into: Volleyball, Muay Thai, binge drinking, basketball, shitty superhero cartoons, explosives.

makes me happy: The innocent faces of the children.

makes me sad: Children that peel off their innocent faces to reveal their true form of Zartan.

5 things i can't live without: Ultraboat 20XX, poontang, Alex Chiu's Immortality Device, How to Hypnotize Anyone, The Fucking American Spirit

vices: Wonder Woman

occupation: Outrageous funnyman.

stats: 6 foot 3, 195 pounds of kickboxing destruction, stupid-colored hair, blue eyes, drunk

body mods: Ear, ear, nose, ear, ear, ear, ear, ear.

gets me hot: Rescuing orphanages and breakdancing bikini carwashes.

favorite position: Advanced Donkey Punch.

fantasy: I'm a space magician fighting against the Asteroid Lords of Xon with a talking dog and a team of confusable but irreverant foreigners. Also check this: my dick is like 200 feet long and launches killer bees.

sign: In Case of Fat Emergency, Use Stairs Do Not Use Elevator

most humbling moment: Slipping on a banana peel and crashing onto the stage of the National Bedwetting Society's Convention where 17 national magazines took pictures of me exactly when my high school girlfriend parachuted in holding a banner saying I had a vagina.

i lost my virginity: to the max

CIGARETTES: Nope

MY DIET: Omnivore

ALCOHOL: I am a complete drunkard

MY DRUG USE: Drug Free

I AM LOOKING FOR: a woman

MY KINK FACTOR: Talk dirty to me...

MY POLITICS: None apply, you assholes

POT: Nope

MY STATUS: not telling

MY IDEA OF A GOOD TIME: Bars, afterparties, home by dawn., Clubbing followed by the all-night diner., A long, slow, late dinner with friends., Stay in and watch old movies on tv.

I WANT: Friendship, Online Flirting

MY PIGEONHOLES: Fuck you, I defy categories