my life bores me, so there is not much point in recounting that here, just so i can bore you as well.

it's sad but i relate heavily to (at least) the middle two panels, and this post is a van attempt to distance myself from the 3rd. (but by saying that did i inadvertently apologies for not posting more)

merry X-miss. did/doing the family thing x-miss day with dad and his family and boxing day with mum and today i love her but she is such hard work to be around and she has to be doing something preferably out side and i’m a real shut in but she just ignores that and after asking for suggestions of things to do she will just say no to my brothers or my ideas. today my brother had really bad sun burn but she still wanted to go for a walk out side she can be so selfish and just dose not see it and when we convince her that we really don’t want to go out (and it not coz we hate her) she accuses us of being selfish. it’s just simpler to like her when she is not around.

for x-miss i got nothing of note mostly practical things and gag gifts and some touristy things from mum that will end up in packed away some where coz i don’t have that much room and most of it is ugly but i did like the Soviet Army officer field hat pilotka with badges. i also have fare to much confectionery, what did not help was that i had just topped up my stash befor x-miss.

I thought i should update this after getting a comment, i would hate people to think i have friends or anything like that. moved house since last time, loss the net for a bit then had dial up of a month or 2 but back on broadband now so that might explain my absence if only for a fragment of the time i have neglected this blog.

Got a big new 27" LCD monitor so i can now browse SG with out leaving bed. and generally spending too much money on my computer and computer related things.

In a some deranged frenzy i managed to get all my X-miss shopping dome and all of it with out leaving my house. I'm working on being a hermit, trying to grow my beard long enough to put a bone in it and I'll be set d-:

Also I'm working on combating emoticons, i have decided that i would rather have text than a little yellow faces and have discovered the nearly all emoticons can be written backwards (-: )-: |-: d-: o-: and no application or web site that have come across changes them. Viva La Resistance.

i am here. i am alive. i just have nothing to say...

I had really needed to update this more often than every 4-5 months but hay I'm here now. I had a bit of a bad day before I did my last blog entry, life is mach more positive now, or at least my out look on it is and that's what it's all about any way. Still working a crap job for crap money but am happier than I have been in a long time so it's all good, I feel like I'm getting stupider but if that's what it takes to be happy I'm not so shore I should fight it, it's not like I was really using any intelligents I did have.
I'm thinking I will stay with this road working thing as long is I can if I get out of the temp agency and get employed by them I might be able to get a digger license on them and they are grate fun to drive.
I'm off to a friends wedding in the south island next week. It'll be cold down there but it'll beat the tornados that we have recently had here, for the first time ever, there is really some thing fucked with this whether. But the wedding should be interesting.
I was going to add more but it's late (didn't start till after I was going to go to bed) and I tend to rant indefinitely till I get cramp in my hand or get bored with spellchecking.

I thought I had better Wright a blog entry after so long.
I now have the internet and have for some time. I did pass but really don't feel like doing anything with it, I just am not loving graphic design and I always favor less work so not looking for work is, will, less. I have applied and got shot down from one job of cell phone game design, so it's not like I'm totally abandoning it.
I have been staying at home (yay for free food and bored) and could happily stay here for a bit longer, that along with me not spending a lot of time on MSN seems to be discouraging contact with people I know and will that's not totally bad in my book.
I have been working of about minimum wage from about x-mass off and on with an on-call labor thing. The idea was that I would have enough 'off' to be applying for jobs and things like that but really it's been taking me about a week to get started and by that time I have work again and it kind of falles by the way side, I'm such an underachiever
Here it's gone form filthy hot to dame near freezing overnight and will I hate the heat this cold is less fun when you are put on an out side job and don't have enough waterproof gear to stop your socks from getting wet so you send al day outside in the cold with freezing cold feet.
Life goes on and will it's not to plan it would be better if my dad stopped telling me to get a real job

