i am tired of being in pain. i have been trying my best to deal with my fibromyalgia and manage the pain, but there are days, especially this one...that just make me feel like giving up. my back has been consistently hurting for the past week. and each day it gets worse. its neither a muscle or nerve pain. its just a constant ache, almost as if i need to stretch out my lower back. it feels more as if there is a constant weight pushing my lower back in, it really does suck

thanks for all the birthday wishes my birthday was amazing, pics to come later

tonight is true blood night. i pretty much stayed inside all day because i was in pain. but i was forced to venture out in the crazy heat for pizza. it is HOT outside.

ummm...oh yes! i had an event company call me wanting to discuss details on me being their house photographer that is awesome. i at first was shocked, but then its like "yeah-i CAN do this"! so i am very excited to talk details and see what comes of it. if i do sign with them. that means i get at least 1 wedding damn near every weekend including my own.

if you want to keep up on my crazy updates, add me as a facebook friend. leave a note "from sg" so i know who you are lol

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000141203309#!/marisataylorzimmerman

tata!

today is my birthday

Today was an emotional roller coaster of a day. Woke up angry, hopefully came to a resolution to a long standing issue. Then got a call from a event/banquet center wanting to discuss me being their house photographer, and then seeing my logo on the sponsorship page for the National Kidney Walk.

oi! so much drama and craziness. its been quite annoying and frustrating.
but in good news. my birthday is in 2 more days not quite sure what i am doing since my husband is supposed to be "surprising" me. so yeah, we will see how that goes.

Sooooo.....

Last night was quite interesting. Let's see what I did.

I received my first cupping session (where they heat up glass cups/jars, place it on your body and create a vacuum). The one on my nipple was 50/50. The person doing the session heated up too long and created a HUGE vacuum on my boob. I had to walk around the party with my dress on and boob out because we had to wait about 15 minutes before we can remove the glass

I also beat/flogged/whipped the holy loving jesus out of a good friend (who requested it from me). then the other guests at the party took turns in the fun, showing different techniques and objects used for beating. my husband is surprisingly good with a belt. ouch!

then we talked about jesus and church.

very interesting night.

my boob still hurts

my husband took this picture of me today while we were at the park. i really like it. i dont know why, but today felt really special being with him. he took today off, so i had more time t spend with him since i didnt get a lot of 1 on 1 time with him this weekend due to our house guest. but no matter how much crazy shit we go through, i still love his old ass no matter what

my birthday is coming up! yay! I will be 24 on the 24th. still not sure what i am doing, but i hope to do something.

anywho-i totally forgot that fathers day was on the 20th, so now with the little money i have, i need to go get a gift for my dad, granddad, and husband. although personally i dont feel like my dad deserves a gift. its not that i dislike him, but he was never really there as a father. out when he wanted to be out, alcoholic, i resolved at the age of 8 that my father was worthless....

i made cuff links! if you likey, click and buy-ey (ok that was corny lol)












i have 4 weddings booked for this summer. i am happy
things with my husband have cooled down. i have learned that when we get into our moods and he is unreasonable i just need to leave him alone for a while,walk out and go do something. but then he says that i am ignoring him, so its a catch 22..blah


oh yes-here is the most awesome "lucky to be there" moment that i have ever captured




and i took this one, and really kinda like it. thinking about blowing it up and hanging it up somewhere in my house

good lord things have been crazy.
yesterday i was so fed up with my husband-i honestly thought about leaving him. not for good, just for a few days/weeks. i needed to clear my head.

i swear, we have the most amazing times, but sometimes he just doesnt understand how his actions can affect me and our relationship. i really dont like fighting, and we usually go weeks or months without a fight, but when we do fight-it does HIT us hard.

but other than our craziness, we are good today. i know my faults, he just doesnt realize his, and that makes things difficult.

in other news, i am having an awesome "i feel pretty day". i went out the other day to do some shopping, i got this cute bohemian looking dress...its a 1x! i was a 3/4x back in December, so to be able to wear this now, makes me happy!

im half tempted to take a couple of pictures of myself we will see.

I had a minor break down last night, where I basically cried into my husbands arms for about two hours until I fell asleep with him holding me. Last night I was in immense pain, more than usually. Every couple of days/weeks the pain increases like crazy. It does get very frustrating. I can't even remember the last time that I have been through a day without pain. It is just putting me down. I've been diagnosed for two years, took all the advice-change my ways, lost weight, nothing helps. It sucks, because I am going to live with this for the rest of my life, every day in pain. I was just miserable last night. I'm doing better now, but still a bit sad. Basically it is nothing I can change, I have to live with it, so I need to make the best of my situation. But every day in pain definitely pulls you down.

So in other less depressing news-I've been home trying to keep myself busy. In one of my moods, I went to JoAnns, picked up a couple of items, and this is what I ended up creating:







My girlylicious pirate hat will be going with my awesome bodice. Which is cut and binded, just have t order the boning and grommets to finish it off



The next hat project I will be doing-hopefully-is an Elizabethan tall hat. I'm currently searching for a buckram frame for it, but can't seem to find it. I find buckram hat frames in every other style besides the damn tall hat design! And I really don't want to start from scratch, so I will continue to keep on searching.

In my previous post, I posted about how I am 5 lbs from the 100lb weight loss goal since my surgery. It is so weird knowing that I lost 100 lbs. That is a whole freaking person. Although I am still chunky, sometimes I can't tell the difference when looking at my body. But I do go from a size 24/26 to an 18/20, so there is actual proof! lol. Take a look for yourself:

me in 2009



me May 2010