NOV 07, 2007 10:09 AM
Was there a "defining moment" when you knew it was over with your ex?
I can vividly remember the moment when I said to myself, I'm done. For the next few months I had a series of conversations with him, to try to work it out. And, finally realized that things were not going to change.
It just kept coming back to me. He kept saying that I had changed. It was my fault. he was committed to staying with me forever. Which was really ironic after I found out that he had been corresponding with someone else. (And was married two weeks after the divorce was final.)
When did you know that you were committed to Wyldechylde instead?
For me, it's easier since there was no overlap between "old" and "new". But I can't help but think that we make divorce too easy. On the other hand I've witnessed relationships that are truly damaging and wonder why they don't split. And, finally I've seen relationships at my parents level where they split, and years later came back together and it worked. We all go through so many passages in our lives.
Did you ever feel as if were betraying your ex? Did you actually physically betray him? How did you tell him that it was over?
I was so in tune to monogamy that I actually felt like a "scarlet woman" the first time I had sex after the divorce. I did not have sex for about 16 months after we seperated. Believe it or not, I was a virgin when i met my husband.
How do you define Love? How can you turn it off like a light switch?
Knowing how I feel about my husband now - I almost feel as if I cheated my ex. I did not give myself as freely to my ex. I find myself really wondering if I was ever truly "in love" with him rather than just loving him as a good friend. Do you ever feel that way too?
Was there a "defining moment" when you knew it was over with your ex?
I can vividly remember the moment when I said to myself, I'm done. For the next few months I had a series of conversations with him, to try to work it out. And, finally realized that things were not going to change.
It just kept coming back to me. He kept saying that I had changed. It was my fault. he was committed to staying with me forever. Which was really ironic after I found out that he had been corresponding with someone else. (And was married two weeks after the divorce was final.)
When did you know that you were committed to Wyldechylde instead?
For me, it's easier since there was no overlap between "old" and "new". But I can't help but think that we make divorce too easy. On the other hand I've witnessed relationships that are truly damaging and wonder why they don't split. And, finally I've seen relationships at my parents level where they split, and years later came back together and it worked. We all go through so many passages in our lives.
Did you ever feel as if were betraying your ex? Did you actually physically betray him? How did you tell him that it was over?
I was so in tune to monogamy that I actually felt like a "scarlet woman" the first time I had sex after the divorce. I did not have sex for about 16 months after we seperated. Believe it or not, I was a virgin when i met my husband.
How do you define Love? How can you turn it off like a light switch?
Knowing how I feel about my husband now - I almost feel as if I cheated my ex. I did not give myself as freely to my ex. I find myself really wondering if I was ever truly "in love" with him rather than just loving him as a good friend. Do you ever feel that way too?
An old girlfriend of mine told me yesterday that she was separating from her husband. Which came as a complete shock to me - since by all appearances it appeared that they had that fairytale romance.
It occurred to me that over the past year many of my friends had gone through "divorce flu". When I divorced my ex three years ago, I was the first of the group. I felt so alone going through the process - and such a failure. Lucky for me there were no children involved - because at least then the relationship could be cleanly severed without the bitterness I'm witnessing with my friends.
Can you believe that over this past year I have seen eight friends separate? And, startling enough - all of them leaving their husbands for someone they met on the internet. I didn't leave my ex for another, I left because we had become dysfunctional and I wanted to at least remain friends. (That was naïve of me, there's no way to leave and still stay friends.) The irony of it was that he was emotionally cheating on me for over a year before we separated with someone HE met on the internet - which I didn't find out until after we separated.
After we separated, we still had to live together until the house sold - which took forever. After about five months, I was asked out on a date - and thought, Ok, why not? When I returned from the date, my ex accused me of starting again too soon. I responded, how long is long enough? Is it one year, ten months, two weeks, five days - how long is long enough? Later that day as I passed his room, the door was open and I heard him say "I love you", on the phone. Our eyes connected, and he knew that I heard. So after he concluded his conversation he sought me out to apologize for my hearing him say that. I just looked him in the eyes, and said, don't apologize. You just did me a favor. You just told me how long, is long enough!
I moved out the next day.
So my question is - is there a domino effect at play here? Does witnessing your friends go through the process actually cause you to re-evaluate and re-assess your own situation?
Are we too quick to abandon our old relationships - to run off with the new?
Are we just seeking the initial "bells and whistles" associated with a new relationship rather than engage in the less exciting art of compromise and give and take there is in maintaining an ongoing relationship?
When I think back on my relationship with my ex - I can freely admit that for part of the relationship - he was the right person for me. But the age difference (15 years older) came into play as he hit his mid-life crisis early. We became really dysfunctional together. Although I am happier with my husband than I've ever been in my life, I still find myself looking back and wondering if I let my ex go without really trying - and where the relationship would have gone if I had "hung in there".
