keep ya head up,it seems you know what to do and things will only get better for you

I've learned in life, some people are in our lives for an appointed time, sometimes its hard to let go when that time is over...but if you have grown in the time that they were there, hold on to your growth and prepare to move on to your next level. I used to spend a lot of time worrying about and making decisions based on what other people think and said, I was unhappy. Then i decided to do things for me, and live my life according to what made me happy. In order for me to be ok, thats what I had to do.
as far as shooting, shoot on dear! get all the shots in you can, you seem to really enjoy it. If that is what you really want to do, put your all into it and stay focused. Keep ya head up dear, you will be alright!

hey no its cool, i hope youre ok. ive been pretty suicidal lately. especially yesterday, my first day on welbutrin, i also felt very nauseaous. today it's pretty weird, im not crying, i feel very pissed off. how long have you been on it? im really hoping i lose some weight on it, haha.

oh mine was the opposite, kinda forced me to let him take pics when we had sex and tried talking me into having threesomes, which i was totally not comfortable with. he always made me feel bad about myself. like dirty. but yeah i loved him for some reason. glad its over now. im a shy, private person.

well of course, im just mentioning all the bad things now. there were good times as well. we were together for 4 years. everything went wrong when this asshole he became best friends with changed him into the dick he is now.

i hope you meet someone who loves you for you. you deserve that.

haven't had a bf in 3 years, i finally get one and he leaves me in less than 2 months (dumped me 3 days ago). I'm starting to think tehres some obvious flaw about me that i'm jsut not realizing. One that everyone else does.

he KNOWS of my condition, of the med switch, and exactly how i feel right now, me being suicidal right now etc etc and he did not try to contact me yesterday and idk about today because i turned my phone off. Too painful to hear it beep, hoping with everything that it is him, and it is not. Hurts me so much that he knows all of this and is probly out drinking with his friends who definitely dislike me, and were always more important than me anyway. He also KNOWS i have no fucking friends. Wouldn't take a genius to notice that i only chilled with him the whole time we were together

he'd always say how he never had this many problems with anyone, the way i think disgusts him etc. Even now i feel like i must be REALLY difficult

i tweet about my heart hurting and me not eating, and i KNOW everyone is tired of it. i know they're thinking "emo Shani, stfu and get over it already" ...i hate plaguing people, but i need to get all the shit out somehow. I feel bad for irritating everyone

The terms of us even getting together were me NOT doing SG or any nude modeling, implied or anything liek that. I agreed because i was lonely and i thought he would treat me right. Sad shit about that now is everyone goes "hey, at least you get to do nude shoots now"...i feel guilty for even WANTING to pose nude now. That's how deep that rabbit hole went. I think that if i was to pose nude i'd have a panic attack right there, and the photog would leave. Still do not know if i can do it =/

Hey thanks for the comment! I really liked reading your blog and feel like I relate to a lot of what you're saying. My boyfriend and I broke up last summer for a few months and we had the SAME thing going on....no other friends since we hadn't been in Cincy long, I didn't eat, cried all the time....you know personally I prefer people that are REAL. People get depressed, even the most confident of us. We all have down times and slumps and feel like shit sometimes. But you know what? You gotta do what you gotta do. Nude modeling here is artful. You are beautiful! I have depression issues myself and if it helps to write about it, then write about it. I've been having a down day myself. Those damn chirpy birds. LOL!

Here's what you should do: hold that pretty head up high and say FUCK HIM.

Yeah, I figured hook up my girls. hopefuls need more love.

And don't get me started on those preists!! Ugh! This is what happens when a religion does not allow people to have sex or masturbate! It makes a man CRAZY!!

Anyway, really pleased to meet you have have you as a new friend. chin up girl, let it slide off you like water off a duck's ass!

Sorry to hear things are rough. I totally feel for you. I do believe that we need these hard times, as miserable and yucky as they may sometimes get, to hit the point where we switch into action and turning it around. Sometimes we have to sift through muck to clear out space for the good things.

And if you are a size 6, you are a lucky girl. In the shoe world we sample in size 6, so I can hook you up with a sample pair for those little feet!

And I just requested you on twitter. @QueenofBows

I have found out long ago that everything happens for a reason and all the good and bad times shape us into a stronger, wiser person.

Keep smiling and screw negativity!

now following you on twitter cuz your so fine