Just moved house, will my dad moved house and I finished school and will be living there till I get a job (if I pass/graduate I'm not hopeful) and it's so much smaller that my parents old place my room is full of boxes of shit that I horded over the years and I have been throwing out things, I hate throwing out things, I'm a hoarder. But all the books that my mom had insisted on giving me nearly every year. This might not sound like a bad thing to some people but I'm dyslexic and trying to read large volumes of txt feels like beating my head against the wall, and I get about as much out of it. I don't miss them at all but I do feel bad about getting rid of so many of them (some still shrink-wrapped). But in moving we also do not yet have the internet and I'm missing it so. I'm on now back at my flat because I have to look after degree assignment displays. The class each have 3, 3 and a half hour slots that wee have to sit about welcoming people and turn them on in the mourning and off at night

Not that I posted last week so you would not know how bad I was feeling then but I'm feeling better now any way, I was working solid for the full week and not the half ass effort that I might ordinarily pass off as work "working solid". I started with an all-nighter than had about 4-5 hours sleep to 2-3 (at the end) a night and finished with another all-nighter to finish of my degree assignment that was severely lacking mind you I still think that it is lacking and hate every thing about it right now. But tomorrow I find out the grade I was given, will if it's been posted which it should have been but I'm rather apathetic(I love that word) about it all now and hope I never get my marks. After all this I have also become very disillusioned with graphic design and have been questioning why I have done it.

I feel as if there is more that I need to say but I can't think of anything and I refuse to read back over it all to see and it's getting late.

It's approaching the end of year and I am welcoming the panic that comes with inevitable dead lines that I know I'm not prepared for. Last night I did not sleep trying to do the mane project that I am way behind at and some what unsure on the expectations. That resulted in about and hours worth of work :s
This night I have to come up with a second half of a comic book (full=cover +3 spreads) and ink it full thing and this is due tomorrow at 12 so it's not looking like I get any sleep tonight ether... how fun. I am struggling holding my hand steady and my eyes are shifting out of focused.
And because I did so shit the day before the teacher wants me to update him the day after. Think I will disappoint him again, not that I had really anticipate having a choice. School is super cool.
But on a lighter note I have found a good online radio station that play's a selection of punk that I'm loving right now (http://www.rantradio.com/) and it's playing on my shity NZ internet connection

The tedium of work is totally overwhelming, i have finally come to the strangely overlooked fact (at lest by me) that every job is made up of very simple jobs all which you can do, but you are given limited time, supplys and made to repeat the hell out of till the combination of all these things make the job daunting and altogether frustrating.

I have all this home work to do and i know what i should do i can not really fined any part of it (from this view point of not doing it) hard at all, the problem is that i just can't bring myself to start it, i don't have the motivation to try or the fear to make me "just get on with it". I am finding all this very frustrating knowing how simple it would be if i could only bring my self to just start.

I just had 2 week's off where me unlike every other person in my cores that i have spoken to did absolutely no work. And i was (will am now) considerably behind all of them and I'm just narcissistic enough to think that "i can complete all my work in plenty of time even if i take [insert this time] off" and am way to casual about it. I need stress and worry to get anything done

Sorry for the spelling/grammar i had to reinstall windows and i have not got'in around to putting MSoffice on, and will I'm rather shit at that in the first place

Abandon all hope.
I was up till 4 last night doing school work and I’m still behind, not only that I’m not even shore (<-I know thing is the wrong word I just can’t spell) what I did made a difference. I’m being far too distracted, I should remove all games from my computer (I just don’t think I’m morally strong enough).
If school dose not lighten up soon I’m afraid I might give up, more of an involuntary reaction rather than a considered move. I have been told I was very stubborn, will I was as a kid but personally I see no evidence of it remaining. I would like to keep going, and can’t think of any logical reason other than my self loathing suspicions that I’m not up to a passing standard.
I hate this feeling of despair, more powerful than my natural hate of all things around me. I remember I had the same thing last year of high school and first year of university. The feeling that I have never had to do any work till this point telling myself that every thing before this came naturally and this is the first time I have ever had some thing beyond me that I really had to learn. It feels more powerful this time and it’s not so much about a lack of knowledge but rather an inability of doing my work, I’m just not motivated to do it.