I must go to the grocery store. However, I haven't left the house all weekend. Or even gotten dressed, bathed, or anything else that would make me presentable enough to go to the grocery store. I have brushed my teeth, though; I have to draw the line somewhere.

If it were after midnight I could pass myself off as one of the crazies that wanders around the grocery store in the middle of the night, but it's only 6:00 pm, so I'll just put a hat on.

I played World of Warcraft for much of today. I haven't played for a couple months; I go through video game periods. I'll play for a week straight, then not touch them for months. Video games are something I need to work up motivation for, you know?

I generally play solo. I wonder what it would be like to have friends to play with? Most likely pretty annoying.

Ok, off to the store then.
_______

I'm back; the grocery store didn't even take half an hour. Going to the grocery store is like sex: in and out, and get it done with as quickly as possible.

I've decided that I'm eventually going to turn into one of those people who wanders around the store in his bathrobe in the middle of the night.

Anyway, now I have apples, oranges, bananas, carrots, and bread for another week. Also delicious Grafton cheddar cheese, which is ridiculously priced. But it's very tasty, so I splurged. And I'm not terribly worried about overspending on groceries.

Now I must decide if I should watch television, or go back to playing my game. I wonder what's on?

It's now Saturday night, so I can finally sing Sam Cooke.

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody.
I've got some money 'cause I just got paid.
Now, how I wish I had someone to talk to.
I'm in an awful way.

But I have what's important. I have my cigarettes, and I have my books.

I did everything I said I was going to do today.

First, I went on a double-length walk. I've spoken of them before, but I find the exercise fanatics in the park rather sad. I see them huffing and puffing away, looking miserable, not even looking around and enjoying their surroundings. I wonder if they can even imagine all the things they miss seeing?

I'm sure they'd find me just as annoying as I find them. No doubt they wouldn't think I'm dedicated enough. I'm continually stopping to look at things. Deer, birds, interesting plants. Today I stopped on a number of occasions to watch woolly bears (Pyrrharctica isabella) cross the path. I then saved them from certain death; they're slow-moving and tend to get run over and stepped on. I know that for every one I saved, ten more were probably squashed, but I feel all right having done what I could.

(Let's avoid any philosophical discussions on the possible problems created in interfering, shall we? Did I kill them by moving them, by putting them somewhere that someone will later walk? I can't answer these questions.)

I also went to see my grandfather, and spent a number of hours over there. He wanted to go out to dinner, but I was getting a headache and had to decline. I feel guilty, of course; I really should go over there more. If any of you were reading a year ago, or wish to look back, you'll find me saying the same thing about my grandmother. It's a guilt thing. No matter how much I visit, and how much else I do, I'll always feel I should have done more. That's how it works.

Anyway, now I'll go back to singing and reading my book.

I think a rabbit nibbled on my corkscrew hazel (Corylus avellana). With most plants, I wouldn't care; rabbits need to eat too, after all. But the hazel was expensive, and I just planted it this spring. It's more of a twisty twig than the large shrub it will grow up to be.

I think it will be all right. The rabbit didn't strip all the bark, just a little on one side. Maybe it decided it wasn't tasty. One can hope.

Damned rabbits.

Good Will Hunting was on last night, but I didn't watch it. Although I think it's a good movie, it hits a little too close to home. Not that I mean to be arrogant. Tonight I think I may throw in Snatch

It's Friday night, and once again I have no plans. If it were Saturday night, I'd sing Sam Cooke. Then again, I'm a recluse, so I'm really only pretending to complain about being all Jack.

I was lazy tonight, and didn't go for my walk. It looks like it might rain. Of course, it won't, and I'll feel guilty for not walking. I'll go tomorrow, however. Maybe two hours instead of one.

I must also go visit my grandfather tomorrow. He's apparently losing it. Forgetting things and that. We all that with my grandmother, and I'm rather dreading going through it all again. But I'm a dutiful grandson, so I'll go and chat.

Such is life.

I finished Anathem. It took me a few days, but cut me some slack; it's just shy of 1000 pages, and I didn't get a good start on it until Friday afternoon.

The simplest way I can explain it is that it's a work of speculative fiction whose main theme is Platonism. That is, in the philosophy of mathematics, the school of thought which holds that mathematical entities exist independent of the human mind; they are abstract, have no spatiotemporal or causal properties, and are eternal and unchanging.

It's the view held by the majority of actual mathematicians, including me.

It can be contrasted with the philosophies of my arch-enemies, social constructivism and social realism, which hold that mathematics is simply a social construct, a sort of game we play in our heads with symbols and numbers and the rest. Typically the people who believe such things aren't actually mathematicians. They're sociologists and other dreadful things.

Anyway, I'll get off the philosophical rant.

It's a good book if you're the sort of person who's interested in that sort of thing, which I am. I recommend it highly. I may be biased, however.

Where is everyone this week?

My ear still hurts like bezoomny. Perhaps if I stick a pencil in there and jam it around a bit, it will help?

Do you get enough fiber in your diet? No? Don't worry; no one does. I suspect that to get the recommended 25g a day, you would pretty much need to eat sawdust all day. I'm up to maybe 70 percent. Don't ask what it's doing to my digestive system; you really don't want to know.

I forgot to tell the story about my Labor Day. I spent a number of hours at my aunt and uncle's fixing computers. Just what I wanted to do on my day off. Whatever you do, don't ever give people the impression that you can fix computers.

The problem is that computers aren't really consumer products. Not yet. They require care and maintenance and somehow who knows what he's doing. They've been marketed as appliances, necessary to life as we know it, but if anyone bought a refrigerator or microwave that needed as much expertise as a computer, there would be lawsuits. But by marketing it as an appliance, computer companies have indeed made it necessary to life as we know it.

