/begin whinge

Well, This is fun. Feel like I've been completely abandoned and my life is fucked as a result. Hope I'm wrong. If I'm right, and I ever decide to trust someone enough to have a relationship again, then next time round I'll trust my instincts.

/end whinge

Sorry to anyone who read this, but it had to go somewhere. Laterz.

Well, well. Fatherhood, eh? Little Anorah Leigh Davidson was born at about 2:29am on the 9th of July. A little small (just under 7lbs), but healthy. My fiancee and Anorah were released from the hospital on the following Friday night, and now we begin the interesting part - trying to manage through the early stages.

As I'm sure I've mentioned before, I never planned to have kids. Never liked them much until my brothers first appeared on the scene a little over a year ago. And whenever the topic came up, those with children of their own would always assure me "When you have your own, you'll change your mind." I figured, never happen.

When I started dating a pregnant woman, obviously I had changed my tune somewhat. I was looking forward to having a child. Still didn't believe it would change my outlook so drastically. Figured I'd be happy about it, then go on about my life, just with a few changes.

But I was wrong. I never expected to feel so overwhelmingly connected to this tiny little person. I love her so much. So, I must admit defeat on this point. And for anyone who is still sceptical, I can say to them that this sentiment, expressed by so many older parental types, is not bullshit, it is not looking back through rose-coloured glasses, but is the simple truth; It will change your life for the better, and you will feel more in love with your child than you can imagine. I can say that, with complete honesty, a week and a half of sleepless nights and dirty nappies in, that this is the best decision I have ever made.

Also, having a daughter is going to completely ruin the tough-guy image I have managed to cobble together over the past few years. In addition, it is now apparently impossible for me to discuss almost anything that doesn't have to do with the baby. I used to hate people who were like that.

...and I'm back. Turns out preparing for a child is really quite expensive, so I had to let my membership lapse for a few months.

And it has been a pretty eventful period. I am happy to say that I am now engaged to the lovely young pregnant lady mentioned in my last few posts. 11th May, 2008 is the date to remember now, at least until we get married, when the anniversary will get shifted again, no doubt.

Marriage, eh? Never thought it'd happen to me. Or at least, I figured that if it did happen, I was going to have to be dragged into it. Granted, with bub about to come out and greet the world, the actual nuptials themselves will have to wait a fair while. Always pictured myself as the twice divorced, child support paying, whisky drinking, cigarette smoking type. Possibly in a trenchcoat.

I'm kidding, of course. I couldn't pull off a trenchcoat.

Still, it may sound a bit trite, but I'm not sure I knew what love was until recently. I've had a fair few long-term relationships, and the only other one that came close to this was my first serious girlfriend. That relationship was on of those overly dramatic teenage affairs that take years to fade away, and probably caused more pain than joy at the time, but the girl involved and I are still good friends, so I still count it as a good move. But my current girlfriend - sorry, fiancee (still getting used to that one) - just makes me so happy. Granted, the relationship is not without it stresses, given the pregnancy and the state of our finances, but still, I can honestly say I cant remember ever having been this happy before.

And when I say bub is about to come out and greet the world, I do mean that. Due date is the 30th of June, and my lovely girl is already in pre-labour. I go to work every day expecting to get a call halfway through the day to get my ass down to the hospital. We're having a girl, name decided on, but will not be posted till she's born.

But we have managed to cobble together everything we can think of that we're gonna need for our newborn, bags are packed for the hospital, booking at the birthing centre has been sorted, we have decided who gets a call when labour starts, who gets one when we get to the hospital, who gets a call after the baby has been born and who gets told after mother and child are home again (you wouldn't think that it was that complicated, but it can be, given our situation with regard to family, friends, and various hangers-on).

So now, we play the waiting game.

And before anyone suggests it, I don't even own hungry hungry hippo's.

Okay, so, I'm a lucky guy, generally. This is just a natural advantage, so far as a I can tell; I lack any kind of religion or spirituality, so I doubt I'm getting help from on high. When people ask me about my luck, I usually make some flippant comment about Lady Luck liking a man with a pierced tongue.

Essentially, my life is full of coincidence, serendipity, and all that good stuff. Things often seem to happen when I most need them too. Occasionally, though, things go a little the other way.

Last night I spent with a lovely young lass, who I have been friends with for some time. She spent the night.

My most recent ex, who gave me my walking papers a month or so ago, was standing in my hallway when I got out of the shower this morning. She needed a shirt, which of course, most of her stuff still being at my place, was in my room.

I'm not sure if she saw who was there. She definitely knew someone was. I'm not even entirely certain why I care - she did, after all, recently dump me for another guy, and honestly, I wish them luck, I was tired of her shit anyway - but it just seems a bad jumping off point. I'm not certain things are going anywhere with this other young lady. I've been single only a short while, and was planning to remain so for some time. But regardless of that, we are friends, and so I care about her, and don't wish to soil her reputation nor put her out of favour with anyone else.

In short, luck was not with me this morning, and I find myself missing my luck as a toddler would miss their blanky. It comforting, familiar, and always seems to make things better... when it is around.

So, with all the hype on the site regarding the American presidential race, it occurs to me that we here in Australia recently held an election for the highest office in our land....A few seconds later, it occurred to me that no one outside of Australia, and few inside it, actually cared.

Single, and relieved about it. She's actually prettymuch convinced me that she wasn't sleeping around on me, but still, being treated like shit for a week is enough to make me glad I'm out of there.

Not a word last night - she didn't come home, no SMS, no phone call. Definitely over, which is a relief - hell, even if she begged and pleaded, I'd be forced to tell her to go to hell given the way I've been treated. The problem is, its difficult to work an 11 hour day with no sleep and an all-pervading air of seething rage. I'm in a customer service industry, for christ's sake.

Yep, definately get that feeling. While I finished cleaning the house last night so she could get to bed and be rested for her morning shift, and the house would be ready for the real estates inspection this morning, she sat on the porch for an extra hour and a half, flirting with this other guy. Burn me, she brought the little fucker INTO MY HOUSE!

Looks like I'm on the road to single again; pretty sure my girlfriend was out getting off her chops on various illicit substances and sleeping with other guys last night. It's okay though; kinda been expecting it. It's the same way she was acting last time, when I broke up with her - guess its my turn this time. Ain't karma a mother? Still, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt for a while. It's possible I'm entirely wrong. But I been in a lot of relationships twice, and in my experience, they always end the same way both times. I'll give it a week, and see how it goes. Back to the drawing board, after that.