I have been MIA this last month and I never actually went anywhere. Honestly, I blame it on September. For years September has been a month that brings nothing but chaos and malice. Having a birthday in September doesn't seem to help either. I have been sick or stuck with horrible cases of bad ju-ju every year around my birthday. My birthday has become a day to celebrate not because it was the day I was brought into this world but because it marks the ending of this awful month.


Truth is I don't ever get anything done in September and I don't know why. I feel like the universe spends the month working against me. This particular month hasn't been as bad as those in the past. Apathy has become my main enemy and I am finding it harder and harder to focus on things I want/need to do. This month I have not made any major strides and most of it is because I have been to apathetic. My writing, which I was already struggling to keep up on, has taken a back burner.


My muse took a vacation at the beginning of the month and hasn't come back. I have felt uninspired and unimpressed with all my writing this month. I am starting to outline a few stories and I am looking forward to October and November. I am spending most of October working on my new project and getting all my old projects dusted off and running again. Once I have the system back up and running, I will spend November working on a joint project and hopefully producing a few specs before the month ends.


So this is then, another year in my life starts today. This year has been nothing but a year to transition so far and I haven't taken advantage of that. Instead of prepping for my transition and making everything run smooth, I have been procrastinating and wasting my time. Well that is no longer an option as I have deadlines moving in on all sides. Now is do or die time; I need to start cranking out some writing and getting my projects ordered or I will be spending another year here and that is no acceptable.

My first tattoo is done. I have some new photos online.

The tattoo is a Rogue tribute. The mask in it is supposed to be that of Olidimmara the Laughing Rogue but needs work. It should look better when i get it colored.

A weekend is finally here. Not the weekend but a weekend. With my schedule your average weekend is not what it is supposed to be. I do not relax I just don't stress as much. School has been hell throwing everything at me right in the beginning and now the teachers are out of ammo. So I am taking this chance while they reload to reflect and relax.

I am thinking much alcohol and sleep is called for in such a situation.

Well third week of the semester just started and I am already getting my ass kicked. The work load is intense but at least this semester has a whole lot less bullshit associated with then the previous ones.

This time year eats at you. It is a busy one with the holidays all being over and having to play catch up on those credit cards you maxed out. For many like myself school is starting at the same time and is just now picking up its pace (or in my case it decided to start at a full blown sprint). Many works are now cutting hours and people are finding themselves with less money to pay those excruciating bills. Not to mention every ones "favorite" holiday is around the corner... that wonderful time of year where Hallmark makes every single person feel like shit.

Point of this being that most people stop and become stagnant as if they were just hibernating till May. It is an easy habit to fall into but is not a good one. Instead you are better off not just living life like none of these issues were present but taking some risks in a time where they may pay off for the better. There is never a "good" time to take a serious risk that might backfire so if you are going to run the chance of it backfiring and dealing with the repercussions you may as well do it now while there is so much other bullshit going on anyways.

It has been a long time since I posted here... life became chaotic and then all the answers hit me at once.

I had a dream last night. It was no ordinary dream though. You were in it, everyone was in it. The dream lasted for days and days. I saw people who I have not seen in years. I mended old relationships. I did things with friends that I thought I would never do again. I had heart to heart talks with people who I have hid things from. Alas it was just a dream.

But does it have to be a dream? I swear waking up from that single dream was the most disappointing moment of my life. Learning that all of it was not real almost gave me a heart attack. It was so long and detailed that I had to go back just to put it in order of when the events occurred. I could feel people touching me, I had full conversations, I dined with old friends... I even tasted the food I ate. After realizing that none of this was true I decided it could not be just a dream.

I learned so much from that one dream. I was yelled at by multiple people for fucking up. They did not just turn the other cheek no they stood up and YELLED at me. Others physically harmed me by giving me a nice deserving slap across the face. Some comforted me but reassured me that I have to move on. I have started taking steps to changing in the last two weeks but I have been slow and found reasons to put them off. With all this change has come doubts. I have started doubting things that were set in stone years ago. I have started to lose my mind (literally) with the lack of direction. I was changing but I was not balanced, on the contrary I have been very unbalanced subject to change my mind and feelings on the drop of a dime. I had no real direction.

This dream was a wake up call. It was a picture of what life can be if I move forward and mend old relationships. If I get organized and see people I have been missing. All of the things that happened in that dream are within my power to make happen. So if I can be that happy in real life is there any reason I shouldn't go for it.

Well now I am off to sleep maybe I will dream.

It is 4:23 AM and my WoW server just went down so now I get to sit around and think.

I have been vegetating that last 2 weeks or so since the move in. I am sitting in a corner in a gaming chair surrounded by boxes that are opened but not unpacked. I have been doing nothing. I don't have the drive to unpack. Maybe it will be better when the house settles down a bit and we can move everything upstairs also. I have been trying for a job even though I do not want one in the slightest. I enjoy the nothingness I have been able to get away with lately. Although at the same time it is a taking a serious toll on me. I need to get out and be active, though just sitting here and typing that is not going to change anything. Maybe tommorow I will unpack or clean or.... something.

Ok so the big move into the new house has happened. We are living with strangers for a few days and do not have stable interwebs. I have many banners finished but I can put them on the site yet as the interwebs here blows. I hope to soon be back on more frequently. Also I need a job like a fat kid needs a healthy slice of chocolate chunk cake on a Sunday afternoon.