DID YOU CHECK OUT MY MUSIC YET?!!!!
myspace.com/chrissantorobass
ADD ME!!!! TELL YOUR FRIENDS!!!!!!

Attention! I will now be blogging exclusively on myspace because (brace yourselves) I expect my SG subscription to be ending soon money is tight and i can't afford to renew so im hoping all my sg peeps will keep in touch. I love you all!

Sincerely,
Christopher Themotherfuckingbassextravaganza Santoro

I'm pissed!! My parents left me home alone this weekend but I'm not allowed to get drunk bc I'm weight training! Augh! But on the plus side I finally went to the recording studio and got my solo bass songs recorded! They're not perfect and I could use a solo guitar player but I'm probably too harsh on myself. Here's the myspace, if you like it, add me! and if you really like it, tell ur friends!

myspace.com/chrissantorobass

Sorry I missed my weekly blog thing last friday! ive been slightly preoccupied with some things...

Im starting to work out again after a month or so hiatus, i met up with my step brother yesterday, who's a professional bodybuilder...and my personal trainer. He was pissed to find out that ive been slacking, now he wants to start coming to my gym with me to make sure im motivated, which is NOT good.
But anyway I'd like to thank Snazzy and Antigone for complimenting me on my bod, my self image has been poor lately so your kind words were very much appreciated!

Im currently having a custom fretless bass built for me, which im fucking ecstatic about!! It's gonna sing like a Whitney Houston/ Ronnie James Dio love child! augh i just got a visual of those two conceiving... the afterbirth would probably end up looking more appealing than their kid

The practice sessions with my drummer are done and my solo project is finally ready to be recorded! I'm currently scheduling a date with the recording studio and once it's done i'll put a myspace page up for all to enjoy! hopefully this next vid will hold my adoring fans over until then

so yeah here's me inebriated on bass, and that's not motor oil im drinking, it's beer. real beer. haha right after the camera cut i fell backwards, apparently there's more to balancing on one knee than you'd think


i couldnt stop laughing in the middle of the video bc ricky was doing "the slow jerk" [see below]

Today sucked! Okay Im gonna give a quick rundown bc nobody reads this shit anyway (especially Savana!ha! )

- Work's a bitch we're totally under staffed bc kids keep getting fired for drinking beers and stealing (im currently doing the jobs of 4 different workers and yet still getting a meager salary)

- I had an honorable mention in some men's room shenanigans

...artsy right? it takes up the whole wall. he's a friend though so i found it pretty funny. how did he know that was my favorite stall for pooping? (btw my camera made a loud snap* sound when i took the picture and a couple coworkers thought i was snapping cock shots heh heh)

and here's the cock shot

- I had my shirt only halfway off while i was gathering carts in the blazing sun and now i look like a fuckin candycane

- I wear boxer briefs and at some point while working today they ripped at the elastic and with the baggy jeans im wearing my ass was on display for all to enjoy and nobody told me shit!! I should have known something was up when all my female coworkers were smiling at me but nooo... it was leaning back against the extremely cold freezer door that clued me in.

To give you a visual it looked something like this



Now im drinking, Stone Imperial Russian Stout if you're wondering. Maybe i'll head down to the beach to see if theres a party going down, or maybe ill just watch some standup on comedy central. hmmm decisions...

update! Sat: 9:38 PM i just got back from practice with my drummer. You're never going to believe how good these solo bass songs sound! I'm gonna be the next Hendrix!!

i also wanted to post something funny so check this out, i was crying laughing so hard from this

How to be a Guido

Tonight was an interesting night... i just got back from my friend ricky's gig at Mccoys' bar. I thought he did surprisingly well since they only rehearsed the songs for a week.
I met a drunk skinhead named "Kuddy", he just got out of prison and yet was surprisingly friendly. then some guy started requesting sexual favors from ricky's girlfriend and I had to hold him to keep from stabbing the guy. I still got the knife. Knowing ricky, he's more likely to hurt himself with it anyway. Cheap, made in china, plastic handle, but it's sharp as a motherfucker, it could deal some serious damage.
sigh idk why i hang out with these stupid people, i guess im supposed to be the mediator of the group, the father figure for these dumb shits.

