I haven't written anything in a while. No poems, at least not ones I am comfortable sharing at this point.

Today was a very rough day. I worked my 7th shift in a row today and I am so glad its over, but I got home tonight and I feel so very lonely. I been single now for over 10 months, and I am worried I may be heading down the same path as last time I was single, which lasted over 8 years. I don't think I am that unattractive, but I dunno anymore. I am also a very sexual person and while I do miss that aspect of things, I also miss just being able to cuddle and lay in each others arms. I miss the closeness and lovingness of being in a relationship... I know I sound depressing, but I am just trying to vent. I am a romantic at heart and I am missing the companionship and joys of being in love and being loved.

Well it's been quite some time so thought I would post another one of my poems. I figure since it's my birthday I should post something. Probably going to have to figure something else to write here soon as I am running out of completed poems lol. I hate spending my birthdays' alone, but oh well, not much I can do at the moment. Maybe next year someone special will be in my life. Here's hoping.

So anyways here is another poem.

A Sad Goodbye

It's been such a long time
So many days have passed me by
Nights seem to just last forever
Not able to sleep, only cry

In a crowded world I feel alone
Lost in a busy society
Putting on the face of happiness
Just to work and play in the city

No one knows I am in pain
I am too shy to share it
To show my weaknesses and faults
I don't know if I can bear it

Teased and laughed at all my life
The words I just let wash over me
I keep trying to move forward
But the past won't set me free

I have been in love twice
Both times leaving holes in my heart
I still have so much love to share
But I am scared to be hurt

Sadness and tension take over
Whenever a woman of beauty is near
I blush and stumble on my words
Or just turn and walk away in fear

I sit and think of years past
So alone and so shy
How I could I not feel
That this is how I will die

Alone and shy
I sit and cry
Until I die
A sad Goodbye

As I have said before, I have not had the best experiences with women... This poem was written when someone I really cared about, completely rejected me.

Love is Pain

A longing for passion
A desire to feel love
Feelings without ration
Only pain to speak of

A very beautiful flower
Crossing my life's path
Her feminine power
A spell over me cast

Unbeknownst to her
My feelings grow strong
To her it's a bother
Something so wrong

She breaks my heart
Though not intentionally
I am torn apart
Lost in a memory

She is my goddess
My angel of love
To me she is lost
Someone to dream of

Love eludes me
I feel only pain
So very lonely
Tears come again

Here is another poem. As I have said before, I have been quite unlucky in love and with women. So a lot of my poems were bred from that. So here is another one, and I hope you enjoy.

Empty Inside

My heart is broken,
I feel only pain.
Wherever I look,
I see you again.

Doubt and despair,
Fill all my days.
Can't seem to sleep,
My life is in a haze.

I am dead inside,
I've lost my way.
I almost want to die,
What more can I say.

I am totally empty,
My heart grows cold.
I have no joy,
I only grow old.

Friends are nice,
But it's not the same.
I want to be loved,
And to love again.

I love you so much,
You don't even know.
My life is a mess,
Mired in woe.

I need to move on,
But I just don't know how.
No matter the advice,
I still love you now.

Well I have been very unlucky in love and very unlucky with those of the fairer sex. I am of course speaking about women. So many of my poems showcase this. This poem I wrote about a year and a half ago.

Emptiness

God punishes me yet again
Showing me what love can be
Then he rips it away
He doesn't want me to be happy

Eight long years have passed
Too scared to take the leap
Knowing rejection is inevitable
My senses I try to keep

She's beautiful and exquisite
Yet there are complications
She is otherwise attached
I should turn in my resignation

Life throws me curves
And all I do is strikeout
It's the same story again
Feeling my heart ripped out

Self pity doesn't help
Or make me feel any better
It just leads to more pain
And writing lame letters

Hurt and alone forever
Is how I am doomed to be
The ice grows around my heart
Emptiness is the punishment for me

Ok here is another poem I wrote. I dedicated this one to my late cousin, may she rest in peace. It took me a long time to be able to put the words to paper. She died when she and I were both 14, we were close and she was more like a best friend than any friend I had at the time. It took me till I was 29 years old to finally finish it, I hope you like it:

Childhood Dreams - Dedicated to the memory of Marie Annette Lovely

A time of innocence and wonder
When dreams and fantasy rule
A young carefree child plays
Friends, family and loved ones laugh
Playing hide and seek, or cops and robbers
Even the times when she plays doctor
Show and tell at school
Learning to share and play fair
Getting grounded when bad
Receiving hugs and love when sad
Staying up late when good
Doing all the things a little girl should
She wanted to be a wife
She wanted to be a mother
She wanted to be a doctor
Or maybe a lawyer
She grew up fast and grew up strong
Caring and sweet to all around
She was a cousin, a daughter
A niece and grandchild
Those who knew her, loved her
She was there to help and care
There for all in need
She was taken all too suddenly
By fate or by inaction
We all lost someone special
Too young to die, but gone just the same
Lets all remember
Those childhood dreams

Well I have not much to write today so for today, I am going to actually post one of my poems.

The poem I chose to start with is one I actually wrote for Diamante before she became a Suicide Girl. I met her online and she inspired me to write this one. So this poem is dedicated to her

Emerald Beauty

Your eyes are like the Emerald Island
They shine as bright as anything I've seen
To be next to you I would go to no end
Just to look in those eyes of green

Your body is the epitome of beauty
One that should always be treated right
You are like a bird that flies free
Soaring both day and night

Lips so tender and sweet
If I could have but one kiss
Oh that ever we should meet
I would be in such bliss

Hair flowing in all its splendor
Soft as silk to the touch
Skin more silky and smoother
Can never feel too much

To kiss your lips
Or touch your body
Run my hands over your hips
And fully caress your body

To see your smile
And taste your sweetness
I would linger for a while
Getting in that last caress

Let me hold you close
Feel your body next to mine
A quick kiss on your nose
And put it all on the line

Well I been sitting here thinking, so I figured I would write it down, why not right?

Anyways, to be perfectly honest, I don't have the greatest self confidence, it's on the rise for sure, but it is still not great (Wow that's a lot of commas lol). That being said, I always find it to be shocking when a woman that I find attractive actually takes the time to talk with me. I mean I know I am not the greatest looking guy, nor am I a hideous looking CHUD. I have been told that I should get use to it and maybe I should, but I still find it so hard. I just hope that I can one day my confidence will be at a good enough level where it won't be a shock. Until that day arrives though, I will always wonder.

Crazy blog I know, maybe feeling a bit pitiful, but it's just something I was thinking about today.

Well I figured I would finally type a blog.

In the past few weeks I have gone from being lonely and depressed and not sleeping well... to still alone(not as lonely thanks to good friends), happier and well still not sleeping well.

I met some people who have really helped to bring my confidence level up as my last gf helped to bring it down. Also a steady track record of being unsuccessful with women. However, now I look at it as I just haven't met the right one yet. Somewhere out there my 'princess' will come along. Now I use the word princess, but she doesn't have to be perfect as no one is... but she will be perfect to me. She will in effect be MY princess, perfect in every way to me.

Recently been chatting with a few women who are attractive to me, and all attractive in different ways. No one set, and none are red heads lol. Perhaps one of them will click with me and we'll see how things go... but for now, going to enjoy the chatting and the flirting and go with the flow. Destiny will send me someone great, I am sure of it.

Well that's it for now... TTFN