After my divorce, I spent a year alone - to reacquaint myself with myself. And then, I started dating again. (I think that dating and hell are synonymous terms). And just when I had thought that I should give up - I met him at Starbucks - just a complete random conversation that turned into love at first sight.
Now that I'm with him, I question whether I was ever in love at all with my ex. This feeling is so much deeper - so much more intense. We were married within a few months of meeting. Everyone said we were crazy for moving so quickly. But why wait when you know its right?
Right now I miss him so much it physically hurts.
So what are your stories?
What was your "defining" moment with your ex when you knew that it was all over?
How did you meet your current lover? Was it love at first sight, or did it develop over time?
It occurred to me that over the past year many of my friends had gone through "divorce flu". When I divorced my ex three years ago, I was the first of the group. I felt so alone going through the process - and such a failure. Lucky for me there were no children involved - because at least then the relationship could be cleanly severed without the bitterness I'm witnessing with my friends.
Can you believe that over this past year I have seen eight friends separate? And, startling enough - all of them leaving their husbands for someone they met on the internet. I didn't leave my ex for another, I left because we had become dysfunctional and I wanted to at least remain friends. (That was naïve of me, there's no way to leave and still stay friends.) The irony of it was that he was emotionally cheating on me for over a year before we separated with someone HE met on the internet - which I didn't find out until after we separated.
After we separated, we still had to live together until the house sold - which took forever. After about five months, I was asked out on a date - and thought, Ok, why not? When I returned from the date, my ex accused me of starting again too soon. I responded, how long is long enough? Is it one year, ten months, two weeks, five days - how long is long enough? Later that day as I passed his room, the door was open and I heard him say "I love you", on the phone. Our eyes connected, and he knew that I heard. So after he concluded his conversation he sought me out to apologize for my hearing him say that. I just looked him in the eyes, and said, don't apologize. You just did me a favor. You just told me how long, is long enough!
I moved out the next day.
So my question is - is there a domino effect at play here? Does witnessing your friends go through the process actually cause you to re-evaluate and re-assess your own situation?
Are we too quick to abandon our old relationships - to run off with the new?
Are we just seeking the initial "bells and whistles" associated with a new relationship rather than engage in the less exciting art of compromise and give and take there is in maintaining an ongoing relationship?
When I think back on my relationship with my ex - I can freely admit that for part of the relationship - he was the right person for me. But the age difference (15 years older) came into play as he hit his mid-life crisis early. We became really dysfunctional together. Although I am happier with my husband than I've ever been in my life, I still find myself looking back and wondering if I let my ex go without really trying - and where the relationship would have gone if I had "hung in there".
After my divorce, I spent a year alone - to reacquaint myself with myself. And then, I started dating again. (I think that dating and hell are synonymous terms). And just when I had thought that I should give up - I met him at Starbucks - just a complete random conversation that turned into love at first sight.
Now that I'm with him, I question whether I was ever in love at all with my ex. This feeling is so much deeper - so much more intense. We were married within a few months of meeting. Everyone said we were crazy for moving so quickly. But why wait when you know its right?
Right now I miss him so much it physically hurts.
So what are your stories?
What was your "defining" moment with your ex when you knew that it was all over?
How did you meet your current lover? Was it love at first sight, or did it develop over time?
Well, I'm back from Long Island. And I"m in shock. It's a different world back east. I couldn't believe how dirty and dingy NYC is.
So now I'm back here alone - while I work out the logistics of the BIG MOVE.
All I can say is that this move better be worth it!
My boss was not pleased. In the short time I've been here, I haven't been able to take any vacation. I've accrued five weeks - so my boss was concerned that he can't fill my position until five weeks after I'm gone - god forbid he go over budget. And, with the holiday's he doesn't expect that they can start the recruitment until after January 1. Our tax dollars at work - you gotta love it.
So meantime, I'm dealing with life alone. They will be flying my sweetie out for Thanksgiving and Xmas - but until I get evrything settled - it's going to be just me.....sigh.....I'm already counting the days until Thanksgiving.
At least I'll get to spend Halloween with my friends at work - I'm going as Lizzie Borden.
Oh Lord, and tomorrow I have to make it to the DMV to get new tags - and for just a few months too. Somehow the tags I renewed online never arrived. This seems so right when you consider the mood that I'm in right now......
I keep telling myself - it will get better, it will get better, it will get better.....
So now I'm back here alone - while I work out the logistics of the BIG MOVE.
All I can say is that this move better be worth it!
My boss was not pleased. In the short time I've been here, I haven't been able to take any vacation. I've accrued five weeks - so my boss was concerned that he can't fill my position until five weeks after I'm gone - god forbid he go over budget. And, with the holiday's he doesn't expect that they can start the recruitment until after January 1. Our tax dollars at work - you gotta love it.
