4 I am now among the ranks of the tattooed. Even though it’s just the outline at the moment I am extremely pleased with my decision. My complements to the artist, he was great. I surprised myself with my pain tolerance. Between the endorphins and breathing discipline I had no problems at all, just a few spots that elicited a deep breath or two and a chuckle from both of us. I’m also pleased that I went large on my first tattoo, that was a good decision on my part as well. I don’t know why but seeing the bottom of my half-sleeve poking out from under my shirt puts a big grin on my face. I must say, I was a little worried about the reaction my mother would have once she got wind of this, but much to my relief she told me that since I’d been wanting this for seven years she was happy that I got it done (?!) I don’t know what I would have done if she started crying, but that’s the reaction I was expecting. (I know, I’m a momma’s boy) I don’t think they realize this is probably the first of many to come. Susan and I are shopping around for a digital camera and we should have one soon. As soon as I can I’ll have pictures posted; but man are those things expensive, at least the nice ones.

Just a short update today. I had the previous entry up for an age so it's time to change. Yesterday Susan and I went to see the Donnas at our little state fair. They aren't my typical fare but I was pleasantly surprised. Everyone had a good time including the Donnas, and most importantly Susan who's first concert this was. She's now a rabid fan (spent $70 on gear). My only complaint is leveled at the fair staff that came up with the brilliant plan of placing reserved seating right in front of the stage. Naturally this meant that once the band started playing everyone crowded the seats and we had to stand up just to see the band, totally wasting the extra money we spent on those seats.

I'm getting ready for my first tattoo in about a weeks time and I'm feeling quite a jumble of emotions. I've been thinking about this tattoo for years and I'm certain that I've made the right choices as far as studios and artists, but now at the eleventh hour, I have this nagging in the back of my subconscious about making such a permanent change to my body. In the same mental breath, I'll think about how disappointed in myself I'll be if I drop everything because of conformist tendencies. I also wonder if I’ll become weary of answering inane questions about my tattoo. It has subtle religious and philosophical significance; nothing so obvious as a Sigil of Baphomet, but one that will confuse some people, and I’ve grown out of the stage in my life where I welcome unsolicited debate with strangers. In the end I’m sure I’ll go though with it, and I’m excited about it, but I do wish the confusion would go away.

My random thought for the day: My girlfriend thought it would be a wonderfull idea for me to get a membership to this site when I first found it. Both of us thought it was just a cool site were girls with tats got naked. Now she's found out that there is much more to the site then initially met the eye and she has become "unbcomfortable" with the time I spend on SG. Is it just me or does it strike anyone else as strange that she feels less threatened by my oogling naked girls and more insecure about me writing a journal and meeting interesting people on the boards? Anyway, you could probably chalk it up to the infathamable female psyche.

thank you for the vote of confidence Fatality, though I'm not sure I diserve it. As you can plainly see I'm a filthy liar concerning my attempt to update this journal. I'f you'll alow me to gush, I can't believe that the first comment I got was from a Suicide Girl. I guess that means people really are reading this afterall. I'll have to double check my spelling now.

Hmmm, no real political ramblings right now; exept that I'm not suprised the Alaskan people are so complacent that they let an opportunity like the All-Alaska natural gas pipeline slip through their fingers. That's all I'll say about the subject as most of you don't know about it or care. I just don't know what upsets me more, the deal falling through or that the only ones raising hell about it are a couple of FM disc jockies.

On the lighter side, I finally managed the courage to have bits of metal stuck through me. I'm very pleased with it. Now I'm trying to dicide what should come next.

I've never been one to write my thoughts down on paper, or any other medium for that matter. Strange considering I've always enjoyed writing. Mostly I guess I never wanted to bore myself with my random inconsiquential thoughts. If I dont want to see them on paper why should anyone else want to, right? Still, I think I may find this cathartic afterall. Who knows... we'll see. I may just evolve into a bloger yet. If I filled these pages with my political, religious and philisophical musings would people enjoy rifling though them, or would I just be exposing the soft underbelly of my psyche/ego to jaded critics? The point may be moot, I am an introvert, posting on these boards is anything but natural to me. My thought-streams will probably never see the light of a strangers moniter. I think I've spewed enough for one evening, we'll see if anything comes of it tomorrow. I'll try again.