Life feels at once too bright and too dull. The sharp corners of the outside world dig into my retinas and I feel like my existence is an illusion conjured up by a complicated chemical chain reaction in the pound or two of hamburger inside my skull.
This sounds more pessimistic then it feels. I wake up every day grateful to be so free of real problems like hunger, poverty, imprisonment, cancer, etc. that I can afford the luxury of existential disillusionment with life and self.
This sounds more pessimistic then it feels. I wake up every day grateful to be so free of real problems like hunger, poverty, imprisonment, cancer, etc. that I can afford the luxury of existential disillusionment with life and self.
The city pulses through the thick dark fog like a lighthouse on the shore I'm desperately trying to sail towards. Past the haloed light and matte black cars is the hotel at the end of the alley with the wet and dirty streets.
Lets rent a glass house on the edge of a cliff overlooking the city and watch the whole world burn. After all the blockbuster disaster movies we've seen, will it all feel vaguely familiar and comforting?
I have always subscribed to the idea that hardship and suffering is like exercise for the spirit. It hurts at the time but makes you stronger in the long run. After years of struggling that made me stronger, things got easy. Recently everything in my life has been going my way for sooooooo long I worry about how out of shape I will be to deal with the next inevitable hardship I have to face. What do you do in good times to prepare yourself for the bad?
The man who despises himself tries to gain self-esteem from sexual adventures—which can’t be done, because sex is not the cause, but an effect and an expression of a man’s sense of his own value . . .
The men who think that wealth comes from material resources and has no intellectual root or meaning, are the men who think—for the same reason—that sex is a physical capacity which functions independently of one’s mind, choice or code of values. They think that your body creates a desire and makes a choice for you just about in some such way as if iron ore transformed itself into railroad rails of its own volition. Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself. No matter what corruption he’s taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment—just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!—an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exaltation, only in the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience—or to fake—a sense of self-esteem . . . . Love is our response to our highest values—and can be nothing else.
The men who think that wealth comes from material resources and has no intellectual root or meaning, are the men who think—for the same reason—that sex is a physical capacity which functions independently of one’s mind, choice or code of values. They think that your body creates a desire and makes a choice for you just about in some such way as if iron ore transformed itself into railroad rails of its own volition. Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself. No matter what corruption he’s taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment—just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!—an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exaltation, only in the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience—or to fake—a sense of self-esteem . . . . Love is our response to our highest values—and can be nothing else.
I am going to be in Columbus, OH from MArch 16 - 18 to look for girls to put in the next SG movie we are filming this summer. If you are in the area and would be interested in being in an SG movie let me know so I can meet you in person.
Don Giovanni slept with thousands of women because he was afraid he wouldn't be loved by one.
Clock's ticking.
Light's fading.
Birds won't stop their relentless chirping outside my window.
I miss your quiet salad days smile.
Light's fading.
Birds won't stop their relentless chirping outside my window.
I miss your quiet salad days smile.
“The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche
~ Friedrich Nietzsche
JUNE 2013
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MAY 2013
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APRIL 2013
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MARCH 2013