It's been a great day! Well, almost. I got to work on time and finished breaking down my truck shipment 3 hours earlier than expected, so I got to punch out at 2!
But when I was driving home I ran over a turtle I was just fifty feet from my fucking house, it could of been a good day!!!! I jumped out of my car and ran out to check on him but it didnt look good, i didnt break the shell but there was a little puddle of blood gathering around it, its head was tucked in and its legs were kicking, I brought it out of the street and onto the grass, its blood was all over my hands I love animals and I would never want to hurt one and now I feel like shit. What if it was some kids pet turtle that escaped? I just killed some kids pet!! fuck this, i need a drink

I just read over my last blog and realized that a couple things seemed far fetched, or like im flat out lying. Particularly when I say Im an award winning poet. So here's a little something for the skeptics




...i was going to put a picture of my ass up with FUCK written on one cheek and YOU written on the other but my penmanship was a little sketchy

Another week has passed and I'm that much closer to going to the recording studio and getting my solo bass skills to the public eye! Just a few more practice sessions with the drummer to get the material down and we'll be set. I'll try to get something up on youtube this weekend, a technique demonstration maybe, to show I mean mutha fuckin business!
hmm what else is new... ah my mother just returned from Italy with a solid silver cross necklace for me that was blessed by the pope! Hopefully it will keep the vampires at bay... and if not who cares! BLING BLING!
I'm on my last strike at work for no call/no show and the union rep Bob Funk is threatening to take action. But I can't take him seriously on account of his goofy name. Honestly it sounds like a fake ass record executive name or some kind of radio personality! The whole ordeal has had me in a little bit of a bad mood but a little something at work today cheered me right up. This gorgeous older woman was just staring me up and down and when she realized I noticed her checkin me out she looked right into my eyes and smiled! God bless those milfs, they really know how to lift my spirits, among other things [enter quagmire quote here]

Alright well it's time for another poem since I had nothing but positive responses from everyone for the last poem i posted! I don't know if you could tell from the last poem but I'm a professional award winning poet. My works have been published internationally in books and cds, ive received finalist status in a couple poetry contests, and I've been given the Editor's Choice Award twice from the International Library of Poetry. This next one earned me the July 2007 Editor's Choice Award.

The story behind the poem: This poem was made for my first girlfriend back in high school (dont go "aww" yet) she was having an affair with me behind her boyfriends back and she wouldn't chooose between me and him so I wanted to tell her I felt through the poem. But I dumped her before finishing the poem and didn't go back to it, until a couple months ago. I fucked up again and went for another girl with a boyfriend. Here's the kicker, she was with him for 3 years AND lived with him. In two weeks I got her to leave him, his apartment, and be with me. Don't get it twisted though, her bf was a total scumbag and completely took her for granted so it wasn't all my doing. I really really REALLY liked her and did whatever I could for her. But she ended up going back to her scummy white trash boyfriend because I couldn't financially support her and she hates her parents and didn't want to move in with them. I was heartbroken and in complete denial that she was the type of person that would let that decide the relationship (you'll notice i cite a different reason in the poem) but on the bright side I finished the poem. yay

Torn

With him do you think of me?
With me do you feel guilty?
All the problems that seem to be
Seem to be because of me
But leave me and you'll find
I'll still be on your mind

I see you there
With ruby red hair
And Sapphire eyes that can't disguise
I see through your lies
How he still has your heart
And it tears me apart

I thought the feelings were true
As I layed beside you
It hurts so bad
Knowing the love you once had
Could change what you feel
Lips sealed like cold steel

I don't think my life is nearly interesting enough for someone to read about so i think i'll post a poem intstead.

This particular one I wrote as lyrics for a band i used to be in. The drummer wanted dark lyrics and he told me the song's name was "Shades of Light". So i ended up making these incredibly complex verses with themes of heaven and hell and angels and guilt and evil and all these feelings and sentiments whew, it's the only poem i ever wrote where i felt nothing needed to be changed. now i gotta get to a drunken guitar hero party before my friends get pissed, enjoy!

The light shall show your neglect
and burn while you reflect
on the shade hiding your shame
and the helpless souls you maim
in the hellfire, melting their bones
adhere to their tortured moans
listen and the guilt shall grow
into demons that consume you whole

the dark shall bury your sanity
masking false serenity
while the dead yell and mourn
muffled under angels horns
unheard in mortal land
and ignored among the flaming sand
with all the virtues we merely admire
another voice joins the eerie choir

...and then there's a wailing guitar solo mimicking a choir so on and so forth...

BRAND NEW TO SG!