So meantime, I'm dealing with life alone. They will be flying my sweetie out for Thanksgiving and Xmas - but until I get evrything settled - it's going to be just me.....sigh.....I'm already counting the days until Thanksgiving.
At least I'll get to spend Halloween with my friends at work - I'm going as Lizzie Borden.
Oh Lord, and tomorrow I have to make it to the DMV to get new tags - and for just a few months too. Somehow the tags I renewed online never arrived. This seems so right when you consider the mood that I'm in right now......
I keep telling myself - it will get better, it will get better, it will get better.....
Well, I have some good news and some bad news. And, it all came as a huge surprise. My husband, sly fellow, didn't spring it on me until I picked him up at the airport last night. Apparently, that seminar that he went to last week was actually a job interview - and he was offered the job.
At the Long Island Development Center. Yeah, Long Island.
We discussed it in depth last night, and the conclusion was that we should go for it. This is really HUGE. The reality of it is, that if you don't take these opportunities when they are offered - they think twice before offering again. This is the time in our lives that we can take these chancs. Once we hav a family - it's a lot harder to take these opprtunities - so we have been aggressively taking these steps to get as far as we can before we start a family. And, my biological clock is ticking.....
So next Tuesday, we will be flying out to start looking for a place to stay. His company is putting us up in an "Executive Suite" for two months - but finding a place can be difficult so we can't delay. which means that we won't be going to the Exotic Erotic Expo and Ball in San Francisco that we had planned on.....
The really bad news is that he will be staying, and I have to come back to arrange the move, and sell the house, etc.
I don't sleep for shit, when he's not around. It's going to be really difficult to be apart from him that long.
On the other hand, it could take a while to find a new job for me, (I hate interviewing), but I will probably get some time to explore "Fifth Avenue" (break my heart).
And, score, he's promised me a trip to Paris for our anniversary.
I regret that we did not get to explore the San Francisco and Monterey Bay area before we have to leave.
Luckily, i took the day off today - since I knew I'd be up late after the flight. (We had some serious catching up to do! wink, wink). I feel as though I need to hit the ground running to get everything started. We have to get him outfitted for a Notheast winter, etc.
I can hardly wait to spring it on my Boss on Monday - that's the one thing I won't miss about this place.
At the Long Island Development Center. Yeah, Long Island.
We discussed it in depth last night, and the conclusion was that we should go for it. This is really HUGE. The reality of it is, that if you don't take these opportunities when they are offered - they think twice before offering again. This is the time in our lives that we can take these chancs. Once we hav a family - it's a lot harder to take these opprtunities - so we have been aggressively taking these steps to get as far as we can before we start a family. And, my biological clock is ticking.....
So next Tuesday, we will be flying out to start looking for a place to stay. His company is putting us up in an "Executive Suite" for two months - but finding a place can be difficult so we can't delay. which means that we won't be going to the Exotic Erotic Expo and Ball in San Francisco that we had planned on.....
The really bad news is that he will be staying, and I have to come back to arrange the move, and sell the house, etc.
I don't sleep for shit, when he's not around. It's going to be really difficult to be apart from him that long.
On the other hand, it could take a while to find a new job for me, (I hate interviewing), but I will probably get some time to explore "Fifth Avenue" (break my heart).
And, score, he's promised me a trip to Paris for our anniversary.
I regret that we did not get to explore the San Francisco and Monterey Bay area before we have to leave.
Luckily, i took the day off today - since I knew I'd be up late after the flight. (We had some serious catching up to do! wink, wink). I feel as though I need to hit the ground running to get everything started. We have to get him outfitted for a Notheast winter, etc.
I can hardly wait to spring it on my Boss on Monday - that's the one thing I won't miss about this place.
Trying to come up with some ideas for Halloween. I hate it that it's not on a weekend this year. Being in a new area - means that we will have to do some research on what's going on here....
I can hardly wait! I love Halloween.
I can hardly wait! I love Halloween.
I'm new to Silicon Valley. My husband and I moved here from Seattle - which is too far to see my friends and family on a daily basis. I have to admit that I am homesick. I miss the daily interaction with my "girls". My husband has been working long hours in his new position. My hours are pretty much 8 to 5 so I've had too much time on my hands.
It's a different culture here. I've been used to a pretty free nonjudgmental value system and haven't quite clicked with anyone here yet. I love my husband, and sex with him is phenomenal. But I need more.... Too much time on my hands and I find myself in flights of fantasy.....
What can I do to spice up things....for both of us?
It's a different culture here. I've been used to a pretty free nonjudgmental value system and haven't quite clicked with anyone here yet. I love my husband, and sex with him is phenomenal. But I need more.... Too much time on my hands and I find myself in flights of fantasy.....
What can I do to spice up things....for both of us?
I'm hating my new job. My new boss is one of the good old boys - you get the drift. It would be nice if he could actually look at my face once in a while.