So we get people who need their computers fixed after they've done something to muck them up. Some of these people think those of us who can do the fixing actually enjoy it. Not really; I hate fixing computers, and it's something I learned how to do out of necessity. If mine broke, there wasn't anyone to fix it. I had to figure it out myself.

As a result, although I know how to do a lot of things, there are other things I don't know how to fix, because I've never needed to. For example, computer viruses. If you have one, and I can use anti-virus software to figure out what it is, I can probably research how to remove it. If that fails, though, I have no clue. Do you know why? Because I don't download fucking viruses! It's not something I ever need to repair.

I wish my family and friends would follow similar measures.

So please, all of you, don't download shit. And if you do need me to fix your computer, at least give me a case of beer for my trouble. Thanks.

If anyone needs me this weekend, I'll be reading Anathema. Disturb at your own risk!

Since I had nothing better to do with my evening, I went to the doctor to have my ear looked at. It turns out I don't have an ear infection. He didn't know what's causing the pain, but it is definitely not an ear infection.

So that's good, I guess. At least I won't have an untreated infection that turns into mastoiditis which leads to me losing my hearing.

He suggested it might be my TMJ, since I have this horrible feeling like the tiny bones in my ear are grinding together. The ear is the center of all sorts of referred pain. Makes sense, as I can feel my jaw move out of the socket when I open wide. I do have TMJ problems.

Treatment option:: ibuprofen.

Thanks, doc.

(As an aside, it's rather depressing when the doctor walks in, and he's your age. You think, "This guy is way to young to be a doctor! No way is he competent." Then you remember how old you are.)

My ear hurts. I think I might have otitis externa. An external ear infection. Swimmer's ear, if you will. I don't recall swimming lately, but who knows? Anyway, it feels like there's something in my ear pressing on my eardrum, and I think it's spread to the tissue around my TMJ; my jaw is killing me too.

Otitis externa is typically caused by damaging the thin, delicate skin of the outer ear. Using cotton swabs and the like. In my case, it's likely caused by my in-ear monitors. I need to find the other fitting things for them; the ones I have on aren't working, it seems. I'll have to get some soft ones.

Maybe I'll make some custom silicone ones that are molded to my ears.

It's always the right ear. Why the right ear? It's the left-side monitor that feels like it doesn't fit right!

Anyway...ow! If it still hurts tomorrow, maybe I'll get to the doctor.

It's Friday night, and I expect it to be another slow one. I know all you exciting, interesting people I usually talk to are off doing exciting, interesting things.

Nevertheless, I had something I wanted to write about. Now I can't remember what it was!

Crickets and spiders...no, I wrote about those.

Oh yes...cycling and exercise.

I'm exercising now. You may recall my complaint about two months ago that I'd gotten fat. I'm still fat, but I'm working on it. Been walking or cycling at least three hours a week.

I've noticed a great deal of improvement in my cardiovascular fitness. It's much easier to keep my heart rate in the range I want it in than when I started, and I can do so while walking and biking faster. I had my bike up to 25 mph on Wednesday, on flat ground, for about thirty seconds before I had to stop for a stop sign. That pretty much maxed out my heart rate, however.

I average about 13 mph now.

I do still need to make minor adjustments to my bike, though. Something is causing me knee pain. Hopefully just need to adjust my cleats or saddle height. My arms and back don't get sore any more, however, which is good; I've apparently gotten stronger in just a short time.

Perhaps most importantly, through a combination of saddle-angle adjustment, dorky-looking cycling shorts, and getting used to riding again, my soft parts no longer hurt. That's a very good thing.

Yes, I said dorky-looking cycling shorts. I finally broke down and bought skin-tight Lycra. They're actually quite practical for cycling, no matter how they look. Prevent chafing and such.

I still refuse to wear a helmet, though. I don't believe in their effectiveness under normal riding conditions. I don't wear a helmet while walking; cycling is only slightly more dangerous. If I somehow lose my balance and fall, even at my highest speed, I'm more likely to break my wrists. If I'm hit by a car, I'm probably going to be injured whether I'm wearing a helmet or not.

Fucking helmets and overprotective parents.

Ok, I'm done for now.

The anxiety level is high today. For some reason, she popped into my head. The very thought of her makes me physically ill.

There seem to be more field crickets than usual this year. They're quite loud; one has taken up residence in my garage, and if a cricket's chirp is an indication of its fitness to pass on its genetic material, this cricket must have the largest testicles in the cricket world.

There's also a higher number of what I've determined to be some sort of wolf spider (of which there are thousands of species; narrowing it down could be tricky). Giant ones. My hypothesis is that the increase in the spider population is related to the increase in the cricket population. A typical predator-prey relationship. I'll have to look into it.

In other news, Alana De La Garza may be the most beautiful woman on the planet.



I hope the anxiety goes away. I'd rather not have to kill it with Valium.

Call me a child if you will, but I think peanut butter and jelly sandwiches may be one of man's greatest inventions. At least as far as food goes. They contain grains, fruit, and protein. Add a glass of milk, and you've hit the major food groups. Add to that the fact that they don't need to be refrigerated. And they're tasty.

Eggs also near perfection. I can't think of a bird egg that isn't edible, which is something to keep in mind if you're ever lost and starving. Furthermore, the entire thing can be eaten, shell and all. They're full of protein and vitamins, including vitamin D.

They're incredibly versatile as well. Think of how many ways you can cook an egg, and how many things they're used in.

Also, contrary to common practice [fresh] chicken eggs don't actually need to be refrigerated either. They'll keep for quite a while as long as they're kept cool. (Ever tried making a genuine angel food cake with cold eggs?)

Sure, eggs have that little cholesterol thing, but all things should be done in moderation anyway.

I must now go come up with a list of other perfect foods.

And huzzah for three-day weekends!