Best. Posh Set. Ever.

So ya think my work will sue my girl?!

Digg it!

COME DIG THIS! AL DRINKS PISS!

I was zotted earlier today whilst at work, playing with Elves, and not dickin' around on the internet.

So to anyone that called/AIM'd/emailed me, NO I did not get zotted. However I was indeed terrified they'd finally found the Pain Hole in which I toss SGs that refuse to call me Conan The Reamer of Pleasure Holes. Verily.

So yeah. No, "BUDWEISER RULEZ!" comments please. You're living a lie. "No, but it really is good". Sure, baby. Be cool if that bullshit could propel you through the universe, too huh?

True

--Mission time--

If you know anyone that looks even remotely similar to my girl Posh, I want 'em caught and shot. Just send their social security card, IDs, and gold bullion our way. Thankya.

…and I'm aching.

I've been gone too damn long and for the best reason ever. I hate the fucking internet!

Rather I did. Now I'm groovy with it. For now. So consider me BACK in black, 'cuz this is the old days and the bad days, the all or nothing days!

What have I been up to? Working my adorable ass off, mostly. Trying to become a master in my industry, make a name for myself, and happily succeeding.

Hit up Comic Con in San Diego and bought…a couple things. Ran into that fellah from Home Movies and said unintentionally something assholish like, "Yeah, you got that DVD out now for your show Home Videos or something right?"

"Yeah, well no, it's Home Movies and…"

"Faaaaantastic! We'll be seein' ya!"



Played Tour Guide for a Canuck and visited the "Happiest Place On Earth". No, not Bora Bora or in my pants but Disneyland! Yay!


At one point during the day she said, as if it was a perfectly normal thing for a human being to say, "What's a Churro?"

…


This boat was headed over a…waterfall. A…waterfall of Kodiak Bears. Yeah. SO I threw a hand grenade I found in Tom Sawyer's cave at this friendly boat passing by and screamed "Jesus loves you!" Don't judge me. Better be taken out with the pure unbridled wrath of a vengeful god, than the unforgiving maw of a Kodiak Bear. Don't question it.

Oh, and everyone go say "HOLY FUCK, NO!" (and send buckets of gold) to our friend reprobate. Or don't. If you're a quitter. Or love Hitler. You…Adolf Quitler!

For the first time in over two years, I've willingly granted Exclusivity Rights to one of the girls up there in my favorites.

Now this isn't some kind of fictitious relationship that most of you people have with women like Angelina Jolie or a stuffed Shamu that sits on your sad and empty bed, but a real and genuine one. Which is still blowing my confirmed bachelor like mind.

She's so flawless, she could be a logo.

Awwww


Isn't Posh adorable all burned up like that? Yeah, haha. Look at the raccoon eyes...ENOUGH!


KNOW THIS!



My prize winning abs couldn't be any worse. Did I rape the Human Torch? No, I raped Sarah Connor during a nuclear holocaust brought on by sentient murder machines. From the future. Forever.

Truth Time. I didn't have relations with Johnny Blaze or Ms. Connor. I did however lay in the sun for far too fucking long! Oh, and don't tell me about your damn hippie remedy where I hump honey packets or high five unicorns while sucking vinegar. I'm fucked and no remedy aside from walking around like a WWII vet riddled with bullets whilst horrifying people into comas by making them look at my burns is going to help.


-------I had to remove everyone from my friends list!!!------------------------


Just add me again and all will be right with the world. For now.

Everything's under control, situation normal...Had a slight weapons malfunction, but everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine; we're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?

Ah, we have a reactor leak here now. Give us a few minutes to lock it down. Large leak, very dangerous...


I had Al look up one of my old accounts to fix my filthy faux join date and in the process she managed to murder my profile, pics, and dignity. Wait, no. No matter what she takes from me, she can't take away my dignity.

Thanks, baby.


NOW IN BOLD BECAUSE PEOPLE CAN'T READ
-Oh, and if we were friends before...no worries, we still are. But because Al broke the internet, somethin' is rotten in Denmark and things are awry.

--New phone

Email me if I should have your number.